I Can't Wait!!

Money started flowing into my bank account today, just out of nowhere. Maybe it's the story I wrote that's selling like gangbusters and the advance I got for my next two books; maybe it's because I won the PCH giveaway; maybe it's because I got a fabulous work-from-home job that allows me to work my own schedule and still be available for the kids and their school functions. I don't know and it doesn't matter; the money is rolling in. So you know what I did?

I went out and bought a brand new SUV with power everything and drop-down televisions for the kids to watch when we're riding around because it also has wi-fi. It's got seating for seven and a fold-down rear seat so travel and toting is made easy. It's in a beautiful metallic teal color with tinted windows and grey interior, and it has a top-of-the-line stereo system with satellite reception. It's totally awesome.

I took the kids shopping to buy them new clothing since they really need it. New pants, shirts, socks, underwear, jackets, coats, and shoes. Everything from top to bottom. I also bought myself some new stuff since almost everything in my closet came from clothing pantries over the past few years, or was handed down to me by friends who were getting rid of their old stuff. All of us need and deserve new things and since I have the money I'm going on a shopping spree.

Tomorrow I'm having an architect friend design the house I want built for us. It's my dream house and I can afford it so I'm having it custom built. It'll be over here near us since the kids like their schools and have lots of friends. I'll just buy the plot of land, have my friend design the house and get it built. It's a beautiful house, too.

It's got five bedrooms on the upper level; one for each of us and one as a guest room. The boys' bedrooms will be connected by a jack-and-jill bathroom, as will Dolly's room and the guest room. I'll have my own master suite, because I want it and I can have it. At the end of the upstairs hall will be the laundry facilities hidden behind decorative closet-like doors. That way we can all do our laundry and not have to trudge up and down stairs carrying loads of laundry to be cleaned or put away.

The main floor will have an office for me to do my work, the work that's bringing in all the money suddenly. There will be a full dining room that will be used for special occasions and when we have company. There will be a living room with a fire place for us to hang out in and watch television or entertain guests. Rather than a den or a library, I'm going to put in a grown-up room, a room for me to entertain my friends. It'll have a television, a stereo system, a bar, a pool table and a dart board - big people games. And, of course, I'll have a guest bathroom on the main level. Nothing will be very ornate, though, because I like simple, clean lines.

The eat-in-kitchen will have plenty of cabinet space that will be filled with lots of new dishes and cookware. There will be a center island for food prep with a pot rack hanging above it for easy reach. It'll also have stainless appliances, including a dishwasher even though it probably won't get used all that often. There will be a double oven and a six-burner stove with a heating compartment below it to keep foods warm if they're finished earlier than the rest.

There will be room to the side or in the back of the cooking area with a table or breakfast nook where the kids and I can eat our meals together or just hang out and play a game every now and then. Beyond the eating area there will be a sliding glass door leading out to a deck that looks over the very spacious backyard, but I'll get to that later. I might even add a little breakfast bar on the other end of the kitchen where the kids or guests can sit to chat with me while I cook. And there will also be a butler's pantry to keep the kids' snacks and drinks so that they and their friends don't have to invade my kitchen constantly.

The basement will be the full size of the house and it'll be finished. Most of it will be for the kids to entertain their friends. Their toys will be down there, maybe a couple of gaming tables, too. They'll have a TV to play their video games and watch movies or videos and the couches will fold out for sleepovers so their bedrooms don't get wrecked. It'll be their space to have fun in and to take care of and that will include the bathroom down there that their friends will be using.

The smaller part of the basement will be a little workout room. It won't have to be very big but I want some equipment in there for exercising and room for me to do my yoga. It's hard to do now because my rooms here don't really have enough room to do much so a designated room would take away my excuses. I'll even put a TV in there so I can follow along with yoga videos, and I'll have a stereo to listen to music for when I'm utilizing the exercise machines.

Off the kitchen there will be a mud room that leads to the two-car garage that has loft storage. The garage will also lead to the backyard. It'll be a huge yard with an in-ground pool off the deck. There will be an area for climbing toys, swings and stuff like that for the kids and their friends. The side of the yard will be big enough for Zach and his friends to play football or baseball or whatever they choose that day and there will be a basketball hoop the other side on a patio area.

I'll furnish the house with all brand new items, nothing old will come with us for the basic reason that all but two pieces of furniture were handed down from friends and family, or purchased really cheap off of craigslist. The two that are my own came from my parents so those will come with us. The kids will decorate their own rooms, or choose what they want and a hired decorator will actually do the work. Each of them will have one wall in their rooms to utilize as either a chalk board, a white board or they can just use it to draw or paint their own special drawings on it. It'll give them an outlet for creativity.

It all sounds awesome right? It does, but it's not really happening anywhere other than my imagination for right now. However, there will come a day when all this will be mine because one day money will be pouring into my bank account regardless of how it gets there. When that day comes you'll all know because I'll refer to this post and just let you know that it's all coming true. Until then, I'll continue to dream all these fabulous dreams and stay on a positive track - because I can.

Until next time, peace to all.

When Does Too Young Become Old Enough?

I'm sorry in advance about running on tonight but there was just too much I wanted to say about this issue. Twice within the last three days there were posts on my Facebook news feed from two different mothers asking the same question: "My twelve-year-old daughter wants to get a belly button ring. What does everyone on here think?" Each one got a multitude of responses, some people saying it was fine but most saying the girls were too young.

