Is It My Turn?

Maybe my sarcasm at the Universe worked. Maybe it pissed off the Beings that Are enough to prove that I’m not undeserving after all. I don’t care, though. See, my ex-husband called me today asking for my zip + four and for Ellen’s zip + four. He said he was working on some ideas to get the kids and me moved to Maryland by August 1st. Imagine that. Later in the day the kids and I ran out to get our slushies and missed a call from my ex. He’d also sent an email so I read that while his phone rang. He was trying to decide whether or not to drive a pick-up out here and rent a trailer to move us or, if a trailer won’t be big enough, he’ll fly out, rent a moving truck, and drive the truck back for me. Um, wasn’t that what I’ve been saying for the past few weeks? I’m not arguing. For all intents and purposes, it’s his idea.

YEA!!! He asked me to price the trucks, which I did; gave him the lowest price and he told me to reserve it for July 29th. That I did. I’ve got a 16’ Penske truck reserved and ready to move us on July 29th!!!! He’s booking his own flight and said it would be booked tonight but he hasn’t come through just yet. As soon as I see that I’ll believe this is all true. Not that I don’t believe it now but I can always cancel the truck with no penalties; he can’t cancel a flight; it’s solid. Am I excited? Yes I am. I get to be near people I know and love and get to start fresh; I get to find work putting my Bachelor Degree to work for my kids and me; I get to move up in the World; I get my chance!!

At the same time, I’m scared out of my wits. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or both. I’ve already cried once and it just keeps welling up on me. Where I am is all I’ve known for the past five years. The people at CAPA, the kids’ schools and teachers, my great neighbors (and some pretty shitty ones) – and that’s all about to change. I don’t deal well with change (at least I know where Zach gets it) but I know everything will be fine. I was scared when we all came here from NY as a family, and I managed to make it on my own after Paul left. This is just another step in the process.

So, from now on, instead of me complaining about having nothing to do, I’ll be regaling you all with details of what I’ve packed during the day and what I’ve sold. I’m getting rid of most of the furniture, the washer/dryer, the freezer, stuff like that. I’ll keep the kids’ stuff, bookshelves, dressers, and a few things that had belonged to my parents. That’s it, though. Ellen will be renting us space in her home and my stuff will be going into storage so I want to get rid of as much as possible. The kids and I can always replace items as we need them. It’s easier and cheaper to get rid of it now.

Tomorrow I have some phone calls to make about school enrollment, WIC, foodstamps, etc. Then I have to run to the supermarkets to start collecting boxes and begin the process of packing our lives into cardboard boxes. I also have to give notice up at the management office to solidify the deal. First, though, I need to make sure Paul reserved a plane ticket. That’ll make the whole thing really real. Once it’s all a “go” and everything is in motion, I’ll actually accomplish more than just packing and moving; I’ll get to lose some of my extra 20lbs because I won’t be sitting around all day eating sunflower seeds. That will be totally cool; and I can’t wait for that aspect to take place. Plus, I’ll get to pack while I watch my new TV show next Monday. Yep, things are definitely looking brighter right about now, but I think it might be the tears in my eyes magnifying the light. They’re good tears, though; tears of happiness, relief, possibility for the future, and any other positive thing you can think of. Plus, in a month, for the first time in a long time, I won’t be alone anymore. I can’t ask for more than that.

Until next time…peace to all.