It's Not My Job to Protect Everyone

It's really sad when I have to watch someone I care about make a huge mistake and know that it's not my place to say anything to prevent it. My friend's son, previously referred to as my nephew because his mother and I are as close as sisters, K, has been staying with us for a few weeks. He came here because he just wasn't making it in NY and needed a change.

For a few weeks he was doing well, he had a job and was being semi-responsible, until recently. I made him quit his job because he was literally working 10-12 hours a day, six to seven days a week and not getting paid for it. It wasn't worth his time or his health so I told him he needed to quit and move on to something that would be to his benefit. That's when he started backsliding and it was getting on my nerves.

He'd spend about 30 minutes a day looking for work on the Internet and the rest of the day sitting here texting all the new girls he'd met in the area since he got here, most of them off a dating web site. Now, his sex life is none of my business but going from girl to girl to girl and not really caring about any one of them is not healthy and I have no respect for it. I also have no respect for the girls who so willingly get intimate with a guy they don't even know.

I warned him against that shit when he got here but he hasn't listened yet. Most of the girls here in my area are in their late teens or early 20s with a kid or two in tow and no baby daddies anywhere in sight, or if there is a baby daddy he's generally in prison. Most of these girls are literally looking for a new guy to take on her and her kids and to foot the bill. I told K about it but he didn't seem to care; he just made his rounds encountering the same type of girls I warned him about.

Over the course of the past week or so, when he started his backslide, I've been getting more and more irritated with his behavior and told him so last night. Today I told him that if he'd taken my advice when he first got here and got a job at any of the local retail places he'd have enough money by now to be in his own place. I told him he's not respecting my home or my family and it needs to stop, and that I don't appreciate him going against my wishes when his outside activities could possibly affect my home and living situation.

He told me today that he is leaving on Sunday and that he has a place to stay and a job opportunity. Here's where the mistake comes into play. He's actually moving in with one of these girls and, I'm guessing, she's got the job opportunity for him wherever she works or with a member of her family. I could be wrong but I don't think so because he won't tell me which one of his girls it is. That's probably because he's told me about her already and I didn't like what he had to say.

Regardless, I think it's a big mistake on his part to move in with someone he barely knows and to take a job either with her or her family members. When the relationship comes crashing down he'll literally be homeless and without a job. See, K can't be with just one girl for very long and I firmly believe he's moving in with this one simply because he thinks he's an inconvenience to me and he wants to find a place to go to get out of my hair.

Whatever his reasons I just have to stand by and let it happen. It's not my place to tell him he's making a mistake, not that he would listen anyway, and I'm not going to beg him to stay here. Quite honestly my household would settle down a bit without him here. The kids love having him here and they'll miss him but they'll get over it and life will move on. He'll still be local so they can see him if he decides to drop by every now and again.

I'm staying out of it, though, and I'm going to let K's mother handle this one because I've got my own issues to deal with. K is a big boy and has to learn from his own mistakes. As much as I'd like to see him settle down and be happy for a change I really don't think this is the right move for him. Whether it is or whether it isn't, I wish him all the best and know that things will work out the way they're supposed to for him.

Until next time...peace to all.