Kids Are People Too

I was in the car tonight with my kids running an errand when Ty started telling me about an incident that occurred in school today. He said that the 3rd and 4th grades had just come from an assembly; the 3rd grade was on their way back to their classrooms and the 4th grade was on their way to lunch. As they were stopped in the hallway a 3rd grader from Zach’s class started carrying on, making noise and talking to his friends in other classes. Apparently he and his friends were making a lot of noise because the Principal came down the hall and yelled at the 4th grade for the noise and took away their lunchtime recess for today and for Monday. Ty was not happy.

When I asked him if anyone told the Principal that it wasn’t the 4th grade that was making the noise he said no, because she said that nobody was allowed to talk. When I asked if he raised his hand to get her attention and then tell her he said the same thing, “I didn’t raise my hand because she said there was no talking allowed.” Then Zach chimed in and agreed with Ty. Excuse me?! Since when are children not allowed to speak? I got really annoyed, not at my kids but at the fact that this woman made the kids believe that they weren’t allowed to speak up to defend themselves.

I told all three kids that there will never be a time when they’re not allowed to speak up when it comes to saying what they feel they need to say in a situation like that. They all got really defensive and Ty said that if he raised his hand and tried to tell the Principal what really happened she might give them extra detention or even suspend him. I asked why he thought he’d get suspended. He said, “Because [the Principal] said that if anyone else talked she was gonna start suspending kids.” Huh! Interesting. That made me even angrier.

I simply told the kids that, as long as they’re respectful to whomever they’re speaking they have the right to speak when they feel it’s necessary. Tyler is really afraid of getting suspended or getting into trouble at school at all. I told Ty that all he needed to do was raise his hand, get the Principal’s attention, and tell her what really happened. “But Mom, what if I did that and she said, ‘No, no talking,’ what would you expect me to do?” I told him that I’d expect him to say, “I’m sorry, but I have the right to speak and I think you need to know that it wasn’t the 4th grade making all that noise.”

I flat out told them that they are afforded the right to speak by the Constitution of the United States and if the Principal feels the need to suspend him for defending himself then so be it. I told him that, as long as he speaks respectfully, I will not be angry with him for getting suspended for something like that. I told him that. Then he started with his, “But what if”s and I told him straight up that I’m the one he needs to be concerned with – not his teacher, not the Principal, nobody. As long as I say it’s okay, and as long as he knows I won’t get angry if he gets in trouble, then he needs to do what he needs to do.

His teacher and I spoke with him at his parent/teacher conference a couple of months ago and we told him then that he needs to start speaking up for himself. His teacher actually brought it to my attention. I’ve always known it and have tried to tell Ty that but he never does it. I was glad his teacher brought up the subject too because I felt that Ty will have an ally in the classroom. He’s still so afraid to speak up, though, and I wish I knew how to give him bravery. If only the Wizard really existed. :)

The thing that irks me the most about all of this is that it’s not the first time my kids have come home from school telling me that they’ve lost privileges because of other students in their classes. Ty is constantly coming home having to write a consequence because a few people in the class were talking and since the teacher couldn’t see who it was she made the whole class write the consequence. It’s usually a two-page paper on the reasons why it’s important to listen to instructions, or be quiet during dismissal, or whatever the topic may be for that day. Ty’s tired of having to write them but he has no choice.

I’ve asked him repeatedly if he’s ever said anything to his classmates about it and he never does, giving some excuse that the Teacher said there was no talking allowed, or he didn’t have the chance before such-and-such activity that came next. Again, I told him that he has the right to speak. I’ve told him to speak to his teacher before class starts and ask if he can say something to the class about the consequences they always have to write. I’ve also told him to speak to his teacher about it. He’s really afraid to speak up for fear of getting into trouble, Zach is, too.

I seriously wish there was some way I could convince the kids that they have, and will always have, the right to speak up about someone or something that they feel has caused them a problem. Hell, they can speak up about anything in the world, but I would really like them both to become more assertive when it comes to their rights. If it were up to me I’d go over to the school and discuss the issues with the teachers or the Principal and let them know how the boys feel but I don’t think it’s my place. I really think the boys need to do it on their own. I just don’t know how to stress it enough to them that they need to be able to speak for themselves because I can’t hold their hands all their lives.

I just don’t understand why the Principal and the teachers here treat the kids the way they do. Granted, we’re not in the best neighborhood – it’s seriously ghetto – and I’m sure there are lots of kids in that school that have issues. The kids probably don’t have really good home lives and are looking for attention but that doesn’t give their educators the right to force them into silence for any reason. Maybe it’s not just in the school here; perhaps it’s in schools all over the world. I don’t know and I really don’t care right at this moment.

My concern is my children and the way they’re being treated by the people they spend six hours a day with. I never tell my children they can’t speak up about an issue they feel is important and nobody else has that right either. Children have rights and I’m going to make sure my kids learn how to stand up for what is theirs. Fuck the school and its employees; they pissed me off by messing with my kids.

Until next time…peace to all.