The Joy of Mind Games

What’s bugging me right now is that I have a lot to say but can’t. Not that I’m incapable of saying it, it all just runs together and it’s hard to separate it into pieces so the pieces will all make sense. Does that make sense? Probably not but you know how confusing I can be sometimes, running off on tangents and whatnot. Problem right now is that each tangent is a completely different story unto itself.

I want to talk about Ty’s new comic strip that he’s writing and drawing. It’s hilarious. It makes no sense whatsoever but it makes me laugh my ass off. I’ve posted a couple of installments on my Facebook page so my friends can read and share them. I’ll put them on here one day, when my mind is clear enough to actually discuss them and the process of how they came to be.

I want to talk about life here in the shelter but there isn’t much I can say while I’m still living here. I can tell you all about the rules and regulations, and the families that come and go, and the staff members that are supposed to be helping us residents but don’t, and all the other shit that comes with the territory. Unfortunately, I don’t have my thoughts in order on that just yet either. So much has happened and is still happening that it’ll all come out sounding like a garbled mess or, I fear, someone from the corporate office or DSS will see it when I don’t want them to at this point in time.

I could tell you about how shelter life is taking its toll on the kids and me and how our lack of privacy is turning us all into raving lunatics. No, you can’t imagine what it’s like if you’ve never had to live in a homeless shelter before, so please don’t try. You don’t really want to know anyway because it’s horrible. My poor kids are climbing the walls in here and the fact that they can’t really play outside because the weather has gotten colder lately is making it all that much worse. Maybe I’ll talk about that tomorrow. I don’t know, I haven’t really decided yet.

I will tell you, however, how I’ve been dealing with the stress of all the negativity lately. Ty’s comics aren’t negative, they just make me laugh and help me relieve some of my stress. I spend my time messing with my ex’s current girlfriend, B. I told you two blogs ago that I spend a lot of time texting and talking with my ex’s ex, D, right? Well, as it turns out, the crazy B is even crazier than we thought in the beginning. She is almost certifiable; at least she seems to be from her texts to me. She really bugs me, though. Ask me how, I dare you. See, I knew you’d ask even though you know the answer isn’t all that exciting.

This chick never, and I mean never with a capital N-E-V-E-R, asks me a direct question. She texts me with some kind of statements or questions that I have to decipher before I can answer. Basically she’s trying to get me to confirm or deny something that Paul, my ex for those of you who may not know him yet, told her, but she won’t come right out and ask me. That’s sneaky and I don’t like sneaky. Paul is that way and it makes my skin crawl.

So I figure, if she’s going to play games with me, I’ll give it right back to her. She’ll text me saying something like, “You called Paul at work today to discuss the automated system. I hope it all worked out.” No, dumbass, I didn’t call Paul at work today; I text him, I don’t call him. And I don’t know what fucking automated system you’re talking about either. But I don’t tell her that. What she’s trying to find out is if D called Paul at work. See, there’s a lady who works with Paul who is also a friend/former manager of B who tells B every time Paul gets a call at work from a woman. That’s creepy in and of itself, her tattling, but a story for another blog. So when B finds out a woman called him, she’ll ask him about it and will then text me to verify what he’s told her. Since he doesn’t clue me in to what’s going on, I just make up my own shit to tell her. I never say anything to get him in trouble because that’s not who I am. I don’t like him but would never deliberately hurt him. I just hedge my answers the way she hedges her questions.

D loves when I do that. She doesn’t like playing mind games with anyone but it’s hilarious to her when I do it to B. I actually do it with everyone, especially if a person is an easy target; it’s just fun to mess with people sometimes. Anyway, B will text me, I’ll forward the text to D, she and I will discuss the message, and I’ll respond with something that leaves B scratching her head or climbing the walls. I’m pretty sure of that even though I’m nowhere near her.

She actually texted me last week because my kids had mid-winter recess this past week. I don’t like the fact that they have my kids’ school schedule and that she knows everything that’s going on in my life but there’s nothing I can do about it. Friday, the kids’ last day of school before the break, she sent me a text, all excited, asking me what we were going to do for the vacation. I told her we were going on a road trip with D, who B really doesn’t like. She responded, still excited, asking where we were going and I made up some shit that we really hadn’t decided, so on and so on. She finally just wished us a great trip and even told me to tell D ‘hi’ for her. Seriously? I told you she’s nuts.

Apparently she believed me, even though I’ve told her in the past that we can’t get overnights out of the shelter because the State won’t approve bed holds for us. The only way the kids can spend the night out of here is on court-ordered visitation with their dad which they don’t get since he lives in IN. B knows all of this but went ballistic on Paul when he got home from work that night, screaming and yelling at him because D was going on a road trip with me and my kids, and she was ticked that the kids and I were going on a road trip at all. Paul called me and told me, that’s how I became privy to her reaction. I know, you’re thinking that I just said that I don’t say anything to her to get Paul in trouble. Her explosion on him wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know she’d get that pissed off so you can’t blame it on me.

I just like messing with her because she’s so easy to mess with. I spend time telling her that she needs to be more trusting of Paul, and that she needs to be less demanding, and all that crap, if she wants the relationship to work. Do I believe it? Oh Hell no! He’s never gonna change and their relationship won’t last much longer but it’s not my job to tell her that. I figure the longer I can keep him in IN the better off my kids and I are. It’s mean but I don’t care. At least I get some fun out of it and the laughter takes the edge off all the bullshit I have to deal with in this place. My laughter, I don’t think B’s having too much fun. It doesn’t matter, though; before you know it, she’ll be out of my life and I’ll have the next girlfriend to deal with. I can’t wait to see what kind of sicko he gets on the next go ‘round, she may be an easier target than this one is. More fun for me.

