This year is almost over and I don't feel like I've accomplished anything at all during the past 12 months. I've had my ups and downs like everyone else, but it seems that the bad counters the good so I end up breaking even.
My nephew died as a result of a car accident in February, and my sister is heartbroken; my good friend died of cancer in May; my boss's cancer returned so work has been slow for her, hence slow for me; my best friend in the whole world has thyroid cancer that the doctors can't seem to get a grip on; and Child Support Enforcement has screwed me around so much with arrears that my ex-husband, Rex, owed them that I lost a great job opportunity. I can deal with the child support issues, but there is and was nothing I can do for my friends who are sick other than to be there for them when they need me. It's frustrating.
On the other side of the coin, I have a new friend who helped me get my van up and running; I've gotten to resume volunteering at the schools - especially my daughter's school - this year when I didn't get to last year because of a lack of vehicle; I've had a little help from other agencies when I've needed it; and a great friend helped me get on a wonderful exercise program, so I've lost over 20lbs, and I'm getting ready to start a new program to help me lose more weight and to tone up a bit. It's been a back and forth for me all year long between the bad and the good, and it doesn't seem to be changing in any way right now.
I've got to find a way to stay on the positive track for the start of the new year. I don't want to just keep flip-flopping all the time like I have been. I make a new vision board every year that helps a little, so I'll do that again for 2016. I need to get back to meditating because that always seemed to help in the past, but I've gotten off course with it because I never get time to myself any more. I'll have to work on that, too. Somehow I'll figure out how to be a little selfish and put me first occasionally, without feeling guilty about it...I hope, anyway.
I've spent a lot of time reading over the past few months, and that was a great way for me to realign, for a while. Lately, though, when I'm reading my mind keeps wandering to what is rather than what will be. I'm stuck on what I don't want rather than what I do want, and can't get out of that rut. The more I think about what I don't want, the more of it I get, and it sucks. Maybe writing about it here will help me turn things around because I'll get it all out of my system, and won't have to think about it any more. Maybe...we'll see.
I'll just keep on trying until I get it right. I certainly don't want all the negative of this year to overflow into next year. I intend to make 2016, and every year afterward, completely different and more positive than 2015 has been. I just have to get on the right track, and then keep it going. I can do it, I have faith in me.
Until next time...peace to all.
If you know me, then you know my van, Morrison, was out of commission for almost a year because I didn't have the money to get him repaired. The kids and I spent last summer walking to do errands; and over the winter I got rides from friends, at their convenience, if there was something I needed to do. My registration was coming due this past June and I was getting fed up because there was no way I could get Morrison inspected and tagged, and I didn't want the apartment complex management to tow him because of expired tags. I decided to just sell him.
I put an ad on Craigslist, but couldn't sell him. I tried to scrap him but nobody would offer me more than $200. The last junk guy I spoke with discussed the mechanical issues with me and said it was an easy fix, to re-list Morrison for sale because I could get, at least $700. I got one response. It was an elderly gentleman, Jim, who lives locally. He came over to look at Morrison but we couldn't get him started, not even with a jump start. As Jim looked over the engine, he and I casually chatted.
I told him that I'd love to get Morrison running again but just didn't have the funds so the best I could do was sell him. Jim asked me to give him a few days to do a little research and said he'd get Morrison up and running again for me. I declined because I really didn't have any money to pay him, and I told him so. He, very kindly, told me not to worry about it. He said that I need a vehicle, especially since I have three kids, and that he would get Morrison running at no, or very little, cost to me. I agreed to let him try.
A few days later Jim came to my house, took Morrison's battery, charged it, and reinstalled it. Then he made a few minor adjustments here and there and Morrison roared to life. I was ecstatic. WOO HOO!! I couldn't thank him enough. He just smiled and accepted my thanks. Then he said he ran a code check on Morrison and that the intake manifold gaskets needed to be replaced. We also discussed that the front brakes needed replacing and that the windows didn't work, so he wanted to fix them, too. He gets a discount on parts from the local auto parts store so he quoted me a price. He said that if I'd pay for the parts, he'd do the labor for nothing. The parts were $125 for everything.
I was due to get paid from Ursula, my boss, so I told him I'd let him know when I got paid and we could finish up everything that needed to be done. Ursula paid me about a week later so I told Jim I was ready to help him whenever he was ready to get the work done. We set a date for a Saturday and the boys and I drove Morrison to Jim's so he'd have all his tools handy. While I helped Jim work on Morrison, the boys did some yard work that Jim needed done, and he paid them for their help.
A few hours later, Morrison was running better than new; I didn't have to worry about stalling while I was driving down the highway. He also had new brakes and window motors. I bought Morrison in 2007 and the windows stopped working about three years afterward. For the first time in about five years, we could finally put the windows up and down while we drove. I couldn't have been happier.
