Two days ago I went out to do some errands. We needed a few things for the house so I went to my usual spot - Dollar General - where household items are pretty inexpensive. Among the items on my short list were bottles of hand soap for the bathrooms. Zach was with me and we went to the dollar section where we found apple cinnamon soap in pump bottles. I'm not too fond of food scents but it was mild so we got two bottles.
I brought my purchases home and put everything where it belonged. I took one bottle of the soap and put it in the downstairs bathroom. I needed to open it, though, because the kids wouldn't know how to do it. On pump bottles of soap, as you know, the pump needs to be released. In order to release it you have to either spin it clockwise or counter clockwise, whichever way it is for that particular bottle. One quick spin of the pump on my bottle and it was ready for action.
I put the other bottle of soap on the stairs so I'd remember to take it up later when I was heading in that direction. The kids don't often use the upstairs bathroom during the day so I wasn't in any rush to get it up there; there was bar soap in the tub if the kids needed it. The bottle could wait on the stairs for a while. I got lucky, though, and Dolly carried it up with her on one of her many trips to her room to get this toy or that.
When I finally made it upstairs later that evening to get comfy in my room I went into the bathroom and grabbed the unopened bottle of soap to release the pump. One quick spin of the pump on the bottle and... nothing. Huh? It didn't release. Oh. I'll try again. Another quick spin of the pump and... still nothing. What the fuck?! I was spinning it right? Yes, I was spinning it.
Shit! Maybe I was spinning it in the wrong direction. Okay. One quick spin in the opposite direction and... NOTHING!!! DAMN IT!! What was I doing wrong? The first bottle opened really easily. This one wanted to fight but I wasn't in the mood just then. Fuck it! I put it back on the counter and finished changing into my sweats so I could watch TV. I'd worry about the soap later. Nobody was going to use it immediately anyway.
Later in the evening I went to use the bathroom and after washing my hands with the bar soap from the tub I decided I needed to get the pump soap working. I was up to the challenge at that point. I spun the pump a few times in one direction and then in the other. It wasn't releasing. Seriously?! It's a fucking bottle of soap for crying out loud! Why wouldn't the pump release?
I closed the lid on the commode and sat down with the soap and spun it numerous time in each direction. Nothing. I searched the bottle for directions thinking I'd missed something. No directions on how to open it existed in that little tiny print that I could barely read. Hey, I don't wear my glasses all the time; I just did the best I could by moving the bottle further from and closer to my eyes until the words came into focus.
No instructions on the bottle, maybe there were instructions on the pump itself. I turned the bottle so I could see the top and, when I held it at a certain angle, I could barely make out a small white arrow and the word "Open" in white stamped on the white pump. How the fuck do manufacturers think we can read white on white, especially when the printing is so small? Someone needs to fix that. Anyway, I was turning the pump in the correct direction but it wasn't releasing. Why not? Hmmm...
I removed the entire pump from the bottle thinking there was a release mechanism underneath that wasn't catching. Nope, nothing. I did get soap all over my hands, though, which made it all that more difficult to keep the fucking pump in my grip. Grrr... I kept spinning it and staring at it trying to figure out why it wouldn't open. I didn't see anything wrong. I was spinning the pump and the whole gadget - the straw-like part inside the bottle - was spinning with it. Was that supposed to happen?
Now I was thinking. If the pump is supposed to spin to release then the rest of the contraption would have to remain stationary. Right? That made sense. Okay. So between the pump and the bottle cap is a little collar that I noticed was also spinning along with the pump. Maybe if I held that still and spun the pump it would release. I tried but it was too fucking narrow for me to get a good grip on it with my fingers. How was I supposed to hold it still while spinning the pump? Think... think... think...
Would pliers work? Let's find out, shall we? I went downstairs to the kitchen with my pump bottle of soap that refused to release. I dug through my tool drawer for my pliers. First I had to get past the kitchen towels that somebody had just shoved in there rather than folding them. Then I had to dig through all the other tools and hardware... a box of nails, a hammer, my snips, pliers! YAY! Shit! Those are needle nose. I didn't want those. Where the fuck are my regular pliers? AHA!! Victory! All the way in the back and on the bottom of the drawer.
I grabbed the pliers, very carefully opened them, gently wrapped them around the collar of the soap bottle and gave a soft squeeze to hold the collar still. I gave the pump a quick spin with my free hand and - HOLY SHIT - it released!!! DAMN!! I couldn't believe it. Almost an hour of messing with this fucking thing and it finally opened. It's a bottle of soap and I ought not have to spend this much time with it, we're not that friendly.
I put my pliers away and was glowing in my victory as I took the now-opened bottle of soap back upstairs to the bathroom. I carefully placed it on the side of the sink where it now sits ready for anyone who needs it to partake of its contents. It wanted a fight and I was not about to give in - not now, not ever. I will take on any challenge as it's presented to me - and that includes pump bottles of soap. And I will always win!!
Until next time... peace to all.
My favorite day of the year - December 26th. Christmas is over and I can de-stress and decompress and all that other stuff I need to do to settle my nerves. Santa was good to my kids yesterday, they all enjoyed their gifts and had a lot of fun. They even enjoyed the dinner they chose - mini-corndogs and French fries with Italian ices for dessert. Hey, I cooked big on Thanksgiving, I'm not doing it again on Christmas. It's just the kids and me so it doesn't really matter what we eat, right? Right.
I took my tree down an hour ago and replaced the table that I'd moved upstairs for the past month to make room for the tree. All decorations are put away and you'd never know Christmas was yesterday in my home. I really don't like the holiday, or any holidays for that matter - except New Year's Eve - but I think people think I'm kidding when I say it. I'm not kidding. I don't like holidays that dictate that I have to buy gifts for the people I love, especially since I buy gifts when I feel like it, all year 'round.
We all had a good day over here but I'm glad it's over and now I can concentrate on other things, like getting a more beneficial job. I love working with Ursula but the work is spotty and it doesn't pay my bills. I have an appointment with the Employment Council in a couple of weeks so maybe something will come of that but I'm not going to stress over it. I'm done stressing over anything because it's not worth my time and energy. The only thing I'm going to do it stay as positive as I can and imagine what my future is going to be like so the Universe will deliver it faster.
I already had a couple of good things happen today because I've calmed down from all the holiday drama so I'm going to do my best to focus on that positive feeling. New Year's Eve, my favorite holiday, is next week and I'm looking forward to it. I don't make resolutions and I don't go out to celebrate; I sit at home with the kids snacking and watching TV, and I can wipe this year clean and start fresh next year. 2014 promises to be a great year for me because I said so; and I'll make it happen - just watch me.
I'm not going to let other people's problems get in my way, either. I did that too much this year and it took too much of my time and energy. Whenever I stopped concentrating on their negative and focused on my positive the good began to flow again for me. I'm going to keep the good stuff flowing the best I can in this coming year. I've actually already started.
That creepy girl who's always begging for rides came to my door yesterday asking if she could talk to me. I flat out told her no and then she asked if she could borrow my lighter. I lent it to her, got it back, and closed the door on her. Paul told me yesterday that he and his girlfriend are officially moving in together next week, they rented a place together, and I don't care. Their drama is due to start as soon as he feels comfortable and I'm staying out of it completely this time. I was pulled into the middle of it more than I liked this year but that stops, too. He's on his own.
I've started speaking my mind to people lately, too, rather than worrying about whether or not they would get upset with me. I've done it with Paul, with that car-ride girl, with my nephew, and a few other people. My friend Sylvia told me the other day that she doesn't know what I did with the old Beth but she really likes the moxie of this new Beth. I have to agree. I feel so much better knowing that I'm in control of me and my life and that I don't have to let others intrude on me.
As Esther Hicks says, "Do what feels better," and that's what's happening with me. I'm doing and saying what feels better for me, for my kids, and for our lives and anyone who doesn't like it can kick rocks. If all you're going to do is try to bring me down I don't need you, I don't want you, and I have no problem pushing you away. If you don't believe me, just give it a shot. I promise you I'll win.
