It's Fun to Have Fun

Any of the kids who regularly come to my house know me and what I'm about. I'm a mom but I'm also a friend and I definitely act like a kid at times. No doubt about it. My son Zach tells me I have way too much fun with Snapchat filters. So it's funny to see the reactions of kids who aren't here on a regular basis because the family dynamic over here is out of control sometimes.

Just two weeks ago Zach had a couple of friends over, one of whom is here all the time, CJ, and another, Tyler, who'd maybe been here once or twice before. The boys were in the kitchen making sandwiches when Zach decided to start flinging wrapped cheese slices at everybody. I was sitting on the sofa, just outside the kitchen, and asked Zach to stop throwing cheese. He didn't because he's Zach.

When I asked him again he looked at me and said, "Give me attitude one more time" with a big smile on his face. I squinted my eyes at him, gave an angry face, and repeated myself. BAM!! A piece of cheese came flying at my head, which I deftly blocked so it landed on the chair next to me. I picked it up and flung it back at him. CJ continued making his sandwich amidst the Zach-mom banter because he's seen it before, but Tyler sat at the table staring.

A little while later he said, "My mom would never put up with this in our house. You guys are loud and crazy." It's not the first time I'd heard that either. On Zach's birthday last year a group of about eight boys started an impromptu food fight in my kitchen and living room with cake and ice cream. They ran around throwing food, my daughter and her friends in the living room ducked, and I took pictures. One of the boys said, "My mom would never let that happen."

So maybe I'm not a conventional mom, and that's okay. I set rules, I make sure homework gets done, and rooms are cleaned. But I also want to have some fun. As I explained to Tyler, I didn't have much of a childhood when I was growing up so I'm making up for it now. He just nodded as if he understood, but I'm not sure he really did. That's okay, though, if he hangs around enough he will.

My kids and I poke fun at each other and we take it in stride, we have foot races in stores and schools, we sing loudly in the car and bicker over who gets to pick the music. We get loud in the supermarket, in a fun way that makes people laugh, and we have the weirdest dinner conversations, some that would make people cringe. There are also times when the kids and their friends gang up on me, or they end up tossing me from my bed so they can wrestle on it. Friends who are here all the time join in because they know us and they know that it's just how we are, how I am.

I like to have fun, I like my kids to have fun, and unlike my mother, I like my kids to know that everything doesn't always have to be so serious. There's nothing wrong with that, because serious all the time sucks. I adult when I have to and I'm serious when the need arises, but I also like to laugh and enjoy life, just like a kid. Do I think I'll ever change? Nope, because there's no reason to. As long as nobody's getting hurt I'll continue to act like a kid and invite my kids to join in the fun. Maybe if more people were like us, the world would be a happier place.

Until next time...peace to all.

Predictable to a T

I'm predictable, I know it. I use the same excuses repeatedly for things I've done or haven't done. Anyone who knows me knows what I'll say when they ask me specific questions.

That's not to say that I don't take responsibility for what I've done or haven't done, because I do. I take full responsibility. I try not to blame others for my mistakes because I know that if I haven't taken action on something, it's my own fault. I know that. The only thing I can blame my action, or inaction, on is fear. I'm afraid of failing, I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. Being alone doesn't make it any easier because I feel like I have nobody on my end cheering for me. That's all on me, though, and I've actually been working on it lately.

Your problem is that it doesn't matter what you've done or haven't done, it's always the fault of someone or something else. ALWAYS. It's never your fault and on the rare occasion that you do try to claim responsibility, it doesn't last. The 'it's my fault' claims that you make fade within days and someone else's name gets thrown into the mix. It doesn't matter the scenario, I can always tell how it'll work out on your end. Why? Because you're more predictable than anyone I've ever met.

Your relationships don't work out, ever. And there have been a lot of them. You move from mate to mate expecting each one to be different from the last but you always choose the same type - someone who will listen to your sob stories and take pity on you. Someone who will move you in and take care of you. Once you find one and get comfortable in the relationship you decide it's time to take over and be the boss instead of a team player. Then it all starts to fall apart. It keeps falling apart until it's completely broken.

