When I went to school 30+ years ago things were different than they are today - a LOT different. If we were assigned a report to do, we did it ourselves. Once or twice a week our class went to the school library to collect data for our reports. When we had all the information we needed we wrote an outline and then the report all by hand. In lower grades - fourth, fifth, and sixth - we may have used pictures from magazines or hand-drawn pictures to add to the report, sometimes just to take up space, other times because illustrations were required. Once the report was written we bound it with a staple in the corner. Again, in lower grades, we generally used colored construction paper for the front and back covers. All the work was done by the students, though.
Our parents had no responsibility or involvement in our reports back then. That's not even close to how it works today and, I must say, it really irritates me. Zach came home a few weeks ago with a Science assignment. He had to do an experiment or demonstration of some sort. He chose his topic and he showed me the packet of papers his teacher had given him regarding what parts of the project were due on which days and he got to work - but not without my help.
No, I didn't do the project for him but he couldn't even get started without note cards which I had to purchase even after I'd purchased three packs of them at the beginning of the year for his required school supplies list. Now he needed more. We got the cards and he sat down at the computer in our kitchen and started his research. Kids who don't have computers at home have to be driven to the public library by their parent to do their research. How fair is that, I ask you? Anyway, since this report requires a bibliography Zach had to make sure he noted the web sites from which he got his information. He didn't know how to do that because they're not taught that in Computer Class or in their Media Center class. The Media Center is what we old folks affectionately call "The Library."
I had to teach Zach what exactly he needed for his bibliography from the web sites and it sucked. If they want it in school they're supposed to teach it in school but they left that up to the parents. What gives? After we got that information straightened out Zach collected his facts and wrote them on the note cards as required. He turned them in to his teacher who made whatever corrections needed to be made and Zach was on to the next step.
His teacher printed out an outline that she wanted the kids to use for their projects and when Zach came home with his and showed it to me I was dumbfounded. It sounded like a second-grade "See Spot Run" report. His teacher had literally broken down the report sentence by sentence. Topic sentence for the first paragraph... Second sentence for the first paragraph... and so on all the way through the fifth paragraph. I kid you not.
Then it had to be typed up into a paper. Typed up... What happened to writing a paper by hand? It's only five paragraphs for criminy's sake. Five little paragraphs and the teachers want them typed. The kids who don't have computers at home have to go back to the public library yet again, driven by their parent, to type up their reports and pay to print them. Yes, it's only a dime per page to print but it's also gas money getting to and from, and time spent by the parent waiting for junior to finish the work.
Zach got his paper typed, with my assistance, because apparently the typing they do in Computer Class isn't really teaching kids how to type and it would have taken Zach forever. The five paragraphs took me all of, maybe, ten minutes and I needed my laptop back to finish my own work. Ty was using the desk top so we really didn't have a choice. Since I had no way to print the report - no ink in my printer - I emailed it to his teacher for her to print it, which she did.
Lastly, Zach needed either poster board or a tri-fold panel to set up the project and he also needed pictures to go along with it. Of course I had to purchase the tri-fold because the school doesn't supply those. And I can't print from here so it was either go to the public library and pay $.50 each picture to use the color printer or I send the pictures to Walgreens and let the photo girl print the pictures for $.20 each. I chose the latter because the store is closer than the library and the pictures cost less. Yes, they're only 4x6 but that'll have to do unless the school wants to pay for them to be bigger.
Tomorrow I get to go to the management office here where I live to use the computer lab to print the captions to the pictures. Zach and I wrote, sorry, typed them up tonight in a Word document that I emailed to myself so that I can retrieve them in the lab and print them. When he gets home from school he'll cut them and put them on colored backgrounds along with the pictures and assemble his project on the tri-fold so it can be turned in on Tuesday.
