Brighter Days on the Horizon

Things have definitely been looking up lately. Since all the crap with my ex a few weeks ago my kids haven't seen him and have settled down a bit. I've noticed distinct changes in all of them recently. They're less jumpy, more agreeable and Zach's outbursts have toned down a lot. Yes, he still gets angry but not as frequently and I can get him to calm down more quickly than in the past.

We have a court date set for a hearing on supervised visitation for my ex with the kids - November 19th is when I have to be there. I'm debating as to whether or not I'll take the kids with me, I'm not sure if the judge will need to speak with them. I'll definitely get some advice on that beforehand; I don't want to have the hearing continued if it's not necessary.

In the meantime I'm doing my best with the kids. They're all still in counseling, as am I. We all need to be able to deal with the repercussions of my ex's behavior and the kids need time to heal. They're doing their best but Zach doesn't want to spend all of his counseling session talking about his dad. I feel bad for him because talking about all the negative shit can be really painful, I know from personal experience.

I told Zach that he doesn't have to talk about his dad every week but that he does have to talk about him eventually to get past all the hurt. He asked why he just can't forget about it and let it go so I explained that negative feelings like he's got don't just go away and that talking about them and healing from the experiences is necessary for him to move forward. I told him that if he doesn't process the feelings and work through them they'll just continue to hurt him as he grows.

He wasn't happy to hear that so I gave him a few examples from my past that helped him understand why he needs help now. I told him about things that happened in my life with my mother who I believe I mentioned was extremely narcissistic. I actually just remembered something as I'm writing this.

There was a time when I was in my early 20s that I was going to counseling. When my mother found out I paid for the sessions by check she was upset saying that it could hurt my future because checks were traceable and someone may find out that I'd had counseling. Big shittin' deal. That was just her way of telling me that she didn't want anyone to know that I was having issues that needed to be dealt with. God forbid it made her look bad in the eyes of others. Good grief!!

Anyway, I told Zach some things about my mother and I clued him in to a few things that happened when his dad and I were together. He knew most of them but didn't have any idea how they'd affected me. Now he understands and has agreed to stick with his counseling so he doesn't have to grow up with all the ugliness inside that I had. I'm glad he made that choice because he really needs it.

I'm just happy we're all on the right track to recovery - again - and I'm positive that my family will be back to the way it used to be when we were actually a cohesive unit. We all worked together to keep the household running and we got along as well as any happy family can. There wasn't a lot of fighting or bickering and there were more good times than bad. I'm looking forward to having that again and it's on its way.

Until we get back to that point we'll all just do our best to try and stay positive and get past all the bumps in the road as quickly as possible so we can move forward. With the positive changes that are already taking place I can see our future getting brighter every day. I have faith.

Until next time...peace to all.