Ex Disappointment Again

Today is Ty’s birthday; he turned nine. My big boy is nine years old today and he isn’t home. For the first time in his life he’s not spending his birthday with me. My ex wanted to pick up the kids today so they could celebrate Ty’s birthday with him. I couldn’t really deny him because he hasn’t spent a birthday with any of the kids since 2005. I’m still a little sad, though. Yes, we’ll be celebrating Ty’s birthday here with him tomorrow when he gets home, but I’ve never spent his birthday away from him, even if we didn’t actually celebrate on the exact day. Him not being here isn’t what’s really bothering me, though. What’s bothering me is my ex.

On Halloween, he texted me asking if he would be able to get the kids this weekend for Ty’s birthday. I think I mentioned that. I agreed and we settled on 2:00 as the pick-up time; he even confirmed it with me a couple of days ago in a text. I did a few things around the house, threw in a load of laundry to make sure they had clean clothes to take with them, and I took Ty to the store to pick out his birthday cake so we could order it for tomorrow. We got home, all the kids had lunch and I had my kids shower before their dad arrived. At 2:00 Ty and I were standing by the front door goofing off when the phone rang. It was my ex and Ty answered the phone.

I stood there and watched as Ty’s face went from excitement to disappointment in a split second. No, my ex wasn’t cancelling on the kids, but he was going to be late. He was just leaving work and had to go home and change before heading here to get the kids. He’s an hour away, mind you. I felt so bad for Ty; I wish I could describe what he looked like when his dad said he’d be late. It broke my heart. There was a stereo on in the corner of the room and I wanted to cheer up Ty so I grabbed him and danced with him. It worked; he felt better and was laughing before I knew it.

So we hung out for another hour just laughing and playing and Ty wanted to wait outside. Zach and Dolly decided to wait outside also so I took their overnight bag and sat on the porch with them while they played. I had my cell phone there to check the time and before I knew it 3:00 was there but my ex wasn't. Zach, not knowing what time it was, said, "Dad said he'd be here at 3:00." I just agreed that he did say 3:00. He finally arrived at 3:35 although the kids have no idea what time it was when he pulled into the driveway. I got not a word from him saying that he was on his way or running late or anything.

What really ticks me off is that the kids and I did what we had to do to get them ready and not only did their dad not have the courtesy to call sooner, but this isn’t the first time he’s been late. When we were in Independence and he was over in Lenexa he was late all the time. Most times he didn’t even bother to call and it got to the point that I wouldn’t tell the kids he was coming until he called me from down the block. I hope I don’t have to start doing that again. It just seriously bugs me that he doesn’t have a lick of common sense when it comes to things like that.

These are his kids and he’s now got the chance to see them occasionally. You’d think he’d make the effort to do the right thing instead of starting to fuck things up so early in their newly-rejuvenated relationship. I really shouldn’t even be upset over it. He was always late and he’ll always continue to be late; and he’ll continue to fuck up until the kids just don’t want to be bothered anymore. He won’t be able to blame that on me, either, because the kids are old enough to speak for themselves. I just feel bad for the kids; they shouldn’t have to keep putting up with his bullshit but it’s something that can’t be avoided. Us being in MO and not having to deal with this crap (and I know it’ll get worse) may have been easier, but being closer to my ex gives the kids a chance to see what he’s really like; it’s not all vacations and gifts the way it has been for the past few years.

It is what it is. I can’t change it, nor can I control him. I’m just going to accept it and move on with my life. Sure, I’ll be here occasionally bitching and griping about him, but that’s part of what this blog is for. In the meantime, I’m going to try to focus on the positive things that are going on and I’ll do my best to help the kids get past any hurdles they come up against. I’ll help them and you’ll help me. That’s the way it works.

Until next time…peace to all.