Looking back on the work for this project I've done as much of the work as Zach's done because I had no other choice in the matter. My neighbor is one that had to take her son to the library a few times to get his project done. If this is a school report there is no reason these kids can't do the work in school - research it in the Media Center, type it up and print it in Computer Class, and assemble it in Art Class if needed. I don't even care if he brings the stuff home to assemble it but it isn't my job to have to run all over town for supplies and pictures and printing and research. If I need to buy the tri-fold that's fine but everything else ought to be the responsibility of the school the way it was years ago. That's why kids go to school, right? If I wanted to home school my kids I would, but I don't so let the school take some responsibility for the work the kids are required to do.
Until next time... peace to all.
Something happened today that, in light of last night's post, I felt the need to share with you all. I went food shopping and while I was out I decided that I needed a new pair of sneakers and I was going to get them regardless of the guilt that set in afterward. The one's I have now are tearing and the soles are cracking. It's a need, not a want so I headed to Kmart to shop for myself.
I was in a good mood: food was in the car, I had Pandora playing on my phone, and I was getting new sneakers. I walked into Kmart and went straight back to the shoe section. I don't really like shopping so I sort of rushed past each shoe aisle looking for women's sneakers. Little girl's shoes and sneakers; little boys' shoes and sneakers; men's boots, shoes, and sneakers; older youth shoes and sneakers, then women's shoes - dress-ups, casuals, and work shoes. Even women's slippers had an aisle. Where were women's sneakers?
I walked past each aisle again thinking maybe I'd missed them. I walked past twice and didn't see them. Ah, I'll ask the lady in the Kmart smock where they are. She turned around and pointed at the end of an aisle two away from where we were standing. On the end cap were these soft little sneaker-type shoes but that's not what I wanted. "No," she said, "in that aisle. See the white ones with the pink trim?" Oh, yeah! I see them now. I headed in that direction.
I got to the aisle and began looking for white sneakers. The white ones the lady had pointed out to me were white with hot pink trim. Um, no thanks. I looked at all the other sneakers and literally stood there saying, very much out loud, "Are they fucking kidding me?!" There was not one pair of solid white sneakers, not one. They had grey with fluorescent green trim, black with blue trim, solid black, and rainbow shimmer - the entire shoe, mind you, not just the trim. I shit you not!
I looked and looked but all I saw were sneakers in these outrageous colors that my daughter would wear. I'm 46 years old! I want plain white sneakers. I don't want some cutesy pastel colors on my feet. I don't want lime green with orange trim. I don't want baby blue with yellow trim. I certainly don't want rainbow shimmer. I want WHITE!! Just white. The whole shoe, laces included, must be white!
I turned around to look at the other side of the aisle. There I found solid black, solid grey, and one white pair in a size six. At least they were white. I looked up to the top of the shelf where they keep the spare pairs, I was looking for size nine. I found a pair. I was almost ecstatic. I took them down, opened the box and promptly returned them to the shelf when I saw the price tag - $29.99. Holy shit!! I've never paid $30 for a pair of sneakers in my life. For that price I could go to Wal-Mart and get three pairs of white sneakers. Nope, I wasn't buying anything at Kmart today. I left and headed to Dollar General.
Dollar General sells sneakers for the same price that Wal-Mart does so maybe I could get some for myself in that store. I found the shoes and I found white sneakers - in size six. I searched the entire box. All of them were size six. I didn't want size six, I wanted size nine. Grrrr... No size nines anywhere. I searched other boxes in that aisle - boys, girls, men's but no more women's and no size nines. FUCK!!! Well, at least the women's sneakers didn't come in little girl colors.
Now I had to make a decision. Go home or drive all the way across town to Wal-Mart to get a pair of white sneakers in size nine for $10? Hmmm... what to do, what to do? I still had the groceries in my van. I could take them with me or I could pack them out at home first then go out again. But was it really worth the trip to Wal-Mart, wasting the gas, for just that one item? If I had other things to buy that would be one thing but I didn't need anything else. This wasn't a shopping trip I needed to make right now so I decided - fuck it!! I went home without new sneakers.
