One Step Forward...Again

So, my ex got a job recently, working at a retail chain doing whatever. I don't know, I didn't ask, it's none of my business. When I told the kids he had a job one shrugged and the other two made comments to the effect of asking how long this job will last. They're really not happy with him and don't trust him at all; he's let them down way too many times. But I told them what I'm always being told, "He's trying." So they accepted it.

Maybe this time around he'll settle into the job and just do what he's supposed to without looking to run up the chain of command immediately. All the kids and I can do is hope for the best, same as we always do. But at least child support has started up again. I haven't gotten much of it yet because I had to apply for cash assistance back in August which I only needed for two months this time.

Since the state has already taken back what they gave to me I ought to start getting child support in full starting next week. That'll help since I'm behind on a lot of things right now and need to start catching up. At least the pressure is off me a little while I continue to look for work, which, I must say, is not all it's cracked up to be. I'm actually starting to take the rejection of no resume responses personally.

I found out from a former HR rep the reasons why I'm not getting any callbacks, and it doesn't seem right but I'll take her word for it. First, prospective employers look at my resume and can tell by the length of my work history that I'm not exactly young. They either figure that, at my age, I won't stick around very long, or that I won't want to work for minimum wage considering my extensive experience. Second, they know I'm not just out of school and getting my first job so I won't let it slide if I'm treated unfairly in the workplace. So rather than actually calling to speak with me they just toss my resume aside and move on to the next applicant.

I guess they're entitled to their opinions but it still seems wrong. I chose to stay at home when my kids were born to raise them and be there for them the way my mother wasn't for my sister and me. When I got divorced I worked from home as a tutor and then as an assistant so I could still be here for my kids when they needed me. Now it feels like I'm being punished for it. I haven't worked outside the home for 15 years so prospective employers don't think I'm a reliable risk. That's their loss, but no gain for me.

I'm still looking, though, and, in the meantime, I'll go back to volunteering for the schools the way I have in the past just so I can get out of the house for a few hours a week. If my ex holds on to this job I may be able to get back on top of things and won't still be in a hole when I finally do get a job. Everything always works out for me, though, so I'm going to count on that and just keep doing what I'm doing. I can't do any less.

Until next time...peace to all.

Just an Average Bedtime Story

Exhausted and starving, the troll lugged his trunk to the edge of the spring and sat down next to it to rest. The trunk was well-worn and faded in color but it was all he had left so he treasured it. Inside it he carried all his worldly possessions...well, all that remained, anyway. Over the years he been forced to give away most of what he'd owned as retribution to the numerous fairies, pixies and sprites he'd had the pleasure of meeting. Had he not attempted to take away their powers, he might still own what had once been his. He knew it wasn't his fault, he'd just been doing what trolls do.

He shook his head as he thought of the misfortune he'd encountered over his lifetime, trying to get rid of all the ugly memories. He had to figure out where he'd go next. He'd roamed all over the land in recent weeks knocking on door after door trying to convince someone, anyone, that he was worthy of their time. But, alas, most everyone in the land had heard of the troll and his evil ways and had closed their doors to him.

He figured his only choice now was to move into the forest and try to find someplace to stay until he could figure out his next move. He dug into his trunk for his rusted cup, walked to the spring and filled it, and drank greedily until the cup was empty. Filling the cup again he walked back to the trunk where he pulled out a small cloth bag that contained the last of the roots and berries he'd been able to scrounge up along the way. He ate his fill and after returning the bag and cup to his trunk he pulled it back up into the edge of the forest where the trees provided a bit of shade. He lay down next to the trunk and drifted off to sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he was awakened by a loud screech. He sat up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and looked around for what had made the sound. A little deeper into the forest he saw what appeared to be a witch crouching on the trunk of a fallen tree, and she was staring at him. Startled, he jumped up and backed away, not sure what she would do. The witch slowly approached him. As she got closer, the troll realized that she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. She was deathly pale with a long pointed nose and an equally pointed chin. Her stringy black hair fell over her scrawny shoulders and her beady eyes shone like the dark night sky. The troll couldn't take his eyes off her.

