I recently had help updating my resume. I called Kaplan and spoke with a Career Specialist because I’m not having any luck finding a job. Most everyone hiring a paralegal wants experience (I think I mentioned all of this recently) so she suggested we revamp my resume. Since I last did it nothing has changed; absolutely nothing. So she thought that, rather then updating information that can’t be updated, we reword a few things. Not exaggerate them, or fabricate them, just reword them so they sound more active than passive. Okay. I did what she said and she approved it.
Now I’ve got my resume posted on all sorts of job search web sites under the heading Paralegal Seeks Work. I’m getting responses, too – from all sorts of sales companies. I know they’re just generic head hunter-type responses and not directed specifically toward me but isn’t there a way to weed out those morons and get them to stop wasting my time? If the title of a person’s resume doesn’t say “Sales” anywhere, those bogus ads and offers ought to be automatically blocked. I know it would save me time and energy. I don’t want to check my email to find that bullshit sitting in my mailbox.
Besides, I don’t like sales. I don’t like having to cold call people to offer them a product or service; even if the call is auto-dialed from a computer. I don’t like talking on the phone all day long. There are a select few people who I speak to on the phone for extended periods of time, and that’s fine. If I don’t know you, however, I don’t want to spend time talking on the phone with you. I know; you’re saying that paralegals talk on the phone all day. In some cases that’s true; but there’s a difference. If I’m working as a paralegal I’m inclined to like my clients and wouldn’t have a problem discussing their issues over the phone. I’m also not trying to sell them different services. “And, Mrs. Smith, if you sign a contract with us today we’ll throw in three hours of phone conferences at half price.” I don’t think so.
Not only do I not like sales, I’m no good at it. Most sales jobs come with a script that has to be followed to get the sales pitch across to the potential client. Along with the script come rebuttals that are supposed to be utilized when the potential client declines the offer. I’m the type of sales person who, when the client says, “No thank; I’m not interested,” I’d say, “Okay, have a nice day,” and hang up the phone. No rebuttal would ever come from me to try to pressure someone into buying a product or service. They don’t want it, fine; I’m cool with that.
I won’t do it to anyone because I don’t like it being done to me. There are a good many fast food servers who’ve asked me, after I’ve placed my order, “Would you like such-and-such with that?” I’ve always responded with, “Is it free?” When they say it isn’t, I politely tell them that, if I wanted it, I would’ve ordered it. When I worked in a movie theatre many, many years ago, suggestive selling – that’s what it’s called when you try to sell someone something they didn’t request – was what we at the concession stand were supposed to do. They wanted us to sell larger items because they were more expensive. I didn’t like it but did it to prove a point to my bosses. In front of my Manager and DM I did the required suggestive selling.
A man walked into the theatre with his two young kids and ordered two small popcorns at $1.50 each and two small sodas at $1.25 each (I told you it was a long time ago). So, as I was told to do, I suggested larger items because they were more expensive, of course. I “suggested” that he could buy a medium-sized popcorn for $2.25 and a large soda for $1.75 and have enough popcorn and soda for all three of them, plus he’d save $1.50. He was happy with the deal and the savings, bought his items and wished me a good day. My Manager and DM weren’t as happy. Hey, I did what I was told. They told me to sell the larger, more expensive items, and I did. They weren’t angry and we all did laugh about it, but that was the last time they asked me to do any suggestive selling.
See, I’m just no good at sales. If a company wants me to sell stuff to strangers to make the company money, they’re emailing to the wrong inbox. I want to do things to help people, not bilk them out of their money on useless shit. So let’s find a way to stop these people from responding to our posted resumes with bogus job offers and opportunities that we’re not seeking. I think telling them to stop just won’t do the trick. I’m sure they’ve been told before. Maybe someone at these job posting sites can rig the search system to match exact words in titles and job offers. Last time I checked Paralegal was nowhere near to being close to Salesperson. See, it’s not a match; I don’t get bombarded with a bunch of crappy offers.
What I would really like, though, is for attorneys and others in the legal field to realize that we can’t get experience if they’re not willing to offer us a job in the first place. Again, though, I’m repeating myself. It’ll all work out, it always does; and someone wonderful will offer me a fabulous job doing the work I like doing – preferably from home. And if any of you reading this know any attorneys in the Suffolk County, NY area who are looking for a paralegal, send them my name; please and thanks.
Until next time…peace to all.
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