Just an Average Bedtime Story

Exhausted and starving, the troll lugged his trunk to the edge of the spring and sat down next to it to rest. The trunk was well-worn and faded in color but it was all he had left so he treasured it. Inside it he carried all his worldly possessions...well, all that remained, anyway. Over the years he been forced to give away most of what he'd owned as retribution to the numerous fairies, pixies and sprites he'd had the pleasure of meeting. Had he not attempted to take away their powers, he might still own what had once been his. He knew it wasn't his fault, he'd just been doing what trolls do.

He shook his head as he thought of the misfortune he'd encountered over his lifetime, trying to get rid of all the ugly memories. He had to figure out where he'd go next. He'd roamed all over the land in recent weeks knocking on door after door trying to convince someone, anyone, that he was worthy of their time. But, alas, most everyone in the land had heard of the troll and his evil ways and had closed their doors to him.

He figured his only choice now was to move into the forest and try to find someplace to stay until he could figure out his next move. He dug into his trunk for his rusted cup, walked to the spring and filled it, and drank greedily until the cup was empty. Filling the cup again he walked back to the trunk where he pulled out a small cloth bag that contained the last of the roots and berries he'd been able to scrounge up along the way. He ate his fill and after returning the bag and cup to his trunk he pulled it back up into the edge of the forest where the trees provided a bit of shade. He lay down next to the trunk and drifted off to sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he was awakened by a loud screech. He sat up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and looked around for what had made the sound. A little deeper into the forest he saw what appeared to be a witch crouching on the trunk of a fallen tree, and she was staring at him. Startled, he jumped up and backed away, not sure what she would do. The witch slowly approached him. As she got closer, the troll realized that she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. She was deathly pale with a long pointed nose and an equally pointed chin. Her stringy black hair fell over her scrawny shoulders and her beady eyes shone like the dark night sky. The troll couldn't take his eyes off her.

The witch apparently felt the same way about the troll. She'd seen him lying there asleep and although she couldn't see him fully, she admired his ragged attire and was taken by his dirt-matted hair. She'd let out a screech of admiration and was startled when he awoke. He'd stood up and backed away from her but now that she could see him fully she was even more entranced. His bugged eyes and bulbous nose were enchanting, and his humped posture and gnarled hands told her he was the truest of trolls. She had to know more about him.

She walked slowly toward him and as he moved closer to her she spoke to him. She told him her name was Sheesa Glee and he introduced himself as Ibeaht Roll. They spent hours talking by the edge of the spring just getting to know one another. She heard his tales of woe and was appalled that he could have been treated so badly over the years when he was just doing what trolls do. She wanted to take him in and show him that not everyone was like the townspeople so she offered him a place in her home. She told him she had a small house deep in the forest and would love for him to live there with her.

Unsure of the idea at first, he started to decline but after hearing how the townspeople had said she was crazy and had forced her to live in the forest away from them he decided that it seemed like a good option for him. She didn't look crazy, she looked magnificent. He thought that perhaps they could make a life together away from all the nasty townspeople as well as the fairies, pixies and sprites. He accepted her offer and grabbed on to the handle of his trunk as she led the way into the forest to her home. They held hands as they walked and chatted about everything and nothing. He was happy to find someone who accepted him for his trollish ways and she was just as happy to find someone who would appreciate her witchiness.

As they entered her - or rather, their - home together they looked at each other and smiled knowing that this was the start of something special, something bigger and better for them both. What they didn't know was that each of them had their own ideas about what 'bigger and better' was. As a troll he would try to steal her powers until she had none left, but as an insane witch she would use her powers to try to control him. Neither of them had any idea what they were in for but since they were all each other had they were willing to take their chances with one another. And that's just what they did, much to the relief of the townspeople who never had to be bothered with the witch or the troll again.

Until next time...peace to all.

Prove It

One of the most-used phrases in our home is "Prove it". We hear something someone tells us that doesn't sound just right, "Prove it." We see something on TV that doesn't make sense, "Prove it" and then we research it. We read something someone says on the Internet that's laughable, "Prove it". Go on, prove it. Make me believe that what's being fed to me is true. We can, can you? We use it on everyone, nobody is exempt, including us.

I've always taught my kids to be free thinkers and not to just take someone's word for something. I've taught them that if they're not sure if something is true to research it until they feel satisfied that they have all the information that they need; but even after researching they don't have to believe something 100%. I've also taught them to question authority, and they do most of the time, but at times I have to remind them that they're allowed to speak up for themselves.

