The Answer From Now On Is No

I just don't get people sometimes. When the kids and I were in shelter in Wyandanch there were all kids of people on the streets constantly begging for money or rides or whatever and I always turned them down and walked away. I was living in a shelter and didn't really have any extra to give. Now I'm in my own home back in the same complex I lived in the last time the kids and I were in MO and, lately, I feel like I'm back in Wyandanch.

A neighbor lady keeps trying to get me to drive her to her job which isn't close and I keep turning her down. I gave her a ride once but I refuse to be used when she's already told me she has a bus pass. Ride the bus, lady. She's 36 and does odd jobs rather than getting something steady. Apparently she relies on neighbors and friends to drive her to and from wherever she needs to go and, from what she said, never gets the same ride twice. I can't imagine why.

Then I was outside talking to two of my neighbors today, two that I chat will occasionally, and I found out that there are other people in the complex that do similar things. One guy stops cars driving through and asks the driver for money for smokes, one lady knocks on doors asking people for money for smokes or diapers, and others knock on doors and ask for rides to and from the stores or the blood bank so they can sell their blood/plasma for a few bucks. Really? This never happened when we lived here the first time.

Maybe it's because we're so close to the highway this time, I don't know, but it's starting to make me sick. The two women I was talking to have both given something to someone occasionally be it a ride or some loose change but they're getting sick of it too because once they 'donate' to someone that same person keeps coming back asking for more; just like the lady asking me for rides all the time.

I understand that we live in subsidized housing and money is tight but come on. All of us live here because we don't have money and most of us are working on getting out of here but the ones that refuse to do anything to help themselves really get to me, and not in a sappy, teary-eyed, I-feel-so-bad-I-must-help-you way. The get to me in a really negative I-want-to-smack-the-crap-out-of-you way.

I'm trying to raise three kids with the part-time help of the kids' really unpleasant father and his two-faced girlfriend, and I work. I don't have time to be bothered driving your dumb ass back and forth to Kansas all the time because you don't want to walk up the block from your house and get a steady job at Burger King. You have an 18-yr-old son who lives in TN with his dad, you don't pay any child support, and you live in your apartment alone. Stop fucking whining to me that you don't have a way to get to your job painting for some lady who lives in downtown Kansas City. You have a bus pass, use it.

The dude who begs change for a pack of smokes needs to quit smoking if he can't pay for them and the lady who constantly needs diapers for her kid needs to get on the Metro and haul her ass up to the Salvation Army to get some. And all the other people who constantly ask me for smokes or loose change or to use my phone to make a phone call need to understand that I have a life too and supplying them with what they need is not on my scheduled list of things to do.

Yes, I understand that some people are worse off than I am, I'm not debating that. But if my neighbors and I can do what we need to do to get what we need for our kids and our homes without constantly begging from strangers on the street, those other people can too. I know I might sound crabby and judgmental right now but I can't help it. I'll help anyone who needs help even if I don't have much to give but when you try to take advantage of my good nature you're going to get an earful from me, no doubt.

My neighbors and I agreed today that we're going to stop helping these same people. Let them go ask someone else and eventually when they have nobody left to ask they might understand that they need to do more for themselves. It might sound sad to some of you, or even mean, but that's too bad. I have more important things to concentrate on and helping every stranger that knocks on my door isn't one of them.

Until next time...peace to all.

Just Plugging Right Along

I haven't been here lately because nothing much has been going on that's all that exciting. I had a birthday a couple of days ago. It wasn't really a good day, though. Been having issues with my ex lately and the kids, through their negative behavior, have been taking it out on me, so it was on my birthday. I couldn't even get a break from the ugliness. So be it. It's just another day in my mind.

I can't really do anything about the issues with my ex and how he and his girlfriend have been treating my kids. I'm letting the kids' counselors do that. I'm letting them make the decisions on whether my ex and his woman need to be reported to Children's Division again. The counselors made the call last time, if it needs to be done again they'll make the call the second and any other times. I'm staying out of it and just being here for the kids and getting on with my life.

I have a call into the University of MO to see what classes I need to take to be able to work as a mediator in this state. I've been going back and forth, via email, with someone from the legal department and am now waiting to hear back on my last inquiry. Fingers crossed that I won't need too many more classes since I took a good many classes regarding mediation and alternative dispute resolution when I was working on my degree in Paralegal Studies.

I'm also still exercising every day only now I've stepped up my workouts to two full workouts a day; one in the morning and the other in the evening. I've already lost 12lbs but still have another 13 to go. Over the last month I've only lost another two but keep fluctuating back and forth between those two other pounds - they're gone, they're back, they're gone again.

I don't eat junk food or fried food and my snacks are fruits and veggies. I also drink lots of water during the day so I can't figure out why my weight loss has come to a stand still. I'm hoping that with the extra full workout in the evening it'll start coming off again. Again, fingers crossed.

Everything else over here has been going as usual. The kids have another five weeks until school starts again, I'm doing what little work I get from Ursula, and the four of us are just plugging right along. I just wanted to check in tonight to let you know I didn't forget about you and that all is well. I do hope all is well with you also and that things in your lives are going smoothly. I'll try to be back more often with as much good news as comes my way, hopefully with some humor also. I'm just happy right now that things are flowing downstream for me.

Until next time...peace to all.