When it's broken you start playing the blame game. "It wasn't my fault, I did nothing wrong." S/he stopped doing this; or s/he started doing that and I didn't like it. So rather than work on the relationship you started looking around for someone new while you were still in the current relationship. Then you got caught searching for someone you thought would be better, but that wasn't your fault. "It was her/his fault for snooping through my stuff." Seriously?

When you got into arguments, those are never your fault either. "I was drinking that night and s/he made me angry." Gee, was that the only night you were drinking? No, because that seems to be the pattern of your life. You drink all the time so that excuse doesn't fly. And when you do try to claim that the fight was your fault because you were drinking, you drink more to drown your sorrow because you feel just terrible about what happened. Your drinking then causes another fight but it's still not your fault because s/he knew you were already upset and should have stayed away. Good grief!

It's not just your relationships, though, that are caught in this same predictable pattern. It's also your jobs. You've jumped from job to job because nothing about whichever job you've had is to your specific liking. You quit that job because management was constantly complaining about the way you got things done. You got fired from that job because management just didn't like you, or accused you of doing something you didn't do. Why is it that other people have jobs that they may not really like yet they don't constantly quit or get fired? It's probably because it's not management that has anything to do with it; it's you and only you.

When things start changing too rapidly for you, you start to blame your health for your problems. You have accidents like nobody I've ever seen. Broken bones, pulled muscles, unidentified illnesses that never get followed up on or even completely diagnosed. You stay out of work because of them and then can't understand why your mates and bosses get snippy. It's probably because you're not carrying your own weight or living up to the promises you made. But it's not really your fault because accidents happen, right? Okay, if you say so.

Your friends and family see your patterns, too. That's why we've stopped responding to your pleas for help. We just can't do it any more. We've heard every story and every excuse that you've ever come up with and we're tired of listening, especially because there are times when you've blamed us for your pathetic circumstances when we've had nothing whatsoever to do with them. We're actually waiting for you to take responsibility for your actions and to stick with it. Then we want to see you remedy your situation and your life with whatever resources you can find. Seeing is believing and from what we've all seen, nothing will ever change for you.

We all watch what you're doing and can predict, almost to within a week or so, how long your next relationship, job, or injury will last. We've seen it all before - over and over and over again. And we know that it'll just keep happening because you absolutely refuse to change anything. Your pride and ego won't allow you to admit, under any circumstances, that what you're doing is wrong.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That sounds just like you except you're not insane; but you are predictable.

Until next time...peace to all.

A Necessary but Traumatic Two-Week Break-Up

For 20 years she's been in love, totally and completely. Her relationship brings her comfort, joy, a sense of peace, and unhealthy repercussions. But the break-up was necessary, without a doubt, even if it's only for two weeks. She called me today clearly on edge. "I need to vent while you're cleaning, is that okay?" Of course it was okay, she knew that without having to ask. I let her talk.

She was stressed. "I can't do this," she told me. She was on the verge of running back just for a quickie. "No!" I told her, "You can do this. I have faith." She went on to tell me that, since the break-up on Tuesday, she's been grumpy, irritable, doubting herself. She spent one day just lying in bed pouting over the break-up. If she couldn't have what she wanted she was just going to sleep all day. And she did.

Funny thing is, she's the one who broke up with her love, not the other way around. Yet she went on to tell me, "I've been calling, driving by the house, begging to be taken back, and I'm just getting ignored!" Basically she's been stalking her love...metaphorically speaking, of course, because her love has no phone, no house, and isn't really ignoring her; she's the one doing the ignoring. But she wants the relationship back so badly that, in her mind, she feels like she's a stalker.

She was so miserable on the phone. I felt terrible for her. But there was nothing I could do except talk her down from the ledge because the break-up was needed. And it's only two weeks, then they can get back together, albeit taking it slow and gradually building the relationship back up. It'll never be the same as it was, though.

When they get back together she'll be more cautious. She'll enjoy what she can, when she can and won't over indulge. She'll get rid of all the bad aspects of the relationship and stick strictly with good...only taking what will be healthy and nourishing to her body and mind. No more of the sappy sugary stuff; that'll be gone for good. If she starts to slip back into her old patterns with her love, she has me to help right her wrongs.