Their biggest fear is getting in trouble for asking questions or challenging someone about a fact or opinion, especially adults, and I tell them all the time they have the right to their questions and if there are consequences for them asking then we'll get it worked out. I've taught them to question friends, teachers, other adults, even me. If a teacher tells them a 'fact' and the kid in question doesn't believe it, s/he's allowed to raise a hand and ask for more back-up information to solidify the point the teacher is making. If the kid is still confused we'll research it ourselves to gather more information. We all know that schools teach us that Washington was the first president, but he really wasn't; that Columbus discovered America, but he really didn't; and that Vikings wore horned headgear, but they really didn't. All things to think about.

They know that even if I tell them something they don't quite believe they can call me on it and I'll do my best to prove it to them, and then we'll discuss any questions they have. They're smart kids. They understand that they don't have to take anything at its face value and I would be disappointed in them if they did. It doesn't make sense, though, why grown ups just automatically believe what they see and hear regardless of where they got the information. They'll just say, "Oh yeah, so-and-so told me such-and-such" and they'll run with it as if it's gospel.

That's pretty sad, especially when the source of the information isn't reliable to begin with. The kids have friends who've been known to lie about anything and everything so when those friends speak up again my kids are hard-pressed to believe what's being said. They'll ask the friend to 'prove it' and when the friend can't my kid will walk away saying, "Yeah, I didn't think so." I've had adult neighbors come to me talking crap about other neighbors and I'll just smile and nod and as soon as the talker is gone I've forgotten the information because I know there's no proof to go along with the words.

I've caught people in lies more times than I can count, including my own mother, and maybe that's why I teach my kids to be so cautious when dealing with others, even people who are supposed to be trustworthy. Maybe you think that's the wrong way to raise kids but I don't care because they need to do that. There's no reason for them to get burned in life because they put their faith and trust in everything everybody tells them. They ask me questions all the time and I give the information along with the proof they need to believe it because that's what I'd want if I were the one asking. They'll also prove what they're saying if I ask them to because they know that what they're telling me is true.

Not too many adults I know ask for proof or do research before believing what they're told, even if it's told to them by someone they think they can trust. That's crazy to me because some people that I've trusted implicitly eventually got caught in a lie and that was the end of that relationship. I can't stand lying and ask for proof when I feel it's what I need, and my kids are following that pattern, too. The thing is, we can prove the things we know and we challenge everyone else to do the same. So come on, PROVE IT!

Until next time...peace to all.

Stupid and Selfish Rolled Into One

My ex-husband, who still isn't working or paying child support, seems to be under the impression that I can just snap my fingers and have a job with a steady income and that said job will coincide with the hours my children are in school. Guess what!! It doesn't work that way!!

He's also under the impression that because he's going through some shit the kids just stop growing, stop eating, and stop needing things in life. He figures that because he can't, or won't, pay child support that lack of income into my home isn't needed at all. He's wrong again. But that stands to reason because he's completely self-centered and doesn't care about these kids in the least.

I know these are his thoughts because it was brought to my attention tonight in a direct message from my ex-husband to my best friend. After we found out that my ex had gotten fired from the job he started mid-June, my best friend sent him a message telling him to man up and support his kids. My ex responded tonight. He told my friend that I, his ex-wife, am a "lazy ass" who hasn't worked for 14 years and that I need to get a job. He also stated, with reference to me, that "she can get off her ASS while our kids are in school." By his statistics, "more than 90% of single moms work for a living" which must be true because he said it.

He seems to forget that my boss DIED this past March so I lost my job. I didn't quit my job or get fired for the fourth time as has been his pattern over the past six years. I lost my job and didn't have a say in the matter, and now I'm having a bitch of a time finding steady work. In case you don't know, it actually takes money to get a job and to continue living while I'm in the process of looking for a job.

Not only do I have to continue to pay the household bills but the kids still need food and shoes and clothes and haircuts and toothpaste and toilet paper and shampoo and laundry detergent and...I'll stop now because I'm sure you get the point. I also need gas money to get to the stores that sell all those items, not to mention going on the job interviews.

Besides all of that, there isn't any place out here that is hiring for the hours that the kids are in school - and we won't even discuss that they're not in school for three months out of the year - much less hiring for full-time positions. The temp agency I worked for last weekend won't even continue my "contract" because, in their words, "You don't have the experience on your resume that we need. We can't use you." I have over 30 years of administrative and customer service experience and a fucking temp agency can't use me because I don't have warehouse experience!!

Most jobs over here, including jobs through the school districts, are strictly part time, maybe a few cents over minimum wage, with nights/weekends as the hours, and don't think I haven't applied for them, but they also cost money. There are background checks that I have to pay for that I can't afford, and some with the school district require that I have additional certification, like first aid or food-handling permits, that require money to obtain.

