Ray, Funny; Debra, Not So Much

This is my second night in a row writing about a TV show; not usual for me, but I couldn't resist. I was flipping channels tonight, trying to decide what to watch, and I came across “Everybody Loves Raymond.” It’s a sitcom set here in Lynbrook (which I know very well since I basically grew up right next door in Valley Stream) about Ray and Debra, and their across-the-street neighbors, Ray’s parents and brother. The show ran for a long while and was a high-rated sitcom. While I liked the show to some degree there was one aspect that I just couldn’t stomach. Patricia Heaton’s character, Debra (Ray’s wife) just irked the shit out of me. She spent so much of her time putting down Ray or bullying him into doing what she wanted him to do that I couldn’t take watching her.

Patricia Heaton, who I’m sure is a wonderful person in real life, did a great job portraying the nagging wife. That’s probably why she was so popular on the show. I, however, looked at her character differently than most. Now remember, these are just my opinions, and you may or may not agree with me, but please keep the backlash to a minimum. When I watched how Debra treated Ray it just made me think of everything I’ve learned over the past few years and how her treatment of him could actually be considered verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse.

She spent a good portion of her time telling him what an idiot he was, or how moronic he was acting, or simply telling him that he would do what she wanted, “or else.” Honestly, that’s not the way anyone needs to treat anyone else, particularly a spouse – regardless of husband to wife, or vice versa. Not only did Debra treat Ray so poorly, she often did it in front of other people. Granted, Ray wasn’t the perfect husband and didn’t want to help with household chores and he left most of the child raising responsibilities to Debra, but he still didn’t need to be told he was a jerk on a constant basis. Debra knew what he was like when she married him. Aren’t we supposed to love our spouse unconditionally? I thought that’s how it was supposed to be. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Yes, it’s just a TV show; I understand that. It’s meant to portray this family and the difficulties encountered by them with Ray’s mother always meddling, Ray’s father seeming to not care about anything, and Ray’s brother being jealous of Ray. I can understand Debra being frustrated by her mother-in-law always poking her nose into their business. It happens. I just think the producers could have thought of a better way for the wife to treat her husband.

When we look at kids’ TV shows, don’t we complain that some of them teach our children to make bad choices? I know parents who won’t let their kids watch “Spongebob” because of all the stupid things he does; I know parents who won’t let their kids watch “iCarly” because the character Sam is sarcastic, sometimes mean, and has been arrested; I even know parents who’ve complained about “Blue’s Clues” because Steve and Joe (the show’s two hosts) always wore the same outfits and the children watching didn’t think they should have to change their clothes. If we can complain about shows like that, why don’t we complain when a show portrays a wife verbally abusing her husband on a regular basis? Archie Bunker might have been a crank ass most of the time, but he did show Edith he loved her. Even Dan and Roseanne took their arguments behind closed doors and didn’t spend their time putting each other down.

I just think it’s a shame that one of the highest rated TV shows put such a bad personal quality into the limelight. It’s not funny, it’s not even amusing; it’s simply wrong to tell people that it’s okay to treat your spouse the way Debra treated Ray when you don’t get what you want when you want it. I’m guessing that most of you wouldn’t like your spouse to call you a moron every day, or to tell you how lazy you are for not helping around the house. Right? Of course I’m right. Like I said, it’s only a TV show and these are only my opinions but I still think it was wrong, and I find it even more disturbing that so many people thought the idea of it was great that they couldn’t miss the show every week.

In any case, I’m done ranting about it. There isn’t anything I can do other than to teach my children the correct way to treat each other, and how to treat other people, so they don’t grow up and end up being a Ray or a Debra in their future relationships. Maybe we could all try that and do a little something to change the world for the better. I’ll do my best; that’s about all I can do. Fingers crossed for the future generations.

Until next time…peace to all.

Extreme Couponing

I was sitting here earlier with absolutely nothing to do. I was down here with the kids while they watched TV and drifted to sleep and I was debating what to do and was even blogging about it. Then Kara texted me to put on channel 28 – TLC – for the last 20 minutes of a show. I went upstairs to see what I needed to watch. It was a show called “Extreme Couponing.” It was about people who spend hours upon hours clipping coupons to save money at the supermarket. Since I only saw the last 20 minutes the one guy I saw on the show seemed overly ridiculous with his clipping.

His entire garage was stocked like a supermarket. He and his wife had supplies enough for the next 20 years, or so. They had canned foods, toiletries, and other items that they’d bought in bulk simply because they had coupons for them. This dude had a huge binder, the kind you’d use for collecting trading cards, filled with coupons; and he spent hours on the computer researching what was on sale in different stores in his area. The one shopping excursion I saw him on he bought over $5000 worth of stuff for around $240. Now, you might think it’s awesome; I thought it was really ludicrous.

First of all, the amount of time he spent searching for the deals and calculating how much he’d save was more time than I have available in a day. He literally found specific items that he had coupons for; then found them on sale in a specific store; took the original price, deducted the store sale price, deducted the coupon amount, and doubled it because his store doubles coupons, then decided if it was worth purchasing. Some of the items were worth it but I think he went way overboard with it.

He had coupons for toothbrushes that left them costing him nothing. He bought all of the toothbrushes that were on sale, and there had to be over a hundred of them in the bin. He literally dumped the bin of toothbrushes into his cart. It was his way of not having to buy toothbrushes for the next couple of years. Hey, stupid, what about other shoppers who may need to buy toothbrushes for their households? Then he bought sixty bottles of hand soap simply because they were only going to cost him $.30 each after coupons and sales deductions. Sixty bottles of hand soap because, as he said, “We won’t have to buy hand soap for a long time to come.” Again, genius, are you and your wife the only two people in the world who use hand soap? He then did the exact same thing with deodorant for himself. Just wiped the shelf clean and put all the stuff into his cart.

This went on and on with him. He bought items like this all through the store and had six or seven store employees following him with all the additional carts he needed to carry the stuff. He had to ring up the merchandise as three different orders because the scanner can only handle 500 items per order. His first batch came to over $900 and after sales and coupons he only paid around $55. His second batch came to over $800 and he ended up paying about $35. That’s fine but, even though he mentioned he had some, the cameras didn’t show one item of food in the first two batches of stuff he bought. Other than the soda, it was all toiletries.

Finally, his third order was something he had to special order from the store because he knew they wouldn’t have enough of them on the shelves. Now, this was a food item and he had a huge stack of coupons for it. The item, after sales and doubled coupons cost him almost nothing. What was it? “Total” cereal was the big item. He’d depleted the shelves of it, and he’d ordered more boxes shipped to the store so he could buy it with his coupons (1100 boxes in all); he paid virtually nothing for it and then took it home and donated the whole lot of it to a local food pantry. Are you fucking kidding me? Was it a nice gesture for him to donate to the food pantry? Absolutely; I’m not saying it’s not. But no food pantry needs 1100 boxes of the same cereal, and there are probably more people in the town where he lives who might actually want to buy some of that cereal since it was on sale.

Seems to me like this guy just gets his rocks off by seeing how much he can save after his hours of tedious coupon clipping. I can understand stocking up on non-perishables but not for the next 20 years just because the item is available in the store and on sale. Gimme a break!! Had he gone shopping and bought $1000 worth of real food items and only paid $100 for it all, I’d have been impressed. However his over-exuberance of buying shit simply to buy it and save money was really ridiculous. I have no need to buy 60 bottles of hand soap for $.30 each; I need to buy 60lbs of ground beef at $.30 a pound instead. Can he show me how to do that? I doubt it, but I guess the show's producers thought this guy’s “skill” at coupon clipping was worth filming. Whatever.

I’ll have to search the Internet to find the entire show so I can see what I missed. Maybe the other people profiled had better advice for clipping coupons and saving money on items I can actually use. I’ll let you know if I find it. In the meantime, if any of you have any money-saving tips for me, I’d appreciate hearing about them. I’m always on the lookout for a bargain; I just don’t want to be buying shit I can’t use for ten years when my kids have specific needs right now. I’m really not into being greedy, either, just getting what I need at a bargain price. Who knows? Maybe I can be on that show if I can find a way to save lots of money at the supermarket. I’ll just make sure I leave merchandise on the shelves for other people who are also bargain hunting; and that I buy real food and not just a garage load of toiletries. I’ll see what I can do.

Until next time…peace to all.  

Favors of Days Gone By

Whatever happened to doing someone a nice, old fashioned favor without asking anything in return? I’ll explain what I mean. We had a snowstorm here Sunday into Monday. Kara ran out to the store on Sunday to get some rock salt and some cold cuts for the kids. When she got back she shoveled the driveway; the first six inches of snow that fell, and it was still snowing. I kept the kids company in the house while she was out there.

By Monday we had another foot of snow on the driveway that needed to be cleared. Now, our driveway is huge. It can hold seven cars: four in a line on one half, and three in a line on the half nearest the house; and it slants drastically downward toward the street. We have to keep our parking breaks on when we’re home. Anyway, we let Monday go by without shoveling because the sun was supposed to come out so we figured some of it would melt. We were wrong, so this morning I went out there to shovel the driveway myself. I wasn’t going to do the entire thing, just the shorter side so we could, at least, get Kara’s car out if we needed to go some place.