Until next time... peace to all.
Looks like we've come full circle yet again. My ex has a new woman in his life, the second one since August when he was arrested for domestic violence with his then-girlfriend. The one immediately following her only lasted about two weeks and this current one seems to be moving along according to schedule. His behavior is right on schedule, too.
See, whenever he's between women he's overly nice to me, polite, tries to make jokes, chats about the kids, and all that. When he's got a woman and she's in his life on a regular basis he turns into a complete shit toward me and that's where we are now. This most recent girlfriend of his is allowing him to stay with her 'for a few days' as of about a week ago. According to my ex, the dude who lives in the apartment above his had a fire last week and, since the apartments are connected, the plumbing and electric in both are messed up so he can't stay in his apartment.
Convenient, right? Now he has an excuse to live with her and her kids and she's buying into it. He also told me the other day that they opened a joint bank account together. Seems he's having problems with his account since all the bogus loan scam bullshit took place and he needed to open a new one. That's his story anyway. My theory is that he overdrew his account again and can't get it back on track. Not my problem and I don't care.
Since he's been 'staying' with her, though, he's gone back to his usual I'm-going-to-show-my-new-woman-what-a-shit-my-ex-wife-is-and-what-a-tough-guy-I-am attitude. As soon as something doesn't go his way he takes it out on me and starts yelling and screaming and sending rude texts so he can convince her that I'm an asshole and he has to put up with my crap. It never fails, it's part of his relationship cycle.
Just last Friday he was being all nice to me and wanting to give me all kinds of information about what's going on with his job search and all that crap, as if I give a shit. As of yesterday he got angry because he never got copies of the court papers from when I applied for sole custody of the kids and supervised visitation for him. He started yelling via text and then called me and started screaming that I never sent him a copy of the papers. It's not my job to take care of him and I told him so; I told him to call the courthouse and ask for the paperwork. He didn't like that and as soon as he called me an asshole I hung up on him so he started texting again.
He was getting belligerent and rude and I could tell he was shitfaced and that his girlfriend was there or he wouldn't have been putting on a show. His texts made no sense whatsoever and he couldn't even answer questions with coherent thoughts. He got angry when I accused him of being drunk and when I asked if sweetie pie was there. Guess what! I don't give a shit. Both were true - I knew it and he knew it. I finally just stopped texting and laughed about the whole thing.
Today he started, yet again, with his bullshit of asking for the names of the kids' teachers and their school ID numbers. He does it with every new girlfriend to try and show girlfriend what a good daddy he is. Yeah, okay. I gave him the names of the teachers but the ID numbers are for the kids to use to pay for lunch. He doesn't need those and I told him so. I got his standard "Yup" in response. Fuck him!
Over the weekend he was asking about Dolly's school concert tonight, saying he wanted to be there, blah, blah, blah. He never showed, not even a text to say he wouldn't make it. He did claim to have a job interview about 4:00, I think, so I figured he'd use that as an excuse not to go to the concert. Not like it really mattered because Dolly didn't want him there anyway.
It's been just about a month since I got the court papers changed and he hasn't tried to schedule one visit with the kids through the program we're using for the supervised visitation. He claims that the girl who works there hasn't returned his calls for two weeks. She called me Sunday and said she's been calling him but he doesn't answer his phone. Her I believe. Another theory of mine is that he's avoiding the visitation and blaming it on the girl at the program not getting back to him. I mean, why would he want to waste gas to drive over an hour just to see his kids for an hour? Any regular father would, not this one. Any excuse to get out of it.
He doesn't like the fact that he has to have the supervised visitation - claims it was my idea and the fact that Children's Division was called on him twice has nothing to do with it, nor does his behavior over the past 12 years. He's not comfortable with supervised visitation and it's not what he wants - so he's going to pout about it rather than doing the right thing. Again - fuck him!
Like I said, we're back to the beginning again and I am really getting tired of it. I have to start documenting shit all over again - I keep all of his texts - and I have to deal with his bullying and abusive attitude. Not that I have to deal with it but I have to spend my time constantly hanging up on him or dismissing him via text. It gets exhausting, it really does. If I could snap my fingers and make it, or him, just go away I would, I don't have that option, though.
I have to just keep moving forward like I always do and wait till this relationship ends just to have it begin again with the next woman in his life. It's a really good thing I have a sense of humor. I spend a lot of time laughing at him; so much time, in fact, that there are days when I feel like the Joker, a wide-ass stupid grin on my face all day because of his stupidity. Then there are days when I'm just mentally exhausted because I know what's coming next and just have to wait for it to come into play. Yesterday, today, and now there will be more tomorrow. I guess I'll just get some sleep and try to forget about him for the night. Tomorrow will bring what it brings and I'll just keep on laughing.
Until next time... peace to all.
I was sick last week. I had a cold, a bad one. My sinuses were clogged; I couldn't breathe at all out of the left side of my nose and barely out of the right side, and even though my nose was stuffed it still drained like a sieve; my head hurt - everything. I had The Sick. While the kids were in school I tried to lie down as much as I could to recuperate but when they got home it was business as usual.
I was helping with homework, listening to school stories, handling complaints, cooking, cleaning; I did all that and more, as most mothers know. You'd never know I was sick other than me complaining to myself that I felt like crap. I was in the bathroom every 10 minutes or so to try to blow my nose, too, but nobody took notice. Ack!!
Saturday evening Ty came to me and said his head hurt a little and he felt kind of blah. I figured he was getting The Sick because he never complains about anything. Sunday morning I heard him in his room coughing a little and he didn't even get up like he usually does. I took him temperature - 103*. I gave him some Ibuprofen and left him alone as requested. He slept most of the day and asked for some noodles that evening. He'd be home from school on Monday because of the 'your child has to be symptom free for 24 hours before returning to school' rule. He stayed home and lay on the sofa most of the day. His temp was down all day long. Great!!
Last night Zach came to me after school telling me he had a headache. Yikes! He was getting The Sick, too. Took his temp and it was around 101*. I gave him some Ibuprofen and sent him to bed. Ty was feeling better but now Zach wasn't. Zach would be staying home today because of the aforementioned rule. Dolly, knock wood, was fine. Phew!!
I got up this morning and took Zach's temp - 102*. Just for shits and giggles I took Ty's to make sure it was down. FUCK!! A 101* temp for Ty. He'd be home with me, too. Me and two sick boys home all day. I wasn't getting anything done. I took Dolly to the bus stop and told her she wasn't allowed to get The Sick for a couple of days so I could get the boys back in school first. She ignored me and at 9:00 this morning the school nurse called to say that Dolly had a temp of 101*. FUCK! again. I picked her up and brought her home.
Three kids with The Sick all home from school together meant that I really wasn't getting anything done. We all sat around watching TV together for a while when Zach went to his room and Ty decided to play on the computer. They were all fine until this afternoon at right about the time they'd usually get home from school. Zach and Dolly both started whining that they wanted chips. I don't have any chips but they didn't care. The whining got so bad that I came up to my room to get away from it.
A little while later I went downstairs, toasted them some rolls and put cinnamon and sugar on them; a tasty treat to help them all feel better. I'd heated myself some frozen chimichangas and was waiting to eat as soon as the rolls were done. Just as I was finishing the last roll Ty asked if they could all have some mac and cheese. They all wanted it so my dinner was put on hold while I made their dinner. I was hungry but I'm the Mama and we always take the back seat to our kids, especially those who have The Sick.
While I was making the macaroni it occurred to me that neither of the boys had bothered asking me how I was feeling last week much less offering to make me something to eat or get me a drink. Dolly, at least, had made me a cup of tea - once. I brought that to their attention - that I was doing for them while they were sick but I was mostly ignored while I was sick. When Ty apologized I told him I wasn't mentioning it for apologies, I was mentioning it because one day they'd be married. I made it quite clear that they can't expect their spouses to care for them while they're sick and ignore Spouse when he or she is sick. I told them they'll have to do their part to take care of Spouse and their households as it would be their job to take on extra until Spouse was feeling better.