Let me ask you this. When do our kids stop being 'too young' to make decisions for themselves?

Now, some of you are probably saying "Sixteen is a good age; kids become more responsible by then and are capable of making more mature decisions." Then others of you are probably saying, "When they're 18 and legally adults. Until then they are incapable of making any rational decisions without my input." Or even better, "When they move out of my house. Until then, it's my house so they follow my rules."

Those are all good theories or beliefs or whatever you want to call them; unfortunately, I have to disagree. I believe that kids need to be able to make a few decisions for themselves that we may not really like so they can learn from the consequences whether negative or positive. We all went through it with our own parents and I know I hated my mother always telling me what I could and couldn't do because she felt she knew what was best for me even though we disagreed on things I consider simple today.

For instance, I'm betting that you all allow your kids to pick out their own clothing in the morning, don't you? Of course we try to teach our kids to dress respectfully but if your kid walks out of the house wearing an orange shirt with purple shorts and green socks are you pulling him back in the house and forcing him to change his clothing? Probably not. My sister did that and though our mother didn't pull her back in the house she definitely made my sister feel bad about it.

You might also allow your kids to wear their hair they way they want, I'm sure. Whether your son wants to wear a Mohawk or your daughter wants to tip her braids in bright blue I'm guessing you're not exactly pleased with it but you don't stop them because it's their hair. You probably also don't control everything they eat or in what after-school activities they can participate. I'll bet you also allow them to make lots of other decisions for themselves without stepping in to correct them.

Yes, there are certain issues where we put our foot down solidly followed by a "Nope, not in my house." Daughters are not allowed to dress provocatively or wear too much make-up, sons are not allowed to sag their pants, and we don't allow them do spend their time participating in harmful activities. Those are the types of things that we teach our kids so they learn respect for themselves, respect for others, and to keep them from getting hurt. I have no problem with that.

I do have a problem, however, with the reasoning that children are always 'too young' for something they want. They're too young to have a sleepover at a friend's house, they're too young go to the mall with friends, they're too young for something as simple as a piercing. "A PIERCING IS NOT SIMPLE, ESPECIALLY A BELLY BUTTON PIERCING!! SHE'S TOO YOUNG!! THOSE ARE FOR GIRLS WHO WANT TO ATTRACT GUYS!!!" Really? I know of no 12-year-old girls who are so interested in boys that they feel they have to get their belly button pierced to attract one.

How many of you let your sons get one or both of their ears pierced before they were 12 years old? How many of you let your daughters polish their nails when they were five or wear even a little bit of make-up when they started Middle School? It's no different when you really think about it. A piercing is not permanent, the girls are not asking for tattoos. They're asking for a small adornment that you've probably already allowed them to have on their ears. It's also something that the girls may get rid of as they get older.

My now-11-year-old son, Zach, asked to get his ears pierced when he was five. He'd asked when he was four and, like you, I thought he was too young. When he asked again the next year, and kept asking, I thought about it and came up with two realizations for myself. 1) The earrings weren't permanent and they are his ears, not mine and 2) He needed to feel he had some control over his own body at some point in life. Why was I making him wait? I allowed him to get his ears pierced. He hardly ever wears them now.

Zach's older brother, Ty, hasn't wanted to cut his hair for about three years. Up until school ended last year his hair was just below shoulder length, long compared to all the boys he knows. Rex (their dad, my ex-husband) hated Ty's hair. "He needs to get a haircut!" My answer to him was almost the same as it was when he complained about Zach's earrings, "Sorry, it's his hair and he can wear it how he wants. Nobody tells you how to wear your hair." He didn't like it but he shut up about it.

When this past summer began Ty asked me to cut his hair a little shorter, so we did. It's now about four inches shorter than it was but still on the long side. Ty likes it, Rex still hates it, I don't care either way. It's not my decision to make, it's Ty's.

I've always tried to give my kids some freedom with their choices because I'd rather they learn to make reasonable and safe choices now, and learn from any mistakes, than have them make unreasonable and unsafe choices when they're older. The way I see it, if I try to control too much now, as soon as they're 'old enough' they'll run around making all kinds of choices that I disapprove of and that may not be all that safe simply because they can whether they've thought them through or not.

I've seen it happen with friends I grew up with and with the children of friends I have now. Mom or dad put their foot down way too much when the kids were young and as soon as they weren't looking and the kids were 'old enough' the kids were out causing and getting into trouble, so much so that it ruined their lives. No joke.

These days I see pre-teens walking around with their own cell phones - don't say it's for safety, I didn't have a cell phone when I was a kid because there weren't cell phones and I always knew how to call home if I needed to. I also see pre-teens with their own social network pages - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and all the rest. Parents will allow their children the freedom to use technology where they can interact with friends as well as strangers yet Mom and Dad won't allow a piercing where the only one who's affected is the kid getting pierced. It's amazing to me.

I'm not saying that we have to give in to everything our kids want but we do need to put some thought into it rather than simply saying no all the time just because we think our kid is too young. Constantly saying no creates resentment and rebellion in the kids and there's always a battle of the wills between parent and child. If we give in on a few things now, things that aren't harmful to anyone involved, our kids will be more likely to come to us to get our opinions on big decisions later in life. I don't know how you feel about that but it's certainly something I'd like.

Until next time... peace to all.