I started a little after 11:00 this morning and, by the time I was done, over two hours had passed. But I need to back track a little to get to my point about the favors. I’d done most of the shoveling and had about five feet of snow left to the end of the driveway, and the path I was shoveling was about seven feet across. A van pulls up next to the driveway and an elderly man got out and asked if I needed any help. As grateful as I would have been for the help, and as sweet as the offer was, I took into account his age and possible physical condition. I didn’t want anything to happen to him while he was helping me so I politely declined and explained, with a smile, that I was almost finished. He drove away.

A short while later, I had only three feet of snow left to the end of the driveway, and the same seven feet across. The problem was that this final patch was what the snow plows had pushed off the street so it was heavier and icier, and had twice as much snow in the pile; it was probably about three feet deep. Two young guys, younger than I am, pulled up in a truck that had a trailer on the back of it. They looked like they worked for a landscape company or something similar. They asked if I wanted the driveway plowed. Puzzled, I told them that I’d already shoveled the entire thing and just had that little bit left.

They were blocking traffic and asked again if I wanted help with the last section of snow. “Fine with me,” I thought. Without waiting for an answer from me, they were already maneuvering the truck across the street so they’d be able to get to their equipment or whatever they were going to use. As they were getting out of the way of traffic, I told them that I’d let them do the last little bit but that I wasn’t going to pay them for it; I had no money. Guess what? They just smiled at me, wished me a good day, and drove away. Are you fucking kidding me? It would have taken them all of 30 seconds, maybe a minute, to plow what was left of the snow for me yet they wouldn’t do it because I wasn’t going to pay them. How much would they have charged me for that little bit of work? I don’t know because I didn’t ask. There was no reason for me to ask.

In Missouri, we didn’t have to shovel the snow because the management office hired a crew to do that for us. However, my neighbors and I were out there shoveling anyway simply because we wanted to be able to get to our cars and the crew didn’t usually arrive until well into the night. They were actually out there one night at midnight. Regardless, we didn’t just shovel our own walkways; we helped one another get the job done. We were neighbors and we helped each other. Here, though, nobody bothers to help. Every neighbor I’d seen outside clearing driveways and walkways all had snow throwers. Do you think one of them offered to help us? Nope, not one. I would have even paid for the gas without them asking, but it would have been nice to get an offer. We did have one guy come up, yesterday, asking if we wanted the driveway shoveled. He was only going to charge $10 an hour. It took me over two to do half the driveway. Would he have milked it and over-charged us by taking twice as long? Who knows, but we weren’t taking that chance.

It just really amazes me that people can’t do nice things for their neighbors anymore simply because they don’t want to. If they do offer to help, it’s usually with an ulterior motive in mind. Why? What’s wrong with people helping people these days? It saddens me, it really does. I’ve always been the type to help others just for the sake of helping. Kara is helping me; Ellen helped me; lots of strangers have helped me; but people won’t help those that live next door to, or across the street from, them. What’s the big deal, folks? Next time you see a neighbor who might need assistance, offer yours without asking for something in return. You’ll be helping them and making yourself feel good at the same time. You get the satisfaction of knowing that your kindness made someone else’s day. That’s really all the payment you need. I’ve helped and been helped. Nothing feels better than doing a favor for someone, just because. Trust me, I know.

Until next time…peace to all.

Post-Holiday Post

I do hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I know mine was really nice. I haven’t been here because I’ve spent the last week working my ass of to get things ready for Christmas. I primed a wall in the dining room that had been neglected; I built a piece of art to put on the wall because the base for the artwork has been leaning against the wall for months. It’s basically a 6 x 4 frame that looks like 12 window panes. I decided to put wrapping paper on it to make it look like a winter scene out the windows. Then we hung it on the primed wall. I’m not artistic by any means but it came out looking really nice and everyone commented on it.

I attended Ty’s holiday party on Thursday and their dad picked them up around 5:30. I spent that evening doing the beginning of the house cleaning. Later in the night I sat on my bed Skyping with Joe while I wrapped gifts. He had to sign off about 11:00 because he’d worked all day and was tired but I kept at it and finally, at 3:00a.m. was done with all my wrapping and turned in for the night. The next day, Christmas Eve, Kara and her boys went to her parents’ house and Kara dropped her boys off to their dad for a couple of hours. I spent the day really cleaning the house until it sparkled.

After I had some dinner, I got out the gifts for Kara’s boys and began wrapping for her since she hadn’t had a chance to get any of it done. I watched some stuff on Netflix and wrapped in peace. She warned me when they were on their way home so I could get things put away and as soon as the boys were asleep she and I put on “A Christmas Story” in her room and finished wrapping. We were done by 12:30 but waited an hour before we put everything out under the tree. Then we came down here and did the same thing. We both finally got to bed around 3:00a.m. again. Imagine the exhaustion between the two of us.

Christmas day was just as hectic. We opened gifts with her boys, then had to get dinner started for the family dinner. Her whole family attends so there was a lot of food to be prepared. We had to start the prime rib at 9:00 just so it would be done in time. Twenty-five pounds of beef is heavy and takes a while to cook the way we were doing it. Everything turned out really great, though, and my kids arrived home around 4:30 so we opened their gifts down here and then we all had dinner with Kara’s family. I’m not used to big family functions and don’t usually like them but this one was really nice. Even through all the chaos and noise it was an enjoyable experience.

When the day finally ended we had loads of dishes to clean up and five very tired kids to put to bed. We actually just got all the dishes finished up today, believe it or not. We’ve had to fill and run the dishwasher three times in two days, and do the rest by hand. Since we still had to feed the kids, the dishes kept getting behind but we got them all done; with the exception of one roasting pan that I refuse to wash. I told Kara, laughingly, that she gets to do that one. She agreed.

The post holiday clean-up is done and there are only two or three other projects we have to finish before we can completely relax. They will all be done by the end of the week so we’ll be able to ring in the new year without having anything left on our to-do lists. YEA!! I can’t wait. I’m actually glad I finally get to sit here tonight and fill you all in on my busy-but-not-so-exciting life. Lately, by the time I get down here I’m too beat to even think of anything to say. But I’m back now and ready to put the holidays behind me until next year. I know, you’re probably breathing a sigh of relief that you can stop hearing about all the shit I do during the day. I’m glad too. Now I can go back to talking about topics that we all enjoy and question and deal with on a daily basis. I’ll come up with some good ones; I promise. Just hang in there with me and my writing will get more interesting. That’s my Christmas gift to you.

Until next time…peace to all.

It's Not Sunday Yet

I finally got my money. I called CSE again today and despite what their website says my money was only disbursed yesterday. I figured I’d get it in my account sometime tonight but it actually showed up at about 10:00 this morning. Whew!! I had so much shopping to do today that I was getting really irritated. No matter; I got everything I needed except for one last thing for Ty for Christmas. Kara is out right now picking that up along with some other things she needs. When she gets home I’ll be finished and ready for the holiday.

While I was out shopping I picked up the supplies I needed to have the kids make their gifts for their dad. We had three glass vases here so I figured they could decoupage them with some colored tissue paper. We did those tonight and when they’re dry tomorrow we may have to do just a little touching up on them. Otherwise they look really great; the kids did an awesome job on them. So that’s another thing done.

Tomorrow Kara and I have to get the house cleaned and in order because she does Christmas dinner here with her family. We’ve still got decorating stuff all over the place and the family room has a lot of her boys’ toys in it. All of that has to go so we can get to dusting and vacuuming and all the rest. She’s going into panic mode about it but I told her we’d get everything done in time for us to have one night to relax. I still have “What About Bob?” from Netflix here that we want to watch so maybe that’ll be our treat for all the hard work we’ve been doing over the past couple of weeks.

Thursday Dolly and I will attend Ty’s holiday party – she’s out of school after tomorrow – and then I have to get them ready to go to their dad’s house for the holiday. Thursday night I’ve got my usual Christmas tradition: I talk to Joe on the phone while I wrap gifts. He’s stayed up with me for the past couple of years while I sat in my basement in MO. We chat while I wrap. This year, though, I’ll be able to sit on my bed and Skype with him while I wrap. It’ll be fun and that’ll be the last thing I need to do to get ready for the weekend. Aahhh, the joyof being able to sit and relax and do absolutely nothing for a day or so; I can’t wait. Of course I’ll be helping Kara get dinner ready on Saturday but it’s simple so we won’t be frantic.

This time of year just really gets me anxious and I spend a lot of time on edge. I just don’t like all the hype over the holidays and the constant running and shopping and crowds and traffic. It all just gets to be too much. Call me a Scrooge but I don’t care. I just wish people wouldn’t take the holidays so seriously and try to one-up their friends and family by having to see who can buy the most expensive/popular/up-to-date gifts. Yes, we all like nice things, but why the big demand to see just how much money we can spend? Honestly, the most expensive gift I bought my kids was $20. They don’t care. I’m sure that, when they get older, they’ll want gifts that cost a lot more but I’m teaching them that the value of a gift is not as important as the thought behind the gift. Hence the fact that they’ve always made gifts for their dad.

However, it is what it is and I can’t single-handedly change things. I’ll just have to deal with it and move through the holidays as best as I can. Since I’ve had such a busy day today, and since I have an even busier day tomorrow, I’ll stop griping and go relax for a while before I go to bed. I do hope you’re all getting done with what you need to be prepared for the holidays. They’ll be over soon enough and we can all relax. I can almost hear a Universal sigh of relief. Listen closely and you’ll hear it too. Shhhh…

Until next time…peace to all.

