Newbies in the House

We got a new family in unit six tonight. They came in about 11:00 Monday night, slept, and got up at 6:30 Tuesday morning to go back to Social Services. See, when they got here Monday night it was only an overnight, emergency stay. They had to go back to the office the next day to get “placed” somewhere. There were so many families in Social Services Tuesday that this family – a mom, a teenaged-son, and three younger children all five an under – was placed in a motel for the night only to have to return to Social Services again on Wednesday to wait for placement. They got back here this afternoon.

I know, you’re asking why they just didn’t stay here when they got placed here Monday night. That’s not the way Social Services works. If the placement is after hours it’s only an overnight stay and the family has to go back to Social Services the next day to get placement during regular business hours. It’s fucked up, I know, but that’s how the system here in NY works. I’m not going into that too much while I’m still living in the shelter because I won’t rock the boat while I’m sitting in it. I’ll go into much more detail about all of that when I’m safely away from the waters.

The family that arrived today is the 16th family that’s been here since I arrived in June. Out of that 16 families I’ve seen eleven of those families move out, some who arrived after I did, some who were already here when I got here. Most of the families were single mothers with anywhere from one to four children in tow. Two of the families were single fathers, each with one child, and one family was actually a couple with two children. The husband was discharged after a month because he kept breaking rules. He wasn’t married to the girl so it was not an issue for staff to discharge him without discharging his girlfriend.

The rapid roll over of residents is how it is in a shelter, this one anyway, although one of the residents who were here when I arrived had been here for almost a year. That’s another story in itself and I can’t really say too much about it since I’ve been here for six months already. I’m actually the senior resident now, been here the longest. No, I’m not proud of it; it’s just the way it is. If the universe would speed things up for me I could get out of here but I’m playing the waiting game.

Anyway, I’ve met some really nice people here and some not-so-nice people. It’s not easy moving into a house with five other families. You don’t know what kind of personality or temperament anyone has, and everyone has a different way of dealing with their kids. We all have to get along, though, because we all live in the same house. Personality conflicts can cause people to get discharged so if we don’t get along we have to just agree to disagree and avoid each other when possible. We’re all here for the same reasons, though, and sometimes residents forget that.

When I first got here I got along with everyone except one woman and it’s not even really that I didn’t get along with her. She just chose not to get along with anybody here. She left shortly after I arrived. Another family moved in, the family with the couple, and I got along great with them and our kids got along really well. Then, out of the blue, two of the other moms here decided they didn’t like me, for whatever their reasons, but I didn’t give a shit. They would warn new residents to stay away from me for this reason or that but the new residents would talk to me and find out I wasn’t the person I was being made out to be. It’s like high school bullshit with some of them.

The two who didn’t like me would sit around talking about me, the things I did, the way I raise my children, etc. Apparently, in their eyes, the fact that I don’t beat my kids’ asses when they’re disrespectful or when they make bad choices makes me a bad parent. See, the majority of the families here are African Americans, as is 99% of Wyandanch. (My kids and I are one of a very small group of white families here.) I’ve been told the constant spankings and belt whippings by the other parents are cultural forms of discipline. So be it. I’m not whipping my kids under any circumstances; I don’t believe in it.

Regardless, when the older of the two women was getting ready to move into her own place she actually called me aside and apologized to me for the way she’d been treating me for a couple of months, explaining that she had problems in her life and took them out on me. Funny thing is that I never had any negative feelings toward her and didn’t let her attitude and comments toward or about me affect me in any way. I just ignored it and did what I had to do. Once she left, the second woman, who was barely in her twenties, had a complete change of attitude toward me and acted as if she’d never turned on me in the first place. Whatever. I’m still going to be nice to people whether they like me or not.

The rest of the residents who’ve lived here have been really nice people and I’m actually still friends with three of the families who were here and have since left. The kids and I even spend Thanksgiving with one of the families. I did have a run-in with one girl here because of an issue she had with me. See, she moved in with a queen bee attitude saying that nobody was going to tell her when to eat, or when to do her chore, etc. She basically thinks she doesn’t have to follow the rules, and most times doesn’t. Staff is trying to get her discharged but it’s not working for them.

The girl is nice, she’s got a grade-school son, and two toddlers, but she’s really got an attitude about following rules. Problem is, if she gets discharged from here and placed in another shelter, the rules there will be worse than the rules here. We have a 12:00 curfew, the time we have to be in our rooms. Other houses have an 8:00 curfew for children and adults. You’re not even allowed to get a drink without getting permission from the staff. This house has rules but they’re nowhere near as strict as they are in other houses. That’s what we all need to keep in the back of our heads at all times. Follow the rules here or we could be put somewhere where we have no freedom at all.

The woman who moved in tonight seems like a decent, responsible woman. She’s probably in her mid-thirties, as is Lisa who I mentioned the other night. The trouble always starts with the young mothers here, those under 30. They seem to think this is Party Town rather than emergency housing. They form little cliques and spend their time getting loud and ignoring their children. Lisa and I know what life is about and do what we need to do for our kids. The newbie in Unit six seems to be of the same mind frame of Lisa and me, but I only got to chat with her for a short while so there’s no way for me to really tell until I get to know here better. My daughter already made friends with Newbie’s kids. Dolly is five and so is the new little girl. She’s also got a three-year-old brother and a two-year-old sister. The fourteen-year-old son probably won’t spend much time playing with all the little kids around here. Lisa has a fourteen-year-old daughter but she likes hanging out with the younger kids.

Other than the two teens, all the other kids in the house, and there are eight including mine, are ten and under. That makes for a lot of noise when all the kids are in the house and playing. The house is huge, too, with vaulted ceilings upstairs so the acoustics in here make for stadium-like conditions at times. That’s okay, though. At least we’re all safe and our kids are happy. Now we need to do our best to help the new family settle in and make them feel welcome. We also need to help them adjust to shelter life. It’s the least we can do. We were all new here at one time and it’s pretty scary at first. Once we fell into the routine, though, we were all fine. Now we’ll help Newbie and her brood with the adjustment. She’s just a new member of our family and she needs a guiding hand. We’ll help her and all will be well. It always is.

Until next time…peace to all.