Reality Check

I’m getting really tired of listening to people complain lately; especially when it’s over something they take for granted. I spent the entire summer reading people’s Facebook posts about how they couldn’t take the boat out over the weekend because something else came up. Or how their barbeque plans got screwed up because of the weather. Or any other number of things that came up on any given day. I spent my summer sitting in the back yard over here with the kids with no place to go because I didn’t have money to spend, and this neighborhood isn’t the safest so roaming the streets wasn’t something we could do. None of my so-called Long Island friends even called to ask us to hang out. Apparently once you move into a homeless shelter you get forgotten by anyone in close proximity who ever knew you. Whatever.

Now I get to sit here and read people’s posts, or complaints, about how they HAVE to have the new ATT phone upgrade but don’t have the time because they got stuck on a line while Christmas shopping; and they HAVE to get so-and-so that specific expensive gift but can’t find it anywhere; and how they were so upset because their favorite $7 cup of coffee wasn’t available this morning. Seriously folks – things could be worse. I can’t get the ATT phone upgrade and don’t care to. I’m just grateful I have a friend in MO who is generous enough to lend me a cell phone for the time being. If I didn’t have her I wouldn’t have a cell phone at all. I don’t have to worry about my favorite cup of coffee not being available because I don’t have the $7 to spend in the first place. Guess it’s a good thing I don’t drink coffee.

And I don’t have to worry about not being able to find that special someone that perfect expensive gift. I can’t even afford to buy my kids anything this year and I’m stressing about that. Just about every penny I have goes to pay for my van and insurance for it because the kids’ dad screwed up royally this time. That’s a seriously long story for blogs on different days. Let’s just say that this Christmas will be unlike any other my kids and I have ever shared. For the first time in their lives, and the first time in mine, we will not have our own Christmas tree. Yes, there will be one in the upper common room that the kids in the house will be permitted to decorate but it won’t have lights because it’s considered a fire hazard. We’re not allowed to have a small tree in our rooms for that same reason.

I have no idea what I’m going to do for gifts for them but I do know that almost every single penny I make working with my friends over the next week and a half will go toward Christmas for my kids. I don’t know what I’ll be able to buy but I know it won’t be top-shelf stuff. It’ll be whatever comes off the discount shelves at whatever stores I visit. I spend my days trying not to cry over this because I know things will work out in the end for our holiday and we’ll all deal with whatever happens, but I have no idea what the kids will do or say when they don’t have much waiting for them from Santa on Christmas morning. I don’t know if their dad is sending them anything or if their grandparents, who still live here on LI, will want to see them for the day.

My situation sucks ass and I can’t help but feel guilty over all of it even though people tell me I have nothing to feel guilty about because I did what I had to do for my kids and me. My mind knows the truth of the situation but my heart breaks every time I think I’ve screwed things up for us. I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got, and it isn’t much at all. So for all of you out there who are complaining about all the bullshit going on in your lives ask yourselves if it really means all that much in the end. You have homes, you have cars, and you have family and friends all around you. SHUT UP!! I have absolutely nothing right now, my kids have nothing right now, but we’re still getting through every day the best we can. Hell, I don’t even have a winter coat; I’m wearing my spring jacket because it’s all I’ve got; and I bought myself a pair of gloves for $1.50 because it was the best I could do.

As bad as our situation is, my kids and I still have each other and I’m doing all I can to get us out of here. Yes, they complain, and yes, right now I’m complaining, but I think I have that right. Over the past six months I’ve been run over time and time again by people who said they were helping me yet the “we” they promised never arrived. It’s only been “ME” doing what needs to be done. So next time you feel like whining over your stupid crap, think of me and realize that anybody can end up in my situation. All that stuff you take for granted, the same stuff I took for granted but never will again, could disappear as suddenly as it arrived. Get over it and be happy with what you do have. I’m grateful just to have a roof over my head and my kids to hug every day. Find something to smile about and quit your bitchin.

Until next time…peace to all.