Here’s the deal: don’t complain to me about shit if you’re not actually going to do anything about it. Matter of fact, don’t complain to anyone if you’re not going to do something to change the situation you’re in if it’s really that bad. It’s nobody’s job to listen to you bitch, gripe, groan, and complain on a constant basis, asking for advice, and talking about “if only” this and that. That goes for any situation but now I’m going to get specific.
I can name, but I won’t, three people in my life right now who I’ve listened to for I don’t know how long complaining about their spouse/mate/significant other, whatever the case may be for them. Stop already. I’ve listened to you tell me what a shit the other is for years/months/weeks, depending upon who you are. “She’s such an idiot. All she does is bitch at me about” this and that. “He’s such an asshole and can’t do anything right.” “He leaves and doesn’t call or answer his phone for days but I want him back.” “I can’t stand it when s/he does” this or that.
Then you separate for a while, sometimes claiming it’s for good. You then spend your time going back and forth between how much you miss him/her and how glad you are that s/he is gone from your life. THEN, a few weeks go by and you’re back together again and everything seems to be peaches and cream when suddenly the same shit starts happening all over again. Did you honestly believe s/he could change that drastically in a matter of days or weeks? Seriously? Nobody can change that quickly; and lots of people can’t change at all. I know that for a fact. Remember my last relationship? DV is no joke; just ask those of us who’ve been there.
I’m just tired of listening to you telling me how bad shit is for you when you’re not even trying to make any changes for the better. Don’t get me wrong; I complain about things going on in my life – I don’t have a job yet, I need a place of my own; I get angry at those who hurt me; but I also spend most of my time trying to make my situation better regardless of the nonsense that’s thrown my way. You don’t. You spend your time fighting with your mate and crying to me about it. What the fuck? Do you honestly think you’re a special case? Guess what. You’re not. I’ve already said I can name three people right off the top of my head and you’re all in the same situation. You’re not unique here.
What really irks me is that I’ve got a very dear friend who lost her husband in 2008 to Cancer. I met one of her friends who also lost her husband to a massive heart attack. Both men were young, handsome, and had a lot to offer this World. But they were taken too soon and have left behind brokenhearted wives and families. I know for a fact that either of these two wonderful women would give anything to have their husbands back, and they wouldn’t bitch about stupid shit that happens with their husbands. Let’s get real here, people, if s/he isn’t what you want, if you feel the need to be so angry all the time over the crap that s/he does, then maybe it’s time to move on; don’t you think? I do.
I don’t complain about my relationship for the simple fact that I’ve chosen not to be in one right now. I’ve got too much on my plate and don’t have the time or energy to devote to a man. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Would I like a relationship? Perhaps; when I’ve got my life together, when I’m settled in my own place, when my kids are settled, when I’m capable of supporting myself. Then, maybe I’ll want a man around. Then again, maybe I won’t. Two big things I learned about myself over the past six years, since my ex left, are that A) I don’t need a man in my life, I’m perfectly happy being by single right now; and B) I’m smart enough to see the signs in my relationship that will determine whether it’s worth continuing. I know the red flags to look for to point out a possibly abusive relationship; and I know what I want in a relationship and have the guts to say “This isn’t working for me.”
Before you get all pissy, you may already be but I don’t care, every relationship has its ups and downs; it’s a given. I’ve never met one couple who didn’t argue about something at some point, or who didn’t have their share of problems, but the partied work it out. You people, the ones to whom I'm referring in this blog, just seem to be happy with all the fucking drama day in and day out. Frankly, it’s making me sick. You chose to be there; now choose to either work it out or get out. I’ve got friends like me, those who’ve been victims of DV, who did what they had to do to get the abusive spouse out of their lives; I know people who have had severe problems in their relationships and are genuinely trying to work things out together, and I know people who know what they want and are either in working relationships or have chosen to be single. You guys, however, are driving me up a fucking wall with all your “I just don’t know what to do anymore” bullshit.
This has gone of for too long so I’m going to tell you what to do – shit or get off the pot. You either truly love your mate and want to make things work, or you don’t. Yes, it is that simple. I don’t give a shit if you have kids – children are no reason to stay in a shitty relationship because kids can tell that things aren’t right in the household. I don’t care if you think you can’t support yourself without your spouse’s income. To that I say loudly “BULLSHIT!” If I can do it, you can too. There are resources around every corner; all you need to do is look for them.
The one excuse that really chaps my ass, though, is the unstated-but-very-loud “I just can’t stand being alone” crap. Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t stand being alone? Yes, you know who you are. My ex is like that; he can’t be alone for very long but he, at least, does have some time off between women. One of those in this group can’t be alone at all and moves from mate to mate and back again without giving any thought to the fact that those in the vicinity are getting fucked up because of it. That’s no good, especially when you spent so much time bitching about what a shit your on-again/off-again mate is. And, you’re starting to complain all over again, and you’ve only been back together for a couple of days. Damn! You people would all rather be in crappy relationships than be alone for a while and I don’t get it.
Anyway, I’m giving you fair warning here. I’ve had just about enough of your crap and I’m about to cut you all out of my life. I don’t need toxic people around me, especially since I’ve finally got my canoe floating downstream on a constant basis. I’ve cut people out of my life in the past and I have no problem doing it again. I absolutely love you all to death, but there is only so much I can take at this point. So, man-up, and do what needs to be done; make a choice one way or the other. I’ll absolutely support any decision you make 100% but I won’t continue to listen to your issues if you’re not willing to help yourselves. That being said, I’m going to find something fun to do while you mull over what I said.
Until next time…peace to all.
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