I got an 'okay' from them but I'm willing to take bets that they'll forget my words of wisdom. I'll ask them in the future if they remember what I told them and they'll say no; they'll say they were listening, they'll say they were paying attention but they can't remember exactly what I said. My guess is they'll blame it on The Sick because it'll be the only reason they can think of for trying to get out of their responsibilities. It never fails.
While it's quiet right now, though, I'm going to try to relax in my room and enjoy the little peace I'll get until the next kid decides to start whining again. I'm sure it'll be about something they don't have or that I didn't do and that's okay. I've already decided to get a little payback so they better watch out the next time I get The Sick.
Until next time... peace to all.
I don't think you realize that it's not my job to make you feel better about you fucking up the lives of our kids. This time you've fucked up everything even worse than before. I've spent all day crying - no, sobbing - because of the situation I'm in right now because of you. It's not the first time I've been here but I can assure you it will be the last time. I will never again depend on you for anything - not child support, not extra money when one of the kids wants to join a club or a sport, not gifts on holidays or birthdays, and I certainly won't depend on you to be a decent human being. You really suck at that last one.
It doesn't matter to you that I don't have what I need to care for our children. You seem to think you losing your job is all about you! "It's affecting me, too," is what you said to me. I didn't get you fired, you did that all by your big-boy self. Now you have your girlfriend paying your bills and buying you the new phone that you got over the weekend. That's fucking sad. You're 41 years old and have to have your girlfriend take care of you - again.
It doesn't matter to you that I can't pay my bills because you fucked up again. Your sarcastic remark to me about me "still looking for that $80K job" was totally uncalled for. I'm not looking for an $80K job but minimum wage won't pay my bills either, mother fucker! I guess you forgot basic math somewhere on your journeys from one woman to another. All I can do is apply for the jobs, I can't force someone to give me one so until you know what you're talking about you have no right to say anything to me. I may not have a full-time job but I've also never been fired.
I told you a lot today that you've been asking about in the recent past, things about how the kids feel and things they've said to me about you, yet you didn't like it when you read it; your response was to get nasty and sarcastic with me. Here's a tip: If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question. Funny thing is that once you heard how your kids don't like you for all the shit you've done to them over the past 12 years you automatically turned it into a 'poor me' scenario. Poor you? FUCK YOU!!
Rather than respond by telling me you'll work harder to do the right thing to work on a relationship with the kids you said that you'll make phone calls to see what you can do about signing your rights to them away for good. Then you text me tonight telling me you withdrew from the visitation program that the court assigned you to attend to see the kids. When Zach heard that his response was "YAY!" He even wanted me to text it back to you but I wouldn't let him.
We all realize now that you never had any intention of being a dad to these kids. Your way of showing you care is to just remove yourself from their lives? Maybe that would be best for them and for me. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way, dumbass. And for you to text me again saying that you think it's best for them and that you'll stay out of their lives until they want you and apologizing again for nothing specific is your way of trying to get me to feel bad for you. I'm not going to!! I don't give a shit how you feel!! THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!
This is about your kids and you not taking care of them yet again. It's about more disappointment that you've put on them that you don't care about fixing. It's about your kids not wanting you in their lives because you're a fuck up and they don't want to have to tell people you're their 'dad.' It's about three wonderfully beautiful kids who have to watch their mom struggle again to pay the bills and make ends meet because you screwed up again. It's these same kids who know that their mom was crying in private because, even though she comes out of the bathroom smiling, her eyes are all red and puffy, yet they still try to make her laugh.
It's about three kids who spend their time hugging their mom and telling her that everything will be okay. That's not their job but they do it anyway because they know how much she hurts and how much they hurt. I've taught them that we're a family and that we stick together and that's what we do, the four of us. They've given up more than you will ever know or even care to know. But that's not your problem, is it? Your job is trying to make people think you're the victim because your kids don't like you. You go ahead and do that, we all know better and sooner or later all your bullshit will come back on you. For now my kids and I will be a family and do what we have to do. For all we care, you can just fade away.
Until next time... peace to all.
I returned to court today. Remember I told you about the missing pages that I had to submit on Tuesday? I got there about 8:45 this morning but unlike Tuesday the courtroom today was closed to the public. A note on the door said "Sealed Courtroom - Do Not Enter." So anyone who had a case today had to wait in the hallway and be called in case by case. I took a seat, got as comfortable as I could on the wooden bench and planned to wait a while.
Dozens of couples were there with their attorneys, each waiting their turn. Of course they'd all be called in before those of us without attorneys, but at least I didn't have to watch them go through their divorces like I did on Tuesday. I tried to go to a happy place in my mind so I wouldn't have to listen to the many conversations that were taking place around me. It worked for a while. Then two older men walked off the elevator.
Their conversation with others who were passing by made it clear that they were bail bondsmen. They'd been in the business for over 40 years and explained loudly that they were 76 and 77 years old. Nice that they're still on the job and able to hunt down the bond jumpers. They apparently knew most everybody who worked in the courthouse from police officers to office workers. They greeted almost everyone by name, including some of the people waiting to have their divorce cases heard.
Then a third bondsman showed up; I found out later he was an ex-cop. He sat to my right, the 77-year-old man sat to his right and the 76-year-old man sat to my left. There I was, sandwiched between these guys. I must say, though, that it was the best part of my morning. The man on my left and the man on my right had some joking banter going on between them, just talking right over me, and I was laughing out loud at their jokes. They even included me in a few. It was fun.
Then a kid was brought up in shackles. I say 'kid' because he was about 22, way younger than I am. He needed a place to sit next to his police escort so I moved to the bench across the hallway to make room for them where I'd been sitting. All the cases were moving in and out of the courtroom but I was just sitting there. Two hours passed and I hadn't heard anything from anyone. Meantime, another bondsman appeared along with two more officers. This shackled kid was there with three officers as his escort over from County and the four bondsman. Seriously? He was arrested for destruction of property. Why all the attention?
Anyway, I finally got to speak to the court clerk who went over my paperwork with me then sent me back to the hallway with the men who were all joking and laughing, including the prisoner. All we needed then was a TV and some hot wings and we'd have had a party going. The lady from inside the courtroom came out and called the kid in and told me I could sit in the courtroom and would be called after the kid was done. Really, all that time waiting and they couldn't just call me in and let me be done? Everyone else was long gone.
When the kid left the judge called my name. She swore me in and took my testimony as to why I wanted sole custody for me and supervised visitation for my ex. I told her why - all his drinking and drunk driving, his domestic violence history and recent arrest for it, his bullying of the children, the Children's Division hotline calls made against him, the kids' fear of him, all of it. She listened, read my notes, and signed the judgment in my favor. I now have sole physical and legal custody of my children and he has supervised visitation through an agency located over here.
I texted him the judgment when I got home and he just replied with an "Ok". I didn't really expect more. Now it's just wait-and-see to find out if he'll actually arrange something with the agency to be able to visit the kids. I'm not really counting on it given that he doesn't have a job so gas money for the hour-long drive will be a hardship on him.
My kids feel much better now. So do I. They feel safer knowing that their dad can't just show up out of the blue to see them, or have them for overnights. He can't drink and bully them and if he tries I have loads of legal leverage and recourse now that I didn't have yesterday. It was a long wait for this to come to pass and I don't like having to take this action against him but I had no choice. I had to do what I had to do for the safety and well being of my children.
It was a long few hours in the courthouse but the bondsmen/police party kept me entertained and I walked out of the courtroom happy. My kids and I can move forward now with some security and stability. I've been positive about most everything for the past week or so but today has me flying high. As I told a friend earlier, if I were any higher I'd have wings. The universe is definitely working with me lately and for that I'm extremely appreciative.
Until next time... peace to all.