Now, not only do I have a vehicle that runs, but it's also inspected and registered, and I'm free to move about on my own without having to rely on my friends for favors anymore. It's very exciting and liberating, to say the least. Jim is a great guy and told me not to hesitate if there was anything else I needed in the future.
I have to thank the universe, too, because I got Jim's initial phone call about 15 seconds after I had an argument with the universe. I was having a bad day with the kids and was standing in my kitchen screaming that something needed to give. By the time I walked back into the living room, my phone was ringing - it was Jim. I'll be forever grateful to him for being such a wonderful stranger, now a friend; and to the universe for assisting when I needed help, and for being there for me when I don't.
Until next time...peace to all.
The nicest thing just happened to me and I don't know how to say 'thank you' for it. I'm running really low on money these days and it's making me crazy. Ursula hasn't had the chance to pay me yet, I don't get child support until next week, and Rex claims he has nothing to send me, although I know for a fact he was out drinking last night.
Because he wasn't working last year I wasn't getting child support so now that he is working I'm getting extra to make up for the arrears. Since I'm getting extra child support - even though it's money that is owed to me - my rent went up, my food stamps went down, and all three kids are out of school so that means extra food is needed in the house. My kids are always eating.
Anyway, I'm literally down to my last $9.00 in the bank and Ursula texted me to say she wouldn't be able to get to the bank today but offered me the use of her credit card if I needed it. She told me to order something for the kids for dinner so I ordered pizza and paid online with her credit card. I still needed a few groceries, though. Since I can't use her credit card number at a store without the actual card in hand, I ordered a Visa e-gift card with it. $30 just to get enough food to last the weekend until she can put money in my account.
The gift card was delivered to my email and I copied it and sent it to my phone so I could use it. I called half a dozen grocery stores to see if they'd accept it and all of them told me they wouldn't without the gift card in my hand. I don't know why because all it takes is for them to key in the card number and the money will come off the gift card. Whatever. I finally called the Walmart grocery store and the manager said she could take the card so Dolly and I headed out to get cereal, milk, bread, eggs, just the basic staples.
We shopped for our items and went to the cashier, Crystal, who keyed in the gift card number, we went through the process of changing the payment type to credit and all that, but when she put in the security code it came up with an error - invalid security code. Crystal tried a few times and the manager, Sierra, also tried but to no avail, so I called the hotline number that came with the gift card. I was speaking to a customer service agent who was checking into the problem. She said the error she got on her end was that the expiration date didn't match the card.
All the information was completely correct, the card was active, and there was a $30 balance on it. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with it so she determined that there was something wrong with the card itself and would have to turn it over to the tech department or whoever it is that handles card issues. Unfortunately they were closed at the time so they'll have to get back to me - on Monday.
I was telling the girl that the reason I had the card was to be able to feed my kids through the weekend and couldn't wait until Monday. She apologized and said she'd send it through as urgent and hopefully someone would get back to me sooner rather than later. I was PISSED. I thanked her and hung up and then had Dolly help me return the groceries to their rightful shelves all the while trying to figure out how I was going to get food to make it through the weekend.
Just as Dolly and I were getting ready to leave, Crystal, the cashier, caught my arm and asked me to come back to her register, saying she could help. I told her it was fine, not to worry about it but she insisted. Dolly and I walked back over and Sierra, the manager, sent us back out to the store to get the food we'd just returned. I started to cry because I felt so humiliated. We collected up everything we'd put back and went back up to the register with it.
Sierra ran down the list of items from the receipt to make sure we had everything and then she and Crystal each split the cost of my groceries. I hugged them both and thanked them profusely, crying the whole time. I was humiliated that I couldn't even afford food for my kids because the people who owe me money hadn't yet come through, but at the same time I was so extremely grateful for these to complete strangers who stepped up and made sure that my kids had food.
I don't know how I'll ever repay them or if they'll ever know how much their assistance means to me but I do know that these two women deserve the highest praise. Crystal and Sierra, thank you so very much for helping me tonight; my kids and I will always remember this wonderful gift. And if I can't find a way to pay the favor back, I will find a way to pay it forward because that's the way it ought to be. Thanks again.
Until next time...peace to all.
My dear friend Debi celebrated her 49th birthday in March; today I mourn her passing. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with Stage IV Liver Cancer and was supposed to go for her first oncology visit yesterday, Monday. Instead, she was admitted to the hospital on Sunday for what was thought to be pneumonia. This morning I asked her sister how Debi was doing and said I was thinking of them and hoped Debi was kicking pneumonia's ass. Annie said that they weren't sure it was pneumonia anymore and were awaiting test results. Debi died half an hour later; they still aren't sure what exactly happened.
