Keep Moving On

I didn’t post last night because I was in a quandary about this home health care gig that was on the horizon. I Skyped with Joe to get his input and just gripe for a while about my decision making skills. After I got off the computer with him I still hadn’t made any decisions so I went to bed, tried to read, couldn’t so I lay there tossing and turning for most of the night. I finally got out of bed at 6:30 this morning. Okay, that may be late for most of you, but when I’m used to actually sleeping all night and waking around 7:00, it was the pits. I got out of bed, went downstairs to sit for a while and, wouldn’t you know it, Dolly woke up and followed me down. So we were both up early and it wasn’t fun.

The boys got up and ready for school; I got Dolly ready and got myself dressed, and we all sat watching TV for almost an hour before I had to take them to school. Ellen came down and we were talking about this moving situation and the elderly woman’s family. Long story really short, I decided not to do it. I got a slough of information on Thursday that I didn’t have earlier in the week; all of my decisions were being rushed; and I didn’t have time to process anything until the kids went to bed last night. That’s when I started thinking about what the daughters of the old lady had told me. As it turns out, the negatives far outweigh the positives and I would be really uncomfortable taking on something I know would be wrong in the long run. So I called the women I’d spoken with, two of the old woman’s daughters, and explained the situation. They understood but asked if I would take their mom to her first couple of doctor appointments while they search for someone to care for her. That I can do, for a couple of appointments. I’m not making it a major project in my life.

Anyway, after that decision had been made, I felt a great deal of relief and knew I had made the right decision by turning down the “job” with them. Ellen and I also figured that all the “Colombia” signs I was getting weren’t signs; they were warnings. Now we’ll avoid anything to do with Columbia/Colombia because it’s not where I’m supposed to be right now. There was one drawback about all of this intense decision making; I was so tense that the nerve in my right shoulder pinched and I can’t get it unpinched. Maybe I’ll get a relaxing night’s sleep tonight and it’ll clam down a bit. At least I’ll have my bed to myself. The kids went to Paul’s for the weekend. He picked them up around 4:00 and they arrived at his house around 10:00 tonight. They’ll spend all day tomorrow with him, and part of Sunday, then he’ll bring them home. I’m thinking this will be the last time he gets them until holiday time.

See, it’s a six-hour drive each way for him; that’s a lot of driving, tolls, and gas. I’m guessing, I said guessing, that he’ll move the visits farther apart since it’s not worth the time or effort to do all that driving to see the kids for less than two days. I suspect that he’ll want them for Christmas and will then try to see them for their birthdays and other major holidays when they have more than a weekend to spend. We’ll see; but I do know him and I’m thinking the novelty will wear off really fast.

So, I’ll spend the weekend pondering my other housing options. I’ve got a few more leads to try that I didn’t try this past week because of the one housing possibility I had. Since that’s a no-go, I’ll be on the phone again Monday morning trying to find a place for the kids and me. It’s really hard when everyone has waiting lists. I don’t like waiting, as you already know. I get impatient quickly, especially when it’s something for which I don’t feel I should be waiting. I think I already mentioned this but, since I just moved here from a subsidized community – which means I already qualify under HUD standards – I don’t think I should be put at the bottom of the list when everyone already on it has yet to fully qualify. I know that sounds selfish but think of it this way: if you had a ticket to see a movie and everyone else in line didn’t, should you have to wait at the end of the line for everyone else to buy tickets before you get to go in, or should you be able to bypass the line and get a seat immediately? That’s the way I feel about this housing situation. I’ve already got my ticket – I already qualify – just let me pass these people, get into a home, then those who still need to qualify can do what needs to be done. That’s not the way it works, though, and it sucks.

I’ll just keep plugging away at all the options I’ve got and, with luck, maybe I’ll get something sooner rather than later. Meantime, I’m going to bed to try to read some more and possibly get my shoulder to relax. Tomorrow I’ll run to storage to get some things out that I need, and then I’ll straighten up the boys’ room so it’s clean when they get home. I’m also going to relax and enjoy the quiet for a couple of days; perhaps I’ll be able to meditate for a while and get some other-worldly guidance. I’ll let you know what happens.

Until next time…peace to all.