On June 11, 2010 I posted with the title “I Love to Laugh.”
In that post I talked about my friend Joe and how we belly laugh at some of our
conversations. Tonight we had another like that. We laughed so hard neither of
us could really speak over the phone and our stomachs hurt; and it started with
something incredibly simple.
He’d just made two pb&j sandwiches on potato rolls
because he wanted a snack and he wanted another but was too lazy to open a new
jar of peanut butter. Why? Because he can’t get the foil top off of it in one
smooth move and didn’t want to have to fight with it. I can understand that
because it happens to me all the time. You know what I mean. You take the
plastic lid off a new jar and there’s that foil top glued to the rim of the
jar, and when you grab one of the tiny tabs on it and try to pull it off it
rips in half.
Then you have to put your finger underneath it, risking
running your finger through the peanut butter, just to get some leverage on the
foil to get the rest of it to come off. It sometimes takes me four tries to get
the entire thing off the jar. And peanut butter isn’t the only thing it happens
with, either. It happened with ketchup the other night, only I didn’t realize
it. I’d pulled the foil off a new bottle and put it on the table for the kids.
Suddenly Ty was standing by the garbage pail pulling at the top of the bottle
so I asked him what he was doing because I’d already pulled the foil off. He
said the foil was off but I didn’t get the plastic off so the ketchup wouldn’t
come out. Dontcha just hate it when that happens?
Anyway, that conversation with Joe led to another one
involving the first sheet of toilet paper not coming off the roll. For whatever
the reason the company glues down the first sheet so you have to rip and tear
at it just to get the roll started. Either that or half the top sheet comes off
easily and tears all the way around the roll so all you have is a long strip of
toilet paper to use. Then you have to go back and start at the beginning again.
If that happens I usually just run my finger underneath the first sheet to get
it to come loose so I don’t have to waste half the roll.
He said he’s just glad he can buy the kind he likes now. His
wife moved out a couple of months ago so he doesn’t have to deal with the
three-ply soft tissue that she insisted on buying; the kind where the roll is
gone in a day. He buys Scott so it’ll last him longer; it’s just him and his
son in the house now so he doesn’t have to monitor the toilet paper the way he
used to when she lived there. He won’t give me his son’s cell number, though,
so I can ask him how many sheets he uses at a time, or whether he bunches it or
folds it. I wonder why…
That conversation led to him bringing up the problem of
toilet paper being too thin or balling up in little pieces on your butt when
you wipe. Don’t say it’s never happened to you because I know it has; it
happens to everyone at some point in time. I’m not going to go into the detail
that he did, though, you’ll just have to use your imagination for that. I don’t
want to gross you out over this but you can probably understand why we were
laughing so hard.
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time but it felt good,
sort of. My stomach hurt, I could barely breathe, and I had tears running down
my face. It also gave me my blog topic for the night. It’s fun to discuss silly
thing occasionally without having to worry that someone will get offended or
disgusted. It’s life people, shit happens – sometimes literally – and there’s
nothing wrong with laughing at life’s little issues. Hell, I laugh at life’s
big issues, but you get my meaning.
If I’ve offended you with this post that’s your problem
because you allowed my words to offend you; if I didn’t offend you, perhaps I
gave you some things to think and laugh about tonight. Maybe you’ll even come
up with your own issues to discuss with your friends. If not, borrow mine; I
don’t mind. If you can’t think of anything else just let me know, I’ve got lots
of crap to think about just for the purposes of making people laugh. We all
need to laugh; try it, it’ll make you feel better.
Until next time…peace to all.
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