If they make a mistake, we work on it until it's corrected. If they get an unpleasant outcome, we discuss it and try to find the positive in it. If they've asked for my advice and chosen a different path, so be it. Whatever the consequences are, we'll work through those, too. And sometimes, they just have to live with whatever choices they make because it is what it is. We all have to just accept things as they are at times.
Some parents, though, are way too controlling and protective of their children, and it makes me crazy. I've seen parents keep their children from being children. Forcing them into sports, religion, dance, or whatever the activity may be. The children have no time for friends or sleepovers or birthday parties they've been invited to because there's always a game or a practice or a rehearsal, or something else they must attend instead.
I've seen parents stand on the sidelines, coaching their kid, rather than letting the coaches do their jobs. I've seen parents do their kid's school projects because they wanted the kid to get a good grade, or because they just didn't think the kid 'was doing it the right way.' And I've seen parents yell at teachers because their kid was failing - not doing the work, not turning in homework, not studying for tests - and they blame the teacher.
There was a mom who went to her teenager's work supervisor because the teen wanted numerous random days off to attend family functions after the teen had already agreed to work a specified schedule. When the boss said the teen needed to be there because it would create a hardship for everyone else involved, the mom went up the managerial ladder complaining to the point of threatening a lawsuit when her teen wasn't granted those days off. Mom was not happy when the teen's hours were cut and actually demanded that the supervisor be fired. The supervisor was not fired but the teen was.
I've been witness to a parent who was so concerned with her teen's health that she actually demanded that all activities at the program her teen was enrolled in be cancelled because one of the program directors became ill. Mom just assumed the ill person was contagious and might have caused her teen to become ill also, which is actually not the case. Mom gave no consideration whatsoever to all the other people involved who've put their effort into the program; it was all about keeping her daughter safe and healthy.
Here's my issue with all of this. The way you hover and helicopter your kids, they will never learn to handle their own issues. They will never learn to communicate with anyone other than you. They will never be able to handle rejection or solve their own problems. They will always expect mom or dad to jump in and solve their problems and to speak on their behalf.
If your kid plays a sport, let the coaches do the coaching. If you were so great at being a coach, you'd be on the field and not in the stands. If your kid has a school project due, buy the materials and let your kid get to work. Supervise for safety reasons but stay out of the actual work unless junior needs an extra hand. If it doesn't get an A, so be it; your kid will survive.
If your student is failing, I can guarantee you it's not the teacher's fault so speak to your student instead. Ask the teacher where your student needs help, and then HELP. Yes, it might cut into the newest episode of Dancing with the Stars but it's your job as a parent help your student with school work. If you don't know how to do the 'new math', Google it like the rest of us do.
If your teen gets a job, there is a schedule that's expected to be worked. Just because Aunt Suzy has her 50th birthday party planned on your teen's scheduled workday does not mean your teen gets to call out of work. We've all had to miss family functions, holidays, graduations and whatnot because work comes first. That's a lesson your teen needs to learn sooner rather than later.
And for pity's sake, if your teen has health issues, leave the extra-curricular activities out. Teach your teen what is and isn't safe to do, but don't inconvenience dozens of others because you feel the need to control what your teen can and can't do. Get all the information you can about the program beforehand and don't just assume that your teen is in danger, but if you feel it isn't safe, withdraw your teen and let everyone else move on.
You people really need to take a look at how your kids will be able to function as adults if you keep up like this. None of us are perfect parents by any means, but I expect my kids to know how to take care of themselves when they move out of my house. Sure, they'll have questions and will come back to me for advice but I won't step in and solve their problems for them. Your kids, on the other hand, will always want you to take charge and will be sorely disappointed when things don't go their way.
So back off, parents! Let your kids be kids, let them solve their own problems, let them speak for themselves, and let them learn from their mistakes. You'll only regret it later if you don't.
Until next time...peace to all.
