You know what’s really sad? It’s when a man can’t be a man. The kids came home this evening, an hour-and-a-half late – they’re supposed to be home by 6:00 and their dad didn’t get them here until 7:30 – and, not only did he bring them home late, but after the new movies and toys he bought them to "appease" them (see last night's post) he took them out to dinner and brought them home hopped up on sugar from the hulking desserts he bought them that were filled with cookies, ice cream, chocolate, and whipped cream. I put them to bed shortly after they got home because they have school tomorrow but they won't go to sleep because of the sugar high - it's 10:00 right now. I guess he figures he doesn't have to deal with cranky kids in the morning so it doesn't matter what he feeds them so close to bedtime. Anyway, when I asked them if they had a good time they said yes. Then they told me that their dad had moved back into his old apartment because the house he and his girlfriend rented together was sold so they had to move. They told me girlfriend moved in with her sister. My first reaction was a mental, “I can’t believe he lied to them.” My next reaction was a mental, “Yes, I can believe he lied to them. Why in the World would he tell them the truth about what happened?”
He’s been that way all their lives so far; and I’m sure he’ll be that way for the rest of their lives. According to his family, he’s lied to everyone he knows at one time or another; and we all know he’s lied to me so many times I can’t even count them. I know the kids will figure out what kind of person he is soon enough but it breaks my heart to think that they’ll have to learn it on their own because I certainly won’t tell them the truth about anything he tells them. That’s not my job; it’s his as their parent. He wants to yell at me that he’s their parent and deserves rights, then he can act like their parent and stop fucking things up with them. Of course, we all know that won’t happen.
Since he lied to them, though, I still have to wait for the truth to come out and the kids to find out that girlfriend won’t be around anymore when they visit. Dad didn’t mention that to them; just the part about them having to move because the house was sold. Apparently, the kids still think she’ll be in their lives on a constant basis and that’s not fair to them but there’s nothing I can do about it. At this point in time, though, I guess I’ll just let things rest as they are and keep hoping for the best. I just hope this isn’t one of those times when my kids will come to me, after finding out the truth, and blame me for not telling them. They’ve done that in the past when Dad’s lied to them and I have to explain why Dad lied and blah, blah, blah…
I won’t do that this time, though. When they find out the truth and ask me about it, I’m just going to tell them to discuss it with their dad. Since he chose to make the choice he made this past weekend, he can choose to cover his own ass when the time arises. Can you tell I’m a little ticked off at all of this? It really irks me when he tries to act like he’s king of the dad’s and keeps screwing up rather than taking responsibility for his own actions.
Anyway, right now I’m tired of thinking about it and talking about it and letting it fill my mind with anxiety. I’m going to try to let it go for now and wait to see what develops in the future. I’ll keep you posted in case anything happens. For now, though, it’s business as usual in our home and things will be what they are.
Until next time…peace to all.
Hi Beth
ReplyDeleteAs I read your post, it's like looking in the rear view mirror at my kids an their dad. Now, Jason is 18 and Jourdan is almost 16 and they don't have a great relationship with their dad.
I didn't have to tell them anything, as they grew up they saw him for who is really is. It's terribly sad and my kids deserve better and your kids deserve better. I had to keep telling myself that it was out of my hands and that I couldn't do anything to change what was happening right in front of me.
What I do have is a GREAT relationship with my kids. They know that when they need something they can come to me. I'm their constant and their strength. They know they can count on me. And, your kids will come to that point as well.
Jourdan has already made up her mind that when she gets married it's Scott that will walk her down the aisle. I know that's a long way off, and I told her that it was totally her decision. What she knows is that Scott is the one who has been there for her, worked overtime when the kids needed school clothes, made sure they have a roof over their head and shoes on their feet.
I guess the point I'm making is that I know it's hard to sit back and watch it happen. You're an adult and you know that he is ruining the relationship he has with your kids. I always told Paul that he'd better work on his relationship with Jason and Jourdan because some day, when they weren't forced to visit him, they wouldn't have anything to do with him.
At this point, the kids rarely see Paul. There is no set schedule, not even for holidays.
I have a gem for you. Jourdan wanted to go to Church camp this summer. It's about $250 and she has gone every year for probably the last 5 or 6 years. Paul told her that he barely had enough money for himself to go for the two weeks he has planned, so she cannot go.
First of all, he's a grown man and he doesn't have children going to youth camp. It's pretty creepy to me that he wants to go to camp and hang out with a bunch of kids.
Second, what parent wouldn't give up going to camp so their child could go? I just don't get it. I would give up one week or both weeks if it meant that my child could go. I would sacrifice anything for my kids and that sets me apart from Paul. In Paul's world, Paul is first.
It's going to be a really hard lesson for your kids. One that will show them that life is not fair. That their dad is not the kind of dad they really deserve. And you're right, it is sad. As a mom it is so hard to sit back and know that this is going to happen. But Paul is making his bed and he's going to have to lay in it. Your kids will know who they can count on.
Tracy
With regard to the camp thing; I might actually call the samp and find out why they're allowing a grown man to paticipate when he doesn't have kids involved. That's just me, becasue it is creepy. Maybe the camp doesn't know he's going alone and ought to be advised of such.
ReplyDeleteYes, I would also sacrifice anything of mine so my kids could have. I've already done that, and I know you have too. Our exes, however, have yet to learn that lesson.
With regard to my blog and the situation with my kids, my friend's mom recently said to me, "All kids need is one stable parent." She's absolutely right. My kids have one stable parent, as do yours. I know how my kids view me, and I know how they're starting to see Paul. Paul is the only one who doesn't see and that's his own fault and none of my business.
Thanks for the positive reinforcement, though, I really appreciate it. :)
Any time Beth. You're a great mom and I know that it can make you want to bang your head against the wall when the ex just doesn't get it. You and I are in the same boat with this one. And you're right, all the kids need is one stable parent....thank goodness they have us! :)
ReplyDelete