I went to court yesterday - Tuesday - for the supervised visitation petition that I filed against Paul, my ex-husband. Ty insisted that he wanted to go with me to speak to the judge so I allowed him to go. He'd never been in a courtroom before so I schooled him on proper behavior before we got there: no talking in the courtroom, when you go before the judge only speak when you're spoken too, politely, clearly and not like you have marbles in your mouth. He said he understood so we were good to go.
As we waited for the judge to arrive we watched people come in and go out, some were attorneys others were people who were their to have their cases heard. I explained to Ty how the system would work once the judge arrived and began. The attorneys' cases would be heard first so they could get out of the courtroom and on to other things they had to do for the day. Then the pro se cases would be heard. We were one of the latter.
The judge arrived, we all rose and sat, then she began by immediately calling the first case. Attorney after attorney went with their client before the judge. Ty wondered why nobody was having to sit in the big witness chair that was at the end of the bench. I told him that family court in real life isn't what he sees on TV. The attorney and the client stand directly in front of the judge on the outside of her bench and say what needs to be said. The judge makes a ruling, the case is signed off, and the next one called.
We watched, at least, a dozen couples get divorced yesterday. All were amicable with the exception of one which had domestic violence charges attached against the husband. The majority of the divorces had only the plaintiff there, generally the wife, with her attorney. The judge went over the basics: names, address, duration of marriage, assets acquired, etc. Ask a few more questions, everyone agrees and - Woo Hoo - congratulations, you're divorced. It was just as easy with the couples that arrived together. Too bad mine couldn't have been that easy.
Ty and I sat there watching, waiting our turn to see the court clerk who would go over my paperwork with me before I went before the judge. About two hours into the session the judge called me up. I told her I hadn't seen the clerk yet. She told me that was because there were a couple of forms that hadn't been completed. She showed me which ones and I explained that I didn't complete them because I wasn't requesting any changes on those portions; I was just requesting sole custody and supervised visitation for my ex, and I gave her a few reasons why.
She had no problem with that but did say that I hadn't filled out the judgment portion, the part she has to sign off on. Shit!! I don't even remember seeing that section. She gave me the option of running home to print out the pages, fill them out and return, or I could leave and return Thursday morning. I chose Thursday since it would be easier. So I came home, printed the pages, completed them, and returned to the courthouse to submit them in the Records Office. The lady there told me they'd be ready for Thursday.
Believe that? One fucking section of the packet that I wasn't told to complete. Had I been notified beforehand the entire issue could have been settled yesterday. Instead, now I have to get up in the morning, get dressed in my court clothes - YUCK! - and go back to sit in the courtroom for another two hours. Maybe I'll get lucky and the judge will call me up first thing just to be done with me. Fingers crossed. If not, I'll make sure I have something to do while I wait so I don't have to watch another dozen couples get divorced. At least I'll get my case heard, right? Right. That's all that matters. I'll let you know how it goes.
Until next time... peace to all.
And my story continues. I never finished writing about the whole episode of the kids and me in shelter and getting out because I wasn't fully on my feet yet but I was on my way. Now we've had a major setback because of circumstances out of my control yet again. My ex got fired from his job a couple of weeks ago, for cause - a GOOD cause. Since he's no longer working I don't get child support anymore - again. That's the bulk of my current income. The part-time job I have doesn't pay enough to cover all my expenses.
Last time I got any money was two weeks ago. I won't get any this week or any weeks afterward as far as I can tell. I've stepped up my job search but haven't heard anything back from anyone yet. We can no longer just walk into a place, ask for an application, speak to a manager and get a job. It's all done online now and we have to wait weeks before we hear anything from the company, if we hear anything at all.
This sucks big time because I'm out of cash and have to figure out a way to pay my bills. There was a chance that I'd be getting a partial child support payment this week because my ex was supposed to get a partial final paycheck. When I texted him about it he said I won't be getting anything. Then when I complained that I have bills to pay he actually had the nerve to respond that this doesn't affect only me, that he has bills to pay too and can't. Gee! Guess what! I'm not the mother fucker who got caught stealing at work and got fired, thus fucking up the lives of others.
He doesn't seem to understand that he's putting his kids' home in jeopardy because of his stupid bullshit, nor does he seem to care. Right now, as we speak, he's sitting at his girlfriend's house doing whatever he does when he's with his women. I'm sitting here trying to sell my furniture online to get some money. He's a fucking class act, right? Unbelievable.
He also made comment about my upcoming court date. On Tuesday I'm going to court for the petition I filed to get supervised visitation for my ex and the kids. Children's Division won't let him see them right now because of his arrest for domestic violence against his then-girlfriend back in August. He said that I'm probably looking forward to court so I can have him labeled as a dead-beat dad. You know what? I hadn't thought about it until he mentioned it but it just may end up that way. What kind of asshole loses two jobs in two years on the implication that he was stealing from his employers? The fucked-up kind of asshole, that's what kind.
Right now I'm so angry at him that I can barely see straight. And you know what? This time there is no forgiveness. He really hates it when he thinks I'm angry at him. He tries to be overly nice and do favors and all that shit to get back in my good graces. Not this time; not ever again. I'm so tired of him thinking only of himself and not giving a rat's ass who he hurts in the process of his bullshit.
I know everything will work out for me, it always does. I'm just so sick of having to be thrown off track every time he fucks up. Why do his problems always have to become my problems? It doesn't seem right but it happens every single time. I just need some way to disconnect myself from him so that I can live my life with our kids and not be bothered every time he screws up. He can see the kids when the judge deems it appropriate, he can pay his child support, but he needs to stay at a distance from me and make sure that he keeps his problems to himself.
For now, it is what it is, right? I'll live and I'll get through this trial on my own, just like I always do. I don't like it but I have to do what I have to do. My kids and I will stick together and just keep plodding along and we'll come out of this one way or another. That's a promise to them and to me. I can do it; I have faith.
Until next time... peace to all.
Zach decided tonight that he wanted to play Uno with me. You know, the card game with the red, blue, green and yellow number cards, and the attack cards: Draw 4s, Skips, Reverses, and the rest. We've played in the past and he's the best person to play Uno with because he will play no-holds-barred style and try to bury you while having fun at the same time, and he usually wins the majority of the hands.
Tonight, however, was a little different than the other times we've played. I had a slight headache and didn't really feel like playing but I did anyway, and since Dolly wanted to play with us we had to sit at the kitchen table when Zach and I usually play on the sofa, facing one another. Sitting in the kitchen I was cold and my ass hurt sitting on the chair but I dealt with it to have some fun with the kids. Ty never joins in but we asked anyway and got the usual, "No thanks." So we began.
Dolly on my left, Zach on my right and I'm the official shuffler since neither of them does a good job at it. I shuffle then we take turns dealing the hands. Zach won the first hand, Dolly the second, me the third then Dolly won a few more and decided she was done playing. It was just Zach and me so Zach got down to business... or so he thought. That child couldn't win for losing tonight.
He loves to throw down the Draw 2s on me followed by a Skip, a Reverse, then maybe a Draw 4 until I have my hands full of cards and he's down to two. We both laugh the entire time because, to us, it's just a game and it's about having fun. Tonight I had all the great cards every time, even when he dealt. He got so rattled that he even tried to cheat. Did I ever mention that Zach loves to cheat, and that he'll admit that he does it? I didn't? Well, now you know. :)
After about 20+ hands of him losing, he decided that he wanted to shuffle so right in front of me he starts digging through the deck and pulling all the attack cards to put into his hand. I nixed that idea and made him put them randomly back in the deck. He had me shuffle then deal. He lost. Then he said he wanted me to deal to myself first instead of dealing to him first as I'm supposed to do. So I did. He lost. The funny part about that hand was that I ended up with a buttload of attack cards that would have been his had he let me deal properly. I explained that, he huffed loudly then laughed at his error in judgment.
