Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out...

This might sound harsh tonight but I’m not really sure I care at this point. Paul has gone over the edge tonight and needs to be kicked in the ass. Two weeks ago Paul made a “date” to take Ty out to lunch to have some one-on-one time with Dad. They had a good time. Last week it was supposed to be Zach’s turn, and Dolly had a “Daddy/Child” dinner at her school. Let me back track just a smidge first. About three weeks ago Zach got two birthday party invitations, back-to-back weekends. I specifically mentioned this to Paul telling him we needed to keep track of the weekends because of the party. Move forward.

Ty had his turn with Dad. Dolly had her turn with Dad, last night. Zach is still waiting. He’s been asking for over a week and Paul just keeps telling him “we’ll work something out.” Zach is really upset about it and has been having some really big middle-child issues lately. Ty is older and gets to do things Zach doesn’t; Dolly is younger and gets more attention. Yes, Ellen, he’s the peanut butter; but very unhappy peanut butter. J

Paul had been out of work for over a week now because he’s had some kind of allergic reaction to something on the floors at the store he manages. Anyway, when Zach asked Paul the other night when he’d get to have his turn going out with Paul, he got off the phone crying saying that “Dad said he’s not working so it’s hard for him to see me.”
Are you fucking kidding me???!!! Just because he’s not around the corner all day every day doesn’t make it hard for him to see his kids. If anything, it ought to make it easier since he doesn’t have anything else to fucking do all day long.

Zach continued telling me, “Dad said on Saturday (he’s picking them up on Friday this time instead of Saturday like he did the past couple of weeks) we’d work out something to do but then Ty and Lettie will want to go with us and it won’t be fair.” Now imagine you’re a seven year old and heard those words; the first part of the sentence about working out something to do. Translate them in your head. When Paul came to pick up Dolly last night for their dinner, I spoke with him outside while he put Dolly in the car. I told him that Zach said they were going to do something on Saturday. Paul said he didn’t say that; he said he told Zach they’d think of something on Saturday to do later in the week. Well, guess what; that’s not what Zach heard. I explained to Paul that Zach didn’t understand that because Paul didn’t clarify, and I also explained about the middle child issues. Paul nodded and said he’d do what he could.

Flash forward to tonight, just a couple of hours ago. Zach called Paul to ask him if he was taking Zach to the birthday party on Saturday. It’s about 30 minutes back this way from Paul’s house. I heard Paul talking on the phone but couldn’t make out what he said and Zach just handed me the phone. Paul went off on me saying I never told him about this birthday party. He said, “I was standing there last night telling Ty that I was taking him for a haircut on Saturday and you were standing right there.” So, what’s your point? I don’t listen to their conversations; and Dolly was chattering to me about her dinner with Dad. Apparently Paul assumed that I had heard about the haircut. He was wrong.

So he was angry with me, yelling at me because he didn’t know about the party until today, even though I repeated over and over that I told him three weeks ago. He was adamant that I didn’t. He knows I remember conversations verbatim but he’ll never admit to being wrong. I told him that it wasn’t necessary for Zach to go to the party but Paul just yelled at me, “NO, JUST GIVE ME THE INFORMATION!” Then he hung up on me. Zach was upset by then saying that he didn’t want to go to the party because “Dad will get mad at me if I want to go.” I told him that Paul won’t be mad at him and that it’s Paul’s responsibility as a dad to take Zach to parties like this when he’s got them. Just in case you’re getting ready to say, “Well when they’re with their dad, it’s his time with them,” I want to let you know that he and I agreed, when we first split up, that when the kids had something to do on whatever weekend it may be, that they would not be forced to visit one parent or the other. Whichever parent had them would accommodate the event.

Anyway, I told Zach that he could go to the party and that Dad could change the haircut appointments. That’s his job as a parent. He’s not working, it really needn’t be that hard for him since he’s just sitting home all day “going stir crazy” as he puts it. Zach kept saying he didn’t want to go to the party but I told him we’d wait until morning for him to decide. He agreed. Then he went back to bed and I was sitting here doing whatever when the house phone rang. I answered it and he started yelling at me again that I never told him about the party. Whatever. He just kept repeating himself over and over as if he was trying to convince himself of that fact. Then he kept saying that, “I’m a part of these kids’ lives too.” Well DUH!!! He also started telling me that I “do this” to him all the time and started listing a string of times, weekends, whatever they were that I did “this” to him.