This Sucks and Sucks Some More

I’m going to smile and stay positive. My smile might be through gritted teeth, but it’s there nonetheless. First thing this morning I called CSE (child support enforcement) to find out what happened to my money. I was in the van driving Dolly to school when I placed the call. The rep was very polite as she asked me the buttload of information she needed to verify that I was actually me. “May I have your name and case number?” “Who is the other party on the case?” “May I have your birth date and the last four digits of your social?” “What is your daytime phone number?” “And I please verify your address.” “How may I help you?”

With the exception of the case number, all the info I provided can, pretty much, be obtained by anyone with good computer software. My case number can probably also be found; I’m just trying to be optimistic about that. Why they need all that info to verify that I’m me is beyond me but I gave her what she needed (I have to do that every single time I call them for any reason) and got down to business. I told her that their website indicates that my money was disbursed on the 16^th but that neither my old account nor my new account had received the money. According to this rep my payment was still being processed. I’m finding that to be a little confusing. Was it disbursed or is it still being processed?

Seems it’s still being processed and will be deposited into my new account although she couldn’t give me any specific account information, just that, “It’ll be deposited into the account that you set up this month.” Now, she just asked me for my entire repertoire of personal information to verify my identity yet she can’t give me specific bank account information about my own bank account? Why is that; in case someone saying they’re me and having all my personal information actually gets past the initial verification process in an attempt to fraudulently gain my banking information from the Missouri Department of Child Support Enforcement? Seriously? See, if someone gets all of my personal information, I think he or she probably already has my banking information and doesn’t need to call CSE to verify it.

In any case, she told me that the payment was still being processed and if I don’t have it in the morning to call them back. I don’t know why I need to call them back since the person who answers the phone tomorrow won’t be able to tell me anything more if the payment hasn’t been received. All she’ll be able to tell me is that it’s still being processed and that she can’t give me a disbursement date. See, one thing I learned about this particular department over the past four years is that no two reps can ever give me the same information to the exact same question.

This is the same department that delays my child support payment if a holiday happens to fall during the week I’m supposed to get it, yet tells me that they can’t control when the payments go out because it’s an automated system and they can’t change what the computer does. Does that make sense to you? If it’s an automated system, my payment should be in my account on the designated Friday regardless of whether there was a holiday or not since computers don’t take days off to celebrate. I guess the reps in the CSE department don’t realize that; nor do they realize that someone is actually sitting at the computer when my payment is disbursed or has scheduled my payment to be disbursed. The line, “Well, it’s an automated system and we can’t control the computers” must be a line scripted and handed down by the suits in the office to throw off the less intelligent child support recipients.

Like I said, I’m going to smile and deal with it. I just think it really sucks that the week of Christmas is when they chose to fuck up my funds. I’ve got a shit-load of things to take care of over the next couple of days and I couldn't do anything today and I can’t do a fucking thing tomorrow as of this moment. If I keep smiling and putting positive vibes out there I may have my money by the time I wake up in the morning. Positive vibes; positive vibes; positive vibes…Fingers crossed and more positive vibes. See me smiling? I’m smiling…I’m happy…I’m going to bed to put out more positive vibes.

Until next time…peace to all.

Back to Basics

Nothing special to write about tonight. Today was like any other Sunday. All four boys spent most of their day down here together and there wasn’t one fight all day long. Imagine that. Dolly and I were up in the family room watching TV and playing a matching game. It was really an uneventful day; but a very enjoyable day.

There’s nothing like getting to spend quality time with your kids with nothing pressing looming on the horizon. After dinner I had my kids take showers and get ready for bed; then we sat and read a couple of bedtime stories. We laughed uncontrollably over “In the Night Kitchen.” It’s a book I liked as a kid and I knew my kids would like it. They did; especially the parts where it shows Mickey’s little winkie. Don’t ask me; I didn’t write the book. It is a cute little story, though; and it was a real treat to sit with my kids and hear them laughing like they were. I’m smiling just thinking about it.

It’s days like these that make it possible to be grateful for all I’ve got. It’s hard sometimes when things are going wrong and nothing is falling into place as it’s expected. Today, though, all is well with the Universe. I can’t not be grateful. Tomorrow, when I have to deal with CSE about the issue of my missing money, things might seem different so I’ll just have to reflect on today to keep my spirits lifted and my positive energy flowing. I can do it.

I’m working on doing it all the time but it takes a lot of energy and mental training to keep a positive light on things all the time. I used to be able to do it; and I know that, with some real heavy concentration, I can get back to it. I can’t wait. When I was doing it all the time, things weren’t perfect but I didn’t care. Things were as they were meant to be and I was happy. I’m on my way back there and I invite you to join me. All it takes is changing a negative thought to a positive thought instantly. I know I can do it; and if I can do it, you can too. You work on it and I’ll work on it and before you know it we’ll all be so happy, and things will be going so well for us, that we won’t have a choice but to smile all the time; whether we want to or not. Let’s try it, shall we? I think I’ll go get started.

Until next time…peace to all.

Keep It; Toss It

Missouri child support is irritating the shit out of me. When I was in Maryland I’d sent information and a request for them to start direct depositing my money into my account in Maryland. They did. Over two weeks ago I sent information and a request to them to start direct depositing my money into my NY account. I was supposed to get paid today. Child Support disbursed my money on Thursday as usual, (so it’s deposited into my account on Friday) but the money isn’t in either of my accounts. I called both banks this morning and neither of them has a pending deposit for me. Where the fuck is my money? Since it’s Saturday I can’t call CSE to find out so I’m stuck until Monday with my money out there in cyber limbo somewhere. IRRITATING!!!!

I got past it since there isn’t anything I can do about it right now and I decided to get some more work done around here. First I began cleaning then realized that bigger projects were waiting. Not that I didn’t clean, I did; but I felt the urge to go through all the kids’ dressers to weed out the old, too small, disliked clothing to make room for Christmas clothing. I started with Dolly’s stuff and I had her help me.

We went through each drawer and each piece of clothing. If it was too small and in good condition it went into a bag; if it was too small but grungy from all of her playing in the dirt it went into the garbage. I didn’t have to worry about anything she doesn’t like because she loves clothing. We got rid of about half her shirts and only a couple of pairs of pants. Since I’d gotten those clothes off of Craigslist a couple of weeks ago, and most of the pants (discovered after the purchase and the clothing was home) are size six and are Capris, we put those in a drawer of their own to wait for spring. She was actually left with a good number of pants but is sorely lacking in long-sleeved shirts. Good thing Santa is bringing some.

Then I brought Ty down to go through his stuff. It only took us about 20 minutes because he’s faster than Dolly and could decide right away if things were being kept or tossed. Whatever didn’t fit him or that he didn’t like went into a Zach pile, but I had to let him know that we didn’t have to keep each and every item he had in his dresser. He wanted to so I explained that the purpose of going through things was to get rid of some of it. He finally understood the point and we got rid of a lot, but he’s still got loads of clothing left. He’s still getting more from Santa, too. Then it was Zach’s turn.

We first went through the pile from Ty. Zach took what he wanted but the rest was handed down to Kara’s youngest son, Little Boy. Zach, who I thought had more clothing than Ty was actually left with almost nothing as far as sweat pants and long-sleeved shirts are concerned. Another WHEW!! Santa has a load of them for Zach. Whatever was too small or that he just doesn’t wear – Zach is very picky about his clothing – went to Little Boy who, by the way, made out like a bandit in the pajama department.
When I was finished with the kids I set to getting their closets organized. Since we’ve moved in I’ve just had all their pants in one closet and all their shirts in another. I actually took the time today to separate everything and give each boy his own closet. They’re pleased because now they don’t have to worry about getting their jeans mixed up and having to fish through all of them to find their own. I just couldn’t believe I got it all done without giving up and deciding to “leave it for tomorrow” like I usually would.

As we were going through everything I’d found a couple of things of Zach’s and Dolly’s that they wanted “but it has a hole in it.” So I spent this evening mending four different items, each one requiring a different colored thread. There should be a law that says everything has to be sewn with either black or white thread. Trying to find the right shade of pink or purple is just not right. I did it, though, and all items are mended and deposited in their respective dressers. I feel very accomplished again today; I just love getting things done.

Tomorrow I’ll finish cleaning which consists of only dusting and doing the floors. After that, I’m free for the rest of the week and can concentrate on finishing up what I need to do for Christmas. Did I mention that I can’t wait for next Sunday? I think December 26th is my absolute favorite day of the year. Christmas is over and I can relax once again. I’ll just have to stress it out for a few more days; I can do it, I do it every year. Meantime, I’ll just put on a happy face and wish everyone I see a Merry Christmas. It might be through gritted teeth but it’ll be there nonetheless. I’m going to bed now, though, so I can dream of pleasant things.

Until next time…peace to all.

Some Dads Never Learn

I woke up expecting to have a great day today. I had some Christmas shopping to do this morning and Zach’s grade was having its Winter Games. I got the shopping done – YEA; and attended the Winter Games. It was just six different game stations set up around two classrooms where the kids got to do a craft or play some sort of game with a parent, if one attended. I was there and so was my ex. I know you’re asking why he was there. According to our divorce agreement he’s entitled to be informed of school functions and he has the right to attend. No biggie. But afterward he had to turn everything to shit just by being himself.

