Back Off, Parents!

I have always tried to teach my kids to do for themselves. If they need help with something, I'm there to help, but I guide them to find the answers on their own. Yes, occasionally I've stepped in and had to take control to get the task done because it was too stressful for them but, more often than not, they've solved their own issues. It doesn't matter what it is - a math problem, learning a new skill, a conflict with a friend, an issue with a teacher - I encourage them to work it out with minimal assistance from me.

If they make a mistake, we work on it until it's corrected. If they get an unpleasant outcome, we discuss it and try to find the positive in it. If they've asked for my advice and chosen a different path, so be it. Whatever the consequences are, we'll work through those, too. And sometimes, they just have to live with whatever choices they make because it is what it is. We all have to just accept things as they are at times.

Some parents, though, are way too controlling and protective of their children, and it makes me crazy. I've seen parents keep their children from being children. Forcing them into sports, religion, dance, or whatever the activity may be. The children have no time for friends or sleepovers or birthday parties they've been invited to because there's always a game or a practice or a rehearsal, or something else they must attend instead.

I've seen parents stand on the sidelines, coaching their kid, rather than letting the coaches do their jobs. I've seen parents do their kid's school projects because they wanted the kid to get a good grade, or because they just didn't think the kid 'was doing it the right way.' And I've seen parents yell at teachers because their kid was failing - not doing the work, not turning in homework, not studying for tests - and they blame the teacher.

There was a mom who went to her teenager's work supervisor because the teen wanted numerous random days off to attend family functions after the teen had already agreed to work a specified schedule. When the boss said the teen needed to be there because it would create a hardship for everyone else involved, the mom went up the managerial ladder complaining to the point of threatening a lawsuit when her teen wasn't granted those days off. Mom was not happy when the teen's hours were cut and actually demanded that the supervisor be fired. The supervisor was not fired but the teen was.

I've been witness to a parent who was so concerned with her teen's health that she actually demanded that all activities at the program her teen was enrolled in be cancelled because one of the program directors became ill. Mom just assumed the ill person was contagious and might have caused her teen to become ill also, which is actually not the case. Mom gave no consideration whatsoever to all the other people involved who've put their effort into the program; it was all about keeping her daughter safe and healthy.

Here's my issue with all of this. The way you hover and helicopter your kids, they will never learn to handle their own issues. They will never learn to communicate with anyone other than you. They will never be able to handle rejection or solve their own problems. They will always expect mom or dad to jump in and solve their problems and to speak on their behalf.

If your kid plays a sport, let the coaches do the coaching. If you were so great at being a coach, you'd be on the field and not in the stands. If your kid has a school project due, buy the materials and let your kid get to work. Supervise for safety reasons but stay out of the actual work unless junior needs an extra hand. If it doesn't get an A, so be it; your kid will survive.

If your student is failing, I can guarantee you it's not the teacher's fault so speak to your student instead. Ask the teacher where your student needs help, and then HELP. Yes, it might cut into the newest episode of Dancing with the Stars but it's your job as a parent help your student with school work. If you don't know how to do the 'new math', Google it like the rest of us do.

If your teen gets a job, there is a schedule that's expected to be worked. Just because Aunt Suzy has her 50th birthday party planned on your teen's scheduled workday does not mean your teen gets to call out of work. We've all had to miss family functions, holidays, graduations and whatnot because work comes first. That's a lesson your teen needs to learn sooner rather than later.

And for pity's sake, if your teen has health issues, leave the extra-curricular activities out. Teach your teen what is and isn't safe to do, but don't inconvenience dozens of others because you feel the need to control what your teen can and can't do. Get all the information you can about the program beforehand and don't just assume that your teen is in danger, but if you feel it isn't safe, withdraw your teen and let everyone else move on.

You people really need to take a look at how your kids will be able to function as adults if you keep up like this. None of us are perfect parents by any means, but I expect my kids to know how to take care of themselves when they move out of my house. Sure, they'll have questions and will come back to me for advice but I won't step in and solve their problems for them. Your kids, on the other hand, will always want you to take charge and will be sorely disappointed when things don't go their way.