I have no idea what “this” is but I do recall him saying that I did it to him on Halloween, among all the other times. He fucking had the kids on Halloween. He brought them back and drove around town until he found Kara and me with her kids. Dolly had wanted to stay with me because she did. Paul wasn’t happy about it but what the fuck…we decided that none of the kids would be forced to go when they didn’t want to do. But I already said that, didn’t I? He had the boys on Halloween, though so he’s got no right to bitch about anything. And, yes, he did have to take Ty to a birthday party on his weekend, and he had to take Dolly to a birthday party that same weekend. Why should they have to give up time with their friends because he lives an hour away now? He’s the one who left; it wasn’t their choice for him to leave – it was his and he needs to realize that. But I digress…

I just sat hear listening to Paul rant at me on the phone and told him, “Whenever you’re finished…” He finally shut up long enough for me to repeat that I did tell him about the party, both of them but he was at work and probably not paying attention. According to him, “Whenever it’s about the kids I pay attention.” Then why did he have to call me twice to find out if they had dress clothing to wear to a banquet with him two weeks ago? Because he pays attention, right? Hmmm…apparently he doesn’t pay as much attention as he thinks he does. So, he repeated again that “I’m as much a part of their lives as you are and I should have the right to do these things with them too.” So I said, “You’re right and it’s your responsibility to take them to birthday parties when they have them on your weekends.” What did he say? “That’s right.” So I told him that Zach was really upset and decided not to go to the party. What did Paul say? “Forget it; you have them this weekend so he can go to the party.” Then he hung up on me.

Did I miss something? Wasn’t he just fucking yelling at me that he had the right to take them to things like this also? Wasn’t he just telling me he’s a part of their lives? Didn’t he just agree with me when I told him it was his responsibility to take them to birthday parties too? Then why the fuck did he just decide not to get them this weekend so Zach can go to the party? Because he doesn’t think, that’s why. Not only is Zach really upset over not having his alone-with-dad time, now he’s gonna think he can’t ever go to another birthday party if it’s on Dad’s weekend because Dad will get upset about it. He’s going to think it’s his fault that Dad doesn’t want to get them; and he’s going to feel guilty about it. I won’t have that!! I won’t have my son being treated like this!!

Why can’t Paul just leave Ty and Dolly with Grandma or Aunt or Uncle, who all live in the same house, by the way, for a while and take Zach to the party for their one-on-one time? Even if it doesn’t count with Zach because other people will be there, at least he can go to the party and make arrangements for their alone-together time. But Paul doesn’t think like that. He’s acting like a big, selfish baby. I understand he wants to see the kids but it’s not right for him to deny them things they’ve already committed to. He can just get in his car and drive Zach to the party and if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t need to be a parent.

I am so pissed off right now I can’t stand it. Actually, some of my anger has dissipated. After he hung up on me the second time I immediately sent him a text-via-email telling him never to call the house number here again; if he needs me he can send a text message so everything is in writing. I haven’t heard back from him. But I did go out to my car to talk to my friend Joe because I didn’t want to scream or talk bad about Paul with the kids within earshot. I felt better then and writing it all down now has taken some more of the anger away. I’m still pissed, don’t get me wrong, just not angry enough to scream anymore.

I would apologize for this being so long but I’m not going to. There is no way I could’ve cut this down or you wouldn’t have all the details, nor would I feel better. So there it is. What really sucks is that I had a really great day and he fucked it up in short order. Well, you know what? I don’t care. I’m not going to let him get to me. I’m going to try to let it go. If he doesn’t want to see the kids because he’s pissed at me, so be it. I document everything, and this is no exception. There’ll come a day when it all comes back to bite him in the ass and he’ll have to live with that. But I think I’m going to bed now to realign and get some rest. Thanks for listening, I appreciate it.

Until next time…peace to all.