I’m not going into details; just suffice it to say that his attitude sucks and his idea of trying to be a decent human being sucks even more. He even tried to carry his bullshit toward me into the evening but I’m not going to let it upset me. The more I discuss it or think about it the more power I give to it and I choose to live my life ex-stress free. So be it. I did have a great day getting things done and spending time with Zach at his school. I’m also happy that my kids have a dad who sees them on a regular basis, pays his child support, and is willing to help out in other ways when it’s asked of him. That’s a lot more than some dads do. There are some who couldn’t care less that they even have children, and some who just don’t seem to do the right thing regardless of the fact that they have children.

One friend in particular is going through a very rough time right now with her ex, and my heart goes out to her and her daughter. I wish there was something I could do to help make things right but I can’t. I don’t even know that I have the words to shed a positive light on anything. All I can do is listen, and I know I can do that. I feel so sad for her daughter because all children need a father and it looked as if he would do the right thing by her for a while. Apparently it was just a short while. Now he’s screwed things up terribly and his daughter is the one who’ll ultimately be hurt by his actions. It happens and we can’t change it. She’ll have to live with her dad’s mistakes the way my kids have to live with their dad’s mistakes.

Eventually all the children will be old enough to understand what happened in the past and can then make decisions based on what they know. Until then all we can do is see them through it the best we know how. We’ll give them lots of love and guidance and we’ll dry their tears, and listen to their questions, and help them become the best people they can be in spite of everything that’s happening to them. It’s what we, as single mothers, have to do. I know it’s a part of my life and I there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my kids. I’m doing what I can do for them; my friends are doing what they can for their kids; and all of our children are and always will be spectacular.
To my dear friend, I know things are really hard right now but, rest assured, they will get better and baby girl will be fine with your love and support; and you’ll be fine too. I’m sure of it. Please know that I’m with you in positive support even if I can’t be there in person. You’re both in my thoughts and prayers.

Until next time…peace to all.

Christmas Trees and Jingle Bells

Today was another of those days where I laughed until I cried. I have to tell you all about it. I put up my Christmas tree on Sunday and the kids and I decorated it on Monday. It looks beautiful. If I had the time and energy to load my pictures onto my computer you could see it. I’ll try over the next couple of days. Anyway, Kara gets a real tree and has spent days looking for one that doesn’t cost a bundle. This morning we decided to get that done first thing and our adventure began.

Since all the local places were charging really steep amounts for pre-cut trees, Kara decided we’d go to the cut-your-own-tree place over in Baiting Hollow. She even grabbed her camera as we left so she could get shots of me cutting down the tree. “You don’t think I’m going to cut it down, do you?” Okay, I’ll cut down the tree. So off we go and as soon as we hit 25A we took notice of the car in front of us and busted laughing. Since we had the camera we had to get a picture. You can judge for yourselves how funny it was. The creativity is outstanding; and it’s the best ad I’ve seen in a long time.

We calmed down a bit and continued on until we saw signs for the place we wanted. What we really noticed was the huge field of sticks growing along the side of the road where these signs were posted. Nothing in the Pennysaver ad told us these were Charlie Brown Christmas trees so we were getting a bit nervous. Finally we find the trailer where the sales people were located and, after about 10 minutes of conversation with the guy in charge, we decide to try to scout a place with inexpensive pre-cut trees again. The guy said cutting down our own tree takes a minimum of an hour. The tractor has to carry us about ¼ of a mile back into the trees area, then we have to find a tree and cut it down. If, by chance, we get it cut down quickly we have to wait for the tractor to return to get us. What do we do in the meantime; play Tag amongst the trees? I don’t think so, especially when the wind chill was in the teens this morning.

So back on the road we go. As we’re driving along we’re passing some really nice houses that all have really nice Fir trees as part of their landscaping and we were debating the merits of coming back in the night and just taking one for ourselves. One house, especially, had so many in one front corner of the property that we could have easily hidden between them while we cut one and nobody would have seen us. Kara’s issue was, “You don’t think anyone will hear us when we yell ‘TIMBER!’ as we cut down the tree?” “We don’t HAVE to yell ‘TIMBER!’ when we cut down a tree.” “Yes we do.” “Oh, okay then. I’ll yell ‘TIMBER!’ and you can yell ‘FORE!’” “That’s fine but then who will yell ‘GERONIMO!’?” Back to laughing until we both caught sight of field on our left.

We had been passing fields along the way with numerous different things growing in them. This field, however, was different. It was “The Field of Mutant Trees.” I shit you not. We couldn’t figure out what the hell these trees were supposed to be. The bottom portions of the trees looked like they might have been Christmas trees but the tops were seriously deformed – twisted, flipped inside out, mutated. And they were only about three feet tall. They almost looked like they could be trees for Whoville. Yea, we were staying away from those trees; no doubt. A little further past there we came across the turkey farm and contemplated just getting a turkey and decorating it. They do all look, pretty much the same. But then we’d have to find one that didn’t move around a lot and that didn’t make a lot of noise. We nixed that idea too.

Finally we got to a place that had some decent trees at reasonable prices. Kara walked around the place with the sales dude (who was extremely hot, by the way, but was about a decade younger than we are. Too young. Bummer.) She saw a couple of trees that were decent, but she wasn’t really happy with any of them, and she had to pee. She hopped back in the car and we pulled right into the gas station so she could do what she needed to do. Back on the road she tells me the sales dude, Keith, told her of another place a couple of miles away where we might find a tree so we headed there.

About thirty seconds away from the place I hear Kara say, “Whoa, Barbra, slow down a bit,” and I realized she was talking about the song on the radio. It was Barbra Streisand’s version of “Jingle Bells” and I couldn’t help but laugh. The song is really fast; not speeded up, just her singing it really, really fast. (If you’ve never heard it, you can check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzgrYeSI7vs) We pulled into the tree lot and Kara asks me if I want to wait in the car and enjoy the song, “As fast as it’s going it should be over in about 10 seconds.” I said I’d wait and the song slowed down, but the second she shut the door it speeded up again and at exactly the same time she and I began bobbing up and down in rapid time with the speed of the song. Of course, more laughter until I couldn’t breathe.

Off she went to find the tree dude. She had him going back and forth across the lot, with an occasional wave and smile to me as she passed across my line of sight. I’d see her standing looking at a tree and suddenly the tree would bounce up and down a couple of times. It was Tree Dude banging them on the ground so Kara could see how the branches would fall. Finally, after bouncing a few trees she found one. VICTORY!!! She and Tree Dude come out to the car so he can tie the tree to the roof but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Another hottie, yet another decade too young. (Of course that would be the case.)

Tree tied to the car; happy women discussing hot tree dudes; and lots of laughter – a great morning and a wonderful adventure. Granted, you may not find some of this as funny as we did but I had to share anyway. We had a blast; and Kara finally got here tree. Now it’s just a matter of putting it up and decorating it. That’ll be for tomorrow and should be another adventure in and of itself. I’ll definitely fill you in on that.

Until next time…peace to all.

The Hunt for Christmas Napkins

I got a notice in Ty’s backpack last Thursday from his teacher notifying the parents about the class’s holiday party next week. He asked for donations of party supplies, foods, and time. I always donate something so I signed the form and sent it back saying that I’d donate cookies, napkins and time. Out shopping over the weekend I found a huge package of Christmas sugar cookies at Walgreens for a really great price. Of course, I bought them. This morning I decided to go buy the napkins and deliver everything to Ty’s school. Yes, I’m going to the party next week but with my luck I’d leave the house in a rush and forget the supplies. It was easier this way. There was just one problem; I couldn’t find Christmas napkins.

I had to stop by the post office to get a couple of stamps and mail out my remaining few Christmas cards and check my mail. The post office, by the way, didn’t open until 9:00 and I arrived at 8:45. I thought every post office opened at 8:00 nowadays, especially around the holidays. I was wrong. The Rocky Point Post Office doesn’t open until 9:00. Anyway, I stray from the point. The post office is across the street from Family Dollar – a store that basically sucks as far as price is concerned – where I thought I could get napkins. (Dollar General is much better but there aren’t any here. I’ll have to campaign to the company.) Again, I was wrong.

Family Dollar didn’t get any holiday napkins but they did have plates. I didn’t need plates; I needed napkins. So I left to find another source for my party supplies. Just up the road, and across the street from Ty’s school, is CVS, another store that always has lots of holiday stuff, so I dropped in there. I couldn’t find any holiday napkins so I asked the cashier if they had any. “No, we don’t have anything like that. Did you want the plates that are hard plastic?” I never asked about plates. “No, I’m looking for napkins.” “No, we don’t have anything like that.” I guess it was just too early in the morning for her to understand a basic question.

So I headed back in the opposite direction, back past the school, to Waldbaum’s. I figured a supermarket had to have holiday napkins. Yes, I could’ve just gotten basic white napkins but that wouldn’t have been any fun for the kids. I wanted Christmas napkins. I found them at Waldbaum’s but they only had solid red or solid green. Whatever happened to all the little fancy designs on the holiday party wear? Remember, they used to have little pictures of Santa or some holiday scene or something comparable. That’s all I wanted; some cute little napkins for the kids to use at a school holiday party. But, no, I was stuck getting plain old, boring red and green napkins.

Let’s all get in touch with the party people and complain that I couldn’t find anything festive for my son’s holiday party. I probably could’ve gone to a party supply store but Party Hardy is a few miles away and it wasn’t worth it for a couple of dollars worth of napkins. It doesn’t really matter; I just thought I’d put it out there that I had a hard time finding that specific item. The kids will still have cookies and will have a great time at the party. I can’t wait; and Dolly gets to go with me because her last day of school before the holiday is Wednesday and the party is on Thursday. It’ll be great fun and I’ll be sure to take pictures. Meanwhile, if you’re out looking for napkins for Christmas and can’t find any, let me know and I’ll run to Waldbaum’s for you; I can definitely get them there.

