Kudos and Compliments

I got the best compliment today but I’ll back track a little so you’ll understand. The kids were with their dad this weekend because it was his weekend. Ty and Dolly each had a birthday party to attend also. Since the weather was supposed to be extremely bad with lots of snow, we offered the kids the choice of staying home and attending the parties or going to Dad’s and possibly missing the parties if we got a lot of snow. They all decided to go to Dad’s and, if they had to, they’d miss the parties.

Well, we didn’t get the snow they predicted so Paul had to drive Ty back out here yesterday to attend his party then pick him up afterward. Today Dolly’s party was at a bowling alley over in Port Jeff. Paul was going to take her and I would meet him there to stay with her. Had it been at someone’s house I would have just let him leave her there. Since it was in a public place, I didn’t feel safe leaving her there. I didn’t know how many parents would be staying or how many kids would be attending. I just felt it was too easy for someone to lure a four year old away. Anyway, when I woke up this morning I had a screaming ear ache and sore throat; and I didn’t think any of the party parents would appreciate me sitting around with their kids for a couple of hours.

I called Paul to ask if his girlfriend – they live together – was able to take Dolly to the party and I would just pick her up afterward. He said he would take her and let the boys bowl a couple of lanes down. He also said he’d bring them home afterward. Cool. Worked for me. It turned out that he took Dolly to the party and the boys hung out with his girlfriend. She also took them to Wendy’s to get something for dinner. That was nice. He dropped off the kids, said their goodbyes to Dad and he was gone. That’s when I found out about their change in plans as far as who took Dolly to the party.

So here comes the part about the compliment. I sent his girlfriend a text thanking her for hanging with the boys, telling her I appreciated it. I felt it was the right thing to do. So I got this response: “Anytime. They are all great kids you should be proud of them and yourself ... I know the trials of single parenting ;)” That has to be the best compliment I’ve gotten in a long time. Not because she said the kids were great – I know they are; not because she said I should be proud of them – I am; it was because she said I should be proud of myself and that she understands about being a single parent.

See, nobody from Paul’s family has ever acknowledged anything about my kids – to me. When I lived in MO Paul got them that one time for vacation and made it adamant that he had to have them here in NY rather than saving money and just visiting them in MO. Whatever. His attitude has always been, and still is, that he has to show off his kids and what a great parent HE is. Not that he isn’t, but he didn’t have anything whatsoever to do with how the kids have turned out so far. He wasn’t there, remember? I’m sure he took whatever compliments he received about the kids as a personal congratulations.

The fact that his girlfriend gave me the compliment, along with the acknowledgment of single parenting, tells me that she understands that Paul didn’t have much to do with raising the kids thus far. Yes, my other friends have all told me; counselors have told me; the kids’ teachers have told me; but nobody from the kids’ paternal side of the family has ever mentioned it. Yes, they all know that I’ve raised the kids alone, for the most part, and I think that they all realize that how the children behave is because of my teaching them; it would just be nice to actually hear it once in a while. No, I’m not looking to be put on a pedestal but it really irks me when people tell Paul what great kids he has and he says “Thank you” as if he had something to do with it. I’d bet my life that he has never responded with, “Well, the compliments should really go to Beth, she did most of the work so far.”

I haven’t done anything that any other single parent hasn’t done, don’t get me wrong. I don’t deserve a gold medal or a monument in my honor or anything else. It’s just that, sometimes it’s nice to hear that other people appreciate us for what we’ve done. It would be really nice to have someone from Paul’s family actually say, “You’ve done a great job with the kids; we know it’s been hard.” I doubt I’ll ever get that, though, not from them. They don’t even speak to me any more and I doubt I’ll ever have reason to be in the same room with any of them. Regardless, the compliment I received from Paul’s girlfriend really put a lift in my day and I felt the need to share it.

On another note, my friend Tracy is having a hard day today. Her oldest moved out of the house today to start life on his own. She’s having trouble dealing with it even though she knows what a great kid he is, because she raised him to be that way. He’s smart, responsible, and an all-around wonderful person. He’ll do fine on his own but it’s always hard for moms to let their kids go, even though we raise them to do just that. I’ve got years to go before I have to deal with that so it’s easy for me to say right now. Tracy knows she’s a great mom, and that her son will do fine. So chin up, Tracy; know that you did a wonderful job raising an equally wonderful man. Grab some tissues and just let the tears flow – you deserve it after all the hard work you’ve put in over the years. Just remember, he’ll always know who gave him his fabulous start. Love and hugs to you, girl.

Until next time…peace to all.