The witch apparently felt the same way about the troll. She'd seen him lying there asleep and although she couldn't see him fully, she admired his ragged attire and was taken by his dirt-matted hair. She'd let out a screech of admiration and was startled when he awoke. He'd stood up and backed away from her but now that she could see him fully she was even more entranced. His bugged eyes and bulbous nose were enchanting, and his humped posture and gnarled hands told her he was the truest of trolls. She had to know more about him.

She walked slowly toward him and as he moved closer to her she spoke to him. She told him her name was Sheesa Glee and he introduced himself as Ibeaht Roll. They spent hours talking by the edge of the spring just getting to know one another. She heard his tales of woe and was appalled that he could have been treated so badly over the years when he was just doing what trolls do. She wanted to take him in and show him that not everyone was like the townspeople so she offered him a place in her home. She told him she had a small house deep in the forest and would love for him to live there with her.

Unsure of the idea at first, he started to decline but after hearing how the townspeople had said she was crazy and had forced her to live in the forest away from them he decided that it seemed like a good option for him. She didn't look crazy, she looked magnificent. He thought that perhaps they could make a life together away from all the nasty townspeople as well as the fairies, pixies and sprites. He accepted her offer and grabbed on to the handle of his trunk as she led the way into the forest to her home. They held hands as they walked and chatted about everything and nothing. He was happy to find someone who accepted him for his trollish ways and she was just as happy to find someone who would appreciate her witchiness.

As they entered her - or rather, their - home together they looked at each other and smiled knowing that this was the start of something special, something bigger and better for them both. What they didn't know was that each of them had their own ideas about what 'bigger and better' was. As a troll he would try to steal her powers until she had none left, but as an insane witch she would use her powers to try to control him. Neither of them had any idea what they were in for but since they were all each other had they were willing to take their chances with one another. And that's just what they did, much to the relief of the townspeople who never had to be bothered with the witch or the troll again.

Until next time...peace to all.

Prove It

One of the most-used phrases in our home is "Prove it". We hear something someone tells us that doesn't sound just right, "Prove it." We see something on TV that doesn't make sense, "Prove it" and then we research it. We read something someone says on the Internet that's laughable, "Prove it". Go on, prove it. Make me believe that what's being fed to me is true. We can, can you? We use it on everyone, nobody is exempt, including us.

I've always taught my kids to be free thinkers and not to just take someone's word for something. I've taught them that if they're not sure if something is true to research it until they feel satisfied that they have all the information that they need; but even after researching they don't have to believe something 100%. I've also taught them to question authority, and they do most of the time, but at times I have to remind them that they're allowed to speak up for themselves.

Their biggest fear is getting in trouble for asking questions or challenging someone about a fact or opinion, especially adults, and I tell them all the time they have the right to their questions and if there are consequences for them asking then we'll get it worked out. I've taught them to question friends, teachers, other adults, even me. If a teacher tells them a 'fact' and the kid in question doesn't believe it, s/he's allowed to raise a hand and ask for more back-up information to solidify the point the teacher is making. If the kid is still confused we'll research it ourselves to gather more information. We all know that schools teach us that Washington was the first president, but he really wasn't; that Columbus discovered America, but he really didn't; and that Vikings wore horned headgear, but they really didn't. All things to think about.

They know that even if I tell them something they don't quite believe they can call me on it and I'll do my best to prove it to them, and then we'll discuss any questions they have. They're smart kids. They understand that they don't have to take anything at its face value and I would be disappointed in them if they did. It doesn't make sense, though, why grown ups just automatically believe what they see and hear regardless of where they got the information. They'll just say, "Oh yeah, so-and-so told me such-and-such" and they'll run with it as if it's gospel.