Until next time…peace to all.

What a Weekend

This has been on exhausting weekend. After Friday’s follies I spent the rest of the weekend doing so many chores that I’m actually achy tonight. Saturday I ran to the lumber yard to try to get some wood to use in place of my box spring to keep my mattress on the frame. My mattress has been on the floor since we got here because my box spring doesn’t fit down here in the basement. The lumber yard wanted to charge me anywhere between $50 and $60 for two pieces of plywood, depending on which kind I got. I don’t think so. I’d borrowed an electric palm sander for another project so I had to stop at the hardware store to get sandpaper. They didn’t have any wood.

We needed to sand the stairwell to Kara’s boys’ room because the wallpaper won’t come off and we need to paint it. We tried moistening it but all it does is reactivate the old glue and make the wallpaper bubble but it won’t come off. The only way to get it off is to sand it off down to the sheetrock. I did about four hours yesterday. I was covered in dust from head to toe – literally. Then, after I’d cleaned up, I found some wood planks in the garage and cut them to size so I could put my bed on the frame. Now I have a real bed again. It was comfy last night not to be sleeping on the floor.

At midnight Kara and I decided to start work on the room down here that we’re converting to a playroom for all the kids. We moved boxes, swept and all that good stuff. Didn’t get the room ready yet but we’re closer. I also folded three loads of laundry and was folding socks at 1:00 this morning. I finally got to bed at 2:00. Got up this morning to start another round of chores.

I cleaned this place top to bottom and it took me a couple of hours. I got rid of more boxes so there aren’t any more down here. It’s nice and spacious now; as it should be. I also got the Christmas tree set up and the lights on it so the kids and I could decorate it when they came back from their dad’s house. Then more sanding and laundry. Now I’m thoroughly exhausted and achy. The sanding caused my shoulders and neck to hurt and my sinuses are clogged. My cold needs to either come out full blown or go away completely.

Regardless, I’m still smiling. I got so much accomplished this weekend I almost can’t stand it. I got the pantry loaded up with linens; I got the bathroom stuff organized; cleaning; Christmas stuff; sanding; bed building…way too much physical work but things are now done and I feel better. Tomorrow I don’t have a lot to do so Kara and I will continue working on the playroom while the new carpeting is installed in her boys’ room. With luck and elbow grease, by tomorrow afternoon, the kids should have a playroom to enjoy together. Just more accomplishments around here.

That much work makes the weekend go by really quickly, though. I don’t think I got to sit and enjoy anything. I even ate really quickly because, by the time I got to sit down to eat, I was starving and just wanted food. I really didn’t even care what kind either. That’s okay; I feel good and am happy with my entire weekend. So happy in fact, that I’m not going to go into the crap that happened with their dad tonight. I’m just going to let it fall by the wayside and bask in my delight.

I do think I’m going to bed now, though; I really am tired and should sleep soundly tonight. I just love bedtime; getting all snuggled under the covers and relaxing. Aahh, so enjoyable. I’ll be back tomorrow with more positive stuff to tell, no worries.

Until next time…peace to all.

A Day of Bumps

It’s 2:00a.m. and I’m tired but I’m still here. Today had many highs and many lows, with the lows outweighing the highs drastically; but we all still came up smiling. While I was driving Dolly to school there was some nitwit in front of me who, apparently, couldn’t find the gas pedal on a consistent basis. Slow down, speed up; slow down, speed up…on and on until s/he turned out of my path. Thanks goodness.

Then I got a text from Kara saying that the glass in the storm door, which was already cracked, had cracked again and would have to be replaced today. It’s two panes of glass in a single frame and only the top pane broke. We, very carefully, removed the entire panel from the door and slid it into a huge plastic bag in case the two-foot triangle of broken glass decided to fall out completely. It stayed put and we got it to the glass shop where we left it for an estimate. Kara needed to know if it would be cheaper to just buy a new door; money’s very tight so we do what we can to keep expenses down to a minimum. (We found out later it’s $45 to replace the broken glass with a pane of plexi-glass.)

We ran a few more errands and I found some stuff at the dollar store to help me get my bathroom organized. I love things that help me organize my stuff and I can’t wait to get the stuff home to use it. It always gives me a great sense of accomplishment when everything is in its place. Unfortunately I couldn’t rush home to start organizing because we had more errands to run. By the time we got back to the house Kara and I were both starving since we hadn’t eaten before we left the house. She quickly made me a ham sandwich which I wolfed down as I ran out the door to pick up Dolly from school.

About five minutes from the school it started snowing. What the fuck??!! There wasn’t any snow predicted for today. It was just flurries as I pulled into the school parking lot but when Dolly and I emerged it was snowing a little harder. It wasn’t sticking to anything, mind you, just constant and steady. As we got into the van I got a phone call from Kara asking me not to stop anywhere on the way home because either the hot water heater or the oil burner had ruptured and the basement had a lake in it. The utility room is in the corner of the basement so the boys’ room and mine and Dolly’s room butt up against it. I could only imagine what kinds of things might have been ruined; and Kara was figuring this was going to cost a couple of thousand dollars to repair or replace the unit.

I had to stop for gas or I wasn’t making it home so Dolly and I pulled off the back roads and back out onto the main road. Because of the slow-but-steady snow that was falling, everybody decided to drive about 25 miles an hour. Are you shittin’ me?! I was about out of gas, the gas station was only a mile ahead, but we were barely moving. I finally made it, got $10 worth of gas and then came home. I got as many towels as I could find to sop up the water that had reached halfway across the boys’ room, wetting half of the area rug; and that had seeped under the wall of the utility room to my mattress, which is on the floor because the box spring won’t fit down the stairs.

We were supposed to be leaving around 4:30 to take my kids to their dad’s place for the weekend, and Kara’s boys to her mom’s house for an overnight so they could spend time with their dad tomorrow (today). We were not leaving that early. The repair dude showed up and said it was definitely the oil burner (even though he explained it, we still don’t understand why there is water in it) but that it was covered under the warranty. YEA!!! One worry gone. He fixed the oil burner, showed us how to bleed the radiators, we bundled the kids, and were out the door to head into Nassau County for kid drop-offs.

We’ve both got colds so neither of us was, or is, feeling very well and we’d only gotten to eat those sandwiches. We ended up stopping at BK for dinner because her kids were hungry (mine were going to eat with their dad) but it didn’t sit well with either of us. We got her kids delivered and headed back home but had to stop at Steve’s on the way to pick up that pantry. It had to be tonight because he’s working tomorrow (today) and I really need it. We finally got there around 9:00 and got the pantry, some pots and pans he no longer wanted, a small hanging curio cabinet and a small DVD player. By the time we got home we were exhausted but still had to go through Christmas presents to see what we’ve already gotten our respective kids. We did a few other things and now here I am.

We’ve got a really busy weekend ahead of us, with lots to do, but we’ll get it done. If we could make it through today with the broken door, the busted oil burner, the flooded basement, the lack of food, the snow, our colds, and over four hours in the car, we can make it through the rest of the stuff we have to do this weekend; no doubt. Like I said, we’re still smiling because we’re grateful for all we have regardless of the setbacks. We just keep plugging along and doing what needs to be done. I hope you can too.

Until next time…peace to all.

Good Things Happening

I had a really great day today; just thought you’d like to know. I got some Christmas shopping done for the kids today and I got all of their stocking stuffers bought. Nothing is wrapped but it is hidden where the kids will never find it. Yea, I know, kids always find gift hiding spots. Not my kids; and their gifts have always been hidden in plain sight. I would tell you where I hide them but I’m afraid you might spill the beans to the kids. Ellen knows where I hide stuff but I know she won’t tell; she keeps my secrets safe and sound.

When I got back from shopping I got my Christmas cards out, too. I bought some while I was out so I figured I may was well get them addressed. I’ll mail them tomorrow; I was short a few stamps so I need to buy more. I’ll just do everything when I go to the post office in the morning. It’ll give me a chance to check my mail, too. I checked it today but all I got was a pile of store fliers. It was a wasted trip today. I don’t really check my P.O. Box too often because I don’t get anything in the mail. Lately I’ve been checking it more often because I’m expecting something, but when I checked it yesterday I received my first Christmas card of the year; it’s from Ellen and it’s adorable. Thank you, Ellen.

I told the kids I’d get some more stuff organized this weekend while they’re with their dad so we’ll be able to put up our Christmas tree and do some decorating when they get back. Then I can hang the cards I get along the doorways in our living space. The kids are very excited to be able to put up the tree; and they’re even more excited that they’ll get to have two Christmases – one here and one at their dad’s.

Anyway, I did get a lot done today between the shopping and the cards, and I even got some laundry done. I’ll finish it in the morning when I pack a bag for the kids. I’m driving them to Paul’s store after school (he’s paying for my gas) and I want to make sure we can leave as soon as possible after Zach gets off his bus. It’s about an hour away and, on the way back, I’m stopping at Steve’s to pick up a pantry he doesn’t want any more. I’m going to use it as my linen closet down here. How exciting is that, I ask you. I can’t wait to be able to get all of my towels out of boxes instead of just washing the same ones over and over gain. Things are taking shape.

