Maybe Someday

I wonder if I could invent something stupid and make money from it. People do it all the time and I’m willing to bet they make crazy bank off of the stupid shit they invent. The dude who invented the pet rock so many moons ago is probably living in luxury right now just because he thought of putting a rock in a box. It’s a rock for Pete’s sake. I can get one just by walking down the street; I’m not paying for one.

Take a look around you, though. See how many mundane things you have in your house that are simple items that you could have invented yourself. I’ve got a square piece of rubber – that was a giveaway, not something I purchased – that is used to hope the lid of a jar. You know what I’m talking about. Those thin pieces of rubber, whether round or rectangular, with some company name on them, that you put over the top of a jar to get a better grip. What happened to just using a spoon to pry the edge of the jar open; or to just whacking the jar on the bottom once to release the air bubble? People actually pay for that little rubber thing. No offense to you if you do, I’m just making mention of it.

I also had (I gave it to my ex during one of his moves) a spaghetti measurer. It’s a palm-sized plastic oval with different sized circles cut into it. It almost looks like a small artist’s palette. The circles are labeled “2 Servings,” “4 Servings,” etc. You’re supposed to pull out a handful of dry spaghetti noodles and insert them into the circle of the number of servings you need to make sure you’ve got the right amount. Can the general public not measure spaghetti by eye that they need this little device? I’m betting the inventor doesn’t care as he counts his money in his spacious mansion.

I want to invent something easy like that but I can’t get any ideas. I had an idea for something once and it would’ve been great. Then I did the research and found that it already existed. I had no idea because I’d never seen one before. I’m not mentioning what it is because I still may come up with a modified version at some point. We’ll see. I’d have to take the time to really research it though, and I’m not into that right now.

I just keep thinking of that show “How’d You Get So Rich” with Joan Rivers. She interviews people all the time who invented something ridiculous but got filthy rich from it. I remember the one episode I watched had something to do with the guy who invented the Slanket. That’s the original version of the Snuggie – the blanket with arms that people now wear so they can stay warm while keeping their hands free. I think I’ll just put my bathrobe on backwards. At least it has a belt so it’ll stay secure when I get up and wander the halls during a commercial break.

I digress, though. The kid - and I say kid because the guy was in his early twenties, I believe – invented the Slanket and is now a millionaire (or was it billionaire?) and won’t ever have to work again if he doesn’t want to. I want that. I want to be able to just sit back and watch the cash roll in while I smile and watch Spongebob Squarepants with the kids. On the commercial, where they’ll be offering whatever it is I invented, I’ll move my pet rock off my lap, get up in my backwards bathrobe, run to the kitchen to measure out the correct amount of spaghetti for us, then use my rubber jar opener to get to the sauce, all the while hearing a faint cha-ching sound in the background. Ah, the joy of dreams. Maybe someday…

Until next time…peace to all.