I didn’t really have a topic for tonight so I was going to skip my blog again, until a friend and I had a conversation on Facebook. It brought a topic to mind that I thought I’d discuss. It concerns differences of opinion.
In the wake of bin Laden’s death I’ve noticed that about half of my friends on Facebook are actually celebrating it with an “eye for an eye” attitude, and the other half of my friends refuse to rejoice in his death choosing instead to express their remorse for those who have suffered because of him. I fall into that second group. Now, I’m not going to get all political or religious here but when we were attacked on 9/11 there were people over there dancing in the streets and celebrating over the devastation we’d suffered that day. I was sickened by that and won’t allow myself to sink to that level just because that man is dead. Anyway, I’ll move on now.
The half of my friends who feel as I do have been posting some really inspirational quotes, some of which I swiped and posted myself. One of the quotes I posted was from Mahatma Gandhi and says, “I have never wished a man dead...But I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
Since I hadn’t seen any posts from her earlier which directly expressed how she feels about the whole thing I just figured she was expressing a different opinion than mine. Since I didn’t want to argue with her over this – I won’t argue with anyone over it – I just responded that we’d have to politely agree to disagree. She in turn said that she wasn’t saying she disagreed with me, she just liked Twain’s light heartedness in what he’d said. She actually believes the way I do about this bin Laden thing. Then she continued by saying that it’s nice to know that, if she ever did disagree with me, I wouldn’t go nuts and curse her out on her wall or post.
I explained to her that I'd never do that; I might debate her over whatever the issue is – never over politics, and very rarely over religion – and that I’d throw arguments at her to try to get her to change her opinion, but, in the end, we’d just believe what we wanted and that’s our right, regardless of what anyone else thinks. With that she agreed wholeheartedly. We’re all entitled to our own beliefs and opinions and I don’t think anyone has the right to make us feel bad because of them. Still, there’s nothing wrong with a little healthy debate once in a while.
My “Critical Thinking” professor loved me because I love to debate. Every time our online seminar would start she’d sign in and immediately throw out a topic that was general in nature and then ask us if we agreed or disagreed. The majority of the class automatically agreed with her, I guess thinking they needed to, I don’t really know. I, however, would actually think about what she’d asked and then try to think of an argument to counter it. In most cases I did. She’d see all these “agree” responses scrolling up the screen and then she’d see mine – “disagree” – and would ask why I disagreed.
That’s when the fun began. I’d have, at least, two arguments ready for her. She’d ask me questions and I’d have answers ready. This would go on for a few minutes and then we’d get down to the business of the actual lesson for the night. When the course ended she told me that she really enjoyed having me in the class because I’d challenged her so much. She said that she’d only had one or two other students who’d done that before and she was pleased with the fact that I liked to debate and never took what I heard, saw, or read on face value. She also suggested that I go beyond being a paralegal and continue on to get my Law Degree. J
I loved that class because it gave me a chance to do what I do best; you might call it arguing, I call it debating. I just think it’s a blast to be able to discuss a point with someone and have legitimate arguments to toss out for review. Sometimes I’ll even just throw out stupid crap to see what the other person will say. What I don’t like, however, is when people are so grounded in their beliefs that they refuse to budge at all. To make matters worse, most times they don’t even know why they believe the way they do, only that it’s what they were taught. Doesn’t anyone ever ask questions?
My mother, my sister, and I all converted to Catholicism when I was about 12 because my stepfather was Catholic and my mother thought it would be nice for all of us. Okay, I was 12, what did I know? Then, nothing; now, oodles. My mother didn’t like the fact that, after we’d converted, I spent a lot of time asking questions about the religion that she couldn’t answer. She’s always just say, “It’s in the Bible” or something similar. Well, I asked enough questions that after a few years she stopped forcing me to go to church and allowed me to think what I wanted to think. I still do to this day.
I never take anything as gospel, and I research continually until I find what I think might be closest to the actual truth – if there is an actual truth. Kids are different, though, and I’m teaching my kids to ask questions until they understand, regardless of who gave them the information. I even say it to other kids. In the car this afternoon Ty mentioned that his teacher told them about bin Laden today and Kara’s oldest son interrupted saying, “They shot him 18 times in the head.” My immediate reaction was to stop him and tell him not to believe everything he heard because there were a lot of stories floating around and he ought to do some checking himself.
Thing with kids, though, is that they tend to believe those they trust, which is a good thing – to a point. I never lie to my kids; I keep the information age-appropriate but I give them real answers. Their dad, on the other hand, doesn’t. He fudges, glosses over, and outright lies to them at times. My kids and I have had numerous arguments over “But Dad said…” issues. I show them proof and the issue is dropped. When it comes to their friends, though, they like to believe whatever they hear and I have a hard time telling them that they don’t have to believe it just because so-and-so said it. I explain that there is always room for argument and research in any given conversation.
I just don’t want them to grow up believing everything they hear or see or read. I would rather they have and/or develop their own ideas, beliefs, and opinions than to follow the masses “just because.” I’ve had that discussion with Zach numerous times already. “Zach needs to decide what Zach wants and stop worrying about what everyone else wants,” when all the kids are looking for cereal for breakfast. He asks the others what they’re having because he’s afraid someone might say something negative to him if he picks the “wrong” cereal. As they get older I’ll make sure they know that they don’t have to follow the leader and that it’s okay to be who they are without fear of repercussions from others. I'm doing my best already. Granted, life doesn’t always work that way; some people are just downright nasty if you disagree with them, but so be it. The only people we can control are ourselves, right?
Rest assured, though, if you ever disagree with me, I’ll be more than happy to debate you for a while and then we’ll just smile and move on from there. If we think the discussion might get heated we’ll just drop it altogether and agree to disagree. Remember, though, I don’t discuss politics, and I very rarely discuss religion. Everything else is fair game. Have at it.
Until next time…peace to all.
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