A Turn for the Better

There's a shift lately and I'm not sure what it is. For the most part of last week I'd do what I had to do during the day and then, when the kids went to bed, I'd come up to my room, put on the TV, play a game on Pogo, and plug in my earbuds to listen to music all night. The music was to drown out whatever outside noises there were and to help me keep my sanity. My kids were running amok, my house was a wreck since I moved the furniture in, and I couldn't get up the energy to get any work done. Any type of loud noise sent me into sensory overload and the music helped calm me.

On Friday I got the kids on the bus, took a couple of hours to myself and then started on the task of getting my home rearranged to make room for everything once and for all. I put my earbuds into my MP3 player and got to work. I busted my ass for almost five hours moving this and that here and there, dragging things to the basement that needed to be stored there, wiping, sweeping, mopping and all the other shit that goes with cleaning. Finally my home was in complete order once again and I was very proud of myself.

Shortly after the kids got in from school their dad's new girlfriend arrived to pick them up for their weekend visit with their dad - he was still at work so she offered to get them - and when they left the house was completely silent. I got a large soda from Quik Trip and added a couple shots of vodka to it when I got home, turned on the TV and sat on the sofa relaxing all night. When I got up here to my room I didn't even need my music; I had relaxed enough that I was starting to become centered again.

Saturday was a day-long Louis C.K. marathon with my friend Sylvia who came over to hang out. We ate and watched TV and laughed until we couldn't breathe. Both of us needed and deserved that day of complete relaxation and fun without any interruptions from the outside world. What a pleasure it was to just sit and not have to worry about anything at all.

Sunday I spent the day by myself and actually only said about 30 words out loud all day long, and those were to the kids' friends who kept knocking on the door asking if my kids could come outside. "They're at their dad's this weekend" was about all I said to anyone. There was nobody here so there was nobody to talk to. It was lovely. Even after the kids got home, which was late, I had a few words with Ty who was in a pissy mood but it didn't last long. They all went to bed and I was alone again.

Today they went off to school and I got a few chores done that I'd been neglecting, then I started on pictures for Ursula's website. I almost got going on them when she called and needed me to do something else. Okay, no worries. I got some of it done before the kids arrived home and the rest will be finished tomorrow. The kids and I had a nice evening together, there was no fighting amongst them and we were like a real family again. I love them dearly and hope we can stay on this track. Now they're all in bed and I'm up here talking to you; still don't have any music on, just the TV this time.

I don't know what happened but I'm suddenly in a very positive place lately. Maybe it's because my home is finally in order again and I had a solid weekend all to myself to do what I wanted to do. I'm not really sure but I do know that I'm once again realigned and centered and moving forward, as I ought to be. Then I got a couple of bits of good news today which helped lift my spirits even more and the information probably came when it did because I'm already in upward mode. I'm putting positive energy out to the universe and I'm getting it back and so putting out even more positive energy. The universe is responding in spades.

It's nice to finally be in a place again where I don't feel like I need to hide or keep myself contained with music because I can't stand the negative energy around me. I still put on the music for a little bit during the day but it's because I want to hear it, not because I need it for medicinal purposes. My kids have been laughing and positive themselves so that makes everything even better. It's a good feeling and I plan on keeping up with it. If I stay positive my kids will feed off of my energy and they'll continue to respond in kind, as will others outside our home when I encounter them. I've been here before but I forgot how nice it really is. Perhaps I can hold onto it this time and not let others get me so down that I have to let it go. That's my plan anyway.

Until next time...peace to all.