That's pretty sad, especially when the source of the information isn't reliable to begin with. The kids have friends who've been known to lie about anything and everything so when those friends speak up again my kids are hard-pressed to believe what's being said. They'll ask the friend to 'prove it' and when the friend can't my kid will walk away saying, "Yeah, I didn't think so." I've had adult neighbors come to me talking crap about other neighbors and I'll just smile and nod and as soon as the talker is gone I've forgotten the information because I know there's no proof to go along with the words.

I've caught people in lies more times than I can count, including my own mother, and maybe that's why I teach my kids to be so cautious when dealing with others, even people who are supposed to be trustworthy. Maybe you think that's the wrong way to raise kids but I don't care because they need to do that. There's no reason for them to get burned in life because they put their faith and trust in everything everybody tells them. They ask me questions all the time and I give the information along with the proof they need to believe it because that's what I'd want if I were the one asking. They'll also prove what they're saying if I ask them to because they know that what they're telling me is true.

Not too many adults I know ask for proof or do research before believing what they're told, even if it's told to them by someone they think they can trust. That's crazy to me because some people that I've trusted implicitly eventually got caught in a lie and that was the end of that relationship. I can't stand lying and ask for proof when I feel it's what I need, and my kids are following that pattern, too. The thing is, we can prove the things we know and we challenge everyone else to do the same. So come on, PROVE IT!

Until next time...peace to all.

Stupid and Selfish Rolled Into One

My ex-husband, who still isn't working or paying child support, seems to be under the impression that I can just snap my fingers and have a job with a steady income and that said job will coincide with the hours my children are in school. Guess what!! It doesn't work that way!!

He's also under the impression that because he's going through some shit the kids just stop growing, stop eating, and stop needing things in life. He figures that because he can't, or won't, pay child support that lack of income into my home isn't needed at all. He's wrong again. But that stands to reason because he's completely self-centered and doesn't care about these kids in the least.

I know these are his thoughts because it was brought to my attention tonight in a direct message from my ex-husband to my best friend. After we found out that my ex had gotten fired from the job he started mid-June, my best friend sent him a message telling him to man up and support his kids. My ex responded tonight. He told my friend that I, his ex-wife, am a "lazy ass" who hasn't worked for 14 years and that I need to get a job. He also stated, with reference to me, that "she can get off her ASS while our kids are in school." By his statistics, "more than 90% of single moms work for a living" which must be true because he said it.

He seems to forget that my boss DIED this past March so I lost my job. I didn't quit my job or get fired for the fourth time as has been his pattern over the past six years. I lost my job and didn't have a say in the matter, and now I'm having a bitch of a time finding steady work. In case you don't know, it actually takes money to get a job and to continue living while I'm in the process of looking for a job.

Not only do I have to continue to pay the household bills but the kids still need food and shoes and clothes and haircuts and toothpaste and toilet paper and shampoo and laundry detergent and...I'll stop now because I'm sure you get the point. I also need gas money to get to the stores that sell all those items, not to mention going on the job interviews.

Besides all of that, there isn't any place out here that is hiring for the hours that the kids are in school - and we won't even discuss that they're not in school for three months out of the year - much less hiring for full-time positions. The temp agency I worked for last weekend won't even continue my "contract" because, in their words, "You don't have the experience on your resume that we need. We can't use you." I have over 30 years of administrative and customer service experience and a fucking temp agency can't use me because I don't have warehouse experience!!

Most jobs over here, including jobs through the school districts, are strictly part time, maybe a few cents over minimum wage, with nights/weekends as the hours, and don't think I haven't applied for them, but they also cost money. There are background checks that I have to pay for that I can't afford, and some with the school district require that I have additional certification, like first aid or food-handling permits, that require money to obtain.

My ex stated in his message to my friend, "You have no clue what I have endured the last six months." Nobody cares what you've endured, mother fucker! What about what the kids have endured? You're a fucking adult!! Move on and take care of your responsibilities. You have another income in your household, unless your girlfriend's parents are supporting you both 100%, so when you need gas money or food or rent or utilities paid, the money is there. It's only me here with three kids and no money coming in other than the little weekend work I can get. And regardless of whether or not I'm working, you still have a court order telling you to support these kids and you're not doing it!!

