Custodial Parents Get the Shaft

Since my ex-husband isn't working yet again, and I have no source of income at the moment, people are telling me to go to Social Services and apply for cash assistance. I'm not going to do that, not again. I've done it before and I ended up getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop. I'll tell you why. If I've written about this before, please bear with me; it deserves repeating.

Rex the ex got fired from his job a few years ago and spent almost a year trying to find one, or so he said. Meanwhile, I had to apply for cash assistance, or Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), as they call it down at Social Services just to support my kids while I was looking for work.

I received a whopping $340 a month in cash from the state to support three kids. It's funny because the same state that tells me I'm only allowed that amount in cash assistance is the same state that tells me I'm entitled to at least $675 a month in child support for three kids because raising kids takes money. That seem odd to you? It does to me.

Not only did I only get that small amount, but I also had to do 40 hours a week of a combination of job search and volunteer work so that the state would know I wasn't sitting home doing nothing. Mind you, I have never just sat at home and done nothing, but I guess I'm one of the few since these rules are in place. The 30 hours of job search had to be logged and turned in to my case worker every week, and the 10 hours of volunteer work had to be signed off on by someone where I volunteered - in this case, my daughter's school - and then faxed to my case worker every week.

Now, this is my gripe, and why I feel that custodial parents get the shaft. I had to do all of the job searching, volunteering, and attending classes at the employment council, plus maintain contact with my case worker, yet Rex the asshole didn't have to do a fucking thing to prove to the state that he was looking for work. Not one drop of work to show that he was attempting to find a way to support his children.

When I called and asked Child Support Enforcement what they were going to do about him not paying - suspend his license, arrest him, whatever their options are - I was told, "If he's not working there's no money for us to take." Gee, ya think?! When I asked why they weren't forcing him to look for work and prove that he's doing so the representative had no answer. When I asked her what the 'Enforcement' part of Child Support Enforcement meant she, again, had no answer.

So basically, the custodial parent is the one who has to work their ass off to make sure their kids are being taken care of, and jump through hoops to get cash assistance that might come close barely covering the bills, and the non-custodial parent is permitted by the state of Missouri to be a dead beat if that's what the parent chooses to do. And believe it or not, if the custodial parent decided to withhold visitation from the dead-beat non-custodial parent because that parent isn't supporting the kids, any judge in the system could, if he or she chose, reverse custody and hand the children over to the dead beat. Imagine that.

Something needs to be done about this fucked up system, and custodial parents need to be given more help in collecting child support. If it comes to a point where the custodial parent needs to collect cash assistance because of a dead beat parent, the state needs to allot enough funding to that parent so the household bills can actually be paid, and then they need to ensure that the dead beat is actively job hunting. The state ends up recouping that money from the non-custodial parent when child support resumes anyway.

Stop treating the custodial parent with so much disdain, and start putting in the effort to collect child support from the non-custodial dead beat parent.

Until next time...peace to all.

Just Telling It Like It Is

I will never understand how some people can think only about themselves and not give a rat's ass about others. My ex-husband is like that, and so is his current girlfriend. My ex is narcissistic, and I think his babe is probably psychotic - Psycho Sally is what I call her. Regardless, they're made for each other.

The day after my friend, who was also my boss, died, Rex the ex quit his job - he was a manager at a retail auto repair establishment. So not only did I lose my work income, but I also lost the child support Rex had been paying all within a 24-hour period. Now, he says he quit over a scheduling issue with his boss, but I firmly believe that he got fired and isn't willing to admit it. It's either that or he quit before he could get fired. Either way, he's jobless at this point.

I found out today that he isn't even looking for a job because he's busy playing house bitch to Sally and her 5-year-old daughter. He drives Sally to work, and takes little Sweetie to and from school every day. Then he goes home and does the laundry, cleans their apartment, and makes dinner for all of them. Isn't that just special? He's taking care of them while his own kids - the three we have together - are getting the shit end of the stick - again.

It's been a month since Rex has had a job, and while I'm actively looking for work and not having any luck, he's not the least bit concerned about it. He's busy playing family with a chick who looks like the Wicked Witch of the West and her kid. And I must say, my kids are pissed! They want nothing to do with him, and I can't blame them in the least. This isn't the first time he's screwed us over for a chick, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Sally doesn't care about my kids, either, because she's got just what she wants. A happy household, free childcare for her daughter, and someone to cook and clean for her on a daily basis. It's just too bad that she doesn't understand that it's not going to stay all happy-happy joy-joy for very much longer. Rex isn't used to being kept under someone's thumb and he'll be ready to move on real soon. It's going to suck for both of them because her controlling attitude mixed with his abusive nature is bound to set off an explosion that will be heard for miles.

That's not my concern, though. My concern is my family and our home. From what I understand, Rex isn't looking for work because he doesn't have the time with all the driving and chores he has to do every day. Not only that, but he's said if he does get a job he doesn't want one with responsibility. No managerial positions, nothing that requires more than 40 hours a week. He wants to do his job and go home at the end of his shift. I guess it's a good thing he never wanted to be a parent because we parents don't get that option; we work 24/7/365.

I'm just going to do what I have to do for my kids, and let Rex and Sally live the blissful life they think they have. I can't get angry because that won't do me any good. Rex is still going to be the same selfish, conceited asshole that he's always been, and Sally will still be a crazy bitch who lives in a fantasy world. And my kids and I will live our lives and be happy together as a family, because that's what we do best. Karma is a bitch and when Rex and Sally get theirs, I hope I get to watch because the show is bound to be amazing.

Until next time...peace to all.