Clueless

I’m feeling much better today. I spent yesterday taking Ibuprofen and muscle relaxants and sitting with a heating pad and ice packs on my neck and shoulder. I actually got to sleep all night long last night. The couple of nights before I kept waking up every couple of hours because I’d try to turn in my sleep and the pain in my neck would wake me – I couldn’t turn my head at all and had to use my hands to hold it steady while I changed position. Last night I didn’t have that problem. Thank goodness.

When I woke up this morning I felt better; although I still have a lot of pain I’m not as stiff as I was and can actually turn my head to the side and can, sort of, dip it backwards. I even got some more unpacking done today. I didn’t carry any full boxes; I split the contents into two separate boxes and then slid them down the stairs to the basement. Then I put everything away. I got a lot done, too, but Kara told me to take it easy so I didn’t reinjure myself. I did as she told me; she’s a nurse so I won’t argue with her, especially since she took such good care of me Friday and yesterday.

With all the work I got done today you’d think I got nothing done given the mess that’s still down here. You know how you start spring cleaning or the overhaul of a single room and before everything is complete you’ve got a bigger mess than when you started? That’s what happened down here. I had boxes and boxes of books and movies – the kids and I have dozens of each – and I found places for everything. Then I pulled out my photos and hung some up and found places for others on dressers, bookshelves, wherever. The place actually looks pretty good except for the empty boxes folded and stuffed into other empty boxes.

Then I’ve got more boxes of things I can’t put out yet but have consolidated; taking what’s left in box A and putting in with the stuff from box B. I still have more boxes to get out of the garage and am getting closer to making room for Kara’s car, so I’ll do as much as I can tomorrow. I’m please with the work I’ve gotten done and the kids loved the new “décor” when they got home. I was at the supermarket when Paul got here with them and Kara stood by the basement stairs as the kids came down and yelled, “Wow, look at all the cool new stuff down here.” Kara told them, in front of Paul, “Yes, Mommy’s been working really hard to make things nice for you guys.” That made me feel good when she told me what she’d said to them.

What didn’t make me feel good was when the kids told me that “Dad and (girlfriend) might be getting married. Then she’ll be out step-mother and her kids will be our step-brother and step-sister.” As happy as I am that he may have found someone to settle down with, finally, what ever happened to parents discussing major life issues with the other parent before discussing it with the kids? I was not happy that he told them anything without mentioning it to me first. I can guarantee that he’d want me to discuss any big decisions with him before I told the kids.

He just doesn’t get it sometimes. I think I mentioned it before that he discusses visitation with the kids before he talks to me about it. He also discusses their clothing and what they say they have that fits and doesn’t fit. That’s not what he’s supposed to do; he’s supposed to discuss those issues with me, I’m the other parent to these children and I deserve that respect. I’m definitely going to be sending him an email on this. Lately, whenever I need to communicate with him, I send him texts that I then email to myself, or I just email him and keep copies of them.

This business of him discussing important issues with the kids has to stop. Tonight he texted me that we need to discuss the issue of the kids’ winter coats because the boys told him that their coats don’t fit. All three of these kids have two brand-new coats each, and all the coats fit the respective children. I told him that. He told me I needed to “double check that.” My response was that I already did and that the coats fit them fine. When I asked the boys why they told Paul that their coats didn’t fit Zach said, “Because they don’t fit us.” I made him try on his coat and he, very dramatically, shoved his arms through the sleeves deliberately making them appear too short. When I fixed the coat he laughed so I told him that there is a big difference between telling someone that a coat doesn’t fit and telling them that you don’t like the way it fits. He agreed.

I just really think Paul is overdoing his “I’m the better parent” bullshit. He doesn’t have a clue sometimes and really needs to back the fuck off of me about shit. This is why I have to document everything now. He’s so fucking sneaky that I wouldn’t put it past him that he’s already talking to an attorney trying to make plans to fight for custody rights. He’ll never win given that he wanted them at the outset of our divorce and so eagerly gave up the custody battle when his mistress threw him out of the house. Then he left the State and saw them once in a three-year period. He just doesn’t realize that past mistakes won’t look good for him in any court. I don’t think he’s speaking to an attorney, mind you, I’m just saying it’s in the realm of his sneaky-assed capabilities. So be it. I can handle whatever aggravation he wants to throw my way.

In any case, the kids did say that they had a fun time at his house and that they didn’t call me because they kept forgetting since they had so much to do. That I put on Paul, too. As their parent, he’s got the responsibility of making sure they do the right thing. He’s just clueless when it comes to shit like that. Makes me wonder if he’ll do the right thing at Christmas and take them shopping for a Mom gift this year. I doubt it, which will really piss off his mother, but I can’t really expect him to do the right thing. I never could.

Enough of my griping again tonight; that’s just the mood I’ve been in lately. Today, though, I could actually feel a shift in the energy around me. I don’t know what it is; it just seems as if something really good is heading toward me and I can’t wait to see what it is. Maybe it was because I got so much done today, or that the kids came home, I don’t know. But the feeling was almost tangible, and very uplifting. It just put me in a good mood. I did have to gripe tonight, though, to get all the ugly energy out of my system. Maybe I’ll have something more exciting to talk about tomorrow night. We’ll see.

Until next time…peace to all.