I hung out with the kids this morning then went up to take a shower. It was a little bit chilly out so I had the water nice and hot, enjoying my few minutes of privacy without any interruptions from the kids. I was nice and relaxed when I turned off the water and I reached up to pull the far end of the shower curtain open - the end farthest from the shower head - so I could retrieve my towel. It's a good thing I looked up because just as I raised my hand to grab the top of the curtain I saw it - A SPIDER!
It was just sitting at the top of the shower curtain, probably enjoying what was left of the shower steam, and just waiting for me to grab it. I could tell it was biding its time and laughing at me without making a sound. My reaction - I screamed, threw open the other end of the shower curtain, grabbed my towel off the shelf, wrapped it around me and jumped out of the shower dripping water all over the floor. It all happened in about five seconds.
Just as my feet hit the little rug on the outside of the tub, Zach was walking up the stairs. He'd heard me scream and was asking if I was okay. I pulled open the door and told him to get in the shower, but he just stared at me. The water was off, it wasn't like he was going to get soaked so I repeated, "Get in the shower." He stepped in and I pulled the curtain closed and told him to look up at the far end of the curtain. As soon as he saw Mr. Spider - yes, Mr. because he had all the power at that moment - Zach yelped and jumped out of the tub.
By then Ty and Dolly were standing in the hallway outside the bathroom door asking what the problem was. Dolly, my participating observer - she's there, just not to help - just had to know what was going on. "What is it? What's in there? Can I see? Is it a spider?" I confirmed that it was a spider and asked Ty to get rid of it. "I'm not touching it, huh uh, no way." Zach offered Ty his football to try to kill it but Ty still wouldn't take the job.
I was running neighbors through my mind that I could call to come to the rescue but Zach stepped up and said he'd kill it. He slowly got back in the tub and I closed the curtain so he could find Mr. Spider. It was gone. FUCK!!! He kept saying, "It's gone, Mom. It's not here." It had to be there. It was - but on the OUTSIDE of the fucking curtain, the side on which I was standing. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Zach jumped out of the tub, football in hand, and was going to try to throw the ball at Mr. Spider. I stopped him.
Throwing the football at it wouldn't work. It would either A) just knock the fucker to the floor and it's light brown color would cause it to blend with the little rug and we'd never see it again; or B) miss completely and the fucker would sit there staring at me longer just waiting till it could jump on me. I told Zach to get some tissue and grab it. "I'M NOT GRABBING IT!" Dolly decided to step up to bat. "I'll get it." Yeah, right, all 3'7" of her. She couldn't reach the top of the curtain without me picking her up and that was not going to happen with water all over the floor.
Mind you, my bathroom is a decent size - for one person. Now we had Zach and me in there and then Dolly joined. It was way too cramped at that point. Zach said he'd get the tissue and grab Mr. Spider from the curtain so I directed Dolly to leave the bathroom to give us more room. Zach reached up with the tissue and tried to grab Mr. Spider but when he took his hand down and looked there was nothing on the tissue. FUCK!!! Where'd it go? Grrrrr....
I glanced down and saw the fucker hanging on a web from the tissue. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" I jumped back and told Zach where it was. Because he couldn't see it, he started moving his hand back and forth and up and down in an attempt to find the culprit. He was unknowingly about to let Mr. Spider go on the rug so I yelled at him to raise his hand up and over so I could get the lid to the toilet open. He didn't move far enough so I kept yelling, "No! Move over more! It's gonna touch me! It's gonna fall!" He finally moved his hand enough for me to open the toilet lid so I directed him to move his hand back over the toilet.
He still couldn't see the spider so I was standing there, in my towel, dripping wet, directing him - "Over to the left, now up a little, a little more to the left...OK, good, now drop the tissue into the toilet." BOOM! Mr. Spider landed in the water, closely followed by the tissue. At that point Zach saw it, "Oh, there it is." Followed by Dolly who'd re-entered the bathroom to see for herself, "I see it!" I made sure the little shit was staying put and I reached for the handle - FLUSH!!! The fucker swirled around in the water and finally went down. HA!! GOTCHA YA BASTARD!!! WE WON!! Heh heh heh...
My heart rate slowed, Zach and I high-fived, and I ushered the kids out of the bathroom. I then calmly finished drying, got dressed and cleaned up the water I'd dripped all over the bathroom floor. Then I went about my day secure in the the knowledge that my Zach had rescued me from the clutches of Mr. Spider and all was right with the world again. :)
Until next time...peace to all.
I posted a comment about this tonight on my Facebook page and I'm still trying to decide whether or not to discuss it with my kids' teachers and, perhaps, the school principal. Today Zach brought home a notice from the Principal's office regarding a new system they're trying this year. It's called the "Academic Incentive Referral system" and I'm actually kind of torn about it.