You not paying child support because you're going through shit is just your excuse to play the victim yet again. "Oh boo hoo!! I can't get a job because I have personal issues to deal with so the kids will just have to suffer." Suck it up, Buttercup! Put on your big-boy pants, get a fucking job, and support these kids! You said in that message. "I AM their father." No, douche bag, you're a poor excuse for a human being. A real father would support his kids with no regard for his own personal issues. You can't seem to rise above your own selfish needs and I doubt you ever will.

Until next time...peace to all.

Gettin' Down to Brass Tacks

Time to get down to brass tacks, folks. Here's the deal, my ex-husband is a deadbeat dad. For the third time in almost six years he's not paying child support. The first time he was unemployed was because he quit his job somewhere around March of 2011 to avoid getting into trouble with his district manager and possibly getting fired. Then he moved to Indiana in July of that year to be with a new girlfriend, leaving our kids and me living in a homeless shelter where we'd had to move because of his lack of monetary contribution. He didn't get another job until January of 2012. That's 10 months of being jobless while his kids were in a homeless shelter!

He ran away from the chick in IN, moving back to Missouri and in with a new woman. The constant drinking and fighting with the new woman lead to him drunk driving with our three kids in the car. To protect my kids I petitioned the court for supervised visitation; he refused to see them after that. In November 2013 he lost his job and his woman. He moved around the country mooching off friends and family, finally ending up back on Long Island with the help of his father and step-mother.  He didn't get another job until August of 2014. That's nine more months of no support for our children, 15 total at this point. After 19 months, in March of 2016, he quit his job again. This was the day after my boss died, effectively leaving me with zero income. I had no job and no child support.

He informed me on June 14th of this year that he got another job and was starting on the 15th. I received two child support payments in July - one for $28 and the other for $22. Child Support Enforcement investigated the low payments and informed me this morning that my ex had been terminated from this most recent job on July 6th - he didn't even last a month - and those two payments are all CSE received. Add on another four months to date of him not paying child support.

So in the past five-and-a-half years he has neglected to pay child support for 23 months, almost two full years of non-payment and I'm tired of it. During his months of non-payment I'm left to struggle to make ends meet, and my children are having to do without. Now is even worse than in the past.

Although my friends sometimes help me I can't continue letting them. I'm doing everything I can from working babysitting jobs, to cleaning homes, to taking weekend work from a temp agency just so I can gather enough money to keep our bills paid and to make sure I have enough gas money to continue to look for full-time work. The food stamps I get from the state are not enough to cover us for a month, especially with the kids out of school, so I'm always scrounging for cash for milk and bread, at the least. And don't tell me to budget better; trust me, I can squeeze a dollar from a dime.

My ex won't answer my text messages, won't keep me up to date on what's going on with regard to his job searches, and won't send me any money at all just to help me get by. He seems to enjoy the fact that I'm struggling and his kids are doing without while he and his girlfriend live off the funds of her parents. I can only assume her parents are helping them because I know his aren't and last I knew his girlfriend only had a part-time job, not nearly enough to support the two of them.

Meanwhile, between April and July he's posted on Facebook the numerous times he and his girlfriend have gone out to dinner or of him cooking dinner and cleaning their house, playing with their cat, watching movies together, running errands, and working on his girlfriend's car (rather than looking for a job), and he was tagged in photos with her family - birthday dinners in restaurants, family get-togethers in restaurants, and all of them enjoying July 4th riding around in a limousine.

He's living it up while his kids can't even get new school clothes, shoes, haircuts, and whatever else they need to start the school year that begins in two weeks. He claims, from his posts - which I can no longer see, by the way, because he blocked me from Facebook - that he misses his kids and that it pains him to be separated from them. He's the one who moved away, he's the one moving from home to home, girlfriend to girlfriend (at least 12 in the past 10 years), and job to job - and NOT PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORT!!

