Two More That Make Me Laugh

Last night I talked about two commercials, or infomercials, that I found amusing. Tonight I have two more that make me bust a gut every time I see them; I can't help it, the propaganda is just so STUPID. It actually amazes me that people believe the shit enough to buy the products. I have a lot to say, though, so please bear with me.

The first one starts with a montage of people walking their dogs, or rather dogs walking their people. Each dog is forcefully pulling its owner across the lawn, down the walkway, or wherever they may be; you get the picture. The voice over is talking about how difficult it is to keep control of your dog so they're offering you a new leash that will allow you to "instantly" get control over your dog.

It's not a regular leash or a choke chain, it's a special type of leash that attaches to the dog's collar and then runs down the back and around the dog's middle near the hips and transforms "any dog from unruly puller to perfect walker...instantly." Really? The end of the leash that the owner grasps now comes up from the dog's back near the butt rather than from its neck so I guess that's what's supposed to allow the owner to get this instant control. Does that make sense to you?

The ad actually shows a dog pulling its owner but the second this special leash is attached the dog walks with a perfect gait alongside the owner. I say bullshit!! What you have when you attach the leash is a two-point tether allowing the dog to have twice the pull on the owner. There is no way in the world simply attaching this leash will instantly tame any dog and I don't care what the inventors say about it. I still say bullshit!!

It's supposed to make it easier to walk numerous dogs at once, too. HAH I say...HAH!! You can't bullshit a bullshitter, people. Rather than having six dogs all pulling and tugging in different directions the magic leash makes them all walk perfectly in a nice, orderly group - according to the ad. It's too bad the ad doesn't show all the training the dogs went through before they got to be TV stars. It's crap, ladies and gents; don't believe it. But if you do believe it and decide to try it, try this next item also; your life will be transformed.

This ad starts off with people opening their cabinets and all their plastic storage dishes come tumbling to the floor in a disorganized heap. We can't have that, can we? No, of course not. What we need is an easier way to store and reheat our leftovers that doesn't cause a mess in the cabinets, doesn't leave us searching for mismatched lids, and doesn't leave us with melting containers. We all need to order this new dome thingy that fits directly onto any plate we own. Just put the dome over the food on the plate and push down on the big button on the top to squish the air out from underneath it and voila!, instant storage dish. It's a fucking joke, if you ask me.

It's supposed to replace all the smaller plastic containers that we all buy, the ones that stack up nicely in the cabinets and in the fridger on top of one another, the ones we can simply throw away when they get ruined in some manner, and the ones that are of minimal expense. The dome is ridiculous. Not only is it about 3" tall off the plate, but the button on top of it stands another 3/4" off the top of the dome. How the fuck are they supposed to stack in the fridger? They don't!

I don't know about you but when I have leftovers I don't dish them out on a plate for eating at a later date, I save them in individual containers so that I can mix and match for another dinner or for snacking, depending on what the food may be. The dome won't do me any good. It did a fine job for the dad in the ad who takes his lunch to work, though. He drove along happily to work with his domed plate sitting on the passenger seat - who does that? - and, at lunch time, he sat at his desk, turned the button on top of the dome to release the pressure, and lifted it off to eat his freshly-heated plate of food, straight from the microwave. Nice, right? Maybe for him, not for me.

When I did take lunch to work I packed it neatly into one small microwaveable container, put the container in a bag for easy toting, ate, rinsed the dish and put it back in the bag to take it home. This dude now has to carry the plate plus the dome into work and back home again. I hope he doesn't have anything else to carry because he's already lost the use of one hand just to carry his lunch crap.

Not only is it supposed to be convenient but it's also supposed to be sturdy as shown by the kid knocking one dome-sealed plate off table, the plate not breaking and the dome not detaching from the plate; and by the hefty dude who stood on another domed plate. Not one crack appeared in the dome. YAY!! I'd love to try that myself but, unfortunately, I'm not paying the whopping $11.99 for the dome - ONE dome.

For the conveniently-low price of $48, plus shipping and handling, I can preserve my kids' and my leftovers on their original plates in the fridger, on separate shelves because they won't stack without tipping, and we can all enjoy the same meal over again. It would have to be the next night because there wouldn't be enough room in the fridger for me to store more leftovers from a different meal; I also wouldn't have a way to store them because I've gotten rid of all my handy, dandy plastic storage containers to make room for the dopey dome.

I'd love to know who comes up with this crap and who, in the patent office sees it and decides it's a really great product that people will love. Someone needs to be smacked upside the head for even thinking of producing this shit. Honestly. Magic leashes for perfect dogs and super-dopey domes for perfect leftovers...I've got to find a better use of my time than watching idiotic infomercials. Then again, I do get a certain amount of pleasure from making fun of them. Then I share my views with you because I'm hoping you'll see the humor, too. Maybe you do, maybe you don't; at least I had a good laugh.

Until next time...peace to all.