Before I dealt the next hand he said that he just wanted to pick one card from the deck to have in his hand before I dealt. Cheating, yes. I let him. He chose a Draw 4. I dealt as I usually would until we both had seven cards. He couldn't wait to toss that Draw 4 at me. He did, I drew my four, he put down a Draw 2 in one color then a Draw 2 in another color then a Skip, a Reverse, a Wild and then a number. It was finally my turn. Since he'd made me draw all those cards he didn't realize that I'd be drawing many of the same cards he'd just played on me. I slammed him over and over again with attack cards. Guess what! He lost that hand too. Karma is a bitch, ain't it?
We decided to quit playing after that but I'm guessing he's calculating what he's going to do next time we play and I'll bet I get a run for my money then. For now, though, I hold the Uno bragging rights in the house. I know he'll get them back next time and it'll be as fun as it was tonight. In the meantime he'll tell all his friends how I beat the pants off him even though he tried to cheat every way he could think of. Cheater or not, though, I gotta love him. He's my Uno buddy and he makes me laugh out loud.
Until next time... peace to all.
Zach and I had to drive to Blue Springs this morning to trade his clarinet for his new-used saxophone that we were getting from Band of Angels and he wanted to get there - now. He was excited to get started on his practicing. I'd just gotten back from food shopping so I said, "Ok, give me 15 minutes to pack out all [20-odd bags] of the groceries and we'll go." I zipped through those bags in record time, gave a couple of instructions to Ty and Dolly, and Zach and I were on our way.
He and I were chatting and joking and having a good little ride. I'd picked up a bottle of soda for each of the four of us at the supermarket as a treat and had taken mine with me and decided, at a stop light, to open it. Grape soda, hadn't had it in a while. Yum! Um, no! The fucker exploded all over me! How does that happen when it's been sitting in the cup holder for ten minutes? I hadn't been shaking it but it was pissed off at me for some reason. DAMN!! And I was having a good day, too; not anymore.
The soda sprayed on the steering wheel, on the switch panel on the door, and down the outside of my seat. It sprayed on my leg and rolled down the inside of my left thigh and met the space where my leg touched the seat. Then it proceeded to river it's way toward the back of my seat and onto my ass. Eeewww, groooooooss! What sprayed all over my hand ran down my wrist and forearm and, unbeknownst to me, puddled in the elbow of my long-sleeved shirt. From there it decided that I hadn't had enough and ran from the elbow of my shirt to the armpit of my shirt where it then water-falled its way down my side and into the waistband of my jeans. REALLY!?
I was a wet mess and only had a few napkins from the glove box to help me 'dry off' which can't possibly be done with soda because it dries to a sticky finish. In a slight attempt to dry myself I rolled down my driver-side window and stuck my hand out toward the front of the van. I was hoping the wind would blow into my sleeve and cause a wind tunnel effect to possibly dry my arm and my shirt enough so I didn't feel so icky. It sort of worked but by the time my arm and shirt got to any semblance of dry Zach and I were at the music store. I was cranky by then, needless to say.
As I stepped out of the van I looked down at my pants which had huge spots of soda on them only anyone looking couldn't tell it was soda because they just looked like big wet spots from mid-thigh to my knee. My inner thigh had a line of wet from my knee to my ass. GROSS!! Good thing my shirt was long in the back, it covered some of the wet view from anyone who might have been behind me. Zach said it didn't look too bad, that nobody could tell. Yeah right! He just wanted to get his sax. :)
In we went. We got his sax and the book he needed, and traded back his clarinet and back out we headed. I wanted to get home to change but Zach just HAD to assemble the sax and try it right there in the van. I let him, I couldn't resist. It took about ten minutes for him to assemble it, play a practice tune or two, and disassemble it, and then he said we could go. He was so excited and happy, and the look of pride on his face was so bright, that I forgot about my wet clothing and sticky van.
We drove home chatting about how he could be another Kenny G and all the cool songs he could learn to play. He really wants to learn the theme from "Roseanne" for me because it's one of my favorite shows. And we figured if he gets good enough he'll get all the solos in school even though there aren't any solos. I said his teacher would create solos just for him because he would be that fabulous. Listening to him talk and the two of us joking together dissolved my cranky mood and the exploding-soda residue was a faded memory for the time being.
Zach reassembled the sax as we pulled into our driveway so he could get out of the van and show it to all his friends, which he did. I got out and went straight upstairs to change my clothes and wipe the soda off of me. That was a must. I meant to go back out and wipe down the inside of the van, too, but I forgot because I was listening to Zach practice. And since we're on the subject, I also forgot to go out this evening and clean my van windows like I keep meaning to do. Grrr!!! Eh, there's always tomorrow, right? Right. As long as my kid is happy and staying positive, my windows and sticky van can wait a little longer to be cleaned. :)
Until next time...peace to all.
I hung out with the kids this morning then went up to take a shower. It was a little bit chilly out so I had the water nice and hot, enjoying my few minutes of privacy without any interruptions from the kids. I was nice and relaxed when I turned off the water and I reached up to pull the far end of the shower curtain open - the end farthest from the shower head - so I could retrieve my towel. It's a good thing I looked up because just as I raised my hand to grab the top of the curtain I saw it - A SPIDER!
It was just sitting at the top of the shower curtain, probably enjoying what was left of the shower steam, and just waiting for me to grab it. I could tell it was biding its time and laughing at me without making a sound. My reaction - I screamed, threw open the other end of the shower curtain, grabbed my towel off the shelf, wrapped it around me and jumped out of the shower dripping water all over the floor. It all happened in about five seconds.
Just as my feet hit the little rug on the outside of the tub, Zach was walking up the stairs. He'd heard me scream and was asking if I was okay. I pulled open the door and told him to get in the shower, but he just stared at me. The water was off, it wasn't like he was going to get soaked so I repeated, "Get in the shower." He stepped in and I pulled the curtain closed and told him to look up at the far end of the curtain. As soon as he saw Mr. Spider - yes, Mr. because he had all the power at that moment - Zach yelped and jumped out of the tub.
By then Ty and Dolly were standing in the hallway outside the bathroom door asking what the problem was. Dolly, my participating observer - she's there, just not to help - just had to know what was going on. "What is it? What's in there? Can I see? Is it a spider?" I confirmed that it was a spider and asked Ty to get rid of it. "I'm not touching it, huh uh, no way." Zach offered Ty his football to try to kill it but Ty still wouldn't take the job.
I was running neighbors through my mind that I could call to come to the rescue but Zach stepped up and said he'd kill it. He slowly got back in the tub and I closed the curtain so he could find Mr. Spider. It was gone. FUCK!!! He kept saying, "It's gone, Mom. It's not here." It had to be there. It was - but on the OUTSIDE of the fucking curtain, the side on which I was standing. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Zach jumped out of the tub, football in hand, and was going to try to throw the ball at Mr. Spider. I stopped him.
Throwing the football at it wouldn't work. It would either A) just knock the fucker to the floor and it's light brown color would cause it to blend with the little rug and we'd never see it again; or B) miss completely and the fucker would sit there staring at me longer just waiting till it could jump on me. I told Zach to get some tissue and grab it. "I'M NOT GRABBING IT!" Dolly decided to step up to bat. "I'll get it." Yeah, right, all 3'7" of her. She couldn't reach the top of the curtain without me picking her up and that was not going to happen with water all over the floor.
Mind you, my bathroom is a decent size - for one person. Now we had Zach and me in there and then Dolly joined. It was way too cramped at that point. Zach said he'd get the tissue and grab Mr. Spider from the curtain so I directed Dolly to leave the bathroom to give us more room. Zach reached up with the tissue and tried to grab Mr. Spider but when he took his hand down and looked there was nothing on the tissue. FUCK!!! Where'd it go? Grrrrr....
I glanced down and saw the fucker hanging on a web from the tissue. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" I jumped back and told Zach where it was. Because he couldn't see it, he started moving his hand back and forth and up and down in an attempt to find the culprit. He was unknowingly about to let Mr. Spider go on the rug so I yelled at him to raise his hand up and over so I could get the lid to the toilet open. He didn't move far enough so I kept yelling, "No! Move over more! It's gonna touch me! It's gonna fall!" He finally moved his hand enough for me to open the toilet lid so I directed him to move his hand back over the toilet.