He'll be 44 years old in September and can't get his act together enough to find a job, stay employed, and support the children he claims to love so very much. He's a deadbeat and can't even be described as a father at this point. I have no legal recourse, can't force him to get a job, can't make him see what he's doing to his kids, but I can let everyone else know that he's not all he claims to be. He lives for himself, always has, always will. And when his kids no longer want anything to do with him he'll have nobody to blame but himself.

Until next time...peace to all.

Head Up, Jackass...This One's For You

You are NOT a parent!! I don't care how many times you say it to yourself or to anyone else. You are not, nor have you ever been, a parent. Oh sure, you like the prestige of being able to say you have kids, you've just never wanted the responsibility of having to be around them or take care of them the way a parent does. Being on the same planet with them does not count as being a good parent to them no matter which way you look at it, jackass!

Basically, you fathered them. That's it, end of story. You've never spent quality time with them without the benefit of your girlfriend-of-the-month going along for the ride because you had no ability or desire to be around the kids by yourself. You've moved from house to house, girlfriend to girlfriend (at least a dozen in as many years), job to job, state to state, and all the while you were telling people that whatever went wrong in your life - break-up, job loss, moving issue - wasn't your fault.

You've never been there when the kids were sick - always brought them home to their mommy because you thought that's what they needed. You've never known the names of their schools, teachers, doctors, or friends. You've never gotten woken up in the middle of the night because a child was throwing up or had a nightmare and needed someone to be there for him or her. You've never listened to them cry and complain about whatever their current issue was, and because of that, you were never able to give them any support and advice on how to resolve said issue.

I've dealt with all of that and then some. I've had to deal with all the screaming, yelling, tantrums, arguments, crying, fighting, illnesses and injuries, but I'm not complaining about it one bit. Because I've also gotten all the hugs, kisses, love, laughter, smiles, silliness, happiness, and joy that comes with being a parent who loves and is close to her children. You, however, have fucked up these kids to the point that they don't even call you Dad any more. Whenever they refer to you in conversation they use your first name.

You have thrown their lives into complete and utter turmoil every single time you've fucked up with all your changes in girlfriends, households and jobs. And now you've done it again! The kids are angry, confused, and don't even know which way is up right now because they know they can't count on you for anything. This is the third time in six years that you've lost your job because you're a screw up, and just like the other two times, you say it's not your fault. And, yet again, you can't seem to find another job so you have no means to pay child support. That's bullshit and everybody knows it! A guy with no permanent ties or responsibilities to anyone around him, current girlfriend and her kid included, has absolutely no excuse for not having a job!

This time, though, you're fucking hiding from everyone because you can't keep up with the lies you're telling on a constant basis. Blocking your ex-wife from Facebook and taking the kids off your friends list so none of us can see what's going on in your life; telling one lie to one so-called friend and something completely different to another; not even speaking to or seeing your own family because you know they'd jump all over your shit about your irresponsibility. I know things; remember, people talk. You're a fucking coward! Yes, you read that right. You're a COWARD!

Your screw up this time must have been really bad or you wouldn't be in hiding now. Or maybe it's your current girlfriend you're kowtowing to so she doesn't kick you out like all the rest did. Tell me, how did you really break your hand? Regardless of what you choose to tell people, that's an injury you'd sustain if you'd punched something...or someone; anyone with half a brain can see that. Don't forget, you did the same thing to me as well as the numerous girlfriends you had before and after our divorce. So now you're kissing your sweetheart's ass daily just to save your own skin, right? Buying her flowers, going out to expensive restaurants for dinner numerous times in one week, driving her to and from work...yet you don't have any money to support the three kids you fathered. Because you know if sweetie tosses your sorry ass you'll be screwed six ways from Sunday. 

The fact is you're a pathetic, lying, thieving, cheating, abusive, alcoholic asshole. Get your head out of your ass, stop lying, stop stealing, stop drinking, stop beating on your girlfriends, get a fucking job, and start taking care of these kids the way you're supposed to! Oh wait! I forgot. You're not a parent so you don't know how to take care of them. You don't even know how to support them properly. All you know how to do is get drunk, beat up on women, and feel sorry for yourself. No matter, from what I hear karma is a bitch, and I'm pretty sure she's not happy with you.

