Wish Lists?

I was watching a Hallmark movie tonight called “The Wish List” and it didn’t make sense to me. Not that movies on Hallmark are supposed to make sense, they’re supposed to make you happy, sad, whatever; it’s Hallmark for crying out loud. Still, the movie was ultra stupid and predictable; I know what happens at the end and I didn’t even see it. I was too tired and it was irritating me so I came up here. It wasn’t the actual movie that didn’t make sense, though; it was the list aspect of it.

The movie was about a woman, Sarah, who made a list of attributes she wanted in a man; she’d dated a few losers and, with each one, decided what she didn’t want and what she did want in a future mate: thus, The Wish List was born. She had 19 elements on it, most of which I can’t remember but some of them were things like: must be handsome, must be able to cook, must love his family, must not eat red meat, must love his family, no bling, nice feet, and athletic. Granted, some of them are givens: which one of us wouldn’t want a man who’s handsome or who loves his family? Although the “loving his family” one would depend on how much he loved his family. I mean, is he with them during every spare minute or are they just close and like doing things together occasionally?

So she makes this list and, quite literally, bumps into Mr. Perfect at a coffee shop. They sit together and start talking and, I don’t know what the movie making people call it, but there is this overlay type of thing where you can see her mentally reviewing her list of attributes and checking off the ones that fit Mr. Perfect. She’s smitten and they begin their relationship. At the same time, at the same coffee shop, she meets the dude behind the counter who doesn’t possess any of the list qualities but who likes Sarah. Hallmark movie, folks: at the end, Sarah realizes her list isn’t necessary, and gives up Mr. Perfect for Coffee Dude. Yea, yea, yea…whatever.

The problem I had – remember I said the list aspect didn’t make any sense – was how a person goes about making up a list and then deciding which attributes are more important than others when grading a potential mate. Sarah had 19 elements on her list and Mr. Perfect, although possessing quite a few of them, did not possess all of them. Since I can’t remember the exact list I’ll have to explain using made up examples, or the few examples I actually did remember from the movie. He loved his family and animals but what if he didn’t love animals? Is that important enough to nix him? Or is being athletic, which he was, more important than say, not eating red meat, which he didn’t, but what if he did? How does one go about prioritizing which attributes are the most important and which she could do without?

I’m just curious because I know we’re all supposed to know what we like and want in a potential mate but what is our tastes change? What if I’ve always liked me with brown hair and that was in the top ten of my list, yet I meet a man with every other attribute on my list but he has blond hair? Do I send him on his way because of that one issue? And is it even an issue? Do people really choose potential mates based on things like this? Are they really that shallow? I’m sure we’re all that shallow to a point: some simply won’t date anyone shorter than herself, or who doesn’t have a high school diploma or something like that. We’ve all got out little just-can’t-have-that issues. I know I do. If a guy can’t make me laugh, or doesn’t have a sense of humor, it’s a deal breaker. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who won’t get my jokes or who can’t tell a joke or say something funny. Laughter is a must for me.

With regard to Sarah’s letter, though, I’m still wondering how she decided which items were a must and which she could live without in Mr. Perfect. “Oh, he can cook so him having nice feet isn’t really a must” or “Well, he’s got a good job but he doesn’t get along with his family. I can live with that.” I guess that’s what we’re all supposed to do, although we’re not actually supposed to write a list, are we? But we’re supposed to do a mental checklist to decide which items we can forsake in favor of others, right? Or am I completely wrong? I mean, I thought, and this is just what I’ve seen in movies and on TV, that we were supposed to look at the person as a whole, not in bits and pieces. Please correct me if I’m wrong here people.

If we are supposed to do a breakdown, and we decide to give up one thing for another, how do we know it’s right or wrong? For instance, if the relationship doesn’t work, how do we know which attribute/s it was or wasn’t that worked or didn’t work? Do we say, “Well, he was really handsome and that was a problem so next time I’ll look for someone just a little less handsome”? How do we know it wasn’t the red meat issue that drove the wedge, instead? Yes, you can say that we would see the little things creeping up: “Oh, I’m really irritated; I don’t know if I can live with a man who eats red meat.” That would fester and fester until we just couldn’t take it anymore. Right and wrong, if you ask me. The red meat issue may not be the large underlying issue; it may just be a surface issue that can remain once others are dealt with first. Does that make any sense at all? It does in my head so I hope it does on here too.

And how do we know that one break-up issue here wouldn’t have been a keeper issue there? Bart is extremely handsome and has a pretty good job, but he eats red meat; I don’t know if I can live with that. Hal, is also extremely handsome but has a fabulous job and eats red meat. Maybe I can live with Hal eating red meat simply because he has a better job than Bart. That’s a stupid example, but you get my drift. If we can accept a fault in one person, should we accept that same fault in others or do we pick and choose? I just don’t get it. I don’t really need to, though, since I’m not dating. I don’t even know what I’d want in a guy.

None of my relationships have been good enough to want to keep any of the attributes of any of the guys from my past. Seriously. Anything and everything I know about relationships is what I’ve seen on TV and in movies. I believe I posted about this before so I’m not going to repeat myself (although I probably do that quite often). I can tell you what I don’t want – anyone who is abusive or lazy – but I honestly can’t make a list of positive attributes I want in a man. Yes, I can turn all the negatives that I don’t want into positives that I do want, but it’s not the same thing that was portrayed in the movie. Regardless, I’m not dating now, and I don’t plan on dating anytime soon so it’s really a moot point. Perhaps if that time ever arises, way, way in the future, I’ll post a need for assistance. Until then, I’m just gonna ponder the world as it comes my way.

Until next time…peace to all.