Last Night at PACT

The kids and I attended our last night at PACT this evening. I was fine driving there, started to cry when I got out of the van to walk into the building, I was misty for a few minutes, then I was fine. The door to the kids’ room was closed so I had the kids sitting with me in the grown-ups’ room until I could sign them in over there. When they opened the door there was a BIG hand-made sign on the bulletin board saying good-bye to all of us. That made me cry. I got over it and signed the kids in, then my friend Melody took some pictures of us. I’ll post them when she emails them to me. I returned to the other room and the meeting started as usual.

I went through the entire meeting, doing a bit of “Love and Logic” then our usual support during the second hour. Melody filled us in on her happenings since she hadn’t been there in a while; as did DeShelle. Then it got down to the Serenity Prayer. It’s something the group says at the end of the meeting each week. Of course, Melody had to remind everyone that it was my final night there and Julia, the group facilitator asked if I wanted to say anything. I knew I couldn’t without the flood gates opening so I just smiled and said, “Good-bye, Skype me in on Thursdays.” As the group was laughing we started the prayer but I didn’t make it one sentence in before I had to stop because the tears were choking up on me. I also noticed that Melody stopped. She couldn’t speak either because she was also crying. When the prayer was over I just looked at her and said, “Man, you suck!” We both were crying and laughing, and just hugged onto one another.

She’s going through some things right now and I just know it’ll all work out for the best for her. She’s a strong woman; a lot like me in personality. She takes responsibility for her own actions but won’t hesitate to let you know when you need to step up and do the right thing. Even though I’m moving so far away, we’ll keep in touch and I can still ‘be there’ for her if and when she ever needs me. I also got to meet Rakefet’s daughter tonight. She’s just the cutest little thing and was completely awed by all the new people she got to meet. Ty was in love with her from the minute she walked into the room.

Rakefet reads my blog, too. She’s one of the few I know do read it, so she’ll be able to see what’s going on with me once I move. Not that it’s ever that exciting, but you never know what will happen once I’m out of Independence. Rakefet, I wish you only the best and I know everything will be fine for you, too. Things always work out the way they should so I know you and Baby will be fine. No doubts in my mind. I hope to know you for many more years.

Julia, the group facilitator, is also leaving CAPA; her last day at PACT is next Thursday, so I can only guess that her last day at CAPA will be Friday. She and her husband are moving to Chicago. One can only imagine what Julia will do once she’s there but I know that, whatever it is, it’ll be great and she’ll have everyone around her laughing the way she did for us at PACT. She’s a pleasure to be around and I’ve enjoyed attending PACT with her as the facilitator. There was never a dull moment.

I’ll miss everyone there at CAPA but I know this move is the best thing for the kids and me. I could continue to live here in Independence but I’ll never get anywhere. I can’t have that. I have to be able to find work to raise my kids, and to advance my life instead of stagnating where I am, and the kids need to be able to visit their dad. None of that can happen here. The System will never let me go if I don’t make some drastic changes. Once I get the necessary changes made in my life, I fully intend to make some serious changes to the System. It’s seriously broken and needs some adjustments. Ellen and I will get it done – no doubts.

First, though, I have to sell the rest of my furniture so I can get the move made. A lady came and looked at my dining room set today but has “others to see” before she makes a decision. Then another woman contacted me about it so I had to let her know of the potential buyer, then I had to email the first lady to ask her to let me know soon because I need to contact the second lady. If someone would just buy it, I wouldn’t have to keep going through this. Please keep sending me positive vibes that the rest of my stuff sells before next Tuesday. I’ve already decided that, if the dining set doesn’t sell, I’ll make it fit on the truck and sell it in MD. Ellen made that suggestion but I’d already decided on that route. Great minds do think alike. Fuck, I was supposed to call her back this afternoon.

We were on the phone when Zach and Dolly both went into meltdowns to go to the spray park. I told Ellen I’d call her back but never got the chance. I took the kids to the spray park, and then we came home got changed and rushed out the door to PACT. By the time we got home they wanted to play outside for a while; then I put them to bed and started writing tonight’s post. Ellen will understand; I have no worries about it. I’m just ticked that I forgot; that means I’m trying to do too much. Tomorrow my neighbor Kim is taking me out to breakfast and her husband is going to watch all seven kids for a while. That’ll be nice for a change, actually getting to go out to eat without the kids. That hasn’t happened in I-don’t-know-how-long. It’ll be fun, though.

In one week we’re on the road so I’ve got to start wrapping up the small stuff and getting things organized and ready to go. Once I get back from breakfast I’m diving into the laundry again and then just doing the miscellaneous packing as I walk around the house. I’ve even started putting the kids’ clothing aside (the stuff they want to take for their visit with their dad) to put in the suitcase. This way I’m not bogged down with laundry next week. It’ll all get done, I have no worries. I’m keeping the faith, I’m keeping the faith, I’m keeping the faith…and now I’m going to bed.

Until next time…peace to all.