Until next time...peace to all.

The Deadbeat Done It Again

This morning I had a breakdown over a cup of milk. A fucking cup of milk. I'd asked my kids last night to make sure there was a cup left for me this morning so I could make my morning smoothie, and they didn't. I stood looking at the 1/8 of a cup they'd left me and didn't move. I literally stood there staring at it, and suddenly I burst into tears.

It wasn't about the milk, mind you. The milk, or lack thereof, was a culmination of all the bullshit I've been putting up with over the past six weeks or so wondering how I'm going to pay my bills and support my family. My ex-husband, Rex the ex, quit his job the day after my friend, and boss, died, which left me with absolutely no income whatsoever. Bring on the stress!!! No income, can't pay bills - rent, utilities, car insurance, none of them. And I can't buy clothing and shoes that my kids need.

I try to stay positive, I try to use the Law of Attraction. Most times it's works, sometimes it doesn't. Right now it's not working for me and that's because I can't grasp how a 44-year-old man thinks he has the right to shit on his kids just because he feels like it. This is the third time in six years my ex has lost his job - either by quitting or from getting fired - and has taken his sweet-ass time finding a new job.

Every time he loses a job I lose the child support he's supposed to pay every month which takes away a good portion of my income. Without the child support I don't have all I need to get my kids what they need and sometimes want. And he doesn't give a damn about any of it. Right now he's too busy playing house-husband to his girlfriend and her kid. I know because he posts his every move on Facebook for all the world to see. He's busy cleaning house, or doing laundry, or making dinner for them - while she works.

I know her salary doesn't pay all the bills in their household, and it's been mentioned to me that her family supplements her income. I don't know for a fact that it's actually true, it's just what I've been told. It's happened in the past, though, so I have no reason to question it. So she's working at whatever job she's got, her family is helping to support them, and Rex is sitting home every day taking care of their home rather than looking for work so he can support the kids he and I have together. And he and his girlfriend are both okay with that!!! How do I know? People talk.

This is a man who can't get his shit together, wants to sponge off of his girlfriend and her family, doesn't feel the need to get a job to pay his court-ordered child support, and has absolutely no qualms about it. I know because he told me so - in a roundabout way. I messaged him on Facebook yesterday telling him I need money, and told him, in no uncertain terms, that I know what's going on over there. I must have been right because rather than discussing it with me like an adult, he blocked me on Facebook. Seriously? That's not a man; that's a 12-yr-old boy.

I'm looking for work but can't find anything that fits into a schedule where my kids can still be taken care of without me having to pay someone to cook for them and/or keep an eye on them while I'm not home. Meanwhile my asshole ex doesn't think twice about the fact that he's putting more effort into his relationship with his girlfriend and her kid than he is into his own kids. It blows my mind!!!

If something doesn't give real soon, I'm going to lose my shit and everybody he knows will know the truth about him. I'm not usually a bitch, but when it comes to making sure my kids are taken care of, I'll be the biggest bitch you've ever seen when the times comes for it. There's only so long that I'll wait for him to do the right thing by them. I'll take it as far as I need to so I can make sure my kids have what they need, and you can bet your ass on that.

Until next time...peace to all.

Custodial Parents Get the Shaft

Since my ex-husband isn't working yet again, and I have no source of income at the moment, people are telling me to go to Social Services and apply for cash assistance. I'm not going to do that, not again. I've done it before and I ended up getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop. I'll tell you why. If I've written about this before, please bear with me; it deserves repeating.

Rex the ex got fired from his job a few years ago and spent almost a year trying to find one, or so he said. Meanwhile, I had to apply for cash assistance, or Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), as they call it down at Social Services just to support my kids while I was looking for work.

I received a whopping $340 a month in cash from the state to support three kids. It's funny because the same state that tells me I'm only allowed that amount in cash assistance is the same state that tells me I'm entitled to at least $675 a month in child support for three kids because raising kids takes money. That seem odd to you? It does to me.