So back off, parents! Let your kids be kids, let them solve their own problems, let them speak for themselves, and let them learn from their mistakes. You'll only regret it later if you don't.

Until next time...peace to all. 

Show Some Respect: Be Grateful, Not Hateful

Both of my boys, Ty and Zach, spend their weekends out in public during this COVID-19 pandemic, not because they want to, but because they are considered essential employees. The boys work together at a local retail store stocking essential items, and probably some not-so-essential items simply because the items are in the workload. They spend their weekends making sure the public - YOU - have what you need when you run to the store - food, paper goods, cleaning supplies, health and hygiene items, and everything else you may need during this crisis.

They get home from work after 10:00pm, tired and sometimes hungry, but always willing to tell me about their workday. Usually the days go smoothly, as long as the store has the items there to be stocked. Sometimes it's just waiting around for the delivery but they're still working during the wait. When that delivery arrives, they work their butts off to get the shelves stocked for you. The problem lately, though, is the rudeness and disrespect from the customers toward them and their fellow employees.

Apparently you people have forgotten that many items are in short supply, especially after thousands of you ran out at the first sign of trouble and hoarded essential items - food, toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, hand sanitizer, soap, and many others - not leaving any for people outside of your immediate family. You have also apparently forgotten that these essential employees are working at risk to themselves and their families to make sure you have more of everything on the shelves.

While I thank the workers I've come in contact with, I've personally heard many customers talk down to grocery store employees because an item isn't back on the shelves yet. I've heard employees being belittled and snarked at because you can't get what you want when you want it. I've heard people grumble under their breath about what you call "lazy and incompetent" employees. Guess what! It's not the fault of the retail workers that their shelves aren't stocked. It's not anyone's fault at this point. 

Factory employees are working around the clock to produce and ship what they can, to as many locations as they can. Truck drivers are doing their best to get stock from point A to point B but there are occasional delays that they can't control. Many of them aren't able to carry full loads to each store because of the high demand of specific products - the demand caused by YOU - so they have to split loads between stores.

The stores get the shipments and their employees do their best to stock the shelves as quickly as possible. Many of you people don't seem to care. All you care about is you, you, you. You don't care that these retail workers are working long, hard hours for your convenience. You don't care that they're are at just as much risk as you are of catching and possibly transmitting this virus. Yet all you want to do is bitch, gripe, groan and complain.

Standing and tapping your toe while pointing to your watch while Ty is stocking paper goods because "You've got a line back here, you gonna hurry it up?" Then arguing with him when he says he's doing the best he can with what he's got. Shut up!! Unless you're willing to risk your health and the health of your family to do what he's doing, shut up. He's' doing it for you so you can purchase yet another package of toilet paper.

Zach goes out of his way to help customers reach items that they aren't capable of reaching on high shelves only to be scolded and snarked at because he's not moving fast enough when he is also having trouble reaching it. He had a customer literally get in his face because he told the guy he's not allowed to check in the back for other items, especially beer (alcohol will be a post for another day) since he's a minor.

And it's not just my boys I'm talking about. They've told me that their fellow employees get treated this same way. So basically, in the face of a national emergency, the general public has turned into a bunch of rude morons simply because they think they can be. You would absolutely blow a gasket if some stranger walked into your workplace and yelled at you because they felt like it. And don't even try to deny it.

These employees are specifically told by management that what's on the shelves is what's available, and that's what they tell you but you argue with them. What do these employees have to gain by lying to you? Nothing, that's what. So stop it! Stop belittling them, stop arguing with them, stop trying to make them feel like they don't matter. They matter more than you know because without them you'd have NOTHING on the shelves, and then where would you be?

I'm tired of them telling me that the store closes at 8:30 but many of you don't follow instructions very well. When the announcement is made to bring your final purchases to the register because the store is closing - check out and leave. They still have work to do to get the store ready for customers the next day. It's completely disrespectful that you ignore the rules. You are no better than anyone else and you don't deserve extra privileges, especially during a crisis like this.