He still couldn't see the spider so I was standing there, in my towel, dripping wet, directing him - "Over to the left, now up a little, a little more to the left...OK, good, now drop the tissue into the toilet." BOOM! Mr. Spider landed in the water, closely followed by the tissue. At that point Zach saw it, "Oh, there it is." Followed by Dolly who'd re-entered the bathroom to see for herself, "I see it!" I made sure the little shit was staying put and I reached for the handle - FLUSH!!! The fucker swirled around in the water and finally went down. HA!! GOTCHA YA BASTARD!!! WE WON!! Heh heh heh...
My heart rate slowed, Zach and I high-fived, and I ushered the kids out of the bathroom. I then calmly finished drying, got dressed and cleaned up the water I'd dripped all over the bathroom floor. Then I went about my day secure in the the knowledge that my Zach had rescued me from the clutches of Mr. Spider and all was right with the world again. :)
Until next time...peace to all.
I posted a comment about this tonight on my Facebook page and I'm still trying to decide whether or not to discuss it with my kids' teachers and, perhaps, the school principal. Today Zach brought home a notice from the Principal's office regarding a new system they're trying this year. It's called the "Academic Incentive Referral system" and I'm actually kind of torn about it.
It's a plan the school is utilizing to get students to behave appropriately in school as well as get their work done. A student can earn a ticket into a weekly drawing if: the student hasn't been referred to the Principal's office for behavior or academic reasons, if the student hasn't been sent to the Buddy or recovery rooms (forms of discipline when the student can't behave in the classroom), and if the student has no more than one missing assignment.
Additionally a student can earn more tickets into the weekly lottery drawing if an adult observes the student "being responsible, respectful, actively learning and/or safe," and there is no limit to the number of times a student's name can be entered into the lottery. YAY? I'm just not so sure about this.
It seems to me that students these days are being bribed into completing school work and behaving properly. Positive reinforcement is one thing: "I really appreciate you walking down the hall so quietly and for following the rules. It makes me proud of you all." Dangling a prize in front of the students to get them to do what's wanted and/or required is a whole other ball game and it doesn't make sense to me.
Yes, there are times when my kids get 'rewards' for good behavior but that's when I feel they've all earned it and it's always unexpected to them. I don't tell them, "Hey, we'll go out to eat if all of you follow all the rules this week." No, that's not the way it's done, not in my home, anyway. "Hey, you know what? You guys have done a great job these past couple of weeks staying on track and being respectful. I'm really proud of you and I'd like to take you out to dinner."
Those rewards, however, are few and far between because I don't want them to get used to receiving rewards constantly for doing what is already required of them. They receive discipline more often for not following the rules, meaning they lose a privilege or time with me or whatever works best at the moment. That's their incentive to not repeat the ugly behavior. As an adult they may occasionally receive a bonus or 'reward' for doing what's expected but more likely than not they'll receive disciplinary action for making a bad choice.
As adults we don't get bonuses or incentives for following the rules of the road when we drive but we sure as hell will get a ticket, or worse, for not following them. Yes, insurance companies may offer incentives for safe driving but not all do and the ones that do don't offer them on a weekly basis. Yes, we may get a bonus occasionally at work for going above and beyond but if we don't do what's expected we lose the potential bonus, or, if our actions are bad enough, we lose the job.
I'm just not sure I want my kids being taught that whenever they make good choices there are rewards to follow. I understand why the school wants to implement the system but I'm not 100% positive it won't have negative effects later on in the upper schools or in their adults lives. Think high school - Student: "What's my prize for doing all my homework?" Teacher: "There is no prize in high school, it's expected of you." Student: "In that case I just won't do the work." Yes, the student will get disciplined and maybe do all the work the next time; then again, maybe not.
Maybe I'm just making too much of this, I don't know. I'll have to think about it for a while and see what the pros and cons are. I'm trying to teach my kids one thing and the schools are trying to teach them another. It makes for some serious conflict at times, conflict I'd rather avoid it at all possible. Oh well, it'll all work out as it's supposed to, I guess; we'll see what happens after I've gathered some more opinions.
Until next time...peace to all.
I have to laugh at myself today, I can't help it. I had such a shitty weekend because of the kids' attitudes that I stayed in my room for most of each day and wanted to stay in bed all day today. Unfortunately I couldn't and my day went from dreary to chaotic and ultimately hilarious.
Ursula had emailed me on Friday with a bunch of items she needs me to find that she has to have by October 1st. I was going to work on them but I didn't get the chance because last night she texted me that she needed me to re-order a few items we'd just ordered and to look for a few more; these were not included in the emails because she needs them this Friday.
As the morning went on she texted me constantly adding to the list of items needed for this weekend and we went back and forth texting pictures and descriptions and item counts and costs and estimated transit times , etc. That's when it started to get really hectic. I was so busy that I kept losing my pen, my cell phone, and my house phone. At one point, in my haste to make a call to a supplier, I actually picked up the remote control and started dialing a 1-800 number on it. It took me a few seconds to realize what I was doing. Good grief. I couldn't help but laugh.
The day passed quickly and before I knew it the kids were getting off their buses from school. I had ordered all but three items off the list from Ursula. Two I can't find and one just needs her confirmation before I place the order. I was still looking for the two missing items at the same time I was signing the kids' planners and homework. I finally put the work to the side and went on to a project for Tyler.
About a week ago his teacher sent me a link to a local short-film festival in case Tyler wanted to enter it. He's getting really good at making movies and she thought it would be fun for him to enter a short film. I filled out the application and paid the $20 entry fee. Ty made his movie in just a couple of hours and we were ready to go. Oops - the movie has to be submitted on a DVD. SHIT!! The burner on the desktop computer isn't working and the movie has to be mailed and post marked by tomorrow, September 10th.
I spent a week calling every company I could think of that does film processing to find out who, if anyone, could burn his movie to DVD for me. Either the place couldn't do it or they could but it takes three weeks. Fuck that! Someone I know had to have a DVD burner. I checked with one friend who said she could do it this morning for me but when I called her she wasn't feeling well. Grrr... No, I'm not angry that she didn't feel well, I was angry that I was running out of time.
When Ty got home I texted five or six friends to ask if any of them had a burner that I could use quickly to get this movie burned. If I couldn't find anyone we were screwed. While I waited for them to get back to me I checked my desktop computer just to see if the burner was working. I downloaded a free DVD burning software because I didn't have any only to realize that I also didn't have a disc. Went across the street to K-mart to get the correct discs and then found out that, not only is my burner not working, it also doesn't burn DVDs. Fuck again!!
I tried on the kids' laptop and got the same result, "No burner detected." By now a couple of friends had texted me back but said they didn't know whether or not their computers had DVD burners on them. One friend asked me how she would know. I did a quick Google search and told her to go to the device manager, find the disk drive, double click on it, look for this or that, and she'd know. While she was doing that I did it on my laptop computer to make sure I was giving her the correct instructions. I have a CD/DVD ROM. Shit!
Oh, wait, I didn't double click on it. I know you're sitting down, and I know you can see this coming. I double clicked on my drive and - oh my fucking elbow - I'VE GOT A DVD BURNER ON MY LAPTOP! Holy shit!!! I've been sitting here all this time and never knew. Every time I looked at it all it said was CD/DVD ROM; I had never double clicked on it because I didn't know I was supposed to until today. When I double clicked there it was in the name - DVDRAM.
Not only do I have a DVD burner but I've also already got software on here to burn the DVD and didn't need the freeware that I downloaded. DUH!!! That would stand to reason, right? Of course it would. All this time I spent looking for someone to burn the DVD for me and I could have done it a week ago had I done the Google search then. Why I didn't was because I'd never seen the software on my computer before so I didn't think to check the drive itself.
