A Necessary but Traumatic Two-Week Break-Up

For 20 years she's been in love, totally and completely. Her relationship brings her comfort, joy, a sense of peace, and unhealthy repercussions. But the break-up was necessary, without a doubt, even if it's only for two weeks. She called me today clearly on edge. "I need to vent while you're cleaning, is that okay?" Of course it was okay, she knew that without having to ask. I let her talk.

She was stressed. "I can't do this," she told me. She was on the verge of running back just for a quickie. "No!" I told her, "You can do this. I have faith." She went on to tell me that, since the break-up on Tuesday, she's been grumpy, irritable, doubting herself. She spent one day just lying in bed pouting over the break-up. If she couldn't have what she wanted she was just going to sleep all day. And she did.

Funny thing is, she's the one who broke up with her love, not the other way around. Yet she went on to tell me, "I've been calling, driving by the house, begging to be taken back, and I'm just getting ignored!" Basically she's been stalking her love...metaphorically speaking, of course, because her love has no phone, no house, and isn't really ignoring her; she's the one doing the ignoring. But she wants the relationship back so badly that, in her mind, she feels like she's a stalker.

She was so miserable on the phone. I felt terrible for her. But there was nothing I could do except talk her down from the ledge because the break-up was needed. And it's only two weeks, then they can get back together, albeit taking it slow and gradually building the relationship back up. It'll never be the same as it was, though.

When they get back together she'll be more cautious. She'll enjoy what she can, when she can and won't over indulge. She'll get rid of all the bad aspects of the relationship and stick strictly with good...only taking what will be healthy and nourishing to her body and mind. No more of the sappy sugary stuff; that'll be gone for good. If she starts to slip back into her old patterns with her love, she has me to help right her wrongs.

See, she's having gastric bypass surgery and has to be on a strictly liquid diet for the next two weeks. No solid food at all. I told her that she needs to look at the end result, especially when she's craving a quick run through a fast-food drive thru. I told her she'll feel better and be healthier. She knows that but still needs a reminder and a hand to hold on to while she's braving the no-solid-food aspect of the whole ordeal. And that's okay, that's why I'm here.

You can do this, my friend!! I have complete and total faith in you; you have my love and support!! The next two weeks will be tough but stalking food won't help, I promise you. And there will definitely be no quickie runs. If you need to talk just pick up the phone and call me...any time, day or night. 

Until next time...peace to all.

It's Not About You

So you're getting a divorce and you decide to play hardball with your soon-to-be ex-wife because you want what you want and fuck her. Right? Guess what, jackass!! It's not about you!!! It's not even about her. There are two kids involved in this, a teenager and a pre-teen. This is about them!!

In all the years you've been married you have never taken the kids shopping for clothing; attended any of their sporting events; gone to parent-teacher conferences at school; or taken them to the doctor for check-ups or emergencies or any of the other stuff that parents are supposed to do. You've barely even spent quality time with them. You've left all that to their mom. Why? You haven't had time, you've been working, because you've always worked second shift at your job when all of that other stuff happens. And why is that? Why have you always worked off hours during the course of your marriage? I'll tell you what I think.

I think you chose to work those hours because it was convenient for you to be able to avoid spending time with and taking care of your kids. You were at work when they came home from school, and you were sleeping when they got up for school the next day. By the time you woke up the house was empty and you were free to do whatever you wanted without having anyone bother you. Am I close? I'll bet I am.

Now, though, you've filed for divorce because you see your wife making improvements to herself - the exact same improvements you suggested she make for well over a decade. The problem is your insecurities can't handle the changes she's making so you took the coward's way out and filed for divorce - WITHOUT EVEN TELLING HER UNTIL IT WAS ALREADY DONE!!

Not only did you file for divorce, but suddenly you wanted the house and the kids because you think your soon-to-be ex-wife is unstable. Out of the blue, after umpteen years, you've changed your work schedule to days because you think it'll give you a better chance of getting custody of the kids, trying to make the judge believe you're suddenly "Dad of the Year". Like the judge won't see the sudden change? Yeah right! What you don't realize is that the kids don't want to live with you, you haven't been a constant in their lives. Their mother has!! She's the one who's been there for them day in and day out from day one.

During the entire process of the divorce proceedings you've bucked at every suggestion your soon-to-be ex-wife has made on behalf of the kids, trying to be fair for all involved. You 'sort of' agreed to joint custody as long as she wakes them up at 4:00am to drive them to your house, the house that you want to keep, just so they can take the bus to school rather than their mother driving them. You've demanded that one night a week, a night that's supposed to be their mother's, the kids be allowed to be with your parents. FUCK THAT!! Grandma and Grandpa can see the kids on one of your nights.

You can't take their mother away from them simply because you feel like it. Just because you think she's unfit when you know damn well she's not. You're fucking jealous of her improvements and you feel the need to cut her down by using the kids as bargaining chips. That makes you a LOSER DELUXE! I'll say it again. This! Is! Not! About! You! This is about your kids. The only ones getting hurt in your so-called arrangement are the kids. But you, just like numerous other ex-husbands I know, don't give a shit about the kids as long as you get what you want.

I know, your response is, "I just want my kids to be happy, I'm doing what's best for them." Really? Taking them from their mother, the only parent they've been able to depend on all their lives, is what's going to make them happy and be what's best for them? Guess again!! It's going to make them miserable. When they're with you they'll be grumpy, unhappy, and belligerent. You, in turn, will snipe at them for their ugly behavior because you know they're unhappy and missing their mom. That thought will cause you to become even more angry with them, and with her, and you'll start talking down about her to your kids trying to convince them that they're better off with you or your parents.

Here's a tip. Don't do that. Your kids aren't stupid and they'll see right through your bullshit and it'll drive them even further from you. But you won't listen to me because you know what's best for them. "Eh, that'll never happen. My kids won't eventually hate me for taking them from their mother and trying to turn them against her." Wait and see, asshole!! That's exactly what'll happen and then you'll try to blame your ex-wife. But it won't be her fault, it'll be yours. One day you'll realize that, or maybe you won't. 

Regardless, you'll have ruined whatever little relationship you have with your kids all because you wanted to be a selfish insecure prick by kicking their mom out of the house and taking them away from her just so you could have control. When the kids find out about your so-called "fair" custody arrangement, they won't be happy and they'll let you know it. I know this for a fact; I'm telling you from experience. So get your head out of your ass and think of someone besides yourself. I've already said it but I'm going to say it again. It's not about you, it's about the kids!! 

Until next time...peace to all.