I never met Debi in person but she was one of my best friends. I met her through a mutual friend, Joe, one of my best guy friends and the godfather of my children. Debi and Joe had dated in high school; she was his first real love. I was picking on Joe on Facebook one day a few years ago when Debi chimed in and we started conversing. We became friends almost immediately and held that bond. We talked on the phone or texted back and forth to gripe, to laugh, to cry, to share family stories, and to pick on Joe. :)
There were very few days that went by that Debi and I didn't talk on Facebook. Most days we conversed whether by posting on each other's walls, responding to each other's posts, or messaging. We both had an extreme dislike for the way the English language is butchered on a daily basis by people who misspell common words, use incorrect grammar, or speak in text lingo. We were constantly sharing stories and posts about it and then joking about them.
Both of us also have kids with dad issues; we've both lost our parents; we've both been burned by government systems, and we've both got a sarcastic sense of humor. We'd never deliberately hurt anyone with our words, but we were quick to jump in and support one another when someone took offense to whatever we may have said. We were alike in many ways and understood what each other struggled with on a daily basis; and we did our best to support one another through whatever the current struggle may have been even though we lived 1800 miles apart.
I'll miss talking to her about whatever, sharing posts with her, getting videos and pictures of her cats and kittens that she loved so very much. I'll miss her laughter and her sarcasm and having her just being there for me when I needed her. I'll miss having her to turn to whenever someone uses the wrong form of they're/their/there or misspells 'supposedly'. And I'll miss being there for her when she wanted to vent about a grumpy customer or share a funny story of one of her kids or grandchildren.
I'll miss her. I do miss her. Debi left behind two sisters, four children, three grandchildren and loads of friends; all of whom loved her dearly. I'm one of them. She was taken from us way too soon and I'm heartbroken for her family and friends; but at least I know she's not in any more pain and that she's happy and with her parents once again.
Thank you, Debi, for being there for me. Thank you for making me laugh and for supporting me through my ups and downs. Thank you for loving me and for sharing your life and family with me; and for allowing me to share mine with you. I'll love and miss you always. Thank you for being a friend.
Until next time...peace to all.
When I went to school, 30-plus years ago, we learned based on a curriculum that was designed by the teachers and the school, and then approved by the school board. We went to class where the teacher discussed the information in each subject - Social Studies, Science, English, Math, etc. - and at the end of each week or so we took a test on the material we'd learned. We were graded based on our knowledge of that material. Some kids did great, others didn't.
If our grades weren't good enough at the end of the year we failed and got left back in the same grade to learn everything again the following year. In junior and senior high we had to go to summer school to make up what we'd failed and sometimes still got left back. If we passed, we moved ahead to the next grade level to start the learning process again the following year - which was only a few months away, but you know what I mean. In the process of learning new material we reviewed what we'd learned the previous year and all the information was integrated year after year until we graduated.
Kids today are being taught shit via the Common Core method, my kids included. And I have to say, it sucks. It just completely SUCKS!! Why? Because they're not learning anything except how to take tests every few weeks, and as long as they score within a certain percentile on these tests they get moved ahead to the next grade level, even if they haven't learned anything. How do I know? Because I see it every day, and I see it in my kids.
I was playing a game with Zachary today. He's in the sixth grade. The word I was describing was 'Japanese' so I gave clues like "origami", "country", "Asia", "islands". He had no idea what I was describing. NONE!! Then I asked him a few questions just for shits and giggles.
Me: "Do you know what Yiddish is?" (That was another word he was supposed to guess.)
Zach: "Nope."
Me: "Who discovered America?"
Zach: "Lewis and Clark?" (He wasn't kidding.)
UGH!!!!!
When Tyler, who's in seventh grade, got home from school a little while later, I posed the same questions to him. He answered "China" to the first question and couldn't answer either of the other two. WHAT??
What have they been learning in school since they started Kindergarten?
As we ate dinner, I asked them more questions.
I asked them where specific states were located. Ty couldn't tell me which state was directly above Florida and thought Massachusetts was "somewhere near Virginia?" Zach didn't know which state was directly west of Missouri (We live in Missouri.) and he thought Washington was where North Dakota is.
They both knew the three branches of government but when I asked Zach what makes up Congress he said, "The Senate and the Republicans...and they get stuff." Ty had no idea that each state has a governor and each city/village has a mayor; he thought the President was the entire United States government. Neither of then knew who the Vice President of the United States is, but they both told me Barack Obama is the President.
This is just Social Studies and Geography, and only a small sample of what I asked them. They both said that they may have learned all of that stuff in earlier grades but forgot it by now. I can't imagine why they'd remember it since it's never discussed again after the test is taken. They both also said that they don't learn anything regarding current events. When I was in school everybody in the class had to cut out an article from the newspaper so we could discuss recent goings on in the country. What gives?