Not only did I only get that small amount, but I also had to do 40 hours a week of a combination of job search and volunteer work so that the state would know I wasn't sitting home doing nothing. Mind you, I have never just sat at home and done nothing, but I guess I'm one of the few since these rules are in place. The 30 hours of job search had to be logged and turned in to my case worker every week, and the 10 hours of volunteer work had to be signed off on by someone where I volunteered - in this case, my daughter's school - and then faxed to my case worker every week.

Now, this is my gripe, and why I feel that custodial parents get the shaft. I had to do all of the job searching, volunteering, and attending classes at the employment council, plus maintain contact with my case worker, yet Rex the asshole didn't have to do a fucking thing to prove to the state that he was looking for work. Not one drop of work to show that he was attempting to find a way to support his children.

When I called and asked Child Support Enforcement what they were going to do about him not paying - suspend his license, arrest him, whatever their options are - I was told, "If he's not working there's no money for us to take." Gee, ya think?! When I asked why they weren't forcing him to look for work and prove that he's doing so the representative had no answer. When I asked her what the 'Enforcement' part of Child Support Enforcement meant she, again, had no answer.

So basically, the custodial parent is the one who has to work their ass off to make sure their kids are being taken care of, and jump through hoops to get cash assistance that might come close barely covering the bills, and the non-custodial parent is permitted by the state of Missouri to be a dead beat if that's what the parent chooses to do. And believe it or not, if the custodial parent decided to withhold visitation from the dead-beat non-custodial parent because that parent isn't supporting the kids, any judge in the system could, if he or she chose, reverse custody and hand the children over to the dead beat. Imagine that.

Something needs to be done about this fucked up system, and custodial parents need to be given more help in collecting child support. If it comes to a point where the custodial parent needs to collect cash assistance because of a dead beat parent, the state needs to allot enough funding to that parent so the household bills can actually be paid, and then they need to ensure that the dead beat is actively job hunting. The state ends up recouping that money from the non-custodial parent when child support resumes anyway.

Stop treating the custodial parent with so much disdain, and start putting in the effort to collect child support from the non-custodial dead beat parent.

Until next time...peace to all.

Just Telling It Like It Is

I will never understand how some people can think only about themselves and not give a rat's ass about others. My ex-husband is like that, and so is his current girlfriend. My ex is narcissistic, and I think his babe is probably psychotic - Psycho Sally is what I call her. Regardless, they're made for each other.

The day after my friend, who was also my boss, died, Rex the ex quit his job - he was a manager at a retail auto repair establishment. So not only did I lose my work income, but I also lost the child support Rex had been paying all within a 24-hour period. Now, he says he quit over a scheduling issue with his boss, but I firmly believe that he got fired and isn't willing to admit it. It's either that or he quit before he could get fired. Either way, he's jobless at this point.

I found out today that he isn't even looking for a job because he's busy playing house bitch to Sally and her 5-year-old daughter. He drives Sally to work, and takes little Sweetie to and from school every day. Then he goes home and does the laundry, cleans their apartment, and makes dinner for all of them. Isn't that just special? He's taking care of them while his own kids - the three we have together - are getting the shit end of the stick - again.

It's been a month since Rex has had a job, and while I'm actively looking for work and not having any luck, he's not the least bit concerned about it. He's busy playing family with a chick who looks like the Wicked Witch of the West and her kid. And I must say, my kids are pissed! They want nothing to do with him, and I can't blame them in the least. This isn't the first time he's screwed us over for a chick, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Sally doesn't care about my kids, either, because she's got just what she wants. A happy household, free childcare for her daughter, and someone to cook and clean for her on a daily basis. It's just too bad that she doesn't understand that it's not going to stay all happy-happy joy-joy for very much longer. Rex isn't used to being kept under someone's thumb and he'll be ready to move on real soon. It's going to suck for both of them because her controlling attitude mixed with his abusive nature is bound to set off an explosion that will be heard for miles.

