Keeping the Faith

This year is almost over and I don't feel like I've accomplished anything at all during the past 12 months. I've had my ups and downs like everyone else, but it seems that the bad counters the good so I end up breaking even.

My nephew died as a result of a car accident in February, and my sister is heartbroken; my good friend died of cancer in May; my boss's cancer returned so work has been slow for her, hence slow for me; my best friend in the whole world has thyroid cancer that the doctors can't seem to get a grip on; and Child Support Enforcement has screwed me around so much with arrears that my ex-husband, Rex, owed them that I lost a great job opportunity. I can deal with the child support issues, but there is and was nothing I can do for my friends who are sick other than to be there for them when they need me. It's frustrating.

On the other side of the coin, I have a new friend who helped me get my van up and running; I've gotten to resume volunteering at the schools - especially my daughter's school - this year when I didn't get to last year because of a lack of vehicle; I've had a little help from other agencies when I've needed it; and a great friend helped me get on a wonderful exercise program, so I've lost over 20lbs, and I'm getting ready to start a new program to help me lose more weight and to tone up a bit. It's been a back and forth for me all year long between the bad and the good, and it doesn't seem to be changing in any way right now.

I've got to find a way to stay on the positive track for the start of the new year. I don't want to just keep flip-flopping all the time like I have been. I make a new vision board every year that helps a little, so I'll do that again for 2016. I need to get back to meditating because that always seemed to help in the past, but I've gotten off course with it because I never get time to myself any more. I'll have to work on that, too. Somehow I'll figure out how to be a little selfish and put me first occasionally, without feeling guilty about it...I hope, anyway.

I've spent a lot of time reading over the past few months, and that was a great way for me to realign, for a while. Lately, though, when I'm reading my mind keeps wandering to what is rather than what will be. I'm stuck on what I don't want rather than what I do want, and can't get out of that rut. The more I think about what I don't want, the more of it I get, and it sucks. Maybe writing about it here will help me turn things around because I'll get it all out of my system, and won't have to think about it any more. Maybe...we'll see.

I'll just keep on trying until I get it right. I certainly don't want all the negative of this year to overflow into next year. I intend to make 2016, and every year afterward, completely different and more positive than 2015 has been. I just have to get on the right track, and then keep it going. I can do it, I have faith in me.

Until next time...peace to all.