Well...

Tomorrow I’ll go back to the “Love and Logic” stuff I wanted to mention from my last post; for tonight, it’s a bit different. I was talking to Ellen this morning and we talked about how we’re both in the same predicament. Both of us are trying to make things better for ourselves and our families but we’re being held back because of circumstances beyond our control. In my particular case (I just said to myself that I need a cigarette so bad that I can’t stand it. I’m not having one, though, that would require me going to the gas station to buy some. I’m okay. I’m good being nicotine free.) I’m trying to get off of government assistance and am being hindered by the government. Apparently the system isn’t set up to help people get out from under the assistance; it is set up to keep us all buried with no hope of recovery.

Ellen and I equated our given situations to one specific scenario that we both agree is perfect for both of us. I’ll tell you from my point of view because, when I told her she needed to blog it, she told me to do it since she doesn’t blog. Okay, so here’s the deal. Imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a well. It’s deep, dark, and dank. You’re standing in just enough muck to keep you stuck to the bottom. You’ve got enough with you to help you survive, but you’re scared that you’ll be there forever and will never be able to climb out to get what you need to thrive. One day you try to climb out and you get a couple of hand holds in the wall and are able to free yourself from the bottom. YEA!!! You get a good foot hold, then another good hand hold. You’re on your way up to the top. You can’t believe how excited you are. You’re finally getting out of that place.

As you look up to get your next hand hold you see a faceless someone leaning over the edge of the top of the well. You think this person will reach in and throw you a life line or give you a hand up, at least. No such luck. Suddenly the wall of the well is getting slippery and gooey. What the fuck is up with that?! Oh my God, it’s oil. The faceless person is pouring oil over the edge of the well; not a lot, just enough to make you change your grasp and question if you should be where you are. Then a second person shows up at the mouth of the well; also faceless. Is this your savior? No, it’s someone who just needed to get rid of a bucket of water. The water doesn’t mix with the oil, though, and now you’re completely losing your grip on the wall. You’re starting to slide downward because your hand and foot holds are becoming slippery and you can’t hold on. Luckily you can move a little bit sideways to get a grip so you haven’t slipped all the way back to the bottom, you’ve slipped just enough to make the climb out that much farther.

So you ponder what you should do next. Is there any other way for you to get out of the well? Can you make it up going a different way? Should you move more sideways or should you just continue climbing straight up from where you are? You ask a different person standing at the top of the well if he or she can suggest anything. You get a suggestion and try it. Cool; this may just work. So you give it a try, and you start to climb out of the well. Then the same thing happens and the oil comes down followed by the water. Fuck, are you ever going to be able to climb out of this well? Your hope is fading until another faceless person shows up at the top of the well and tells you that she has a possible solution to your problem. Alright!! Now we’re talkin’; something positive is going to come of this. So you wait, hanging onto the side of the well with all your might. You’re waiting for that person to come back and hand you that solution. Next thing you know she comes back and tells you that she was wrong, she can’t help you after all. Oh, come on!!!

Now you’re on your own for the time being. You’re contemplating every single angle of that well that you can see, and even those you can’t. You’ve moving to your left, you’re moving downward, you’re moving to your right, all the time thinking that, eventually, one of the ways you’re moving is going to bring you closer to the top. All you can hear from around you are unseen voices telling you to “keep the faith” because things will work out the way they should for you, and it’ll all get better; you’ll get out of the well. You’re trying to believe in them, trying with all your might. You really want to believe those voices. You want to believe that everything will get better and that you will get out of that well. You keep trying to climb out of the well; you keep pulling up with your arms and pushing with your feet, and you’re getting exhausted. What else is there to do?

Even though everyone keeps telling you to believe, you’re getting tired of it. After all the believing, you’re not getting any further up the sides of the well no matter how hard you try. You’re beginning to think that this is all a joke on you; a big cosmic joke. Exhausted, tired, and about to just let go, you look up and see a group of faceless, nameless figures at the top of the well all staring down at you. You look up at them and plead, “Aren’t any of you going to help me?!” The answer echoes throughout the emptiness of the well, “Are you kidding? It’s hilarious watching you climb these walls. There is no way we’re going to lend a hand…no way we’re going to lend a hand…lend a hand…lend a hand…a hand…” Their words are surrounded by their laughter – ear-piercing, echoing, resounding laughter. You would cover your ears to drown the noise but you know that, if you did, you’d fall and have to start all over again. So you just let it float through your head. What do you do now? You’re torn between believing things will get better and giving up and just staying at the bottom of the well. The problem with giving up is that, when you let go of the wall of the well, everyone depending on you falls with you. Do you really want that to happen? No, of course not.

The question now is what do you think you should do about your situation? Since you’ve exhausted all of your resources, you’ve tried everything you possibly can, where do you go from here? Unsure and totally losing faith, there isn’t anything else for you to do but hang on where you are and hope things get better. Hope is an awfully big word for only four letters, though. It’s the only thing you’ve got left, and the only thing the faceless beings can’t take away from you. You cling to it for dear life…waiting…watching…wondering…what’s next?

Until next time…peace to all.