I returned to court today. Remember I told you about the missing pages that I had to submit on Tuesday? I got there about 8:45 this morning but unlike Tuesday the courtroom today was closed to the public. A note on the door said "Sealed Courtroom - Do Not Enter." So anyone who had a case today had to wait in the hallway and be called in case by case. I took a seat, got as comfortable as I could on the wooden bench and planned to wait a while.
Dozens of couples were there with their attorneys, each waiting their turn. Of course they'd all be called in before those of us without attorneys, but at least I didn't have to watch them go through their divorces like I did on Tuesday. I tried to go to a happy place in my mind so I wouldn't have to listen to the many conversations that were taking place around me. It worked for a while. Then two older men walked off the elevator.
Their conversation with others who were passing by made it clear that they were bail bondsmen. They'd been in the business for over 40 years and explained loudly that they were 76 and 77 years old. Nice that they're still on the job and able to hunt down the bond jumpers. They apparently knew most everybody who worked in the courthouse from police officers to office workers. They greeted almost everyone by name, including some of the people waiting to have their divorce cases heard.
Then a third bondsman showed up; I found out later he was an ex-cop. He sat to my right, the 77-year-old man sat to his right and the 76-year-old man sat to my left. There I was, sandwiched between these guys. I must say, though, that it was the best part of my morning. The man on my left and the man on my right had some joking banter going on between them, just talking right over me, and I was laughing out loud at their jokes. They even included me in a few. It was fun.
Then a kid was brought up in shackles. I say 'kid' because he was about 22, way younger than I am. He needed a place to sit next to his police escort so I moved to the bench across the hallway to make room for them where I'd been sitting. All the cases were moving in and out of the courtroom but I was just sitting there. Two hours passed and I hadn't heard anything from anyone. Meantime, another bondsman appeared along with two more officers. This shackled kid was there with three officers as his escort over from County and the four bondsman. Seriously? He was arrested for destruction of property. Why all the attention?
Anyway, I finally got to speak to the court clerk who went over my paperwork with me then sent me back to the hallway with the men who were all joking and laughing, including the prisoner. All we needed then was a TV and some hot wings and we'd have had a party going. The lady from inside the courtroom came out and called the kid in and told me I could sit in the courtroom and would be called after the kid was done. Really, all that time waiting and they couldn't just call me in and let me be done? Everyone else was long gone.
When the kid left the judge called my name. She swore me in and took my testimony as to why I wanted sole custody for me and supervised visitation for my ex. I told her why - all his drinking and drunk driving, his domestic violence history and recent arrest for it, his bullying of the children, the Children's Division hotline calls made against him, the kids' fear of him, all of it. She listened, read my notes, and signed the judgment in my favor. I now have sole physical and legal custody of my children and he has supervised visitation through an agency located over here.
I texted him the judgment when I got home and he just replied with an "Ok". I didn't really expect more. Now it's just wait-and-see to find out if he'll actually arrange something with the agency to be able to visit the kids. I'm not really counting on it given that he doesn't have a job so gas money for the hour-long drive will be a hardship on him.
My kids feel much better now. So do I. They feel safer knowing that their dad can't just show up out of the blue to see them, or have them for overnights. He can't drink and bully them and if he tries I have loads of legal leverage and recourse now that I didn't have yesterday. It was a long wait for this to come to pass and I don't like having to take this action against him but I had no choice. I had to do what I had to do for the safety and well being of my children.
It was a long few hours in the courthouse but the bondsmen/police party kept me entertained and I walked out of the courtroom happy. My kids and I can move forward now with some security and stability. I've been positive about most everything for the past week or so but today has me flying high. As I told a friend earlier, if I were any higher I'd have wings. The universe is definitely working with me lately and for that I'm extremely appreciative.
Until next time... peace to all.
I went to court yesterday - Tuesday - for the supervised visitation petition that I filed against Paul, my ex-husband. Ty insisted that he wanted to go with me to speak to the judge so I allowed him to go. He'd never been in a courtroom before so I schooled him on proper behavior before we got there: no talking in the courtroom, when you go before the judge only speak when you're spoken too, politely, clearly and not like you have marbles in your mouth. He said he understood so we were good to go.
