Out With the Bad...

When I said that there were residents that caused problems for the rest us I mean they really caused problems; and most of their angst was directed toward me. I don’t know why but the only reason I can think of was because I just minded my own business. Years and years ago I was the type to gossip but I’ve since grown up. I’ve learned a lot over the years and one of the lessons I learned is that there are three types of business: The Universe’s business, my business, and other people’s business. If I’m anywhere but in my own business I’m in the wrong place.

So I did what I had to do at the shelter. I shared my business when it was needed, and I listened to other people’s business when it was asked of me. But, like I said previously, nothing said to me was ever repeated to the other residents. There were two occasions where I did butt in because I heard staff and residents making really ugly and severe accusations about a friend of mine there. I felt the need to tell her because I’d want someone to tell me if those same things were said about me. Other than that I never repeated anything; my conversations with others were kept private, regardless of the content.

Other residents had a problem with my attitude, though. When I first got there I met everyone in the house. One woman didn’t speak to anyone, another was really lovely but was on her way into her own place, and the last two had become friends with one another just from living there. One of them, Betty, was my age, had a couple of kids and had been there about two months; the other, Josie, was half our age, had a young child, and had been there almost a year. They were both really nice in the beginning and we all used to hang out, chatting and laughing, but they changed their attitudes a few months later.

Betty suddenly had an attitude toward me and I had no idea why. Josie followed Betty’s lead because that’s what she did. She was under the influence of her older friend and assumed that taking on the opinions and attitudes of her friend was the thing to do. I didn’t really care. They started acting like kids, though. I’d walk by and Betty would make a snide remark just loud enough for me to hear. Her comments were directed toward me about the way I looked, or the way I raised my kids, or some other stupidity, and some comments were even racially motivated.

See, aside from my family, there were only four other families that came through PRD while I was there that weren’t African American; and I’d seen 18 families come and go. Anyway, it’s not that I care because ‘prejudice’ is not a word that’s heard in my home. It never has been and never will be. Wyandanch’s population is 98% African American so my kids and I were in the minority. But that didn’t matter, I was just explaining about the racial comments Betty made. I didn’t even care about them, though; I just ignored her and went about my business. My kids often asked me why Betty was being so mean to me and I’d just respond that she had troubles in her life and she took them out on me.

Josie followed Betty’s lead and MG was always there to gossip about me when she was there on her shifts. Because I didn’t say anything to them they kept it up whenever they could. They never made comments in front of the case manager or the facility coordinator because they could’ve gotten into a lot of trouble, but my friends there told me I needed to stand up for myself against them and they’d stop. Why would I need to do that? I was setting a better example for my kids by not starting any shit and just ignoring the “children” that kept trying to torment me. I think it really bothered them that I didn’t get offended or let my feelings get hurt by their childish crap.

This went on for a couple of months, until Betty finally found a home of her own. Then a “miracle” happened. She was in her room packing to leave and a friend of mine from the shelter was in there chatting and wishing Betty luck. I was sitting in the lower common room watching TV and Betty’s room was down there. I got up to walk up to the kitchen and heard someone call my name but couldn’t tell who it was so I looked in the office but staff wasn’t in there. Nobody was around me so I just asked out loud who’d called me. It was Betty.

She called me into her room to and apologized for her behavior toward me. She said she’d been taking her frustrations out on me and felt bad about it. She gave me a hug and wished me luck. I did the same for her because I really did wish her well. I told her that I never took anything she’d said personally and that I had no hard feelings toward her. She left and we were on good terms. Funny thing, too, is that the very next day, after Betty had moved out, Josie was suddenly nice and friendly toward me again. It was almost like she was afraid not to be nice to me and I don’t know why she’d think that I’d treat her any differently than I had in the past.

So Betty was gone and things went back to being civil amongst all of us who still lived there. I was friends with three of the families and Josie and I got along fine again. Betty’s room was now empty and we all wondered who’d be put in there next. If we’d known beforehand all the crap that would take place with the arrival of the new tenant maybe we could have protested and had her placed somewhere else; instead, her actions almost got the entire house discharged. It was a mess.

Until next time…peace to all.