At Ease For Now

The kids are with their dad this weekend and if they actually stay both days I'll get a much-needed break and some time to myself. Fingers crossed on that for me please. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids but I do need a break every now and again, and this past couple of weeks has been a little rough.

Zach's behavior got so out of control that two counselors actually recommended that I have him evaluated by the local children's mental hospital. They take kids in for a 72-hour watch and then, more times than not, end up putting them on meds. That won't work for me for two reasons. First, I don't approve of meds for children unless every other possible method of stabilization has been tried first. Second, Zach only gets out of control with me. Everyone outside of our home thinks he's the best kid they've ever met so him being in a hospital won't show the doctors anything.

I spoke to Zach about it, though, and he and I had a long discussion about why he does what he does and he explained a few things to me. He says it stems from negative emotions he has about his dad so I told him he and I would work on ways for him to get rid of the negative quickly so there isn't an explosion of any kind. He agreed to try and for the past few days things have been much more pleasant around here. YAY ZACH!

Paul has also been texting me constantly, too. He's worried that he'll be going to jail when we go to court on Tuesday for the order of protection. I told him to back off the drama because this is only to make sure he stays out of my home. Then he wanted to know why the kids do and say some of the things they do and I explained, for the umpteenth time, that they're afraid of him so they're going to tell him what they think he wants to hear. Blah, blah, blah... He keeps asking me the same questions and I keep giving him the same answers. It's like talking to a wall.

Today he actually wanted to know how he and I could work on being friends. I told him I haven't though about it and that I think we're cordial enough to benefit the kids. I don't really think I need to be friends with him and don't really think I can be friends with him. I've kicked friends out of my life already because I don't like or trust them. He's another one but I have to have him in my life because of our kids. I didn't tell him all of that, I stopped at the "cordial" part. The rest was just me throwing my thoughts into the mix here.

I don't really see any way that I'll ever trust him again given our past and his history of lying and sneakiness. It doesn't matter if he's being honest because there's always a little niggling in the back of my brain that tells me he's up to something, something that will benefit him with an attempt at trying to make me look bad. Whatever. I did explain to him that the kids are having problems believing him and that their fear of him will take a while to go away, if it ever does. He claims to understand but I'm not so sure, so I threw in a dig simply because I needed to for my own pleasure.

I told him that they may not be pleased with him but his attempts at trying to buy their forgiveness with all the dining out and gifts he's gotten them is a good start at winning them back. He ignored my comment so he either didn't get it or was too embarrassed to say anything in reply. Generally when he doesn't say anything it's because he knows I'm right. I just wish he'd keep that in his mind as a given. When it comes to the way he acts and treats the kids I'm always right. :)

Anyway, just checking in and having a nice relaxing evening to myself. I had a bit of a break on Thursday but that was just for a few hours. Today I got the house cleaned so I don't have anything to do all weekend, I can just sit and watch TV if I want to. I do have a bit of work to do but it's easy and will go quickly. For now I'm going to sign off and watch a movie before I turn in. It's so nice to feel at ease for the first time in a while.

Until next time...peace to all.