My ex stated in his message to my friend, "You have no clue what I have endured the last six months." Nobody cares what you've endured, mother fucker! What about what the kids have endured? You're a fucking adult!! Move on and take care of your responsibilities. You have another income in your household, unless your girlfriend's parents are supporting you both 100%, so when you need gas money or food or rent or utilities paid, the money is there. It's only me here with three kids and no money coming in other than the little weekend work I can get. And regardless of whether or not I'm working, you still have a court order telling you to support these kids and you're not doing it!!

You not paying child support because you're going through shit is just your excuse to play the victim yet again. "Oh boo hoo!! I can't get a job because I have personal issues to deal with so the kids will just have to suffer." Suck it up, Buttercup! Put on your big-boy pants, get a fucking job, and support these kids! You said in that message. "I AM their father." No, douche bag, you're a poor excuse for a human being. A real father would support his kids with no regard for his own personal issues. You can't seem to rise above your own selfish needs and I doubt you ever will.

Until next time...peace to all.

Gettin' Down to Brass Tacks

Time to get down to brass tacks, folks. Here's the deal, my ex-husband is a deadbeat dad. For the third time in almost six years he's not paying child support. The first time he was unemployed was because he quit his job somewhere around March of 2011 to avoid getting into trouble with his district manager and possibly getting fired. Then he moved to Indiana in July of that year to be with a new girlfriend, leaving our kids and me living in a homeless shelter where we'd had to move because of his lack of monetary contribution. He didn't get another job until January of 2012. That's 10 months of being jobless while his kids were in a homeless shelter!

He ran away from the chick in IN, moving back to Missouri and in with a new woman. The constant drinking and fighting with the new woman lead to him drunk driving with our three kids in the car. To protect my kids I petitioned the court for supervised visitation; he refused to see them after that. In November 2013 he lost his job and his woman. He moved around the country mooching off friends and family, finally ending up back on Long Island with the help of his father and step-mother.  He didn't get another job until August of 2014. That's nine more months of no support for our children, 15 total at this point. After 19 months, in March of 2016, he quit his job again. This was the day after my boss died, effectively leaving me with zero income. I had no job and no child support.

He informed me on June 14th of this year that he got another job and was starting on the 15th. I received two child support payments in July - one for $28 and the other for $22. Child Support Enforcement investigated the low payments and informed me this morning that my ex had been terminated from this most recent job on July 6th - he didn't even last a month - and those two payments are all CSE received. Add on another four months to date of him not paying child support.

So in the past five-and-a-half years he has neglected to pay child support for 23 months, almost two full years of non-payment and I'm tired of it. During his months of non-payment I'm left to struggle to make ends meet, and my children are having to do without. Now is even worse than in the past.

Although my friends sometimes help me I can't continue letting them. I'm doing everything I can from working babysitting jobs, to cleaning homes, to taking weekend work from a temp agency just so I can gather enough money to keep our bills paid and to make sure I have enough gas money to continue to look for full-time work. The food stamps I get from the state are not enough to cover us for a month, especially with the kids out of school, so I'm always scrounging for cash for milk and bread, at the least. And don't tell me to budget better; trust me, I can squeeze a dollar from a dime.

My ex won't answer my text messages, won't keep me up to date on what's going on with regard to his job searches, and won't send me any money at all just to help me get by. He seems to enjoy the fact that I'm struggling and his kids are doing without while he and his girlfriend live off the funds of her parents. I can only assume her parents are helping them because I know his aren't and last I knew his girlfriend only had a part-time job, not nearly enough to support the two of them.

Meanwhile, between April and July he's posted on Facebook the numerous times he and his girlfriend have gone out to dinner or of him cooking dinner and cleaning their house, playing with their cat, watching movies together, running errands, and working on his girlfriend's car (rather than looking for a job), and he was tagged in photos with her family - birthday dinners in restaurants, family get-togethers in restaurants, and all of them enjoying July 4th riding around in a limousine.

He's living it up while his kids can't even get new school clothes, shoes, haircuts, and whatever else they need to start the school year that begins in two weeks. He claims, from his posts - which I can no longer see, by the way, because he blocked me from Facebook - that he misses his kids and that it pains him to be separated from them. He's the one who moved away, he's the one moving from home to home, girlfriend to girlfriend (at least 12 in the past 10 years), and job to job - and NOT PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORT!!

He'll be 44 years old in September and can't get his act together enough to find a job, stay employed, and support the children he claims to love so very much. He's a deadbeat and can't even be described as a father at this point. I have no legal recourse, can't force him to get a job, can't make him see what he's doing to his kids, but I can let everyone else know that he's not all he claims to be. He lives for himself, always has, always will. And when his kids no longer want anything to do with him he'll have nobody to blame but himself.

Until next time...peace to all.