A Bully Diffused?

We had a full-blown bully incident today. There’s a little boy in our cul-de-sac that is incredibly mean to all the kids in the neighborhood but especially takes his frustrations out on my three kids Ty, Zach, and Dolly. Ever since we moved in a couple of months ago Zach has made friends with all the boys his age and they get along great. The little bully, D, has an issue with Zach because a lot of the other kids don’t want to play with him anymore and he claims Zach stole all his friends. It would be great if someone would tell him that his attitude is the reason the other kids don’t want to play with him; some of the other parents won’t let their kids anywhere near D.

I have witnessed D out in the cul-de-sac parking lot screaming at other kids using foul language and racial slurs. He spent about 20 minutes one afternoon yelling at one little boy, calling him a “white-trash mother fucker.” He challenged the kid to a fight and when the kid went into his home D continued yelling at him from across the street, “Come on bitch! Let’s go white trash!” D’s mother watched her son yell at the boy and then called him in the house, perhaps just to give him a hug because D was back outside five minutes later.

D has called my daughter, who is six years old, a “white-trash bitch”; he’s told her to “shut your big-ass mouth”; and he’s threatened to “knock Dolly’s ass to the ground” if she ever spoke to him again. He’s taken toys from Zach and his other friends when they’re sitting on our stoop playing; he then runs with the toy until Zach threatens to tell D’s mother. He also lips off to adults when they speak to him; at least to me, anyway. He doesn’t listen, either, when the other kids ask him to go away. Just this morning Zach was playing with a friend on the stoop and asked D to leave so many times that I had to step to the door and ask him to play somewhere else.

I’ve tried to handle the issues the polite way, by knocking on their door and talking to his parents. They always tell me they’ll handle the situation but they never do. Ty has also gone over there and complained about him and D gets called inside for a few minutes but never gets any real discipline. I feel bad for him in a way but if his parents don’t step up and do something now that kid is going to end up in some serious trouble.

For the past two days things have gotten worse with this kid. My kids have come in numerous times telling me D won’t leave them alone, that he threatened my daughter, that he’d taken their toys, and that he just wouldn’t go away. It got to the point this morning that Zach and his friend DM were playing down at the end of our building with Dolly and D started again. I’d already told my kids not to be around him but he follows them. He actually got to where he was trying to steal Zach’s and DM’s shoes off of their feet, and he kept shoving Zach. Zach walked away, just like I’ve always told him to do, and came to tell me what had happened but D was still down at the end of the walk taunting Zach by yelling, “Come on mother fucker; come get me!” Zach had enough.

He charged back at D, at a full run, and took him to the ground with one of his wrestling moves – he never threw one punch – and he held D on the ground while D struggled to get up. I had yelled at Zach to stop before he even got to D but Zach was so angry he didn’t hear me. I walked down to pull them apart with D’s mother screaming at me the entire time. I just ignored her, pulled Zach off of D, wrenching my back in the process, and turned Zach toward our home. D got up and started swinging at Zach yelling, “Come on! Hit me n*gga!” I held up my hand and told him to stop with the language and started walking Zach back home.

D’s mother, who had apparently been watching the entire time, was screaming at me that there is something wrong with me because of the way my kid acted. “What the fuck is wrong wit’ you, bitch!?” I guess, in her world, it’s okay for her son to be a bully toward other kids as long as he wins the fight. Fuck that! I was actually proud of Zach for defending himself against that kid without hurting him. Zach showed D that he’s not afraid of him and that he’s a force to be reckoned with. Good for Zach! I didn’t say that to D’s mother, though, I just let her scream all she wanted. She spent a few minutes calling me a bitch and telling me I was fucked up. Alright then.

When she finally paused to take a breath I told her she needed to go home and handle her son; that I’ve heard the way he speaks to the kids in the neighborhood and seen the way he treats them. I told her I was tired of her son calling my daughter a white-trash bitch and threatening her. I told her to fix it before we have a huge issue. As I turned to go into my door she was talking to another neighbor and said, loud enough for me to hear it, “She comes outside again and I’mma slap dat bitch!” I told her not to threaten me to which she replied, “Shut the fuck up, bitch!” And I retorted with, “Well, at least I know where you son gets it. Go home,” and I shut my front door.

Then I called the police and filed a report over the phone; emailed the property manager recounting the incident and giving her the police report number; and I emailed Zach’s teacher because Zach and D are in the same class. I’m not going to live like this and neither are my kids and it’s going to be stopped now or I’ll contact HUD and deal with it on that level. This is HUD subsidized housing so there has to be someone there who can help me if the locals can’t.

Anyway, when I told my ex what had happened he had a different opinion of the way Zach ought to have handled D. He said that Zach should have belted D the minute D shoved him. I told him that I’ve always taught the kids to walk away from a fight if they can because violence isn’t the answer. He shook his head and said, “No way! You should NEVER turn your back on anyone because you don’t know what they’ll do and I’m going to tell Zach that.” I disagreed again saying it takes a bigger person to walk away than to stand there and fight. Paul shook his head again and said it has nothing to do with being the bigger person; it has to do with not letting people hurt you. I told him we’d have to agree to disagree on that point.

I don’t condone fighting at all but, like I stated before, if the bully won’t stop when the victim walks away, the victim, in this case Zach, has the right to defend him or herself. However, if walking away can defuse the situation I believe that’s what needs to happen. I don’t want my kids sinking to the level of the bully but today Zach had every right. The police officer who took my report even agreed when I told her about Zach’s wrestling move. “Good for him!” she said.

I don’t like my ex’s attitude; violence is his way of handling everything and everybody who ticks him off and I think it’s wrong. Maybe you agree with him that Zach should have hit D when D first shoved him but I stand behind my values and that won’t change. I don’t want him telling Zach to punch anyone just because he gets shoved; I’m going to have to intervene there. In any case, I needed to get that off my chest; it’s been weighing on me all day. Now I’m going to relax and put it behind me until Tuesday morning when I’m going to call the property manager to discuss the situation. I’ll fill you in when I find out if there’s any remedy.

Until next time…peace to all.