As we waited for the judge to arrive we watched people come in and go out, some were attorneys others were people who were their to have their cases heard. I explained to Ty how the system would work once the judge arrived and began. The attorneys' cases would be heard first so they could get out of the courtroom and on to other things they had to do for the day. Then the pro se cases would be heard. We were one of the latter.
The judge arrived, we all rose and sat, then she began by immediately calling the first case. Attorney after attorney went with their client before the judge. Ty wondered why nobody was having to sit in the big witness chair that was at the end of the bench. I told him that family court in real life isn't what he sees on TV. The attorney and the client stand directly in front of the judge on the outside of her bench and say what needs to be said. The judge makes a ruling, the case is signed off, and the next one called.
We watched, at least, a dozen couples get divorced yesterday. All were amicable with the exception of one which had domestic violence charges attached against the husband. The majority of the divorces had only the plaintiff there, generally the wife, with her attorney. The judge went over the basics: names, address, duration of marriage, assets acquired, etc. Ask a few more questions, everyone agrees and - Woo Hoo - congratulations, you're divorced. It was just as easy with the couples that arrived together. Too bad mine couldn't have been that easy.
Ty and I sat there watching, waiting our turn to see the court clerk who would go over my paperwork with me before I went before the judge. About two hours into the session the judge called me up. I told her I hadn't seen the clerk yet. She told me that was because there were a couple of forms that hadn't been completed. She showed me which ones and I explained that I didn't complete them because I wasn't requesting any changes on those portions; I was just requesting sole custody and supervised visitation for my ex, and I gave her a few reasons why.
She had no problem with that but did say that I hadn't filled out the judgment portion, the part she has to sign off on. Shit!! I don't even remember seeing that section. She gave me the option of running home to print out the pages, fill them out and return, or I could leave and return Thursday morning. I chose Thursday since it would be easier. So I came home, printed the pages, completed them, and returned to the courthouse to submit them in the Records Office. The lady there told me they'd be ready for Thursday.
Believe that? One fucking section of the packet that I wasn't told to complete. Had I been notified beforehand the entire issue could have been settled yesterday. Instead, now I have to get up in the morning, get dressed in my court clothes - YUCK! - and go back to sit in the courtroom for another two hours. Maybe I'll get lucky and the judge will call me up first thing just to be done with me. Fingers crossed. If not, I'll make sure I have something to do while I wait so I don't have to watch another dozen couples get divorced. At least I'll get my case heard, right? Right. That's all that matters. I'll let you know how it goes.
Until next time... peace to all.
And my story continues. I never finished writing about the whole episode of the kids and me in shelter and getting out because I wasn't fully on my feet yet but I was on my way. Now we've had a major setback because of circumstances out of my control yet again. My ex got fired from his job a couple of weeks ago, for cause - a GOOD cause. Since he's no longer working I don't get child support anymore - again. That's the bulk of my current income. The part-time job I have doesn't pay enough to cover all my expenses.
Last time I got any money was two weeks ago. I won't get any this week or any weeks afterward as far as I can tell. I've stepped up my job search but haven't heard anything back from anyone yet. We can no longer just walk into a place, ask for an application, speak to a manager and get a job. It's all done online now and we have to wait weeks before we hear anything from the company, if we hear anything at all.
This sucks big time because I'm out of cash and have to figure out a way to pay my bills. There was a chance that I'd be getting a partial child support payment this week because my ex was supposed to get a partial final paycheck. When I texted him about it he said I won't be getting anything. Then when I complained that I have bills to pay he actually had the nerve to respond that this doesn't affect only me, that he has bills to pay too and can't. Gee! Guess what! I'm not the mother fucker who got caught stealing at work and got fired, thus fucking up the lives of others.
He doesn't seem to understand that he's putting his kids' home in jeopardy because of his stupid bullshit, nor does he seem to care. Right now, as we speak, he's sitting at his girlfriend's house doing whatever he does when he's with his women. I'm sitting here trying to sell my furniture online to get some money. He's a fucking class act, right? Unbelievable.
He also made comment about my upcoming court date. On Tuesday I'm going to court for the petition I filed to get supervised visitation for my ex and the kids. Children's Division won't let him see them right now because of his arrest for domestic violence against his then-girlfriend back in August. He said that I'm probably looking forward to court so I can have him labeled as a dead-beat dad. You know what? I hadn't thought about it until he mentioned it but it just may end up that way. What kind of asshole loses two jobs in two years on the implication that he was stealing from his employers? The fucked-up kind of asshole, that's what kind.