So here's the deal. Start following the rules. If what you need is not essential, stay home. If you must go to the store, leave when you're told. I can promise you that if you don't, the stores will start opening to a certain number of people at a time, for even shorter hours, and for only specific items to be purchased. Whose fault will that be? YOURS.

When you do go out, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE MAKING SURE YOU CAN BUY WHAT YOU NEED!! They don't have to be there but you'd be pissed if they weren't. Thank them for being there, for sticking it out to make sure life goes on as usual as possible. Instead of arguing or yelling at them, suck it up and realize that this is how things are right now and you're no more special than they are. I can promise you that if I happen to be around when one of you gets in the face of one of my kids, or any of their fellow employees, when you decide to throw a tantrum, I'll absolutely make sure you hear from me - and it won't be pleasant for you.

We're all in this together so grow up, be patient, show some respect to these amazing employees and be grateful, not hateful.

Until next time...peace to all.

   

You Ought to be Ashamed of Yourselves

A week ago this past Thursday I went to the supermarket after work. I have four teenage kids at home and spring break was supposed to begin today. I needed groceries for meals and snacks for the kids. I got to the store and people were lined up six or more to a register checking out with cartloads of food and paper goods, panic shopping in response to the Coronavirus pandemic. I got just what I needed for my family, paid for my groceries and left. Then, over that weekend, schools voluntarily closed for the next three weeks.

I went back to the supermarket today to pick up a few minor things to make specific meals that the kids and I discussed and I was completely disgusted by what I saw in the supermarket. Shelves were virtually empty. Rows and rows of emptiness filled the store. Other customers like myself were also angry and disappointed at the way people have been behaving during this national emergency.

Not one of you who engaged in this panic shopping ever stopped to think about anyone else but yourselves. You didn't think that other families also need to buy groceries. You didn't consider the fact that all of our children are out of school for the time being and still need to eat. Not one of you thought about the elderly needing to buy supplies in this time of need. Not one of you gave any thought to mothers who need to buy diapers, wipes and food for their babies. NONE OF YOU THOUGHT OF ANYONE ELSE - EVER!!

I know the schools are giving out free breakfasts and lunches for the local students and that they can be picked up at the various elementary schools in the area each day during specific times. I'm also willing to bet that those of you who picked the stores clean are taking your children to get these free meals even though your homes are overflowing with food, water and paper goods. And I can tell you why I'd bet on that. Because you're all selfish and inconsiderate!

Both of my boys work at a local retail outlet and both have told me that food, paper goods and cleaning supplies are flying off the shelves as quickly as they can get them stocked. How many bottles of bleach and toilet cleaner do you people need? Clean your house and let it be. You don't need two cases of everything, you won't be voluntarily quarantined for that long. You also don't need a year's supply of toilet paper and I think it's ridiculous that you believe you do.

I have never seen such blatant examples of disrespect, lack of human compassion, and complete indecency as I have these past couple of weeks. You would think that, as a country during this frightening time, we would come together to help one another rather than ignore our fellow citizens. You would honestly think that you people, many of you who call yourselves Christians, would feel a little compassion for your neighbors and leave something on the shelves for others to be able to care for their families, too. But that's not what I see.

I see people who are so frightened by the confusing stories they see in the media that they're not thinking clearly. You people are listening to the crap that's being spewed on the news and the Internet and feel like the world has become the survival of the fittest. The president is adding to this confusion with his uninformed speeches. He's complaining about kids congregating on beaches during spring break, not practicing social distancing, but he's not even mentioning the mega-churches where hundreds gather to worship and are expected to shake hands and hug their neighbors. Why hasn't he mentioned them? Because God will save them, according to you so-called Christians.

Get real people! We've had national emergencies in the past and we've made it through all of them. This is no different! Stop listening to your friends who get their information from Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Do the research and get the facts. Stop panicking over this and stop treating your neighbors like they don't matter. We're all in this together but many of you choose to be ignorant of the facts and completely selfish. It's making me sick to see this behavior and I'm extremely saddened at the same time.

