Now's the Time

A couple of weeks ago I went to the doctor to see about a pinched nerve in my right shoulder and arm. The diagnosis was carpal tunnel which my doctor said was basically a positional problem, meaning that the original irritation started when I slept “wrong” or turned the wrong way to accomplish a task, something to that effect, but that the continuation of the problem was due to stress. He gave me a prescription for a neuropathic pain reliever which I haven’t yet filled because I don’t like taking medications; I don’t even take a pain reliever for a headache. However, since I don’t have any health insurance, and the only real remedy for my ailment is physical therapy possibly followed by surgery, if absolutely necessary, the medication was the only thing he could prescribe at the time.

Additionally, he said that, given the amount of stress I’m under constantly, my two boys were sitting there fighting with each other during the exam, relaxation techniques might also help. I mentioned that I do meditate but hadn’t done it in a while; and that I had been doing yoga but stopped due to lack of time and ambition; that I wanted to start again but wanted a medical okay given the condition of my arm. Both of those, he said, would be beneficial in helping the nerve heal. He also said that my smoking wasn’t helping and gave me the number to the local Quit Line.

I did some thinking and decided that I’d just have to do more meditation since there’s nothing wrong with relaxing anyway. Who couldn’t use a few minutes every day to get rid of some stress? I’d also started using my rebounder every day for, at least, 30 minutes because the 15lbs I’d gained over the winter needed to go. Being able to do yoga again would be an added benefit because it helps burn fat and tone muscles. Since the doctor said it was okay, my weight loss would be back on track. The last issue was my smoking.

I’ve smoked a pack a day since I was 19 years old, have no idea why I even started, but know I need to quit for all the obvious reasons, and some not-so-obvious reasons. The question was, was I ready to quit? I decided that, yes, I was ready. I called the Quit Line, got some information, they sent me a quit package and two boxes of nicotine gum (another medication that I’m not willing to take). We set my quit date as April 19. So, the week before, I drastically cut down on my nicotine intake. I made one pack last me for two days, and my final pack, the one I smoked the weekend before the 19th, lasted me three days. I actually only had four cigarettes that Sunday. On Monday I was ready to quit. I tried but a friend who smokes came over and I took one from her – just a weak moment on my part. So my official quit date was the 20th. I went from noon on Monday through Thursday without having one cigarette and I felt like complete crap.

I couldn’t sleep: I’d go to sleep around 11:00 and awake 45 minutes later. I’d go back to sleep and awake an hour after that, and so on until my alarm woke me at 6:15 the next morning. This continued every night to the point that I was exhausted during the day. My chest hurt, I was dizzy and light-headed. All of this was normal for someone giving up the nicotine habit. I was doing fine with the cravings, not even really wanting a cigarette other than to make the crappy feelings stop. I wasn’t even worried about over eating as is sometimes said to happen. Since I was already trying to lose weight, I had all kinds of healthy snacks in the house and was eating small meals numerous times a day, which is suggested for proper weight loss and/or maintenance. My problem was the stress laid upon me by my children, my middle child, Zach, in particular.

Whether he’s going through a phase I don’t know, but his attitude lately sucks and I’m having difficulty handling it. Because of his negative behavior, his older brother and younger sister are acting out, probably to get the attention they’re missing when I’m concentrating on their brother. Regardless, the stress was phenomenal. I spoke with my parenting group to get advice, and with my counselor to get some new techniques I can use with him since the ones I’d been using seemed to be failing. However, it got so bad on Friday that I actually bought a pack of cigs just to take the edge off. I was really pissed at myself that I gave in so easily when I’d been doing so well, but, since I couldn’t get any time to myself to de-stress/decompress, I needed something to calm my nerves. Over this past weekend, I tried some of the new techniques with Zach and they seem to be working. My stress level has gone down drastically, although the regular kid stress is still there, so I decided that I’ll just have to quit smoking all over again and will use tomorrow, April 26th, as my final quit date.

Now the issue of support arises. I’ve got a couple of friends I can use for support, Ellen in MD, and Joe in NY, but they’re long distance (I’m in MO) and they can’t spend all of their time coaching me through my nicotine withdrawal so I have to come up with another method. How am I going to get through my days being able to let go of the stress and also being able to gripe and complain without taking up the time of my friends? Then I got an idea from a movie I’d see recently, “Julie and Julia.” Julie cooked her way through Julia Child’s cookbook, blogging the entire adventure. If she could do that, why couldn’t I use my blog to help me quit smoking and continue to lose weight while de-stressing at the same time? Of course, Julie gained a huge following which I know I won’t have but that’s okay. As long as I have a way to get through my irritations, stressful moments, and bad days, I’ll do what I have to do.

As I began writing this a little while ago, I had one cigarette left from the pack I bought and smoked it when I took “think breaks.” Now I’ve got no cigs left, and am ready to get back on track. So, starting tomorrow, I will be nicotine free and will get back on my exercise schedule: yoga in the mornings and the rebounder in the evenings after the kids are in bed. After I’m finished, I’ll jump on my blog and put down the day’s events as they happened, probably with a lot of griping and complaining, but also with some successful and happy moments; I'm sure they'll be much shorter than this one, also. With whatever support I get from this method, within a couple of months, I should be healthier and happier than I’ve been in a long time. Wish me luck. :)