Over the weekend Kara and I are going to get the stairwell to her boys’ room painted so their new carpet can be installed on Monday; and we’re going to get the playroom set up down here. There’s a small room that isn’t being used for anything right now so she bought a rug for it and we’ll put the kids’ toys in there, keeping them separate, of course (anything really small or personal will be kept in the kids’ respective rooms), and then they can all play down here in their own space. That’ll help keep my living space clean and less cluttered. It’ll be a busy weekend for us but we’ll get it all done. I can’t wait; I love feeling productive.

I think I’m going to bed now, though. I was sitting on the sofa watching TV with Kara and I fell asleep. I got up to come down here and I woke up. But I’m getting tired again and I’ve said enough about my wonderful day. Tomorrow promises to be as good, if not better. I can’t wait.

Until next time…peace to all.

Out With the Negative; In With the Positive

You know, I’m really tired of being judged. I’m tired of all the derogatory comments made by others about me, especially when they have no clue what’s going on in my life. I’m thinking that you need to mind your own business and stop worrying about mine. You don’t know anything about what’s going on in my head, my heart, or my home so keep your comments to yourself and keep your nose out of my business. With that said, I’m choosing not to dwell on the negative bullshit people think they have a right to throw at me these days. Instead, I’m going to concentrate on the positive things going on in my life.

I’ve got three beautiful children whose smiles and antics light up my world. Ty spends his time drawing the most amazing pictures. They’re so colorful and imaginative and I can’t wait until I can get him into an art class. He’s going to go far with his artwork. I’ve already said that but I’m saying it again. Dolly is just too cool; she’s amazing for a four year old. On the way home from her school today I was flipping radio channels and passed by something that she wanted to hear. Suddenly she yelled, “Wait, go back!! That’s Hannah Montana.” I was flipping pretty quickly so I really doubted it. I went back three channels and, sure enough, there was a Miley Cyrus song on the radio. I asked her how she knew and she just replied, “Uh, the voice.” Incredible.

Zach is just a clown. He’s always got a smile and a joke of some sort. He’s also got a really big heart. He loves to give hugs and kisses (all three of them do) and he can be a real mush sometimes. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t walk up to me, out of the blue, and give me a big squeeze around my middle and a squishy kiss on my cheek and tell me he loves me. Priceless!!

As much as I don’t like the holidays, I’m beginning to get more cheerful about them. Not because I want to go shopping and fight with people in the stores, but because the Christmas songs on the radio are just really nice, and sometimes fun. I also like looking at the decorations people have on their houses. The best part, though, is the thought of seeing the kids’ faces when they see what Santa brings. They’ll be with Paul this year for Christmas but Santa will still arrive here on Christmas Eve, as usual, and will leave them gifts for their return. I just can’t wait to see them smile; it takes my breath away.

Then, my favorite holiday arrives – New Years Eve. It’s my favorite day of the year. Why? Because everything starts fresh and new the next day; and I have every intention of making next year better than this one. Kara and I are making changes around the house and getting things organized. The kids will continue getting along better, and I know that one of the resumes I’ve been sending out will be answered by a really great attorney who can use the skills I have to offer as a paralegal.

Things are going to be big next year, I can feel it. Life as I’ve known it for the past five years is about to change for the better and nobody can tell me otherwise. I have goals and dreams that I intend to fulfill. I heard, on the radio today, somebody (I forget who) wishing everyone a Happy Holiday Season, along with this quote: “Let’s reflect on the past, enjoy the present, and dream of the future.” That’s exactly what I’m doing only I have every intention of making my dreams come true. My life is wonderful and it’s getting better every day; and I wish the same for all of you.

Until next time…peace to all.

Just Another Sunday

I can’t believe I spent an entire Sunday afternoon with all five kids and there wasn’t one fight amongst them. Three of the boys played together all day, Ty played by himself, and Dolly hung with me most of the day. She’s not feeling well so she just wanted her mommy. Ty played in the living room, the three other boys played down here in my boys’ room, and Dolly and I watched TV in the family room. All was quiet. It was actually really pleasant. Usually there is one fight after another, so today was really nice.

I didn’t get anything done, because Dolly wouldn’t let me do anything without her by my side so I just did nothing all day. Not all day, I did get three loads of laundry folded and put away for us. That’s always nice considering I can’t stand the clutter when it’s just sitting in the baskets. I put “21 Jump Street” on Netflix and sat on my bed folding clothing for over an hour. Yes, I could’ve folded faster but then I wouldn’t have had the quiet time by myself had I rushed through it.

Tomorrow I don’t know what I have to do. We’ve got another “get to school” issue because Kara has a funeral to attend in Bayside, over an hour away, so she has to leave before anyone gets on a bus. I figure I’ll put the first two boys on their bus then load the other three kids in the van and get Dolly to school. If I’m not back in time to put the other two boys on their bus, I’ll just drive them to school. The boys’ schools are only minutes away so I should get them there in plenty of time to eat breakfast.

After that I’ve got the house to myself again. Maybe I’ll be able to locate some attorneys and send out resumes to get an internship or part-time entry level position somewhere. My obstacle is the hours I’m available to work right now. But money is money so I guess I can’t complain as long as I get something. Right? The hard part will be convincing someone that I can do the job and that he or she should take a chance on me. I can do it; send positive vibes my way for a little extra help, please and thanks.

I also need to catch up on phone calls. I haven’t had time to call anyone lately and have only even spoken to Joe once in the past couple of weeks. I don’t know where my time goes. When I lived in MO I had time to call my friends every day; and I was an hour behind everyone. Maybe that’s why. Now that I’m in the same time zone, when I finally get free time to call anyone, it’s too late. Right now it’s 10:30 and I still haven’t made my to-do list for tomorrow, or coordinated my day with Kara’s other than the school issue. By the time we finish it’ll be around midnight and that’s definitely too late to call anyone.

I need to organize my time better so I can get everything done that I need to do and still leave enough time to do some things that I want to do. I miss my friends and really need to catch up with them all. As much as I like being busy, I miss having free time during the day. When I start working I’ll really be strapped for time because everything I usually do during the day will have to be put off until the evenings. Such is life; I’ve done it before and I can do it again. Gotta run, now, though. Need to get some more things done before I turn in so I’ll check in again tomorrow. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Until next time…peace to all.

Holiday Time Again

I just opened my blog to post for tonight and I can’t believe I haven’t posted since Wednesday. I thought I’d posted, at least, once since then. Time really does fly when you’re busy all the time. Good grief. Tonight I’m on Kara’s computer because my kids are still awake downstairs and if I go down there to blog, they’ll start talking to me and won’t go to sleep or let me get anything done. Anyway, I’m not fond of Kara’s computer; she’s got a MAC and I don’t like MACs. I used one at the last place I worked and I learned how to use it, but after using PCs since I started working on computers, I just can’t handle the huge change between the two. I’ll survive, though.

We had some fun today. Zach’s school had a Holiday Boutique where there were vendors selling really inexpensive items for people to buy for gifts; they also had a book fair, a cookie walk where we could buy boxes of cookies, and Santa was there for photos with the kids. Before we went in, we had a little lottery for the kids. We put each one’s name on a slip of paper and then the kids each picked one. Rather than five kids buying gifts for five kids, they only had to buy for the kid whose name they picked in the drawing. It was pretty easy, and the kids liked the idea.

Then we walked around the cafeteria to see the vendors and let the kids see what was available. Kara then took them, in different groups or individually, and let them buy for their chosen person or for me, if it was my kids with her. Then I took her kids to buy gifts for Kara. Whoever wasn’t shopping had to wait in the hallway. Then we took them down to the book fair in the gym and let them give us ideas of what they want for Christmas, and finally we took pictures with Santa. I must say, the guy playing Santa was the best. He was happy, funny, and actually talked to the kids. He even took Zach’s Christmas list and said he’d file it. That was really nice.

Dolly didn’t want to take her picture with Santa, at first, but decided it would be okay as long as Ty was there holding her hand. When she got up to Santa she let him put her on his knee, Zach sat on his other knee and Ty knelt in front. Dolly did great and even smiled big for the picture. Then, when Santa started talking to them and asking them if they’d been good and if there’d been any fighting amongst them, the kids were honest and said they did fight a little. Santa suggested they give lots of hugs and kisses and the kids agreed. Then he asked Dolly what she wanted for Christmas and she froze like Cindy Brady on the televised school trivia quiz show. She just sat there and stared at Santa like he was an alien. He just laughed, gave her a quick hug and offered them all a candy cane. You should have seen her relax after that. She was too cute.

We skipped the cookie walk because there was no reason for us to spend $7 on a pound of bakery cookies when we a) don’t need them; and b) can get more for less at the dollar stores. Thank goodness the school put the cookie walk in a room beyond the cafeteria so the kids didn’t even know it was there. Imagine all five kids crying for cookies at the same time. I don’t think so. It was pretty fun, all in all. We got some shopping started. Since I don’t like Christmas anyway, I’d rather get my shopping over and done with as soon as possible. Usually I have to wait until the week of Christmas because of funding and other circumstances. This year I’m getting it done right away - I know, December isn’t right away and most people have their shopping completed already - so I can get things wrapped and hidden.