When all of this is over you'll all feel satisfied that you did what you had to do to protect your families without giving a second thought to the hardships that your neighbors are facing not being able to feed their families. You also won't feel anything when you find out that your elderly neighbor was eating a box of saltines and drinking tap water for the past few weeks since he couldn't get any groceries because they were all lining your basement and pantry shelves. Why? Because you don't care! You're selfish, rude and completely disgusting. You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Until next time...peace to all.

I Know Why the Child is Rude

When my kids were younger they'd come inside from playing and tell me "Mary called me ugly", or "John pushed me down". My first question to whichever child was speaking was, "What did you do to Mary/John?". I never just believed my child first thing because kids do make up stories to stay out of trouble. "The Hell" you say. No! It's true! I've seen it first hand - with my kids, and with your kids.

I see it every single day on the school bus. Every. Single. Day. Yet you choose to believe that your child is the perfect little angel who never does anything wrong. It's always some other kid who's at fault. Or your child is just having a bad day. Guess what! You are so very wrong! And that is exactly why kids today are coddled and entitled without an ounce of respect for anyone.

Your child doesn't sit properly on the bus. She's turning around at every instance, standing in her seat, leaning into the aisle. When that misconduct arrives home with her you call the bus barn and complain. "Well she can't fit in her seat when there are two other children there with her." Honey, your daughter is in kindergarten. She can sit three to a seat with plenty of room to spare. I've got middle and high schoolers who sit three to a seat and they're a helluva lot bigger than your little girl.

"Well, his seatmate pushed him into the aisle. It's not my son's fault." Actually, his seatmate is one of the quietest little boys on the bus. Never makes a sound, never causes a bit of trouble. He's always polite, sits properly, and keeps to himself. Your son, however, does not. Your son is leaning into the aisle poking the kid in the seat behind him. "Well that kid must have done something to my kid first." Yeah, not really.

I especially love it when your child gets a misconduct for improper behavior and you call the bus barn complaining that your child comes home every week telling you they're being picked on by another kid. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, but when your child's behavior is mentioned to you by my supervisor you completely ignore him and continue to talk about how you think 'the bully' ought to be handled and where you want your child to sit. Sugarplum, your kid already sits right behind me so I can keep an eye on him/her because of bad behavior. And the so-called offending child sits nowhere in that vicinity. What?!

See, I've come to realize that it's not the kids who are the problem; it's their parents. Parents who absolutely refuse to believe that their child could be anything but perfect. I know they're not perfect; I see it every day. I've seen it in person, and I've confirmed it on the video tape - which has excellent visual and audio quality, by the way. I've seen your child standing in the seat, leaning in the aisle, using his/her backpack to hit the student across the aisle, and then looking at me in the mirror, realizing he/she has been caught and plopping back down in the seat, trying to act innocent. It doesn't work that way.

I've asked you repeatedly to speak to your child about proper behavior and seating so it's not a distraction to me while I'm trying to drive. You've admitted that everybody, including me, needs to be safe on the bus, yet you absolutely refuse to do anything about your child's behavior because "That other kid did this. What are you going to do about it?" I don't care what that other kid did right now; I'm talking to you about your kid but you don't want to hear it. Sorry, sweetie, but your kid is NOT perfect and causes a bigger distraction than "that other kid".

Oh, and here's a little secret, when your child gets off the bus telling you that someone hit him/her and I tell you it's impossible, it's actually not because your kid sits alone. Why? Because your kid is rude and nobody wants to sit with him/her. Psst. Maybe your kid just wants some attention because he/she didn't get any on the bus. Never thought of that did you? Your kid might just be making stuff up. Time to face the facts.