It's a plan the school is utilizing to get students to behave appropriately in school as well as get their work done. A student can earn a ticket into a weekly drawing if: the student hasn't been referred to the Principal's office for behavior or academic reasons, if the student hasn't been sent to the Buddy or recovery rooms (forms of discipline when the student can't behave in the classroom), and if the student has no more than one missing assignment.
Additionally a student can earn more tickets into the weekly lottery drawing if an adult observes the student "being responsible, respectful, actively learning and/or safe," and there is no limit to the number of times a student's name can be entered into the lottery. YAY? I'm just not so sure about this.
It seems to me that students these days are being bribed into completing school work and behaving properly. Positive reinforcement is one thing: "I really appreciate you walking down the hall so quietly and for following the rules. It makes me proud of you all." Dangling a prize in front of the students to get them to do what's wanted and/or required is a whole other ball game and it doesn't make sense to me.
Yes, there are times when my kids get 'rewards' for good behavior but that's when I feel they've all earned it and it's always unexpected to them. I don't tell them, "Hey, we'll go out to eat if all of you follow all the rules this week." No, that's not the way it's done, not in my home, anyway. "Hey, you know what? You guys have done a great job these past couple of weeks staying on track and being respectful. I'm really proud of you and I'd like to take you out to dinner."
Those rewards, however, are few and far between because I don't want them to get used to receiving rewards constantly for doing what is already required of them. They receive discipline more often for not following the rules, meaning they lose a privilege or time with me or whatever works best at the moment. That's their incentive to not repeat the ugly behavior. As an adult they may occasionally receive a bonus or 'reward' for doing what's expected but more likely than not they'll receive disciplinary action for making a bad choice.
As adults we don't get bonuses or incentives for following the rules of the road when we drive but we sure as hell will get a ticket, or worse, for not following them. Yes, insurance companies may offer incentives for safe driving but not all do and the ones that do don't offer them on a weekly basis. Yes, we may get a bonus occasionally at work for going above and beyond but if we don't do what's expected we lose the potential bonus, or, if our actions are bad enough, we lose the job.
I'm just not sure I want my kids being taught that whenever they make good choices there are rewards to follow. I understand why the school wants to implement the system but I'm not 100% positive it won't have negative effects later on in the upper schools or in their adults lives. Think high school - Student: "What's my prize for doing all my homework?" Teacher: "There is no prize in high school, it's expected of you." Student: "In that case I just won't do the work." Yes, the student will get disciplined and maybe do all the work the next time; then again, maybe not.
Maybe I'm just making too much of this, I don't know. I'll have to think about it for a while and see what the pros and cons are. I'm trying to teach my kids one thing and the schools are trying to teach them another. It makes for some serious conflict at times, conflict I'd rather avoid it at all possible. Oh well, it'll all work out as it's supposed to, I guess; we'll see what happens after I've gathered some more opinions.
Until next time...peace to all.
I have to laugh at myself today, I can't help it. I had such a shitty weekend because of the kids' attitudes that I stayed in my room for most of each day and wanted to stay in bed all day today. Unfortunately I couldn't and my day went from dreary to chaotic and ultimately hilarious.
Ursula had emailed me on Friday with a bunch of items she needs me to find that she has to have by October 1st. I was going to work on them but I didn't get the chance because last night she texted me that she needed me to re-order a few items we'd just ordered and to look for a few more; these were not included in the emails because she needs them this Friday.
As the morning went on she texted me constantly adding to the list of items needed for this weekend and we went back and forth texting pictures and descriptions and item counts and costs and estimated transit times , etc. That's when it started to get really hectic. I was so busy that I kept losing my pen, my cell phone, and my house phone. At one point, in my haste to make a call to a supplier, I actually picked up the remote control and started dialing a 1-800 number on it. It took me a few seconds to realize what I was doing. Good grief. I couldn't help but laugh.
The day passed quickly and before I knew it the kids were getting off their buses from school. I had ordered all but three items off the list from Ursula. Two I can't find and one just needs her confirmation before I place the order. I was still looking for the two missing items at the same time I was signing the kids' planners and homework. I finally put the work to the side and went on to a project for Tyler.
About a week ago his teacher sent me a link to a local short-film festival in case Tyler wanted to enter it. He's getting really good at making movies and she thought it would be fun for him to enter a short film. I filled out the application and paid the $20 entry fee. Ty made his movie in just a couple of hours and we were ready to go. Oops - the movie has to be submitted on a DVD. SHIT!! The burner on the desktop computer isn't working and the movie has to be mailed and post marked by tomorrow, September 10th.
I spent a week calling every company I could think of that does film processing to find out who, if anyone, could burn his movie to DVD for me. Either the place couldn't do it or they could but it takes three weeks. Fuck that! Someone I know had to have a DVD burner. I checked with one friend who said she could do it this morning for me but when I called her she wasn't feeling well. Grrr... No, I'm not angry that she didn't feel well, I was angry that I was running out of time.