That's not my concern, though. My concern is my family and our home. From what I understand, Rex isn't looking for work because he doesn't have the time with all the driving and chores he has to do every day. Not only that, but he's said if he does get a job he doesn't want one with responsibility. No managerial positions, nothing that requires more than 40 hours a week. He wants to do his job and go home at the end of his shift. I guess it's a good thing he never wanted to be a parent because we parents don't get that option; we work 24/7/365.

I'm just going to do what I have to do for my kids, and let Rex and Sally live the blissful life they think they have. I can't get angry because that won't do me any good. Rex is still going to be the same selfish, conceited asshole that he's always been, and Sally will still be a crazy bitch who lives in a fantasy world. And my kids and I will live our lives and be happy together as a family, because that's what we do best. Karma is a bitch and when Rex and Sally get theirs, I hope I get to watch because the show is bound to be amazing.

Until next time...peace to all.

Goodbye, My Dear Friend

I met Ursula December 31, 2010. My kids and I had recently moved into Kara's basement apartment on Long Island, and I was looking for work. My friend Steve asked me if I wanted to make money on New Year's Eve working for Planet Party Planners. They had numerous venues to travel to that day to set up decorations for the evening parties. I couldn't pass up the opportunity for work so I jumped at the chance. Steve picked me up at about 4:30 in the morning and we went straight to Ursula and Mark's house to get started on the long day ahead of us.

Ursula greeted me as if she'd always known me and welcomed me into her home with open arms. She was cheerful and funny, and had a laugh that was contagious. We became friends immediately, and remained friends for the last five years. All we had in common was our sense of humor, our dedication to work, and our need to help others. Not minor things by any means but we were bonded by them.

When the kids and I moved from Kara's into the shelter, Ursula made sure I had a job working with her and Mark almost every day. She allowed me to arrange my hours so that I could work while the kids were in school and return to the shelter when the kids got home. She knew I was having a tough time, and she made sure that the kids and I were taken care of.

She and Mark made sure the kids had clothing and school supplies. They made sure the kids' holiday and birthday wishes were fulfilled. And they made sure that I had a solid support system and an income. Sometimes I was working in their home helping to create centerpieces, invitations, and whatever else needed to be done, and sometimes we were out at different venues setting up balloon bouquets or bowing chairs, whatever the event of the day required. They may not have actually needed the assistance, but they included me anyway.

Even after the kids and I left shelter and moved back to Missouri, Ursula made sure she had work for me to do from home. I spent days researching products to find the lowest prices, ordering stock items, contacting potential customers with information about our services, and whatever else Ursula could think of that would keep me busy enough to earn my pay. I loved her for that.

We spent many days going back and forth with text messages and/or phone calls getting items for upcoming parties and events, and we spent other days talking about our trials and tribulations that had nothing to do with work. Most recently we spent days talking about how she was feeling because the cancer she'd fought and beat years ago had returned. Over the past few months she spent her days having chemo treatments and radiation therapy, all to no avail.

Ursula ended up back in the hospital on March 8th due to complications, and on March 17th Mark was forced to put Ursula into hospice care because there was nothing more the doctors could do for her. I got to speak to her the following night when another friend, Leslie, visited Ursula and called me with her phone on speaker so she could hear what I was saying and tell me what Ursula was trying to respond. I told Ursula how much I appreciated all she'd done for the kids and me, and how much I loved her as a person and a friend. And I told her it was okay for her to go whenever she was ready, and that I'd never forget her. Ursula, through Leslie, told me that she loved the kids and me, too. That was the last time I spoke to her. On Wednesday March 23rd, my dear friend passed away with Mark by her side.

I will never forget you my dear friend. You were so caring and kind, and went above and beyond to help anyone who needed it, especially me and my bunch. Your laugh and smile are forever in my memory, and your beautiful voice plays constantly in my head. You were definitely one of a kind and I'm forever grateful to have known you. To quote your words back to you for all you've done, "Thank you, honey, you're the best." :)

Until next time...peace to all.