But you won't. You will never believe that your child is a problem on the bus. You will never admit that your child is anything less than perfect. You will always find someone else to blame, whether it's another child on the bus, me picking on your kid, or my supervisors who just don't care. So you'll report all of us to administration and they'll jump in and they'll watch the videos and they'll tell you your kid is a problem on the bus and you still won't believe it. And your child will grow up thinking that he or she can do no wrong and will continue to be rude and disrespectful into adulthood, and will continue to blame others for anything that goes wrong.

I love your child and have great hope that he or she will do great things, but the behavior has got to change first. Unfortunately I don't think that will ever happen as long as you, as a parent, continue to neglect your child by refusing to teach him or her about accountability and respect, and continue coddling and enabling bad behavior. It makes me sad for these children, and it makes me even sadder for their parents who haven't got a clue.

Until next time...peace to all.

When I Lost You - In Memoriam - Corey Cohron

September 1, 2019. There was a storm down by you in Florida and it was predicted to turn into a hurricane. I told you you could come stay with the kids and me if wanted so you wouldn't be alone. You declined so I told you to stay safe and that I loved you. That was the last time we spoke.

On October 2, 2019 I got up at 5:00am the way I usually do and got ready for work. About five minutes before I walked out the door with Dolly in tow I checked my phone and there was a Facebook notification showing so I decided to see what it was. You had a fun page - Corey Wants to Know - and the notification came from that page. You used it to ask silly questions and opinions so I was ready to see what you were asking that morning so I could get a laugh before I had to drive my bus.

I didn't laugh. Your friend Crystal had posted a message. A message that told the members of the group that you had passed on. She didn't have any other information other than that she'd found out you'd died earlier in September. My heart stopped. I couldn't breathe. My sister couldn't be dead. I confirmed with Crystal what she had posted and told her I hadn't known; nobody told me. Nobody told any of us. Your ex-husband, my ex-brother-in-law, claimed, when I finally spoke with him, that he didn't have any contact information for anyone in the family. I call bullshit but it was what it was.

I notified our family and friends during my break at work. I tried to find out about arranging a service for you. Your ex said Liam wasn't interested in a service; that Liam was having a hard enough time dealing with the loss of his mom and he didn't want to revisit it at a public service. So I did it myself. I performed a service for you, my sister, in a live stream video within a private memorial group I set up for you on Facebook.

Ty and I made memorial collage videos using pictures of you, of us, of our family and friends, and set them to two beautiful songs. We showed them during your service and we lit candles in your honor. I spoke off the cuff using some basic notes I'd made beforehand. I talked about us as kids, how we got along and didn't get along, and even how we had times where we didn't speak at all.

I spoke about you losing Wil, the oldest of your two sons, and how it changed you. I told the group how you'd tell me that you knew when Wil was around you at times, and how proud of Liam you were with his accomplishments. I spoke about how much you loved both of your boys. And I told them about what a wonderful person you were, and how you touched the lives of everyone you met. They all agreed with me and, with candles lit, we ended the service and moved forward with our lives.

You didn't speak to anyone often which is why nobody was really concerned when we hadn't heard from you. You were busy and involved in so many things that nobody thought twice about you not posting on Facebook in a while. I don't regret not speaking to you more often because that's just the way we were. I'm not happy that you were alone when you left us. You were in so much pain from your headaches; you took your meds and lay down on the sofa to rest. You just never woke up. I'm not happy about that, but I am happy that the last thing I told you was that I loved you.

When we talked you always made me laugh until I cried. We griped to each other about lousy, failed marriages and ex-husbands; we laughed about the antics of our kids. We talked about everything under the sun, and sometimes about nothing at all. So many times over the past four months I've wanted to text or call to ask something or to share something only to remember that I can't.

You were a pain in my ass sometimes, and I was a pain in yours other times. We grew up together, we were close, we were distant. We agreed, we disagreed, we agreed to disagree. Regardless of our situation I knew you would always be there for me. And now you're not. You were my friend, my comic relief, my shoulder to cry on, my proud-mama sound board. Best and most of all, you were my sister. I love and miss you with all my heart, Corey. Shine bright wherever you are.

Until next time...peace to all.