I can't blame my kids for not knowing anything and I can't blame the teachers, either. The teachers are doing what they're told to do - teach our kids to take tests on a regular basis. I blame the assholes who developed the Common Core bullshit that's being shoved down our kids' throats. This bullshit is taught at rapid pace and then the kids are tested on it a few weeks later. The tests were developed by people I don't know who think they know better than all the parents in America how our children should learn. The tests are then graded by the same people who have, among themselves, decided what the grading standards ought to be so that no child gets left behind. BULLSHIT!!
These morons think that by turning our children into robotic test takers we're competing with other countries in the test-taking/education department, but they're not noticing that our children aren't learning a fucking thing. They don't give a rat's ass about our children getting educated, they care about making money and it's making me sick and angry.
With as little as my boys have learned in Social Studies, I'm afraid to find out what they don't know in Science and English, and don't even get me started on Math. I haven't yet checked with my daughter to see what she hasn't learned in her first three years of school, and I'm not sure I want to. I'm willing to bet, though, that it's not nearly close to what she ought to be learning.
So here's the deal you Common Core shitheads! You go ahead and teach my kids how to take tests if it makes you rich; that's all you corporate assholes care about anyway. I'll spend my time with my kids giving them an education; an education that they can be proud of. By the time they leave my home and head out on their own, they'll be better educated than you could ever imagine. And when someone asks them where they went to school they'll say that where they went to school doesn't matter because where they got an education was at home, with their mom.
Until next time...peace to all
Last Monday morning, February 23rd, I had to call my sister, Corey. Not because I had a problem or because I felt the sudden need to chat. I had to call her because I found out that her 15-year-old son Wil, my nephew, had died in a car accident the night before. I couldn't not call her. As her sister, and as a mother, my heart was breaking for her for my surviving nephew, 13-year-old Liam.
When I found out about Wil I cried so hard I could barely speak, but I calmed myself enough to call Corey. When she answered the phone I had no words. I just kept repeating that I was so very sorry. We cried together and discussed the accident and we talked about Wil. She told me how she was doing, and how sad and worried she was for Liam, who was best friends with his brother. Corey home-schooled her boys so they spent most days together as a family. We didn't talk long because I knew she'd have other calls to take and make but I told her I'd be here for her if she needs me; and we spoke more over the few days afterward.
Wil had been in the car with his father, his step-mother, a step-sister, and Liam, and they'd stopped on the highway in a traffic jam. The man driving behind them never hit the brakes of his truck; although Corey told me that the hospital staff didn't think he was drunk, he was somehow distracted. The driver slammed into the back of my ex-brother-in-law's vehicle at 60-70mph. The impact caused Wil, who was in the rear center seat, to fly forward - yes, he was wearing a seat belt - and hit the seat rest in front of him. He hit it so hard he broke it, and his injuries were so extensive that paramedics had to life-flight him to the hospital. He died before my sister could get there.
The service was this past Saturday, February 28th, at the church they attend where they live in Georgia. I knew my kids and I wouldn't be there because I have no working vehicle so I couldn't drive, and I don't have the money to fly. I felt awful but Corey completely understood. I called her before the service to let her know I was thinking of them but she wasn't in the mood to talk and said we'd talk in the days following. That was fine with me; I want to give her time to adjust, even if it's just a little bit.
In the meantime, I was trying to find something that I could do to help Corey and Liam. Since her divorce, she's no longer involved in the business that she and my ex-brother-in-law started - and ran from their home - so she has no steady income. She's also got a lot of medical issues of her own which will make it difficult for her to find work, not to mention that she still has to school Liam. Another friend of mine suggested I start a GoFundMe campaign for Corey to try to collect donations to help her with Liam's and her expenses for a while. So, with Corey's permission, I started the campaign.
It's been up and running for a few days now and it's gotten some wonderful donations but I'd like to try to get some more support for them. I want to give Corey and Liam the time to grieve and heal without having to worry about bills for the immediate future. If I can get enough support, they'll be able to do what they need to do for themselves and Corey won't be burdened with the stress of wondering how she'll pay for her utilities, or for whatever else Liam or she may need in the coming months.
So I'm asking a favor. I'm putting the link for the GoFundMe page up here In Memory of Wil Cohron and I'm asking my readers to please circulate the page by sharing it on Facebook, Twitter, or wherever you feel it may be seen - you can click on the above link and there are 'share' buttons on the campaign site; and if you'd care to contribute, I'd be extremely grateful and I know Corey and Liam will, too. Every little bit helps and I want to thank you all in advance for any assistance you can offer. And, if you would, please pray for them. They need all the support they can get right now. Thanks again.
Rest in Peace Wil Cohron
8/5/99 - 2/22/15
Until next time... peace to all.
