Two Commercials Down, Two More to Go

I usually stay up late at night after the kids go to sleep just so I can have some quiet, alone time. I generally sit in my bed watching TV and although I don't really pay much attention to commercials I occasionally come across a few that I have to watch repeatedly just to make sure the products are stupid as I think they are. I've written about some in previous posts. Recently I came across four that I wanted to talk about but I'm not sure I'll get to them all tonight. I'm not going to mention the name of the products because I don't want to advertise for the companies but I'm sure you'll get the idea of what they are from my descriptions.

The first product I saw was a pill that helps overweight people lose their excess pounds. That's not a surprising product as they seem to be popping up all over the place these days. What got my attention with this one was the wording in the ad. The spokeswoman said "researchers have discovered a capsule" to help people lose weight. "Researchers have discovered a capsule..." Those were her words.

Does that mean that for all these years there's been a capsule floating around that nobody found or  could identify until now? Or does it mean that someone was digging around somewhere and found a capsule in the back of a drawer and decided to test it to see what it does? Seriously? Wouldn't the ad company be more convincing if they said that researchers have developed a combination of drugs to help people lose weight and they've put the drugs into capsule form? The researchers of this product didn't discover the capsule, capsules have been around for hundreds of years; the researchers only worked with the ingredients within the capsule. DUH!!

Within minutes after seeing that commercial I saw another that made me laugh so hard I had to cover my face with my pillow so I wouldn't wake my kids. It's a device that women can wear to give themselves an instant face lift. An instant face lift, imagine that. Who needs to pay thousands of dollars for surgery when we can use this new and imaginative product to make ourselves look younger in an instant?

This device reminds me of the headgear from old-time braces, you know what I mean, the big rubber band that goes from one side of the braces around the back of the head and attaches to the other side of the braces. The face lift device looked similar only it didn't go all the way to the corners of the woman's mouth. At the ends of the band are two small combs. The woman braids two small sections of her hair at her temples, one on each side of her head, attaches one of the combs to one of the braids, runs the band around the back of her head, under her hair, to the braid on the other side and covers the combs when she pulls the sides of her hair down around her face. The band then pulls taught so the skin of her face is instantly lifted for a fresh, wrinkle-free look.  Hmmm...

What's wrong with that, you ask. Well, I'll tell ya. First, having my hair pulled tight enough to lift the skin of my face would be quite painful after a while. It hurts when I pull it without the band just to see if the face lift is actually possible. I know because I did it after seeing the commercial. Second, what happens if I wear this band for a night out with my lady friends and I meet a wonderful guy? We get along, we chat, maybe dance, and he asks me for my phone number. I go home happily enchanted by the prospect of this new man in my life. Then I go get ready for bed and, quite literally, let my face down, and then rub my temples to get rid of the pain from all the pulling they went through all night. Gee, didn't think of that when we invented this product, did we?

Now, every time I see this guy I'm going to have to wear my face lift rubber band. I can't wear a ponytail around him because he'd see the band at the sides of my face and around the back of my head. I can't just shower, get dressed, and run out the door to meet him, either, because I have to take the time to put my face up before I go. It's either keep up the facade of the wrinkle-free me or, surprise, surprise, tell him I'm a fake and not the young-looking chick he met on that first night. Talk about starting the relationship off on the wrong foot, or face, as it may be more appropriate to say.

Who comes up with this shit? Someone actually came up with the stupid ad campaign for the weight loss capsule and someone else actually sat in his or her living room trying to find a way for women to fake their natural look in seconds. I'm sure both companies have high sales volumes; the person who invented the face lift thingy is probably laughing all the way to the bank. But am I the only one who thinks of the consequences? A friend of mine actually thought of the same thing I did when I mentioned the face lift device to her, but how many others will spend their money on the item before realizing what a piece of crap it is? I'm guessing we'll never know.

Tomorrow I have two more products that are even more amusing than tonight's; I think so anyway. Maybe you will, too; you'll just have to wait to find out. Until then, maybe you can ponder the wonders of the newly discovered weight-loss capsule and the stretchy-pully face lift rubber band and how they'll help people all over the world improve their lives.

Until next time...peace to all.