Puberty Again?

Didn’t have a real good day today. Between Zach and Dolly, I don’t know whose tantrums were worse. I was proud of me, though, because I never raised my voice once. I did a lot of “breath in, breath out” and kept myself calm during the storms. I’m just so tired of the tantrums. These kids are old enough to have outgrown them so I shouldn’t still be going through it. I don’t know; maybe once everything is settled down and we’re in our own place they’ll calm down a bit. Zach had always been a worrier; he gets that from me so it’s something we’ll have to work on together. Dolly is just taking up after Zach – he does it, so she does it. That’s gotta stop. I'll figure out something.

On a different note, tomorrow I get to have my eyes examined. The last time I had it done was in 2006, just before my divorce was final. I was still on Paul’s insurance and figured I’d take advantage of it one last time. I hadn’t had my eyes checked for years – we’re talking over ten – at the time so it was needed. Come to find out I needed bifocals. Say what? I was 39. No 39 year old needs bifocals. Okay, maybe some do. I did. Got my glasses and never wore them. When I finally started to wear them I realized the place fucked up the left distance lens; I still saw blurry out of it when I looked really far away. It was too late to have them fix it for nothing so I’ve really only been using my glasses for reading up close.

I don’t have a choice about that. I can’t read medicine bottles when I have to give the kids a dose of cough medicine or pain reliever. The print is so fucking small I’m surprised anyone can see it. Sonny can so I’ve been asking him to read me the dosages to double check what I read. Driving, though, is becoming more difficult, especially at night. During the day I just have trouble reading street signs. That’s not a good thing for a person unfamiliar with the local streets – remember, I’ve only been here a little over a month. I end up driving really slow to be able to make sure I’m turning in the right place.

I really should be wearing my glasses when I drive at night, however. The oncoming headlights look like big starbursts coming at me so I have to keep my eyes focused on the line running down the right side of the road. Some of the roads around here are dark because there are no street lights, and they twist and turn constantly. I have to drive under the speed limit to be able to reach my destinations. That’ll change, though, and I can’t wait.

I’m getting the exam tomorrow morning, but because I wear bifocals, it’ll probably take a week for my new glasses to arrive. That sucks too because I really want to have them. You’d think the labs would be able to grind out special glasses in a couple of hours if they can make regular lenses in under an hour. Hasn’t technology caught up with that industry yet? Who do I get to blame if I drive through a corn field because my new glasses haven’t arrived but my old ones don’t work anymore? Does anyone but me take responsibility for that, or am I just supposed to sit at home for a week waiting until I can see perfectly before I drive at night again? I think the eyeglass place should really take some of the responsibility. It’s not my fault I need special lenses; I didn’t ask to get old, it just happened.

And speaking of getting old, why is it that I’m 43 and keep getting pimples? I never had them as a kid but they keep popping up on a regular basis now. Is this supposed to be a part of aging – granny zits? I mean, what the fuck? I haven’t seen that as a symptom of peri-menopause on any of the many lists I’ve checked. Shit, the doctor I saw in Independence at Swope couldn’t even tell me if I’m in the early stages. He claims there really isn’t any such thing. Then again, he’s only been practicing medicine for a little over three years – which would explain why he’s working in a clinic rather that opening his own office. He also told me, when I went to have my right arm checked because my last two fingers went numb when I put my elbow on a table, that there is no such thing as cubital tunnel syndrome; he claims there is only carpal tunnel syndrome.

Whatever. I did my research before I went to see him to get the diagnosis. I do research about everything, especially when it’s medical and is affecting my personal being. Both syndromes do exist and they affect different parts of the hand. In any case, I just yessed him constantly while I was in the office. I did the same thing when he told me that peri-menopause doesn’t exist. I’m thinking Melvin – that’s his name – needs a little more practice in the art of medicine. I don’t really think he gets enough. I believe peri-menopause does exist and that I’m there. My cycles have changed since I’ve had Dolly, other changes have taken place as well, and now the zits. They’re not the huge ones that you see on TV sitcoms where the character panics and looks like she has a huge crater sitting on her forehead; mine are more subtle. Just little annoying blemishes that creep up when I least expect them. Sometimes they even hurt – like the one beginning its appearance on the left side of my jaw. Sneaky little fuckers, they are.

I guess I’ll have to deal with them, though. I don’t see any other options. I’m wearing bifocals, dealing with fluctuating hormone levels, and descending back into puberty as far as my skin is concerned. What’s next – Depends? I don’t think so. My daughter got out of diapers two years ago and now she’ll have to deal with her mom going into them? Wouldn’t that be a hoot? This growing up shit really sucks. Maybe I’ll have dreams tonight about being young and beautiful again. Wait a minute – I’m still young and beautiful!! I know, I know, I’m being immodest. Whatever, it’s the zit’s fault; I take no responsibility for it. Besides, there’s a possible upside to all of these changes; maybe, just maybe, in a couple of months I’ll grow boobs. I lost them when I had Dolly and it would sure be nice to have them back. Wish me luck.

Until next time…peace to all.