The past couple of years I’ve sat in the basement late at night talking to Joe on the phone and having a drink while I wrap gifts and hide them. Joe would talk to me for hours until I had everything wrapped. If I got tired the first night, he’d call back the next night and sit on the phone with me until I was done. Then, on Christmas Eve, once the kids were in bed, he’d call me while I brought everything up and put it out under the tree. This year won’t be as complicated. The kids will be with Paul on Christmas so Santa will come here on Christmas Eve, as he always does, but he won’t have to be as quiet, nor will he have to worry about waking the kids. I just hope he remembers to do the stockings first this year so he doesn’t have to climb through the obstacle course of gifts to put them back, like he has the past four years. I can’t imagine why Santa waits until everything is put under the tree and the wall can’t be reached before he remembers that he hasn’t filled the stockings. Silly old elf. :)

So that’s my day. I don’t know why I didn’t post Thursday, but last night I was just beat. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open while I sat here talking to Kara. I finally went downstairs to bed and didn’t even bother to watch TV; I was that tired. I lay down, shut off the TV, and the next thing I knew it was morning. I’ll get down there earlier tonight. Maybe get to watch some TV or a movie or something on Netflix. I’m still watching the “21 Jump Street” series. I haven’t watched all the episodes yet so I watch one when I get the chance. Maybe I can see another tonight. Gotta run now, though. I need to make sure the kids are in bed, and there’s not much more to say about what a great day we had. Tomorrow will be just as good, if not better. I can’t wait. I’ll be back to tell you all about it.

Until next time...peace to all.

What A Great Day

I love my kids; they’re a blast. In Tyler’s school there’s a huge mailbox where kids can submit artwork they draw; then some school officials pick an “Artist of the Month” from each class. There’s a giant bulletin board in the front hallway of the school where all the winners’ works are shown. They put a picture of the artist, the picture the artist drew, and a little bio about the artist so everyone knows a little something about him or her. Today Ty came home telling me he got picked as “Artist of the Month” in his class.

He was really excited about it and I almost cried, from pride, mind you. Tomorrow I’ll run up to the school to take a picture of his display so I can show everyone what he submitted. I can’t wait until the day he has his first gallery opening. I’ll be the one in walking around cheering and crying at the same time. People will probably think I’m crazy but I won’t care.

After Ty’s announcement, I was helping Zach with his homework and one part of it had me laughing hysterically. He’s got this notebook he has to write in on the first of every month. He has to write a letter to me telling me about what he learned in the previous month, then I have to either sign it or write back to him. I write back; it’s more fun than just signing my name. When I read what he wrote this month I was impressed with the things he learned in each subject. He even learned about owls and gave me a fact about them on the bottom of the page. Owls have a feature called “facial disks,” however, when I read what Zach wrote I had to question him. He’d written “owls have facial dicks.”

It took me a minute to gather myself from the laughter to have him re-read what he wrote and he did, then he took a closer look and almost fell off his chair laughing. He knows what the word dick means (from the buttheaded kids we left behind in Independence) and couldn’t stop laughing at his own mistake. Then he said he didn’t know how to spell disks so I helped him correct his error. I’m just wondering if his teacher read it before Zach brought the book home. Too funny.

Dolly was great today too. She stayed home because I couldn’t get all the kids to school when they needed to be. You remember, I mentioned it the other day. So she and I spent the day bringing boxes in from the garage and unpacking them. She was such a help pushing boxes across the floor and digging through things to find places for them. She was mama’s little helper today and we had fun doing it. We got a lot done, too, and she finally got to unpack her dollhouse and other items like that: a My Little Pony farm, two castles, a Littlest Pet Shop ice cream parlor, and her doll house. She was really happy to be able to break out the bag with all the little tiny pieces. She played for hours afterward.

When it was time for bed, she wanted to finish watching a TV show with her brothers before they all got in bed. Fine by me but she didn’t clean up her mess. There were little pieces all over the floor. I asked her to clean them up and she said, “But Mom, I’m too tired. Can’t you do it by yourself?” Then, without even waiting for me to answer, she said, “Great, thanks mom,” and hustled herself off to finish the show. I couldn’t not pick up her mess after that. She was so helpful today she deserved the break.

Then it was bedtime for all and Dolly wanted to call Paul before she went to bed. I dialed the phone and she got the voice mail. She handed me the phone and said, “Mom, it was the guy on the phone saying that dad can’t talk because he’s at work.” More laughter from me. I guess she doesn’t realize that “the guy” is Paul leaving his message. But they all headed off to bed without a complaint and two of the three are now asleep. It’s my turn to relax with a snack and some Bananagrams so I’m outta here for tonight. Just wanted to pass along what a great day we all had.

Until next time…peace to all.

A Little Odd

A few minutes ago I was washing my hands, as all mommies do – for the 80th time today – and I remembered something that happened last night that made me laugh. I was setting the table and reached for the napkins. There were very few left in the holder and I was hoping there would be enough for all the place settings. I got lucky; there was one more than I needed. I couldn’t just put that one napkin back in the holder so I grabbed a stack from the package in the pantry but before I could put them in the holder, I had to remove the single remaining napkin and place it at the front of the supply.

Why? I’ll tell you why. I can’t replace anything where there is only one or two left without putting the remaining items up front so they will be sure to get used and not left behind. I actually felt bad for that one last, lonely napkin and needed to make sure that the next time someone needed a napkin it would get used before the new ones behind it. I don’t know why I do that; it’s just something I HAVE to do. It doesn’t matter what it is. If I’m down to one last anything, it has to get used before its replacements. How sad would that be for that one item to keep getting shoved to the back of the pile or stack to never get used?

I was laughing about it because I mentioned it to Kara as I did it and she said she does the same thing. Then I started telling her about more of my quirks and we laughed because we both do many of the same odd things, but some of mine are just mine. For instance, I count steps when I walk, especially if I’m going up or down a flight of stairs. I don’t know why I count them; I just do. I get out of the car and count the number of steps it takes me to get to the door of wherever I’m going. Then I’ll count the steps from inside the door to my final destination. No, it’s not a continuation; it’s a new count.

When I’m on stairs I count going up and going down; even if it’s the same flight of stairs. The number hasn’t changed, but I have to count it anyway. I my home in Independence I counted the stairs all the time. There were 14 going from the main floor to the upper level; and 13 going down to the basement. I know this for a fact because I counted them every single time I walked on them. I told you, I don’t know why; it’s just something I do. And I only do it when I'm alone; If I'm walking with someone I don't do it.

I also have to make sure I check my alarm clock three times every night. I never change the time it’s set for because the kids and I have to get up at the same time every morning during school season. But before I turn off my TV to go to sleep, I slide the “Alarm On” button to the ‘on’ position and press the time button to make sure the alarm time is correct. Then I push on the ‘on’ button again to make sure it’s still on and I confirm the time again. One last time and I’m good to go to sleep. If I don’t do it three times I can’t sleep and I have to turn the light on again and check the clock. Even if I’ve already done it twice, I have to do the whole thing over again to make sure I do it three times.

The funniest thing I mentioned that I do I thought was really odd until Kara said she does the same thing. I’ve never heard of anyone else doing this but I guess I’m not alone. See, I can’t touch a towel to dry my hands unless both hands are wet. If I’m cooking or wiping the table with a wet sponge or, for whatever reason, need to wash just one hand, I can’t get the towel to dry that hand until I swipe the dry hand with the wet one. It’s a "must" in my brain. I don’t get the dry hand completely soaked; but I’ll take the wet one and swipe the entire palm side of the dry hand from wrist to finger tips with the palm of the wet hand as if I was brushing off dirt. The difference is that I’m trying to get the dry hand wet; if it’s not wet, I can’t reach for the towel. Does that make any sense at all? I did when it was in my head but now it sounds confusing as I’m typing it.

When I told Kara about the towel thing she shouted, “I do the same thing!!” and the two of us burst out laughing. How odd is that and why do we do it? I don’t know so I thought I’d put it out there to you. Maybe you have some quirky things you do, too. Now you know you’re not alone. Perhaps we’ve all got some little idiosyncrasies. Think about it; I’m sure you can come up with something. I know that I can’t brush my teeth until the cap is back on the tube; I can’t wipe peanut butter off a knife with a sponge; and I can’t sleep unless the blankets/sheets are tucked in at the bottom of the bed and are not wrinkled in any way. If the blanket is crumpled around my legs or feet, I have to get up, straighten them out, and tuck them in properly.

I can’t help but laugh when I think of things like this. I guess it’s just things that make me who I am. Steve used the laugh at me at bed time when I’d fuss and fidget trying to get the blankets just right, and I laugh at myself with the towel thing (it’s a little freaky, actually, because I really can’t touch the towel with only one wet hand). I have to laugh at all of my little oddities. You can laugh too; I don’t mind. Just remember, if you laugh at me, I get to laugh at you. Heck, let’s all just confess and we can have a big laughing party. That would be cool. Just don’t mess with my alarm clock or I may never be the same again.

Until next time…peace to all.

Same Old Dilemmas, Repeating

Yesterday I said I was feeling much better. Today I’m almost back to 100%. Being able to turn my head is a blessing, especially when it comes to driving. Pinched nerves happen, but they heal. I’m sure it’ll happen again, too; I just hope not too soon.

Anyway, here’s my dilemma. Remember I talked about the issues I’m having trying to get the boys on buses and Dolly to school? It’s happening again. Tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday are big problems this week. I’ll spell it out for you. Ty and Big Boy have to get on their bus at 8:00; Dolly has to be in school 20 minutes away at 8:15; and Zach and Little Boy have to get on their bus at 9:00. On the butt end of the day Ty and Big Boy get off their bus at 3:00; Dolly has to be retrieved by 3:15; and Zach and Little Boy get off their bus at 4:00.

