Sneaky, Sneaky, Sneaky

I said last night that I’d explain “another time” about what my ex-husband, Paul, did while we were in the shelter so I guess I’ll just get started on it tonight. It won’t all come out at once but I can, at least, tell you how it started. First, a little flashback. Paul and I were married in NY in 2001, moved to MO in 2004 when Ty and Zach were toddlers, got pregnant with Dolly in 2005, separated for complicated reasons, and got divorced in 2006. In 2007 Paul moved back to Long Island to be closer to his family because he couldn’t afford to live in MO by himself.

In 2010 I decided to move the kids closer to him since he’d only seen them once in the time that he’d moved. At that point Dolly had only spent that one vacation with him. He’d flown out to MO, picked them up, flew back to NY, and, ten days later, flew them back to me. He’s only allowed to get them for a week during the summer per our divorce agreement. It stems from him working retail with an unsteady schedule. He’d never be able to get them for the general six weeks that non-custodial parents are permitted because he’d end up having to put them in daycare. The week-long visit was his idea, not mine.

Anyway, while we were in the process of our divorce he spent a lot of time making my life miserable. He was court-ordered to pay all my bills since I didn’t have a job – I’d become a stay-at-home mom after Ty was born – but he refused to pay them and I kept getting late notices. He had the washer/dryer that he was renting for me removed but was ordered to put them back, he called Child Protective Services on my so many times that they were ready to prosecute him for the false allegations. Then he stopped paying our rent saying that there was too much work needed on the house and he wouldn’t pay the rent until the landlord fixed everything. Paul never even mentioned any needed repairs to the landlord; he just stopped paying the rent. The kids and I were evicted and we ended up where we are now, in HUD-subsidized housing.

So you see Paul’s temperament. He was pissed that I’d thrown him out and decided that he needed custody of the kids and all the control over me that he could get. Nothing he tried worked, however, because I always bounced back. Flash forward to the kids and me moving back to NY. I wanted them to be able to have a relationship with him and while we lived with my friend he saw the kids almost every weekend. I was allowing him to make up for lost time with them while I worked with Ursula and Mark to make some extra money. Then I got word that we had to move and ultimately found out the shelter was my only option.

In a last-ditch effort to avoid the shelter, I’d offered Paul to take the kids for a couple of weeks so I could find a place to live. I’d stay with a different friend and once I found a place I’d get the kids back. He agreed but then asked me for a letter stating that he had temporary custody of them. I guess he forgot who I was and that I hold a BS in Paralegal Studies. I give him a letter stating he has temporary custody then I have to go back to court to get them back. No thanks. He’s a sneaky shit but I always see right through him; and I knew he was up to something. I told him no on the letter and moved the kids and me into the shelter.

I’ve mentioned before that the State will issue a bed hold for court-ordered visitation, they have to abide by the divorce agreement, so it was all set up for the kids to have their alternate weekends with him. The shelter and Central Housing both had copies of my divorce agreement stating when Paul’s visitation with the kids was so they were prepared to issue the bed holds on those weekends. The kids couldn’t wait for those visits.

We moved into the shelter on a Wednesday and that weekend was supposed to be Paul’s. I never heard from him, nor had he called the kids for that first few days to see how things were going. By the middle of the second week we still hadn’t heard from him so I texted him – I text everything to him so I can keep copies on my computer – and asked him if he was picking up the kids that coming weekend. He asked if I was crazy. When I asked what he meant he told me that he wasn’t allowed to have any contact with the kids. I said he was permitted to see them for his weekends but he said Family Court told him he’s not allowed to have any contact with them while I had them in a shelter. That got my mind spinning, trying to figure out what he was talking about; I didn’t get anything from Family Court and I would have had there been a no-contact order issued. Hmmm…what was he up to? What was he planning?

I didn’t know then but I did find out a few weeks later. Up until I found out, though, he had absolutely no contact with the kids and virtually no contact with me; he didn’t even bother to ask me how they were doing. I didn’t even hear from his family who’d been seeing the kids on their earlier visits with Paul. Imagine that; a man and his family who claim to love the kids so much that they wouldn’t even send a text asking about them. It was incredible to me. Then Paul did something so seriously unbelievable to us that Zach wanted to forget he had a dad; you'll get the details tomorrow night.

Until next time…peace to all.