See, she's having gastric bypass surgery and has to be on a strictly liquid diet for the next two weeks. No solid food at all. I told her that she needs to look at the end result, especially when she's craving a quick run through a fast-food drive thru. I told her she'll feel better and be healthier. She knows that but still needs a reminder and a hand to hold on to while she's braving the no-solid-food aspect of the whole ordeal. And that's okay, that's why I'm here.

You can do this, my friend!! I have complete and total faith in you; you have my love and support!! The next two weeks will be tough but stalking food won't help, I promise you. And there will definitely be no quickie runs. If you need to talk just pick up the phone and call me...any time, day or night. 

Until next time...peace to all.

It's Not About You

So you're getting a divorce and you decide to play hardball with your soon-to-be ex-wife because you want what you want and fuck her. Right? Guess what, jackass!! It's not about you!!! It's not even about her. There are two kids involved in this, a teenager and a pre-teen. This is about them!!

In all the years you've been married you have never taken the kids shopping for clothing; attended any of their sporting events; gone to parent-teacher conferences at school; or taken them to the doctor for check-ups or emergencies or any of the other stuff that parents are supposed to do. You've barely even spent quality time with them. You've left all that to their mom. Why? You haven't had time, you've been working, because you've always worked second shift at your job when all of that other stuff happens. And why is that? Why have you always worked off hours during the course of your marriage? I'll tell you what I think.

I think you chose to work those hours because it was convenient for you to be able to avoid spending time with and taking care of your kids. You were at work when they came home from school, and you were sleeping when they got up for school the next day. By the time you woke up the house was empty and you were free to do whatever you wanted without having anyone bother you. Am I close? I'll bet I am.

Now, though, you've filed for divorce because you see your wife making improvements to herself - the exact same improvements you suggested she make for well over a decade. The problem is your insecurities can't handle the changes she's making so you took the coward's way out and filed for divorce - WITHOUT EVEN TELLING HER UNTIL IT WAS ALREADY DONE!!

Not only did you file for divorce, but suddenly you wanted the house and the kids because you think your soon-to-be ex-wife is unstable. Out of the blue, after umpteen years, you've changed your work schedule to days because you think it'll give you a better chance of getting custody of the kids, trying to make the judge believe you're suddenly "Dad of the Year". Like the judge won't see the sudden change? Yeah right! What you don't realize is that the kids don't want to live with you, you haven't been a constant in their lives. Their mother has!! She's the one who's been there for them day in and day out from day one.

During the entire process of the divorce proceedings you've bucked at every suggestion your soon-to-be ex-wife has made on behalf of the kids, trying to be fair for all involved. You 'sort of' agreed to joint custody as long as she wakes them up at 4:00am to drive them to your house, the house that you want to keep, just so they can take the bus to school rather than their mother driving them. You've demanded that one night a week, a night that's supposed to be their mother's, the kids be allowed to be with your parents. FUCK THAT!! Grandma and Grandpa can see the kids on one of your nights.

You can't take their mother away from them simply because you feel like it. Just because you think she's unfit when you know damn well she's not. You're fucking jealous of her improvements and you feel the need to cut her down by using the kids as bargaining chips. That makes you a LOSER DELUXE! I'll say it again. This! Is! Not! About! You! This is about your kids. The only ones getting hurt in your so-called arrangement are the kids. But you, just like numerous other ex-husbands I know, don't give a shit about the kids as long as you get what you want.

I know, your response is, "I just want my kids to be happy, I'm doing what's best for them." Really? Taking them from their mother, the only parent they've been able to depend on all their lives, is what's going to make them happy and be what's best for them? Guess again!! It's going to make them miserable. When they're with you they'll be grumpy, unhappy, and belligerent. You, in turn, will snipe at them for their ugly behavior because you know they're unhappy and missing their mom. That thought will cause you to become even more angry with them, and with her, and you'll start talking down about her to your kids trying to convince them that they're better off with you or your parents.

