If This is You Pay Close Attention

Say you have kids who live with your ex-spouse and that a lot of shit went down over the past twelve years that was basically the result of your poor actions. You went on way too many drunken rampages toward your significant others, your ex, and your kids; you got arrested for domestic violence at least three times with three different women (one of them being your ex-spouse), and one of those arrests was a mere six months ago; you lost two jobs because of poor, and possibly illegal, choices, with one of those jobs lost within the past three months; you moved from one significant other to the next (say, nine in nine years); and your kids are afraid of you and don't want to be around you without your ex there to make them feel protected.

Now say you were given notice over two months ago that your ex filed for and was granted sole custody of the kids with supervised visitation for you. Would you say your ex had the right to file for the modifications? I would because your ex probably had no choice in the matter. Not only is your past unstable but you are volatile with an alcohol addiction that compounds the danger; and Children's Division was called on you twice within a two-month span and the caseworker recommended the custody and visitation modifications because of your behavior and the DV arrest.

I know some of you are saying, "If that was me then, Hell yes, my ex had the right to request those modifications. I wouldn't deserve to be with my kids and I'd clean up my act immediately! I'd visit my kids every chance I got and just accept the circumstances as they are because I deserve it after behaving the way I have." And that would be what any reasonable person would say. I would hope so, anyway. Now let's add to that, shall we?

Not only have you not seen your kids but a mere five times for just a few minutes each time since the summer because Children's Division didn't want you around them unsupervised, but you have yet to set up any of the supervised visitations with the agency on call. You claim you've called the caseworker but that she isn't calling you back when your ex-spouse knows she is. Basically you're making excuses because you're not comfortable with someone watching you with your kids. I say TOO FUCKING BAD!! Some of you may agree, some may disagree. That's okay and we're going to add just a little bit more to this scenario, yet again.

Within the past few months you haven't found another job so you're not paying child support for your children, and you've recently moved in with your most current significant other. Mind you, this is just six months after losing the previous mate because of the third DV arrest and only three months after starting the dating process with the current mate. And let's not forget the one you had between these two that only lasted three weeks. Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture? I do, and if this is you, allow me give you some advice.

You're fucked up and you need serious help!! Don't text or call your ex asking if you can have your kids for an over-nighter in a house with your new mate and the mate's kids, none of whom your kids have ever met. Don't ask your ex for the 'favor' of you taking your kids out to lunch and/or a movie when you get your tax return. Your mate can't grant you that because visitation has to be SUPERVISED!! Not only that, but your kids don't want to see you alone. Don't act like you're a part of their lives simply because you get messages from their schools telling you what events are taking place when. The schools can't let you volunteer because nobody would know if you walked out the door with one of your kids in tow. The kids don't want you there anyway, they're afraid of you.

Try this instead. Get a fucking job and resume your child support payments, get some serious counseling and alcohol rehab, quit blaming everyone but yourself for your fucked-up choices and actions, stop all the generic apologies and start being specific to your kids and your ex-spouse, schedule the supervised visitation like you're supposed to and show your kids that you give a shit. The 'good night, sweet dreams' texts are beyond old; most of the time the kids don't even respond but your ex is kind enough to, at least, text back to you that the kids said goodnight to you even when they didn't. Grow up, get yourself together, be the adult you're supposed to be and maybe, just maybe, you can mend the fences you've broken with your kids. It's not a guarantee but you've gotta fucking start somewhere, right? Right. Now step up or go away.

Oh, and that tax return you're expecting? You won't be getting it. See, you forgot that when your ex-spouse was resigned to applying for cash assistance yet again because of you, the State now has to be paid back. So the State will get part of your tax return and your ex will get the balance of it to make up for a portion of the child support arrearages. I just thought you'd want to know.

Until next time... peace to all.