Right now I'm so angry at him that I can barely see straight. And you know what? This time there is no forgiveness. He really hates it when he thinks I'm angry at him. He tries to be overly nice and do favors and all that shit to get back in my good graces. Not this time; not ever again. I'm so tired of him thinking only of himself and not giving a rat's ass who he hurts in the process of his bullshit.
I know everything will work out for me, it always does. I'm just so sick of having to be thrown off track every time he fucks up. Why do his problems always have to become my problems? It doesn't seem right but it happens every single time. I just need some way to disconnect myself from him so that I can live my life with our kids and not be bothered every time he screws up. He can see the kids when the judge deems it appropriate, he can pay his child support, but he needs to stay at a distance from me and make sure that he keeps his problems to himself.
For now, it is what it is, right? I'll live and I'll get through this trial on my own, just like I always do. I don't like it but I have to do what I have to do. My kids and I will stick together and just keep plodding along and we'll come out of this one way or another. That's a promise to them and to me. I can do it; I have faith.
Until next time... peace to all.
Zach decided tonight that he wanted to play Uno with me. You know, the card game with the red, blue, green and yellow number cards, and the attack cards: Draw 4s, Skips, Reverses, and the rest. We've played in the past and he's the best person to play Uno with because he will play no-holds-barred style and try to bury you while having fun at the same time, and he usually wins the majority of the hands.
Tonight, however, was a little different than the other times we've played. I had a slight headache and didn't really feel like playing but I did anyway, and since Dolly wanted to play with us we had to sit at the kitchen table when Zach and I usually play on the sofa, facing one another. Sitting in the kitchen I was cold and my ass hurt sitting on the chair but I dealt with it to have some fun with the kids. Ty never joins in but we asked anyway and got the usual, "No thanks." So we began.
Dolly on my left, Zach on my right and I'm the official shuffler since neither of them does a good job at it. I shuffle then we take turns dealing the hands. Zach won the first hand, Dolly the second, me the third then Dolly won a few more and decided she was done playing. It was just Zach and me so Zach got down to business... or so he thought. That child couldn't win for losing tonight.
He loves to throw down the Draw 2s on me followed by a Skip, a Reverse, then maybe a Draw 4 until I have my hands full of cards and he's down to two. We both laugh the entire time because, to us, it's just a game and it's about having fun. Tonight I had all the great cards every time, even when he dealt. He got so rattled that he even tried to cheat. Did I ever mention that Zach loves to cheat, and that he'll admit that he does it? I didn't? Well, now you know. :)
After about 20+ hands of him losing, he decided that he wanted to shuffle so right in front of me he starts digging through the deck and pulling all the attack cards to put into his hand. I nixed that idea and made him put them randomly back in the deck. He had me shuffle then deal. He lost. Then he said he wanted me to deal to myself first instead of dealing to him first as I'm supposed to do. So I did. He lost. The funny part about that hand was that I ended up with a buttload of attack cards that would have been his had he let me deal properly. I explained that, he huffed loudly then laughed at his error in judgment.
Before I dealt the next hand he said that he just wanted to pick one card from the deck to have in his hand before I dealt. Cheating, yes. I let him. He chose a Draw 4. I dealt as I usually would until we both had seven cards. He couldn't wait to toss that Draw 4 at me. He did, I drew my four, he put down a Draw 2 in one color then a Draw 2 in another color then a Skip, a Reverse, a Wild and then a number. It was finally my turn. Since he'd made me draw all those cards he didn't realize that I'd be drawing many of the same cards he'd just played on me. I slammed him over and over again with attack cards. Guess what! He lost that hand too. Karma is a bitch, ain't it?
We decided to quit playing after that but I'm guessing he's calculating what he's going to do next time we play and I'll bet I get a run for my money then. For now, though, I hold the Uno bragging rights in the house. I know he'll get them back next time and it'll be as fun as it was tonight. In the meantime he'll tell all his friends how I beat the pants off him even though he tried to cheat every way he could think of. Cheater or not, though, I gotta love him. He's my Uno buddy and he makes me laugh out loud.
Until next time... peace to all.