Anyway, after I had a good laugh I got Ty's movie burned to DVD, printed out the picture he wanted for the case cover, printed out the paperwork that I have to include with it and it's now ready to go. All bundled up on the table waiting for me to take it to the post office in the morning to get it post marked by the deadline. He'll be entered in his first short-film contest and he couldn't be prouder. Wish him luck please.
As for me, the events of today, the shitty weekend, and the DVD burner incident have all convinced me that I really need to take more 'me' time from now on to keep my brain in better working order. I need it desperately, as you can tell. Wish me luck on that. :)
Until next time...peace to all.
Things have definitely been looking up lately. Since all the crap with my ex a few weeks ago my kids haven't seen him and have settled down a bit. I've noticed distinct changes in all of them recently. They're less jumpy, more agreeable and Zach's outbursts have toned down a lot. Yes, he still gets angry but not as frequently and I can get him to calm down more quickly than in the past.
We have a court date set for a hearing on supervised visitation for my ex with the kids - November 19th is when I have to be there. I'm debating as to whether or not I'll take the kids with me, I'm not sure if the judge will need to speak with them. I'll definitely get some advice on that beforehand; I don't want to have the hearing continued if it's not necessary.
In the meantime I'm doing my best with the kids. They're all still in counseling, as am I. We all need to be able to deal with the repercussions of my ex's behavior and the kids need time to heal. They're doing their best but Zach doesn't want to spend all of his counseling session talking about his dad. I feel bad for him because talking about all the negative shit can be really painful, I know from personal experience.
I told Zach that he doesn't have to talk about his dad every week but that he does have to talk about him eventually to get past all the hurt. He asked why he just can't forget about it and let it go so I explained that negative feelings like he's got don't just go away and that talking about them and healing from the experiences is necessary for him to move forward. I told him that if he doesn't process the feelings and work through them they'll just continue to hurt him as he grows.
He wasn't happy to hear that so I gave him a few examples from my past that helped him understand why he needs help now. I told him about things that happened in my life with my mother who I believe I mentioned was extremely narcissistic. I actually just remembered something as I'm writing this.
There was a time when I was in my early 20s that I was going to counseling. When my mother found out I paid for the sessions by check she was upset saying that it could hurt my future because checks were traceable and someone may find out that I'd had counseling. Big shittin' deal. That was just her way of telling me that she didn't want anyone to know that I was having issues that needed to be dealt with. God forbid it made her look bad in the eyes of others. Good grief!!
Anyway, I told Zach some things about my mother and I clued him in to a few things that happened when his dad and I were together. He knew most of them but didn't have any idea how they'd affected me. Now he understands and has agreed to stick with his counseling so he doesn't have to grow up with all the ugliness inside that I had. I'm glad he made that choice because he really needs it.
I'm just happy we're all on the right track to recovery - again - and I'm positive that my family will be back to the way it used to be when we were actually a cohesive unit. We all worked together to keep the household running and we got along as well as any happy family can. There wasn't a lot of fighting or bickering and there were more good times than bad. I'm looking forward to having that again and it's on its way.
Until we get back to that point we'll all just do our best to try and stay positive and get past all the bumps in the road as quickly as possible so we can move forward. With the positive changes that are already taking place I can see our future getting brighter every day. I have faith.
Until next time...peace to all.
My heart is breaking these days for a dear friend of mine whose marriage of many years is ending. It came as a complete and total shock to her a couple of weeks ago when her husband announced that he no longer wanted to be married. My friend had no clue it was even on the horizon because, as far as she knew, everything was great between them. There had been no warning signs, no off-handed comments made, nothing. He just came to her and told her he needed out and was leaving her.
Any marriage break-up is difficult but when it's not mutual and one party didn't see the breakup coming it's heart wrenching. I feel just awful for her and their children. As much support as my friend needs she'll still try to be strong for the kids; they must be just as confused, saddened and scared as their mom is. I'm sure none of them really understands anything that's going on right now.
What breaks my heart most is that my friend is one of the kindest and most giving people I've ever known and it doesn't make any sense to me that something like this has to happen to her. It just doesn't seem fair. I know, life isn't fair but why does such a great person, who's already had a great deal of difficulties in her life, have to be saddled with even more grief and heartache?
She's a strong girl and I'm absolutely positive that she and her kids will get through this with all the strength and dignity they can muster. It'll be hard and there will be bumps in the road along the way but, in the end, she will come out so much stronger and wiser and her kids will follow suit. I have no doubt. Please send prayers and positive energy to her and her kids through this ordeal. I'm sure they can use every bit of it and I'd appreciate it.
I am so truly sorry for you all, my dear friend. Please know that, even though I'm miles away, I am here and will do whatever I can for you. You can call me to talk, to cry, to vent, to scream, or whatever else you may think of. You have the strength and support of your family and friends behind you and I know that we'll all be with you every step of the way. I'll do my best to remain strong for you but I can't promise that I won't cry with you at some point as I'm doing as I write this. Just know that I love you with all my heart and wish only the best for you and the kids. Whenever you're ready, you've got my number. In the meantime, I'll be thinking of you. <3 font="">
Until next time...peace to all.
Tomorrow starts another year of school for the kids and I can't wait. The kids are excited about going back and we've already had Zach's and Dolly's back-to-school nights - last night, Monday. Ty's is Thursday night, I'm guessing because it's the only time the school could fit it in. Dolly likes her new teacher, Ty just likes school and is excited about the whole prospect of it and Zach, while excited, is a bit nervous. He's going to the same school as Ty is this year and doesn't have anyone in his class that was in his class last year. He'll do fine, though, he makes friends easily.
I'm really excited, though, because I'll get some quiet time and be able to work without all the background noise. It's been tough the past few weeks because Ursula has had a lot for me to do, hence a lot of research and phone calls. Talking to a supplier while silently stomping my foot or bang a table to get the kids' attention to shush them gets frustrating after a while. It's all good, though; I'll have all the time I need starting tomorrow.
We've got most of their school supplies, some are still needed, and they still need jeans, and Zach a pair of sneakers but they'll have to wait for the time being. Things haven't been going very well over here lately - lots of family issues to deal with. My ex was arrested last week for DV against his girlfriend and, for the second time, the kids' counselors called Children's Division on him and her. Now the State is involved big time and my ex doesn't seem to understand that it's not just for that one incident.
He's not allowed to see the kids at all right now and I have to file for sole custody and supervised visitation with the courts at the request of the caseworker. It's good for the kids because it'll give them a chance to work on their coping skills with their counselors and to heal a little bit before seeing him again. For the time being they all seem to have calmed down a bit but the missing school supplies are bugging Zach. I keep trying to tell him that he won't need them this first week and that he'll have everything by next week but he's not yet convinced. :)
I've had a lot of stress over it all because last week I was dealing with anxiety-ridden kids, the caseworker, my ex, and his now-ex-girlfriend on a daily basis for a few days straight. I even took some time Wednesday afternoon to lie in my bed and cry till there was nothing left. I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn't take it anymore. I'm a bit more on the positive side now and can just take everything one step at a time. And with the kids going back to school I'll have quiet time to actually thing everything through and do what needs to be done. I need that.
As things stand now, I've got three happy and excited kids who will all be back on a regulated schedule starting in the morning so they'll be a lot more settled; and I can work on me and all the things the caseworker wants me to do, as well as get Ursula's work done without a problem. Everything is starting to look up and I couldn't be more excited. Each day will bring a little more relief for all of us and, hopefully, within a couple of months, I'll have my family back to the way it was a few years ago. Thinking about it is enough to make me smile.
Until next time...peace to all.
I just don't get people sometimes. When the kids and I were in shelter in Wyandanch there were all kids of people on the streets constantly begging for money or rides or whatever and I always turned them down and walked away. I was living in a shelter and didn't really have any extra to give. Now I'm in my own home back in the same complex I lived in the last time the kids and I were in MO and, lately, I feel like I'm back in Wyandanch.