When Ty got home I texted five or six friends to ask if any of them had a burner that I could use quickly to get this movie burned. If I couldn't find anyone we were screwed. While I waited for them to get back to me I checked my desktop computer just to see if the burner was working. I downloaded a free DVD burning software because I didn't have any only to realize that I also didn't have a disc. Went across the street to K-mart to get the correct discs and then found out that, not only is my burner not working, it also doesn't burn DVDs. Fuck again!!
I tried on the kids' laptop and got the same result, "No burner detected." By now a couple of friends had texted me back but said they didn't know whether or not their computers had DVD burners on them. One friend asked me how she would know. I did a quick Google search and told her to go to the device manager, find the disk drive, double click on it, look for this or that, and she'd know. While she was doing that I did it on my laptop computer to make sure I was giving her the correct instructions. I have a CD/DVD ROM. Shit!
Oh, wait, I didn't double click on it. I know you're sitting down, and I know you can see this coming. I double clicked on my drive and - oh my fucking elbow - I'VE GOT A DVD BURNER ON MY LAPTOP! Holy shit!!! I've been sitting here all this time and never knew. Every time I looked at it all it said was CD/DVD ROM; I had never double clicked on it because I didn't know I was supposed to until today. When I double clicked there it was in the name - DVDRAM.
Not only do I have a DVD burner but I've also already got software on here to burn the DVD and didn't need the freeware that I downloaded. DUH!!! That would stand to reason, right? Of course it would. All this time I spent looking for someone to burn the DVD for me and I could have done it a week ago had I done the Google search then. Why I didn't was because I'd never seen the software on my computer before so I didn't think to check the drive itself.
Anyway, after I had a good laugh I got Ty's movie burned to DVD, printed out the picture he wanted for the case cover, printed out the paperwork that I have to include with it and it's now ready to go. All bundled up on the table waiting for me to take it to the post office in the morning to get it post marked by the deadline. He'll be entered in his first short-film contest and he couldn't be prouder. Wish him luck please.
As for me, the events of today, the shitty weekend, and the DVD burner incident have all convinced me that I really need to take more 'me' time from now on to keep my brain in better working order. I need it desperately, as you can tell. Wish me luck on that. :)
Until next time...peace to all.
Things have definitely been looking up lately. Since all the crap with my ex a few weeks ago my kids haven't seen him and have settled down a bit. I've noticed distinct changes in all of them recently. They're less jumpy, more agreeable and Zach's outbursts have toned down a lot. Yes, he still gets angry but not as frequently and I can get him to calm down more quickly than in the past.
We have a court date set for a hearing on supervised visitation for my ex with the kids - November 19th is when I have to be there. I'm debating as to whether or not I'll take the kids with me, I'm not sure if the judge will need to speak with them. I'll definitely get some advice on that beforehand; I don't want to have the hearing continued if it's not necessary.
In the meantime I'm doing my best with the kids. They're all still in counseling, as am I. We all need to be able to deal with the repercussions of my ex's behavior and the kids need time to heal. They're doing their best but Zach doesn't want to spend all of his counseling session talking about his dad. I feel bad for him because talking about all the negative shit can be really painful, I know from personal experience.
I told Zach that he doesn't have to talk about his dad every week but that he does have to talk about him eventually to get past all the hurt. He asked why he just can't forget about it and let it go so I explained that negative feelings like he's got don't just go away and that talking about them and healing from the experiences is necessary for him to move forward. I told him that if he doesn't process the feelings and work through them they'll just continue to hurt him as he grows.
He wasn't happy to hear that so I gave him a few examples from my past that helped him understand why he needs help now. I told him about things that happened in my life with my mother who I believe I mentioned was extremely narcissistic. I actually just remembered something as I'm writing this.
There was a time when I was in my early 20s that I was going to counseling. When my mother found out I paid for the sessions by check she was upset saying that it could hurt my future because checks were traceable and someone may find out that I'd had counseling. Big shittin' deal. That was just her way of telling me that she didn't want anyone to know that I was having issues that needed to be dealt with. God forbid it made her look bad in the eyes of others. Good grief!!
Anyway, I told Zach some things about my mother and I clued him in to a few things that happened when his dad and I were together. He knew most of them but didn't have any idea how they'd affected me. Now he understands and has agreed to stick with his counseling so he doesn't have to grow up with all the ugliness inside that I had. I'm glad he made that choice because he really needs it.
I'm just happy we're all on the right track to recovery - again - and I'm positive that my family will be back to the way it used to be when we were actually a cohesive unit. We all worked together to keep the household running and we got along as well as any happy family can. There wasn't a lot of fighting or bickering and there were more good times than bad. I'm looking forward to having that again and it's on its way.
Until we get back to that point we'll all just do our best to try and stay positive and get past all the bumps in the road as quickly as possible so we can move forward. With the positive changes that are already taking place I can see our future getting brighter every day. I have faith.
Until next time...peace to all.