Until next time…peace to all.

Kids Are People Too

I was in the car tonight with my kids running an errand when Ty started telling me about an incident that occurred in school today. He said that the 3rd and 4th grades had just come from an assembly; the 3rd grade was on their way back to their classrooms and the 4th grade was on their way to lunch. As they were stopped in the hallway a 3rd grader from Zach’s class started carrying on, making noise and talking to his friends in other classes. Apparently he and his friends were making a lot of noise because the Principal came down the hall and yelled at the 4th grade for the noise and took away their lunchtime recess for today and for Monday. Ty was not happy.

When I asked him if anyone told the Principal that it wasn’t the 4th grade that was making the noise he said no, because she said that nobody was allowed to talk. When I asked if he raised his hand to get her attention and then tell her he said the same thing, “I didn’t raise my hand because she said there was no talking allowed.” Then Zach chimed in and agreed with Ty. Excuse me?! Since when are children not allowed to speak? I got really annoyed, not at my kids but at the fact that this woman made the kids believe that they weren’t allowed to speak up to defend themselves.

I told all three kids that there will never be a time when they’re not allowed to speak up when it comes to saying what they feel they need to say in a situation like that. They all got really defensive and Ty said that if he raised his hand and tried to tell the Principal what really happened she might give them extra detention or even suspend him. I asked why he thought he’d get suspended. He said, “Because [the Principal] said that if anyone else talked she was gonna start suspending kids.” Huh! Interesting. That made me even angrier.

I simply told the kids that, as long as they’re respectful to whomever they’re speaking they have the right to speak when they feel it’s necessary. Tyler is really afraid of getting suspended or getting into trouble at school at all. I told Ty that all he needed to do was raise his hand, get the Principal’s attention, and tell her what really happened. “But Mom, what if I did that and she said, ‘No, no talking,’ what would you expect me to do?” I told him that I’d expect him to say, “I’m sorry, but I have the right to speak and I think you need to know that it wasn’t the 4th grade making all that noise.”

I flat out told them that they are afforded the right to speak by the Constitution of the United States and if the Principal feels the need to suspend him for defending himself then so be it. I told him that, as long as he speaks respectfully, I will not be angry with him for getting suspended for something like that. I told him that. Then he started with his, “But what if”s and I told him straight up that I’m the one he needs to be concerned with – not his teacher, not the Principal, nobody. As long as I say it’s okay, and as long as he knows I won’t get angry if he gets in trouble, then he needs to do what he needs to do.

His teacher and I spoke with him at his parent/teacher conference a couple of months ago and we told him then that he needs to start speaking up for himself. His teacher actually brought it to my attention. I’ve always known it and have tried to tell Ty that but he never does it. I was glad his teacher brought up the subject too because I felt that Ty will have an ally in the classroom. He’s still so afraid to speak up, though, and I wish I knew how to give him bravery. If only the Wizard really existed. :)

The thing that irks me the most about all of this is that it’s not the first time my kids have come home from school telling me that they’ve lost privileges because of other students in their classes. Ty is constantly coming home having to write a consequence because a few people in the class were talking and since the teacher couldn’t see who it was she made the whole class write the consequence. It’s usually a two-page paper on the reasons why it’s important to listen to instructions, or be quiet during dismissal, or whatever the topic may be for that day. Ty’s tired of having to write them but he has no choice.

I’ve asked him repeatedly if he’s ever said anything to his classmates about it and he never does, giving some excuse that the Teacher said there was no talking allowed, or he didn’t have the chance before such-and-such activity that came next. Again, I told him that he has the right to speak. I’ve told him to speak to his teacher before class starts and ask if he can say something to the class about the consequences they always have to write. I’ve also told him to speak to his teacher about it. He’s really afraid to speak up for fear of getting into trouble, Zach is, too.

I seriously wish there was some way I could convince the kids that they have, and will always have, the right to speak up about someone or something that they feel has caused them a problem. Hell, they can speak up about anything in the world, but I would really like them both to become more assertive when it comes to their rights. If it were up to me I’d go over to the school and discuss the issues with the teachers or the Principal and let them know how the boys feel but I don’t think it’s my place. I really think the boys need to do it on their own. I just don’t know how to stress it enough to them that they need to be able to speak for themselves because I can’t hold their hands all their lives.

I just don’t understand why the Principal and the teachers here treat the kids the way they do. Granted, we’re not in the best neighborhood – it’s seriously ghetto – and I’m sure there are lots of kids in that school that have issues. The kids probably don’t have really good home lives and are looking for attention but that doesn’t give their educators the right to force them into silence for any reason. Maybe it’s not just in the school here; perhaps it’s in schools all over the world. I don’t know and I really don’t care right at this moment.

My concern is my children and the way they’re being treated by the people they spend six hours a day with. I never tell my children they can’t speak up about an issue they feel is important and nobody else has that right either. Children have rights and I’m going to make sure my kids learn how to stand up for what is theirs. Fuck the school and its employees; they pissed me off by messing with my kids.

Until next time…peace to all.