A neighbor lady keeps trying to get me to drive her to her job which isn't close and I keep turning her down. I gave her a ride once but I refuse to be used when she's already told me she has a bus pass. Ride the bus, lady. She's 36 and does odd jobs rather than getting something steady. Apparently she relies on neighbors and friends to drive her to and from wherever she needs to go and, from what she said, never gets the same ride twice. I can't imagine why.
Then I was outside talking to two of my neighbors today, two that I chat will occasionally, and I found out that there are other people in the complex that do similar things. One guy stops cars driving through and asks the driver for money for smokes, one lady knocks on doors asking people for money for smokes or diapers, and others knock on doors and ask for rides to and from the stores or the blood bank so they can sell their blood/plasma for a few bucks. Really? This never happened when we lived here the first time.
Maybe it's because we're so close to the highway this time, I don't know, but it's starting to make me sick. The two women I was talking to have both given something to someone occasionally be it a ride or some loose change but they're getting sick of it too because once they 'donate' to someone that same person keeps coming back asking for more; just like the lady asking me for rides all the time.
I understand that we live in subsidized housing and money is tight but come on. All of us live here because we don't have money and most of us are working on getting out of here but the ones that refuse to do anything to help themselves really get to me, and not in a sappy, teary-eyed, I-feel-so-bad-I-must-help-you way. The get to me in a really negative I-want-to-smack-the-crap-out-of-you way.
I'm trying to raise three kids with the part-time help of the kids' really unpleasant father and his two-faced girlfriend, and I work. I don't have time to be bothered driving your dumb ass back and forth to Kansas all the time because you don't want to walk up the block from your house and get a steady job at Burger King. You have an 18-yr-old son who lives in TN with his dad, you don't pay any child support, and you live in your apartment alone. Stop fucking whining to me that you don't have a way to get to your job painting for some lady who lives in downtown Kansas City. You have a bus pass, use it.
The dude who begs change for a pack of smokes needs to quit smoking if he can't pay for them and the lady who constantly needs diapers for her kid needs to get on the Metro and haul her ass up to the Salvation Army to get some. And all the other people who constantly ask me for smokes or loose change or to use my phone to make a phone call need to understand that I have a life too and supplying them with what they need is not on my scheduled list of things to do.
Yes, I understand that some people are worse off than I am, I'm not debating that. But if my neighbors and I can do what we need to do to get what we need for our kids and our homes without constantly begging from strangers on the street, those other people can too. I know I might sound crabby and judgmental right now but I can't help it. I'll help anyone who needs help even if I don't have much to give but when you try to take advantage of my good nature you're going to get an earful from me, no doubt.
My neighbors and I agreed today that we're going to stop helping these same people. Let them go ask someone else and eventually when they have nobody left to ask they might understand that they need to do more for themselves. It might sound sad to some of you, or even mean, but that's too bad. I have more important things to concentrate on and helping every stranger that knocks on my door isn't one of them.
Until next time...peace to all.
I haven't been here lately because nothing much has been going on that's all that exciting. I had a birthday a couple of days ago. It wasn't really a good day, though. Been having issues with my ex lately and the kids, through their negative behavior, have been taking it out on me, so it was on my birthday. I couldn't even get a break from the ugliness. So be it. It's just another day in my mind.
I can't really do anything about the issues with my ex and how he and his girlfriend have been treating my kids. I'm letting the kids' counselors do that. I'm letting them make the decisions on whether my ex and his woman need to be reported to Children's Division again. The counselors made the call last time, if it needs to be done again they'll make the call the second and any other times. I'm staying out of it and just being here for the kids and getting on with my life.
I have a call into the University of MO to see what classes I need to take to be able to work as a mediator in this state. I've been going back and forth, via email, with someone from the legal department and am now waiting to hear back on my last inquiry. Fingers crossed that I won't need too many more classes since I took a good many classes regarding mediation and alternative dispute resolution when I was working on my degree in Paralegal Studies.
I'm also still exercising every day only now I've stepped up my workouts to two full workouts a day; one in the morning and the other in the evening. I've already lost 12lbs but still have another 13 to go. Over the last month I've only lost another two but keep fluctuating back and forth between those two other pounds - they're gone, they're back, they're gone again.
I don't eat junk food or fried food and my snacks are fruits and veggies. I also drink lots of water during the day so I can't figure out why my weight loss has come to a stand still. I'm hoping that with the extra full workout in the evening it'll start coming off again. Again, fingers crossed.
Everything else over here has been going as usual. The kids have another five weeks until school starts again, I'm doing what little work I get from Ursula, and the four of us are just plugging right along. I just wanted to check in tonight to let you know I didn't forget about you and that all is well. I do hope all is well with you also and that things in your lives are going smoothly. I'll try to be back more often with as much good news as comes my way, hopefully with some humor also. I'm just happy right now that things are flowing downstream for me.
Until next time...peace to all.
I had to go renew my van tags today and it was actually a very pleasant experience. I got the inspection done this morning, then headed to the tax collector's office to get my tax waiver. Yes, in MO we pay property tax on our vehicles. No, I don't know why. The I headed off to the DOR License Office. It's not the DMV - Department of Motor Vehicles here, it's the DOR - Department of Revenue.
I usually go to the office here in Independence but the girl in the bank earlier suggested I go to the office in Sugar Creek because it's faster. So I decided to give it a try. The Indep office is huge with about six work stations plus the station for license renewal where they take your picture and all that. They've also got a computerized check-in system. The Sugar Creek office is tiny by comparison with only four work stations plus the license renewal station; and they have an old deli-style 'take a number' machine just inside the door.
At the Indep office there are, at most, about four stations open along with the one for licenses and there's a worker at each station. When I got to Sugar Creek there were two workers at stations with one of the girls running back and forth from her station to the license renewal station. Remember, I said two workers. And they were extremely pleasant to all the customers - smiling, calm voices, none of the nasty looks or attitudes that generally come from government workers when we, the peons, don't have all the paperwork we need.
When I got there they were out of numbers so the running girl replaced them and handed me the last one on the used roll - number 95. Then she went back to her station. All four rows of chairs were full save one seat in the first row. There were also people standing around waiting for their numbers to be called. As I sat in the last empty seat I noticed that they were only on number 72. It was 2:00. I was going to be there for hours; or so I thought.
Within about 15 minutes of the time I sat down two more workers appeared from the back and took their places at the last remaining work stations. Nice but there were still a lot of people waiting and more coming in every few minutes. What surprised me was that the workers were actually helping people and getting them out the door within minutes of calling the next number. Amazing, right?
At the Indep office I've always noticed the workers chatting with one another and taking their time getting paperwork filed once the customer left and taking short breaks here and there. At the Sugar Creek office today these four ladies took one customer after another and did their jobs so efficiently that I was really impressed. Yes, there were one or two customers who didn't have all their paperwork and were, very politely, given instructions on what they needed and then given a pass to the front of the line if they chose to return today with their needed documents.
There were also a few numbers called where the customer had left the building so the workers would immediately move on to the next number. Indep doesn't do that. They call a number and wait for a few minutes to see if that person will suddenly appear. I understand a short wait but when there are 70 people still waiting to be helped more than about 20 seconds is too long without the worker calling the next number.
In any case, I sat there for about an hour before I was called to the work station. Not only did I get my tags renewed, I also ordered a full title since I paid off my van a couple of months ago, AND the girl allowed me to change the address on my license without having to present my birth certificate. It's a new rule here in MO that we need them to make changes to our licenses but this girl was really nice and just did what needed to be done. I guess because I had so much other documentation with me that verified who I was. I was really pleased.
So, not only did I not have to wait very long but I got everything done that I needed to do without having to make a return visit next week. I couldn't have been happier and I told them so before I left. I know I'll definitely return to the Sugar Creek DOR License Office the next time I have business there and I'll recommend it to any of my friends who ask for my preference. Who'd have thought that a trip to the motor vehicle office could inspire happiness? I didn't - until today. :)
Until next time...peace to all.
