We moved into the shelter on June 1st and barely
heard from Paul for the next month. Then, out of the blue, I got a text message
from a 317 area code telling me it was someone’s new cell number. I didn’t know
who it was so I asked. It was Paul. Interesting. Suddenly he had a cell number
with an out-of-state area code; I found out it was from Indiana. That could
only mean that he had a new chick in his life and she was paying for his phone.
I asked, he denied; or rather, ignored. He never answered my questions.
He did, though, start texting me, asking if I had thought of
moving out of state. It made me nervous because he’s always been sneaky and I
knew he was up to something. I figured he was baiting me; asking me if I was
planning to move out of state so he could take me to court for custody of the
kids. I was planning on staying in NY since we moved there so the kids could be
closer to him. He kept asking, though. Then, about two weeks later he actually
suggested a specific town in Indiana that he thought would be a great place for
the kids and me to move.
Why would I move to IN? There was nothing in IN for me: no
friends, no family, no support system, absolutely nothing. Why was he
suggesting I move the kids to IN? Are you ready for this? He wanted me to move
them there because HE was moving there to live with his new chick. Not only was
he moving to IN, but he was moving by the end of July; about two weeks from the
day he suggested I move there. There was something seriously wrong with him. We
moved there so he could have a relationship with his kids and he was moving to
another state to satisfy his own selfish needs. Unreal!!
He actually spent the next two weeks trying to convince me
to move to IN. He said he and his new chick would put us up somewhere until I
could find a place of my own. They would help me in any way until I got
settled. On and on he went. I wasn’t moving the kids there. I did go to his
apartment to get the kids’ belongings that he had there. He always kept toys
and clothing there so the kids would have it when they visited. I took it all
back to the shelter.
Now it gets even uglier. The day I picked up all the stuff
from him, two days before he was leaving, I asked him if he was going to say
goodbye to the kids. He said he couldn’t because of the no-contact order. He
was still sticking to that lame-ass story. I just shook my head, said goodbye,
and left. Now, when he’d first decided he was leaving town he didn’t even want
me to tell the kids he was leaving. I told them anyway. I was so tired of
having to cover for him all the time that I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped
covering for him and told them the whole truth.
The kids knew everything that was going on and everything
that Paul had done; they even knew about the so-called no-contact order that
Paul used as an excuse for not seeing them. They were not happy with him. Anyway,
I’d taken all their stuff from Paul and put it in our room at the shelter.
Later that night we had someplace to go and were in the van discussing Paul.
Zach asked when Paul was moving and I told him it would be two days from then.
As if a light switch suddenly went on in Zach’s head he blurted out, “Dad’s
leaving without saying goodbye to us!?” I told them that, yes, their dad was
leaving without saying goodbye because he still claimed there was a no-contact
order in place.
Zach was really upset and I felt so bad. All the kids were
quiet for a while when the song “Fuckin’ Perfect” by Pink came on the radio. We
all listened for a while when Zach asked what the words meant. I told him the
song is saying that no matter how bad he feels about himself he’s perfect in
someone else’s eyes; that he could be really down on himself but someone in his
life loves him. He asked me for an example of someone who loves him so I
started listing people in his life – me, dad, grandma, Miss Sylvia – and then he
started screaming at me. “THAT’S NOT TRUE! DAD DOESN’T LOVE US OR HE WOULDN’T
BE LEAVING US AGAIN AND NOT SAYING GOODBYE!” Then he burst into tears.
My heart just shattered, and I wasn’t in a location where I
could even stop the car to give him a hug. Paul moving to IN would be the third
time he’d left the boys’ lives and the second time he’d left Dolly’s. Remember,
she wasn’t born when Paul and I first split up. The kids were so upset that I
couldn’t stand it but there was nothing I could do but pick up the pieces as
they fell. I told them all that everything would be alright and that we wouldn’t
have to worry about anything but us from then on. With Paul out of the picture
we could just be a little family like we’d always been and that nobody would
hurt us from then on. They agreed and cheered up a little. Two days later Paul
left town and the only way I knew he was okay was from his Facebook posts, but
I could, at least, let the kids know he’d made it to IN safely.
I wasn’t angry at what he did; I wasn’t even surprised. I
told you I was putting the puzzle pieces together from the moment I got the
text from the 317 area code. I was just really disappointed that he hadn’t
changed or grown up even the slightest bit. I guess I was expecting too much
from him. He’s always had issues, still does, and I doubt he’ll ever change. He
can’t be alone and believes he has to be in a relationship to be complete.
Unfortunately for him, that new relationship wasn’t anything he thought it
would be; I found out later his chick was crazier than he ever was.
He wasn’t my concern, though. My concern was our children;
the children he hadn’t spoken to in two months, and the same children he left, again,
without so much as a goodbye. He’d done it before so I knew the drill. It would
be difficult but I’d get the kids through it; and I did. Every time Paul’s in
close proximity to them he screws it up royally – every single time. It’s
coming again; past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. And when
it happens again, when Paul screws up, the kids will get through it; I’ll make
sure of it, just like I always have.
Until next time…peace to all.
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