That's not to say that I don't take responsibility for what I've done or haven't done, because I do. I take full responsibility. I try not to blame others for my mistakes because I know that if I haven't taken action on something, it's my own fault. I know that. The only thing I can blame my action, or inaction, on is fear. I'm afraid of failing, I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. Being alone doesn't make it any easier because I feel like I have nobody on my end cheering for me. That's all on me, though, and I've actually been working on it lately.
Your problem is that it doesn't matter what you've done or haven't done, it's always the fault of someone or something else. ALWAYS. It's never your fault and on the rare occasion that you do try to claim responsibility, it doesn't last. The 'it's my fault' claims that you make fade within days and someone else's name gets thrown into the mix. It doesn't matter the scenario, I can always tell how it'll work out on your end. Why? Because you're more predictable than anyone I've ever met.
Your relationships don't work out, ever. And there have been a lot of them. You move from mate to mate expecting each one to be different from the last but you always choose the same type - someone who will listen to your sob stories and take pity on you. Someone who will move you in and take care of you. Once you find one and get comfortable in the relationship you decide it's time to take over and be the boss instead of a team player. Then it all starts to fall apart. It keeps falling apart until it's completely broken.
When it's broken you start playing the blame game. "It wasn't my fault, I did nothing wrong." S/he stopped doing this; or s/he started doing that and I didn't like it. So rather than work on the relationship you started looking around for someone new while you were still in the current relationship. Then you got caught searching for someone you thought would be better, but that wasn't your fault. "It was her/his fault for snooping through my stuff." Seriously?
When you got into arguments, those are never your fault either. "I was drinking that night and s/he made me angry." Gee, was that the only night you were drinking? No, because that seems to be the pattern of your life. You drink all the time so that excuse doesn't fly. And when you do try to claim that the fight was your fault because you were drinking, you drink more to drown your sorrow because you feel just terrible about what happened. Your drinking then causes another fight but it's still not your fault because s/he knew you were already upset and should have stayed away. Good grief!
It's not just your relationships, though, that are caught in this same predictable pattern. It's also your jobs. You've jumped from job to job because nothing about whichever job you've had is to your specific liking. You quit that job because management was constantly complaining about the way you got things done. You got fired from that job because management just didn't like you, or accused you of doing something you didn't do. Why is it that other people have jobs that they may not really like yet they don't constantly quit or get fired? It's probably because it's not management that has anything to do with it; it's you and only you.
When things start changing too rapidly for you, you start to blame your health for your problems. You have accidents like nobody I've ever seen. Broken bones, pulled muscles, unidentified illnesses that never get followed up on or even completely diagnosed. You stay out of work because of them and then can't understand why your mates and bosses get snippy. It's probably because you're not carrying your own weight or living up to the promises you made. But it's not really your fault because accidents happen, right? Okay, if you say so.
Your friends and family see your patterns, too. That's why we've stopped responding to your pleas for help. We just can't do it any more. We've heard every story and every excuse that you've ever come up with and we're tired of listening, especially because there are times when you've blamed us for your pathetic circumstances when we've had nothing whatsoever to do with them. We're actually waiting for you to take responsibility for your actions and to stick with it. Then we want to see you remedy your situation and your life with whatever resources you can find. Seeing is believing and from what we've all seen, nothing will ever change for you.
We all watch what you're doing and can predict, almost to within a week or so, how long your next relationship, job, or injury will last. We've seen it all before - over and over and over again. And we know that it'll just keep happening because you absolutely refuse to change anything. Your pride and ego won't allow you to admit, under any circumstances, that what you're doing is wrong.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That sounds just like you except you're not insane; but you are predictable.
Until next time...peace to all.
Stick to your guns.. things always work out for you.
ReplyDelete"I get knocked down, but I get up again....."