The way I see it, if I was supposed to have new sneakers today Kmart would have had some for me. They didn't. There's a reason for everything, right? Right? Obviously I wasn't meant to have new sneakers today and I don't feel bad about it. I also don't feel guilty that I bought something for myself either, because I didn't buy anything. Maybe next time I'm out the mood will hit me again and I'll get my sneakers, and with luck they'll be age-appropriate colors so I don't get stuck wearing shoes that fit in with the little girls in the elementary schools. I'll deal with the guilt then; for now, I'm guilt free. :)
Until next time... peace to all.
This past Friday I bought two bags of cereal for the weekend to last until I can do my food shopping tomorrow. I bought store brand bags of frosted flakes and chocolate puffs. They're large bags and even with the kids having friends spend the night I knew there would be plenty.
This morning I had a bowl of the frosted flakes, the bag was almost full; the puffs were about half full. This evening I went to get a bowl of the puffs and there was enough for about one bowl left in the bag. Eat it? Don't eat it? Eat it? Don't eat it? All I kept thinking was that one of the kids might want that last bowl. There were still plenty of flakes left and I'm going shopping tomorrow so it's not a big issue, right? It was to me. I put the cereal back because I didn't want the kids to not have it if one of them wanted it.
I do that all the time. I won't do for me because I feel guilty that the kids will be left out or miss out on something. I won't eat the last bowl of cereal because they might want it. I won't buy myself a sandwich or a burger while I'm out running errands even though I'm hungry. I'll wait till I get home because I feel bad that the kids aren't getting a burger, too. I won't buy new sneakers even though I need them because the kids will need something two days from now.
I know what you're thinking. All moms do that, or are supposed to do that. Making sacrifices for their children is almost an innate quality. I do know some moms who are selfish, though. My mom was selfish. I had to dress in hand-me-down clothing so she'd have money to go out with her friends. I remember my sneakers having holes in them and being embarrassed to go outside with my friends because of it. I couldn't have new ones because my mother said she didn't have the money. Yeah, right!!
I know other people who are selfish, too. They drive nice cars, have nice clothes, go out with friends, have up-to-date technology in their homes yet their kids are wearing clothing that doesn't fit or is stained and ripped. The kids have few toys to play with and what they do have it missing pieces or broken to some extent. I feel as bad for those kids as I do for my own.
I know I have the right to have a burger when I want one or a new pair of shoes when I need them. I just can't allow myself to follow through with what I want or need because I don't want to be selfish. I know, I'm not being selfish by getting a pair of shoes that I need. Logically I know that. I do, I promise you. But my heart tells me that it's wrong so I just wear the same sneakers I've got.
Maybe it's because I put such a negative connotation on the selfishness I see in other parents and what I saw in my own mother. I don't know but I would sure like to. Friends tell me all the time that I have the right to be selfish occasionally, that I deserve it. Okay, I listened and I got the message. I still can't do it. I can't get past the sadness I see in the faces of my kids when I have to deny them something. No, I don't spoil them and I don't give in to their every request. That's why the sadness hurts so much.
I didn't have very much at all growing up so I know exactly how my kids feel when they can't have something. It breaks my heart. And it breaks my heart to think of how they'd feel to go have a bowl of chocolate puffs and there weren't any left; or how they'd feel to find out I had a bag of M&Ms during the day and they didn't get one. If I ever do buy myself a little snack like that I always buy something for them so they can have it when they get home from school. I can't not buy them something because the guilt would eat at me. Why?
Why can't I make myself buy new socks because mine are worn out? Why can't I make myself eat the last of the leftovers for lunch because one of my kids may want to eat them for dinner? My kids have always come first and they always will but when I can't even eat a bowl of cereal because I'm afraid of disappointing one of them, that might be too extreme. Is it? Is it not? I don't know. Until someone can explain it to me I'll just eat a handful of pretzels and wear my sneakers until they fall apart completely and I'm forced to buy new ones.
Until next time... peace to all.