What’s been happening is that I leave the house with Dolly at 7:50 and Kara gets the first two boys loaded on their bus at 8:00. I get Dolly to school, help her and the teacher set the tables for breakfast and I’m back home in time to get Zach and Little Boy on their bus. The same happens in the afternoon. Kara is here for the first bus while I pick up Dolly, and I’m home again in time for the second bus to arrive. It’s been working pretty well so far. The problems are starting to creep up on us now.

Tomorrow Kara has to leave at 9:15 for business meetings and won’t be back in time for the afternoon buses. If I wait for the 3:00 bus to arrive and take the boys with me to pick up Dolly, I might, because of really heavy traffic at that hour, be really late getting her and that’s not permitted unless I pay to keep her there for the extra time. I can’t do that. Even if I could pick her up late, we may not be back in time for the second bus. Instead, I have to pick her up an hour early to be able to make it back in time for both buses.

Then, on Wednesday, Kara and the boys won’t even be here. They’re staying with her mom Tuesday night so they can all go into the City on Wednesday to do a family thing. I’m here alone to get all my kids off to and home from school. If I take Zach and Ty with me to drop off Dolly, Ty will be late for school. If I stay and put Ty on his bus and then take Zach with me to drop off Dolly, she will be late for school. Either way I do it one kid will be late for school and will miss breakfast. Yes, I could feed that child at home but that means we all have to get up earlier than we already do and that makes for cranky children. Since I’m not a morning person, cranky and I don’t get along very well.

So now say I decide to drop Dolly off late on Wednesday. Everyone has their day in school but I’m back to the issue of picking up someone early or picking up someone late. I’m screwed either way. If I drop off Dolly late and pick her up early, I’m basically wasting gas and time for her to have an extremely shortened day. Is it worth it? I’m thinking it’s not. Since she’s only in Pre-K I think it’s better to make sure the boys actually get to school on time and be able to finish their full days. I’m leaning toward just keeping Dolly at home with me on Wednesday and getting some things done around here. I hate having to do it but I hate the thought of wasting my gas for her to be in school for a half day even more.

I spent a lot of time on the phone today calling bus companies to see if I can arrange transportation for her. It was all in vain. The bus companies around here only work in their respective school districts and won’t cross lines. That’s really annoying since I’m sure a lot of the parents that take their kids to Dolly’s school would prefer to have their child transported on a bus rather than having to make the drive every day, twice a day. It also sucks that the Federal government won’t allot them the funding to hire buses for their students. What makes that really bad is that they, those government people, don’t take into consideration that parents like me don’t have the resources needed in situations like this. If I wasn’t living in Kara’s home I’d have never have been able to put Dolly in school this year.

I guess I’ll just have to look forward to next year when Dolly will be in Kindergarten and will be on the bus every morning. That will also allow me the time to find work; I hope. Right now I’m down to asking for internships or volunteering for attorneys. Nobody who’s hiring wants anyone that doesn’t have experience – “At least two years experience required.” That doesn’t give someone like me very many opportunities. I’ll have to study the NY Rules of Civil Procedure and offer myself to every attorney in town here just to get some basic experience. The bus situation makes that all the harder because I can only work from 9:30 to about 2:30. How many employers are willing to pay someone to work only five hours a day? Not many in the legal field; hence the need for an internship or volunteer work.

If I can get someone to let me work for a lesser salary, or even for free, to gain some needed experience, maybe next year, when school is in session after the summer, I’ll be able to get hired on full time somewhere and show the legal world that I am the shit at what I know how to do. Right now it’s the best I can hope for. I even thought about being a process server just to make some money nights while I work volunteering as a paralegal a couple of hours during the day. Turns out that process servers in NY need to be licensed and have to post a $10,000 surety bond just to work independently. I could work for a company and not have to post the bond but I’d still have to pay for the license and that’s a couple of hundred dollars. Grrrrrrrrrrrr…

I just need one little piece of positive energy to come flowing my way. I said the other day that I can feel the energy shifting toward the positive; it’s just not shifting quickly enough for me. I’m too impatient. Have I mentioned that? I’m sure I have. I just can’t stand that each thing I want to do with my life is contingent upon something else happening first. It sucks but there’s nothing I can do about it. It is what it is. No, I’m not complaining, just telling it like it is. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have something more exciting to tell you. If not, you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.

Until next time…peace to all.

Clueless

I’m feeling much better today. I spent yesterday taking Ibuprofen and muscle relaxants and sitting with a heating pad and ice packs on my neck and shoulder. I actually got to sleep all night long last night. The couple of nights before I kept waking up every couple of hours because I’d try to turn in my sleep and the pain in my neck would wake me – I couldn’t turn my head at all and had to use my hands to hold it steady while I changed position. Last night I didn’t have that problem. Thank goodness.

When I woke up this morning I felt better; although I still have a lot of pain I’m not as stiff as I was and can actually turn my head to the side and can, sort of, dip it backwards. I even got some more unpacking done today. I didn’t carry any full boxes; I split the contents into two separate boxes and then slid them down the stairs to the basement. Then I put everything away. I got a lot done, too, but Kara told me to take it easy so I didn’t reinjure myself. I did as she told me; she’s a nurse so I won’t argue with her, especially since she took such good care of me Friday and yesterday.

With all the work I got done today you’d think I got nothing done given the mess that’s still down here. You know how you start spring cleaning or the overhaul of a single room and before everything is complete you’ve got a bigger mess than when you started? That’s what happened down here. I had boxes and boxes of books and movies – the kids and I have dozens of each – and I found places for everything. Then I pulled out my photos and hung some up and found places for others on dressers, bookshelves, wherever. The place actually looks pretty good except for the empty boxes folded and stuffed into other empty boxes.

Then I’ve got more boxes of things I can’t put out yet but have consolidated; taking what’s left in box A and putting in with the stuff from box B. I still have more boxes to get out of the garage and am getting closer to making room for Kara’s car, so I’ll do as much as I can tomorrow. I’m please with the work I’ve gotten done and the kids loved the new “décor” when they got home. I was at the supermarket when Paul got here with them and Kara stood by the basement stairs as the kids came down and yelled, “Wow, look at all the cool new stuff down here.” Kara told them, in front of Paul, “Yes, Mommy’s been working really hard to make things nice for you guys.” That made me feel good when she told me what she’d said to them.

What didn’t make me feel good was when the kids told me that “Dad and (girlfriend) might be getting married. Then she’ll be out step-mother and her kids will be our step-brother and step-sister.” As happy as I am that he may have found someone to settle down with, finally, what ever happened to parents discussing major life issues with the other parent before discussing it with the kids? I was not happy that he told them anything without mentioning it to me first. I can guarantee that he’d want me to discuss any big decisions with him before I told the kids.

He just doesn’t get it sometimes. I think I mentioned it before that he discusses visitation with the kids before he talks to me about it. He also discusses their clothing and what they say they have that fits and doesn’t fit. That’s not what he’s supposed to do; he’s supposed to discuss those issues with me, I’m the other parent to these children and I deserve that respect. I’m definitely going to be sending him an email on this. Lately, whenever I need to communicate with him, I send him texts that I then email to myself, or I just email him and keep copies of them.

This business of him discussing important issues with the kids has to stop. Tonight he texted me that we need to discuss the issue of the kids’ winter coats because the boys told him that their coats don’t fit. All three of these kids have two brand-new coats each, and all the coats fit the respective children. I told him that. He told me I needed to “double check that.” My response was that I already did and that the coats fit them fine. When I asked the boys why they told Paul that their coats didn’t fit Zach said, “Because they don’t fit us.” I made him try on his coat and he, very dramatically, shoved his arms through the sleeves deliberately making them appear too short. When I fixed the coat he laughed so I told him that there is a big difference between telling someone that a coat doesn’t fit and telling them that you don’t like the way it fits. He agreed.

I just really think Paul is overdoing his “I’m the better parent” bullshit. He doesn’t have a clue sometimes and really needs to back the fuck off of me about shit. This is why I have to document everything now. He’s so fucking sneaky that I wouldn’t put it past him that he’s already talking to an attorney trying to make plans to fight for custody rights. He’ll never win given that he wanted them at the outset of our divorce and so eagerly gave up the custody battle when his mistress threw him out of the house. Then he left the State and saw them once in a three-year period. He just doesn’t realize that past mistakes won’t look good for him in any court. I don’t think he’s speaking to an attorney, mind you, I’m just saying it’s in the realm of his sneaky-assed capabilities. So be it. I can handle whatever aggravation he wants to throw my way.

In any case, the kids did say that they had a fun time at his house and that they didn’t call me because they kept forgetting since they had so much to do. That I put on Paul, too. As their parent, he’s got the responsibility of making sure they do the right thing. He’s just clueless when it comes to shit like that. Makes me wonder if he’ll do the right thing at Christmas and take them shopping for a Mom gift this year. I doubt it, which will really piss off his mother, but I can’t really expect him to do the right thing. I never could.

Enough of my griping again tonight; that’s just the mood I’ve been in lately. Today, though, I could actually feel a shift in the energy around me. I don’t know what it is; it just seems as if something really good is heading toward me and I can’t wait to see what it is. Maybe it was because I got so much done today, or that the kids came home, I don’t know. But the feeling was almost tangible, and very uplifting. It just put me in a good mood. I did have to gripe tonight, though, to get all the ugly energy out of my system. Maybe I’ll have something more exciting to talk about tomorrow night. We’ll see.

Until next time…peace to all.