Here's a tip. Don't do that. Your kids aren't stupid and they'll see right through your bullshit and it'll drive them even further from you. But you won't listen to me because you know what's best for them. "Eh, that'll never happen. My kids won't eventually hate me for taking them from their mother and trying to turn them against her." Wait and see, asshole!! That's exactly what'll happen and then you'll try to blame your ex-wife. But it won't be her fault, it'll be yours. One day you'll realize that, or maybe you won't. 

Regardless, you'll have ruined whatever little relationship you have with your kids all because you wanted to be a selfish insecure prick by kicking their mom out of the house and taking them away from her just so you could have control. When the kids find out about your so-called "fair" custody arrangement, they won't be happy and they'll let you know it. I know this for a fact; I'm telling you from experience. So get your head out of your ass and think of someone besides yourself. I've already said it but I'm going to say it again. It's not about you, it's about the kids!! 

Until next time...peace to all.

Narcissistic Bully...and a Coward, Too

I'm angry and I have every right to express my feelings, even if you don't agree. And you don't get to take that right from me just because you disagree with my opinion.

You are a narcissist through and through. According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is defined as "An enduring pattern of grandiose beliefs and arrogant behavior together with an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy for (and even exploitation of) others." (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMHT0024871/) 

In an article from the U.S. National Library of Medicine, found on the MedlinePlus.gov website, a person with this disorder will "react to criticism with rage, shame or humiliation"; "take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals"; "have excessive feelings of self-importance"; "have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment"; and "need constant attention and admiration". (https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000934.htm) And those are just some of the symptoms. Funny thing is that they all describe you...to a Tee.

Not only are you a narcissist, but you're a bully and a coward!! You seem to think the entire world revolves around you; that you just walk into a room and everybody is supposed to applaud and be grateful that you're in their presence. Jeez...ego much? Guess what!! It doesn't work that way!! Not everybody is going to like you, regardless of what you think, and you're just going to have to deal with it. The rest of us deal with it on a daily basis, having others not like us. So what? Big deal!

At least we don't go around throwing tantrums like six year olds, crying that people are lying about us and punishing those who express their negative opinions. "You can't say that about me. Now I'll make sure you don't get to say anything at all. And if you don't agree with me, I'll do the same thing." Why would you do that? Are you not man enough to take the truth when it's thrown at you? That's the stuff of elementary school playgrounds. "You don't like me? Fine, I'll tell everybody you're mean and nobody will play with you. So there!"

You're manipulative and abusive! You spend your time repeatedly picking on others, calling out their faults, and chastising them, in front of others, because they don't like or agree with you. Then you act like you had the right to do it, and expect that others around you are supposed to agree with you. Those are classic signs of a bully!! And we all know that bullies are cowards. Cowards because the second someone stands up to them, they either run and hide, or they try to deflect their behavior as being misinterpreted; or better yet, they put the blame on the victim instead of admitting any wrongdoing of their own.

You're even worse than that, though. Not only do you try to deflect your behavior and place blame where it doesn't belong, but you blatantly lie and say you never did or said whatever it is you're being called out on, even though the proof is staring you in the face. That goes back to the narcissism. You are absolutely unable to accept the fact that you are not as perfect and well-liked as you think you are. So everybody is picking on you, right? WRONG! The thing is, there are some of us who can see beyond your ego, which is HUGE, by the way. We can see that you're a liar, we can see that you're a bullshit artist, and we can see that the only one who's important to you is you.

You can feed me all the lines you want that you're doing what you're doing in an attempt to help me. I know it's all a load of crap. So do a lot of other people...and so do you! The only one you're trying to help is you, and at the expense of everyone else involved. But trust me, it won't last long for you. The reason I know that is because you're bound to screw up...in a major way...and it's going to come back to bite you in the ass. I know it'll happen because I've had personal experience with someone just like you, and his fall from grace was not pretty.

So I'll tell you what I told him. Put on your big-boy pants, get your head on straight, stop the lying and manipulation, take responsibility for your actions, act like the man you're supposed to be, and do the right thing for those involved before the shit really hits the fan. And for pity's sake, stop whining like a toddler who's missed his nap, you big crybaby. You chose this life, now you get to live with whatever comes with it...good or bad. So suck it up, Buttercup, because life is about to get real and you're at the center of it all.

Until next time...peace to all.