Cougars and Stuff

You know someone is a great friend when you can discuss anything and everything, regardless of what it is, and you feel like you’re discussing nothing more than what makes a great peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The conversation just flows easily and nothing said is ever taken as offensive or embarrassing. Ellen and I are like that we can talk about whatever is going on, no matter how personal it is, and we can always make each other laugh, even through tears if one of us is upset over something.

Recently I met a new friend who actually is back in Independence. He and his wife are good friends of mine and we can talk like that. I didn’t meet my new friend before I moved; I actually “met” him through his wife via Facebook. I won’t use their names without their permission so I’ll just call them Roseanne and Dan – a reference to my favorite sitcom, in case you didn’t know. Anyway, I met Roseanne in the PACT group I attended on Thursday nights. Without going into any of their personal details I’ll just say that their small family has been split up due to circumstances beyond their control. Dan is, for a short while, not with Roseanne and their baby but that is soon to change.

Roseanne is a lovely girl who is open, honest, and wonderfully charismatic. She never failed to get my attention with something she said during the group. Then again, I, along with my friend M. in the group were the instigators who sort of forced, in a positive way, others to open up and participate. We were like the class clowns who did our best to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome through our antics. Because of us, Roseanne, I’m assuming, felt like she could share without fear of judgment or retribution. And that she did.

Dan never attended the group because of the aforementioned issues so I didn’t even know what he looked like until I became his Facebook friend. He’s quite a handsome guy, and Roseanne is just a doll. They look like the perfect couple. That was just a little sidebar I thought I’d add since I’ve already strayed from my basic issue for tonight. As if that wouldn’t happen. Anyway, as I was saying about conversations with friends, the three of us don’t talk much but our Facebook conversations are generally fun and lighthearted. Anything personal is kept under the wraps of inbox messages, but our walls are filled with funny and engaging posts back and forth. They never fail to make me smile, and, quite often, laugh out loud.

Dan often posts obscure passages or song lyrics that I have to Google so I can figure out what they mean. I was never good at poetry and don’t get it. Song lyrics are, of course, poetry, hence my trouble with them. He says he’s writing a book although I don’t know what kind but I’d love to read some of it someday. (Hint, hint) I’ve actually thought about writing myself but have never really thought about what or had the time to actually attempt it. My blog, for the time being, is all I write. Perhaps in the future I’ll do something bigger and better.

Anyway, I’ve gotten off topic again. One subject that Roseanne and I, and Dan and I, at separate times, have covered over the past two days is the younger man/older woman (Cougar) issue. A couple of days ago Dan said something that I jokingly told him made me feel old. Then I “ratted him out” by telling Roseanne what he’d said. She, of course, said I’m not old; then today she said something that led to the Cougar issue. When I mentioned that I’m old enough to be hers and Dan’s mother she said that age is only a number. Okay. Then, later this evening, something I said prompted Dan to say the same thing to me. I’d said that two hot guys on a TV show are too young for me to even fantasize about. He said that young men today are the elite to which I responded that he was correct but perhaps it was a topic for a different time and a more private venue. Fuck that. Let’s discuss it now. Everyone else does.

Society has always seen older men/younger women as a good thing. “Grandpa’s got himself a hottie – way to go.” However, the Cougar issue was always taboo. How dare an older woman be seen with a younger man! There was something wrong with it. Personally I don’t see anything wrong with it but I don’t see me getting into that. The way I see it, and you may disagree, is that nothing serious can really come of it. The couple can agree that they want the same things but a 20-year-old guy is bound to change his mind at some point in time.

I’ll use myself as an example. I’m 43 with three young kids. I meet a 20-something guy who’s totally into me and, after a few dates (which, by the way, I’ve never had) wants to get serious. Cool. However, I don’t think he’d be completely satisfied with the relationship. I’ve got things I want to do, a certain standard of living my life, and a lot of responsibility. Not that he doesn’t, but I didn’t even decide what I wanted to go to college for until I was 40 years old. I’m, pretty much, guessing that, at his young age, he hasn’t even decided which brand of toilet paper is his most preferred. (Mine’s Scott in case you were wondering. It costs less and lasts longer with four of us using it.)

So how long would a relationship like that last? There’s no telling. Maybe it would last for a while, but then he’d start realizing that he could have more if he were with someone younger. He’s not going to have his own kids with me, that’s for sure. I’m done with all that. He’s not going to be joining his finances with mine; I learned my lesson after my ex. Nor would his name be on the deed to my house (if I had one) because I’m not taking any chances with that either. He wants to go out clubbing; I’ve got the kids to take care of. He wants listen to hip-hop or heavy metal and I’m into music from the 70s and 80s (the “oldies” as I’ve mentioned before). Sure, we could have a conversation about things we have in common but I don’t think that would be a lot.

I just don’t see the Cougar-type of relationship being very sturdy. I, personally, would feel the need to take care of him like he was my kid. That’s not the kind of attitude a woman wants to take into an intimate relationship. Maybe a short fling would be okay, provided I could even get a younger dude to look my way. Shit, I don’t even have the opportunity to meet men my own age, or women my own age, for that matter. I’d be hard-pressed to find a young hottie who’d want more than a one-night stand, if that. I’m cool with that, though. And I support whatever type of relationship fits your style. I think I’ll just wait to see what happens for me. Maybe that’ll be something I can write about if and when I do decide to write a book. It could be interesting stuff. Maybe…maybe not.

Until next time…peace to all.